I Confess

Ok - here is the issue.

I am friendly. I like people. I like smiling and being smiled at. Rav Volbe said that a person's Tzelem Elokim is projected most when he smiles. Have you ever seen a dog or cat smile? No! They were not created in G-d's image. [Sorry animal lovers. You can still love them  - just not as much as people].

So when I lived in the Rova I learned a rule. No saying "gut shabbos" to ladies on the street. Or good morning. Or hello. You must pretend that they don't exist. Even your next door neighbor. I wasn't completely at peace with this but I didn't want to break local rules of etiquette. When in Rome, Chazal teach [Tanchuma Ekev - I think], do as the Romans do. [They say it a little differently but same idea].

Sometimes I "cheated" and smiled or nodded to acknowledge their presence as I walked by if it was someone I knew.

Chazal say not to be מרבה שיחה - to have excessive conversation with members of the opposite gender, but I don't believe that "gut shabbos" is excessive. But I understand the contemporary Charedi aversion to engaging in even the slightest interactions with members of the opposite gender - it is a fence which effectively prevents anything unkosher from developing. We have all heard bad stories [and if you haven't consider yourself fortunate] about male-female relationships that destroyed souls and families. It always begins with something formal and detached but in specific tragic occasions it develops into something positively "chiyuv-misa-dike". All in all, I live in a Charedi neighborhood and send my kids to Charedi schools because I subscribe to most of their philosophies - the centrality of limmud torah, exacting standards in halacha, great yom ha'atzmaut parties, seriousness about tefilla etc. etc. [of course we know about the problems but there are other blogs that delight in highlighting Charedi inadequacies so my input is not needed. Tishrei is עין טובה month].

But it's this not being friendly thing to which I have trouble adjusting. It almost hurts to walk by someone and pretend they don't exist. So this Friday night after the seudah I took a stroll with my son to chat about things [with all the time I spent/will spend in the States I value all the time I get to be with the neshmos Hashem entrusted with me]. As we walked by a local park there was a mother standng there with a few small children. As we approached it seemed that they were staring at us [we were the only people on the street]. I am walking and feel their gaze [isn't it positively AMAZING how you can FEEL someone looking at you]. I had this strong urge to say SOMETHING. Rebbe Yochanan in the gemara would say hello to every goy on the street - do these bnos Sarah-Rivka-Rochel-Leah deserve any less just because they lack the Y chromosome?!! [NOTE - If a man walks down the street with his eyes down as he should and doesn't notice females then he is holy , I want a bracha from him and the world was created in his honor].

So as I got closer I DID IT. I looked up and said ..... "Gut Shabbos".

על חטא שחטאנו לפניך באמירת גוט שבת?

I hope not. But if it was a sin - it should be my worst.....

My point is that Rashi at the beginning of parshas kdoshim defines holiness as being separate from forbidden relationships [פרושים מן העריות]. On the other hand, one always needs to be a mentsch. The pasuk says ואנשי קודש תהיון לי - I translate that as  "be holy mentsches" [it rings better in Yiddish - "heilige mentschen"]. We always have to find a balance between mentschlechkeit and kedusha and be sure not to compromise either one. This applies to many social situations [at weddings, kiddushes, in the workplace etc.] and each one requires vigilance to do what is good and proper in the eyes of Hashem and man. As Pirkei Avos puts it - תפארת לו לעושיה ותפארת לו מן האדם. Or as שלמה המלך has it in Mishlei ומצא חן ושכל טוב בעיני אלקים ואדם.

Love, blessings, a gut voch and shavua tov!!

:-)