Wednesday, February 28, 2018
What Matters In A Spouse
בָּעֶרֶב הִיא בָאָה וּבַבֹּקֶר הִיא שָׁבָה אֶל בֵּית הַנָּשִׁים שֵׁנִי אֶל יַד שַׁעֲשְׁגַז סְרִיס הַמֶּלֶךְ שֹׁמֵר הַפִּילַגְשִׁים לֹא תָבוֹא עוֹד אֶל הַמֶּלֶךְ כִּי אִם חָפֵץ בָּהּ הַמֶּלֶךְ וְנִקְרְאָה בְשֵׁם.
This is classic "man" who lives his animal soul with every iota of his being. He wants a wife who will serve as queen. To be one's wife there must be a personality click, similar aspirations etc. etc.. To be queen, she needs many MANY different qualities.
Very little time [relative to other things] is actually spent in bed having relations even for the most licentious and sexually depraved people. Yet, for Achashveirosh, all that matters is how she is in bed. He calls all of the besulos, has them prepare for a year, beautifying themselves for the big night. They do what they do and then he sends them away - never to see them again. His wife is going to be the one that pleases him in bed. Period. It doesn't matter how rotten her character is. [Why did he choose Esther? Maybe for another post. But she clearly wasn't like "all the girls"].
בימים ההם בזמן הזה. More than a few people today view women the same way. That is why in the entertainment industry, EVERYBODY [with few exceptions] gets divorced. They got married for physical reasons, but that wears off quickly and then the man starts looking elsewhere. She eventually finds out - and that is the beginning of the end. These are the most "attractive" and "beautiful" people [by Western standards], who have endless money, yet their relationships are in the dumps.
For us the lesson is invest in the emotional and spiritual side of your relationships. Only then will it last and only then will the physical be pleasing in the long term.
Why Show Off?
לְהָבִיא אֶת וַשְׁתִּי הַמַּלְכָּה לִפְנֵי הַמֶּלֶךְ בְּכֶתֶר מַלְכוּת לְהַרְאוֹת הָעַמִּים וְהַשָּׂרִים אֶת יָפְיָהּ כִּי טוֹבַת מַרְאֶה הִיא.
Why does a man want a pretty wife? So he can be attracted to her and enjoy looking at her. So why does Achashveirosh need to show Vashti's beauty off to everyone else?
THAT is a person who is empty inside and needs validation from others.
Most are us are little Achashveiroshes in some way. We are not happy with who we are, what we have or what we have achieved, unless other people know about it and appreciate it....
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Fast
Maybe it is just me but I always feel that February goes by faster than any other month.
On that note: Why are fast days called "fast" when they go by soooooo slowlllyyyyy?
Link
I get these pop-ups on my screen telling me about the latest news. I wish I didn't but nobody asked me...
I received a report tonight that Jared Kushner will no longer have access to all of the top secret documents. My reaction: WHO CARES!!! [Well, Jared does, but that is besides the point...].
News? Chidushei Torah is NEWS!!!
Davening In Costume
One of the major poskim of our generation permits davening while wearing a Purim costume. He says that as long as you are serious it doesn't matter what you are wearing.
I find this psak quite surprising. Would one go in front of a king dressed like a clown?? So how can one daven to Hashem that way? Many of us are so careful to daven with a hat and jacket and suddenly a bright red clown hat and multi colored jacket. Or no hat and jacket because it doesn't go with his costume - dressed up like those friendly hicks who used to be the "fix it men" in camp. You know - the "dungaree-jeans-t-shirt-portruding-belly-holding-tool-box-cigarette-on-ear" look. If there is a hat - it is a baseball cap, preferably backwards.
On the other hand - it is a great limmud zchus for all of those Jews who daven that way.
Love Is An Attitude
“Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an ordination of character which determines the relatedness of the person to the whole world as a whole, not toward one object of love.”
Heichal Hatefillah with Rabbi Eisenberger Purim 5777
If you are in the NY-NJ area and are looking for a Purim experience, go to Rav Eisenberger in Boro Park!
Not A Real Love
“If a person loves only one other person and is indifferent to all others, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment, or an enlarged egotism.”
