Repentance

I wish all of my beloved friends a גמר חתימה טובה. 

I would like to ask mechila for anything I might have written that offended anybody.

My intention in having this blog is to be מרבה כבוד שמים but as a human I am liable to make mistakes. 

Thank you. 

 

Buzzer Beater !!!

HEAVEN - Day Six of Aseres Yemei Teshuva - In an unbelievable, last-second turn of events, a man on his deathbed did a complete teshuva—sincerely repenting and returning to Hashem—securing his portion in the Olam Shekulo Tov with just 0.4 seconds left on his life clock.

After being hit by a bus and rushed to a local hospital, 76-year-old Daniel Greenberg knew he wasn't long for this world. Remembering the famous teaching in Maseches Avodah Zarah that "there are those who acquire their eternity in a single hour," Greenberg achieved true, heartfelt teshuva right at the proverbial buzzer with his final breath.

"Whoooaaaa! The mad lad actually pulled it off!" one malach exclaimed in the Yeshivah Shel Ma'alah. "Incredible!"

Another added, "Amazing! He acquired his Olam Haba literally at the Neilah of his life!"

According to Shamayim sources, the tzaddikim and malachim eagerly welcomed Greenberg to the Heavenly Court, not feeling cheated at all by the fact that he spent a lifetime steeped in aveiros before repenting at the last second.

"The Rambam explicitly rules in Hilchos Teshuva that even if someone was a rashei gamur all his days and did teshuva in his final moment, none of his sins are remembered," noted the Malach Michoel. "The Gates of Repentance are always open, especially during the Aseres Yemei Teshuva."

According to the Satan, Greenberg was "this close" to a long painful, career in Gehenom. "I had the whole prosecution case written out for his Din," he complained, pacing nervously in the Heavenly Court. "Then he plays the ultimate teshuva m'ahava card right before his soul leaves his body. We got robbed!"

At publishing time, Greenberg's family was so moved by his dramatic final return to his Creator that they immediately began studying the parshas hashavua and announced they would be attending shul every Shabbos. 

Great Answers To Trick Questions

Men, if you've been married for any length of time, then you've no doubt fallen prey to a trap question. Women love asking questions they don't want answers to, just so they can start a fight. It's in their nature. But we got you, bro.

Check out these common trap questions wives love to ask and how you should respond to each:

Q: Which one of my friends is the prettiest?

A: You have female friends? I never noticed.

Q: Does this dress make me look fat?

A: Fat?? Faaaat??? You couldn't be fat if you tried. 

Q: Would you still love me if I were a colossal desert sandworm?

A: What Hashem has decreed must be. Bless is the Maker and His world. Blessed are you when you come. Blessed are you when you go. MAY THE LORD'S NAME BE BLESSED FOREVER!!

Q: Which celebrity do you have a crush on?

A: Danny DeVito, obviously.

Q: What do you want for dinner?

A: Whatever you're thinking of right now, sweetheart.

Q: If I died, would you remarry?

A: No, because I would die too.

Q: What's the best way to repair the carburetor on a 1988 Ford Ranger that's stalling out at idle?

A: That's a trick question. The 1988 Ford Ranger uses a fuel-injected engine, not a carburetor. The issue is probably a dirty throttle body or a small vacuum leak.

Q: Do you notice anything different about the way I look today?

A: Only that you grow even more beautiful with every rising and setting of the sun.

Q: Do you like my family?

A: I don't know half of them half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of them half as well as they deserve.

Q: Do you remember what today is?

A: Throw a flashbang and RUN!

You'll have a better marriage in time if you use our handy answers here. Good luck, men!

The Truly Poor

When Communism became powerful in Russia - R' Yeruchem astutely noted that  זיי נעמען אוועק דאס גאַנצע שמחת חיים  they are taking away the joy of life - which is .... giving. If everyone has the same then whom can we give to? If we can't give - we can't be happy. 

I know some very, very poor people with a tremendous amount of money. It is so hard for them to give. If they would just *let go* of their connection to hoarding wealth then they will be free - and happy.  

Dozens of new shiurim בס"ד!!:-)!

 HERE!

Points To Ponder

The mehalech of the world [conscious or not] is:

Use people. 

Love money.

Worship yourself. 

That is mostly correct. If you transpose the words. 

Use things.

Love people.

Worship Hashem.

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Make a reverse bucket list - things you DON'T want. 

Your happiness is what you have divided by what you want.  

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Spend your money on things money can buy - or better on things that are eternal.

Spend your time on things money can't buy.