MIDDLE EAST — The region rejoiced and the world marvelled as peace broke out in the Middle East and lasted a record 27 minutes.
The normal pace of life in the violent, war-torn region was oddly broken up on Tuesday after a ceasefire occurred between Israel and Iran. The ceasefire went into effect shortly after the United States bombed Iran's heavily guarded nuclear site, but experts are quick to point out that the ceasefire had nothing to do with that.
"I didn't know vat to do at first," said Yaakov Peretz in Israel. "Normally at zis time I am in neighborhood bomb shelter of us like I is every azer day. Vat do people do ven bombs and rickets isn't raining down on zemall de tim? Maybe I go look at tree? Is zat vat people do during peacetime? I is not too sure."
"What? No jihad? That's terrible," said Mohammed Abir Mohammed al Mohammed Mohammad of Hamas. "What am I supposed to do? Well, I guess I will go back to beating my wife. It's been 45 minutes already since her last beating."
The world's leaders condemned the United States for helping to broker the 27-minute ceasefire by stating that ceasefires are too disruptive to the everyday lives of people in the region.
Donald Trump reacted on his truth social account by saying: "I did it. Only I could do it. Peace in the Middle East. No other President ever accomplished what I did. I deserve a Nobel Peace prize. I don't need the money of course. But, ya know, I deserve it. I do. I really really do. But then those #$^$#@ Iranians and those #$%#$%# Israelis broke the treaty I made. It is downright offensive. I am not speaking to either of them until the next time we speak. I am very angry. VERY VERY ANGRY!!"
At publishing time, the region had returned to normal as explosions and hatred resumed.