An Exchange But Not Real
“Love is often nothing but a favorable exchange between two people who get the most of what they can expect, considering their value on the personality market.”
Erich Fromm
Monday, February 26, 2018
Link
Aveiros are real. They cause real damage. But they can be fixed and Hashem will make sure they are fixed. Note the first sentence of the afore-linked passage. Wonder of wonders.
Please Daven
Survivors of the Har Nof attack a number of years ago.
Eitan ben Sarah - He is still suffering from bleeding in the brain and other after-effects of the attack. He is not functioning well and needs our tefillos.
Shmuel Yeruchem ben Baila - He is much better at this point (learning and teaching at the Mir all day), but he still gets very tired at the end of a full day at yeshiva. He is thankful to be able to be there all day, but when he comes home he is too tired to go to night seder, as he did every evening before the attack. His wife was informed by their Rav that we should continue to daven for him until he gets his strength back.
Aryeh ben Brocha - One of the police responders, he was badly injured in his leg and is still suffering from his leg injury. He is still in pain, and we should still daven for him
Sunday, February 25, 2018
Don't Forget To Be You
“In addition to conformity as a way to relieve the anxiety springing from separateness, another factor of contemporary life must be considered: the role of the work routine and the pleasure routine. Man becomes a 'nine to fiver', he is part of the labor force, or the bureaucratic force of clerks and managers. He has little initiative, his tasks are prescribed by the organization of the work; there is even little difference between those high up on the ladder and those on the bottom. They all perform tasks prescribed by the whole structure of the organization, at a prescribed speed, and in a prescribed manner. Even the feelings are prescribed: cheerfulness, tolerance, reliability, ambition, and an ability to get along with everybody without friction. Fun is routinized in similar, although not quite as drastic ways. Books are selected by the book clubs, movies by the film and theatre owners and the advertising slogans paid for by them; the rest is also uniform: the Sunday ride in the car, the television session, the card game, the social parties. From birth to death, from Monday to Monday, from morning to evening - all activities are routinized, and prefabricated. How should a man caught up in this net of routine not forget that he is a man, a unique individual, one who is given only this one chance of living, with hopes and disappointments, with sorrow and fear, with the longing for love and the dread of the nothing and separateness?”
Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving
Reward For Conformity
“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”
Embrace The Silence
“Our distracted digital world is here to stay, so the question is more of how we can truly embrace the beauty that is the stillness and the silence.”
Chaining Yourself To Pain
Something painful happens and that hate flares within and sticks around. Hate keeps the pain; forgiveness let's it go. Hate breeds poison, forgiveness breeds peace. When you chain yourself to hate, you chain yourself to pain.”
Discrediting The Gifts We Have
“We are partners in our own deception. The lies we tell ourselves. The life we have settled for, when we yearn for the life we wish for. We become our own worst enemy as we yearn for the things we don’t have and discredit the gifts we have.”
Let Go
“We believe in the good old days; we believe our best is in the past. Our past is our memories, our past is our learnings, our past should stay where it is. And we should let it.”
The Eye - Link
We KNOW that there is a G-d. It's a no brainer. The whole universe in all of its infinite complexity just got here by accident? Can't be. Billions upon trillions upon gizillions of accidents that worked out perfectly?? C'mon.
Just the form and structure of the human eye alone is so complex that it requires a tremendous amount of foolishness to claim that it an accident when a far more plausible explanation that Someone with intelligence created is readily available.
Who wrote this?
To suppose that the eye with all its inimitable contrivances for adjusting the focus to different distances, for admitting different amounts of light, and for the correction of spherical and chromatic aberration, could have been formed by natural selection, seems, I freely confess, absurd in the highest sense.
Charles Darwin in his Origin of the Species [page 170]. But theories die hard. He went on to argue that it had been produced through a natural evolutionary process.
Or how about evolutionist Robert Jastrow:
The eye is a marvelous instrument, resembling a telescope of the highest quality, with a lens, an adjustable focus, a variable diaphragm for controlling the amount of light, and optical corrections for spherical and chromatic aberration. The eye appears to have been designed; no designer of telescopes could have done better. How could this marvelous instrument have evolved by chance, through a succession of random events? (1981, pp. 96-97).
In his book, Does God Believe in Atheists?, John Blanchard described just how complex the eye really is.
