Following his victory in the Democratic Party primary, Zohran Mamdani is now the frontrunner for New York City mayor, and people are wondering what plans he may have in mind for the Big Apple.
We have obtained the following list of proposals Mamdani has in store for NYC:
Times Square will be renamed Red Square: It will also be the official site of all mass executions going forward.
Creating special "camps" where the city's Jewish population can be "concentrated": It's for their own good.
Authorizing the development of state-run shoplifting centers: This is the clever outside-the-box thinking people need from their elected leaders.
Subways will be free for everyone: It is our right as citizens to travel for free. Or so Mamdani thinks Karl Marx would say.
A lifetime trip to the gulag for anyone speaks against Islam or Arabs: Would make Lenin proud.
Manhattan will be renamed Ramallah: A Middle East experience right here in Gotham.
The Yankees' uniforms will now be rainbow striped: Just what the team needs to compete with the Dodgers in gayness.
Raise the minimum wage to $150,000 a year: Also, make it illegal for any business to close. This is how problems are solved.
Queens will be repopulated with Palestinian refugees: It'll be easy once all the Jews are in the camps.
