WOODSTOCK, ME — Political commentator Tucker Carlson sparked controversy this week when he welcomed Bigfoot 1] onto his show to discuss how mind-controlling chemtrails 2] are sprayed over the flat earth by the Jews.
Viewers were shocked to learn that not only was Bigfoot real, but that the popular cryptid had been following conspiracy news for decades. Carlson nodded along with his guest, genuinely interested in what it had to say about Ben Shapiro.
Bigfoot, who spoke with a series of unintelligible growls and whistles, was adamant that the Jews were behind the chemtrails and that it was all part of an elaborate scheme to make people falsely believe that the earth is round. Bigfoot, a self-proclaimed expert on chemtrails, also added that the moon landing was faked (because the moon is, in actuality, made of cheese) and that jet fuel can't melt steel beams.
"So you're saying Israel — who I have no real problem with by the way, like at all — is directly responsible for everything that is wrong with society today, and that it can all be linked to chemtrails?" Carlson said, seemingly pushing back on his guest before immediately reversing course and agreeing with everything that was said. "That's a bold claim, and I have no reason to dispute it, of course, because it's obviously true."
The new episode of Carlson's show garnered tens of thousands of views within hours of going live. Several viewers commented on how strange it was to have the first-ever sit-down interview with Bigfoot in history and not try to learn more about his guest. "They spent all their time talking about Israel," commented @Abe333. "I wanted to hear more about Bigfoot."
Daily Wire host Ben Shapiro blasted the interview as divisive. "I have no problem with Tucker interviewing Bigfoot. But to sit there and listen to Bigfoot lecture us on chemtrails when he has no firsthand experience is just ludicrous," he said. "Bigfoot literally described planes as stone birds, and Tucker just nodded along. It's hard for me not to believe Tucker agrees with him, and that he has no idea what airplanes are either."
He added "Frankly - Jews don't believe in the flat earth. I mean - look at this thing on my head. I am quite obviously Jewish. And my name - not exactly East Asian sounding. Jewish to the core. And no - we don't believe in flat earth theories. Maybe that Tucker's fat belly should be flattened but nothing more than that. A complete anti-semite. And Bigfoot? Gimme a break. I am a libertarian on most issues but not on Bigfoot. He should have no rights for anything. He should be treated like the beast he is."
At publishing time, former Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly had invited Tucker Carlson to appear on her show to praise him for his hard-hitting interview with Bigfoot.
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1] [Bigfoot (/ˈbɪɡfʊt/), also commonly referred to as Sasquatch (/ˈsæskwætʃ, ˈsæskwɒtʃ/), is a large, hairy mythical creature said to inhabit forests in North America, particularly in the Pacific Northwest. Bigfoot is featured in both American and Canadian folklore, and since the mid-20th century has become a cultural icon, permeating popular culture and becoming the subject of its own distinct subculture. Enthusiasts of Bigfoot, such as those within the pseudoscience of cryptozoology, have offered various forms of dubious evidence to support Bigfoot's existence, including anecdotal claims of sightings as well as supposed photographs, video and audio recordings, hair samples, and casts of large footprints. However, the evidence is a combination of folklore, misidentification and hoax, and the creature is not a living animal.
2] The chemtrail conspiracy theory /ˈkɛmtreɪl/ is the erroneous belief that long-lasting condensation trails left in the sky by high-flying aircraft are actually "chemtrails" consisting of chemical or biological agents, sprayed for nefarious purposes undisclosed to the general public. Believers in this conspiracy theory say that while normal contrails dissipate relatively quickly, contrails that linger must contain additional substances. Those who subscribe to the theory speculate that the purpose of the chemical release may be solar radiation management, weather modification, psychological manipulation, human population control, biological or chemical warfare, or testing of biological or chemical agents on a population, and that the trails are causing respiratory illnesses and other health problems.