The human eye is a truly amazing phenomenon. Although accounting for just one fourth-thousandth of an adult’s weight, it is the medium which processes some 80% of the information received by its owner from the outside world. The tiny retina contains about 130 million rod-shaped cells, which detect light intensity and transmit impulses to the visual cortex of the brain by means of some one million nerve fibers, while nearly six million cone-shaped cells do the same job, but respond specifically to color variation. The eyes can handle 500,00 messages simultaneously, and are kept clear by ducts producing just the right amount of fluid with which the lids clean both eyes simultaneously in one five-thousandth of a second (2000, p. 313).
Allan Gillen wrote in his book Body by Design:
The most amazing component of the eye is the “film,” which is the retina. This light-sensitive layer at the back of the eyeball is thinner than a sheet of plastic wrap and is more sensitive to light than any man-made film. The best camera film can handle a ratio of 1000-to-1 photons in terms of light intensity. By comparison, human retinal cells can handle a ratio of 10 billion-to-1 over the dynamic range of light wavelengths of 380 to 750 nanometers. The human eye can sense as little as a single photon of light in the dark! In bright daylight, the retina can bleach out, turning its “volume control” way down so as not to overload. The light-sensitive cells of the retina are like an extremely complex high-gain amplifier that is able to magnify sounds more than one million times (2001, pp. 97-98).
So we have to thank Hashem for our amazing eyes!!!
The eye is one of countless examples of clear יד השם.
So that Hashem exists is an absolute [for countless reasons that we haven't enumerated here].
The complicated part is trying to figure out all of the details.
But believing is not enough. We have to LIVE and BREATHE Hashem. We all believe that Mars exists but it makes no difference in our lives. Hashem not only has to make a difference but He must be EVERYTHING.
But believing is not enough. We have to LIVE and BREATHE Hashem. We all believe that Mars exists but it makes no difference in our lives. Hashem not only has to make a difference but He must be EVERYTHING.
Keeping Tyveh in Check
The strongest urge of man is his sexual urge. It is overwhelming for many. The age old question for those who want to remain holy is ... HOW?? How can one control his thoughts, feelings, desires and behavior??
We cannot live in a vacuum. Just saying "don't think about it" won't work. There must be a substitute desire that is so powerful that it overpowers even the sexual urge. What can that be?
The desire to be close to Hashem. THAT is the avodah. If one is passionate enough about Hashem then he can keep his sexual urges at bay.
See here.
Strong Barrels
If one says "May my barrels of wine be strengthened", this is forbidden because it is following the ways of the Emorite [idolators].
Shabbos 67b
By golly!! What is so idolatrous and goyish about saying that one's barrels of wine should be strengthened??
We Jews are exhorted to look at the INSIDE, at the pnimiyus, the essence, beyond the external trappings.
It was the ways of the Emorite Gentiles to say as part of their idol worship "May my barrels of wine be strengthened". They were focused not on the inside but on the external barrels.
So it must be in every area of life. Look beyond the wrapping. Look at the SOUL of the matter.
Lashon HaRav:
השקפת העולם הישראלית, המסתכלת כלפי מעלה להביט אל נשמת כל הנשמות, אל אור אל מסתתר, היא חודרת אל תוכיות הדברים ופנימיותם, מה שבתוך החיצוניות העוטרת אותם ככלי המחזיק את המשקה שבתוכו. על כן, המוסר והחכמה וכל משאת נפש רוחנית, שאב לכולן היא אהבת ד' ותורתו, עולים הם בערכם על כל חפצים חומריים שאינם כי אם מכשיריהם. ומתוך הכרה של אמת זאת מתפשטים כמה קוים מאירים לדרך החיים לעשות העיקר עיקר ואת הטפל טפל. לא כן הוא דרך הגויים אשר ערלה אזנם להקשיב את קשב הפנימיות, על כן לא ידעו את ד' ולא ישאו את נפשם לרוממות נאצלת. אצלם הדבר היותר חיצוני, תופס הוא את המקום היותר חשוב. וכפי הנטייה הפנימית, כך נוצר הפתגם ההמוני, לומר תמיד דונו דני - הכלים החיצוניים התחזקו, - יש בזה משום דרכי האמורי. ויחש הלשון שבין דני, להוראת חבית הארמית, הנושא את התואר לחיצוניות הדברים, והוראת דן - לדין, השולל בפנים ידועים את החסד גם הוא בא מפני ההסתכלות החיצונית שאינה יכולה להביט כי אם על החוק המתגשם במילותיו, כמו שהוא. ולא יוכל התרומם לעשות לפנים משורת הדין, מצד הרגשת אור החסד שהוא אור חיי העולם אשר אמר ד' חסד יבנה.
