Nuances In Speech

It is so important to carefully weigh the words we say. It will greatly improve all relationships, particularly your marriage.

EXAMPLES:

I once spoke to a very busy and sought out Rov and tzaddik and asked him a BIG LIFE question. He replied in a relaxed tone "I have a detailed answer to give you and will do so when I have more time".

This made me feel that A] I will receive a good answer to my question which will eliminate the stress and anxiety that the question is causing. B] He will make time for me. C] He doesn't disrespect the gravity of the question to give a על רגל אחת two second answer.

I walked away satisfied.

Contrast this with the following scene. You see someone after shul and start to talk to him about something. He hurriedly says "I have no time. I am in a rush" Then he walks away in a huff and a puff and takes out his IPhone to make his 37th call that day.

How do you feel?

That he doesn't want to talk you you? Your feelings are accurate.

But according to the Jewish rules of derech eretz one should NEVER make someone else feel that way. We are supposed to make other people feel like he is the most important person on the planet. [REMEMBER: Every person IS the most important person on the planet. To himself and ...his mother:-)].  

In a certain Rav's house things were very busy on Erev Shabbos. Suddenly, someone cried out to the ladies of the house "TWO MINUTES UNTIL CANDLE LIGHTING".

The Rav said in a soft voice. "Better say - Candle lighting in two minutes".

Why?

"Two minutes until" makes one nervous and pressured. They have only two minutes until they have to light.

But when one starts with the words "candle lighting" an image of the calm, spiritual, serene illumination of the Shabbos candles is triggered. Then the words "in two minutes" are heard. Grrreeeaat! No pressure. Two minutes until bliss descends upon us.

Same message but completely different emotions are evoked.

The examples are boundless. May I will discuss this more in the future because it is such a critical topic.