Link
There is never a tfilla where there is nobody in shul busy with their phones. Not everybody, but it seems that there is always at least one or more.
I would be curious to hear more suggestions as to why and how to stop this.
The Dawn
I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
Then it dawned on me.
Wondering
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
Satisfy The Soul
Picking up where we left off in the last post:
A girl gets married. That is an accomplishment. Her single friends look at her with envy. She ACCOMPLISHED. She is settled. A husband. He works for Goldman Sachs. They put down money on a nice house in the Five Towns. She is expecting. How fortunate is she!!
Well, how is her relationship with her husband? Is it satisfying? How are her other social contacts? Is she satisfied in her relationships? Does she like her community? How is she dealing with the scars she carries from her youth [we are all scarred]? We look at the externals and are ignorant at what is really going on in a person's soul.
And how about her husband? His friends envy him. Graduated Wharton with honors. Great job. Pretty wife who seems so sweet!! Beautiful new house. Whispers are that his parents helped significantly with the down payment. He's got it GOOD, right???
Ahhhh - but what is REALLY going on. He is taking medication for his anxiety. He doesn't like his job. His wife SEEMS sweet but can be extremely difficult at times. He is frustrated with his learning because he can never really free himself from the pressures of work. He misses being single.
What people REALLY crave is that their souls should be satisfied and external signs of achievement aren't truly fulfilling.
From Western Values To Self Creation
We are WESTERNERS. This means that our minds and psyches are influenced by western values and ideals with all that entails - for better and for worse.
One aspect of the western value system is ACCOMPLISHMENTS. We measure others by how much they have accomplished. What schools did he attend? What was his GPA? Was he on any teams? What was his scoring average? How much money does he make? What company does he work for? Who is his wife? Is she ACCOMPLISHED? Is she pretty and put together? HOW MANY children do they have [numbers...]? Who is his father in-law? Is he "successful" [i.e. does he make a lot of money?].Who does he know? Is he "well connected"? In Hebrew the word is " הישגיות" - How much he was משיג - achievement and accomplishment.
Our society is also very competitive. The more you have accomplished vis-à-vis others, the more your are considered a success.
This also carries over into ruchniyus. Has he gone through shas? How many times? With how much depth? How much tzedaka does he give? Does he go to shiurim? Does he give shiurim? The list goes on and on....
It goes without saying that part of our job in this world is to achieve and accomplish. It is great to earn a nice living, to have a comfortable house, a great wife and kids, a good job, to do lots of mitzvos, to go to shiurim etc. etc.
BUT - and this is a big "but" - that is not the end all. The more basic fundamental question is WHAT TYPE OF PERSON ARE YOU? What is you essence? Are you kind [not only do you perform acts of kindness - מה הוא רחום וחנון]? Are you sensitive, empathetic, warm and loving? How do you deal with stress? How deep is your belief in Hashem? What are your core ideals? How do you deal with people who think differently? The issue of our core being is in many ways more important than ANYTHING we will ever accomplish.
There is NO ROOM for comparison and competitiveness. It is not about WINNING. It is about becoming as G-dly, pure and holy as you possibly an under YOUR unique circumstances.
So of course part of the avodah is to learn a lot of Torah and do a lot of mitzvos but the key is the quality and how it affects you and those around you.
After 120 you return your soul to Hashem and the more internal a person you were here, the more pure and elevated that soul will be. It is with this soul that you will spend the rest of forever.
True Simcha
This is the month of simcha. One of the biggest questions faced by mankind is HOW TO BE HAPPY? What causes happiness?
So here is what MOST people do. They create ARTIFICIAL forms of simcha. They watch people PRETENDING to be something they are not [i.e. actors] and derive joy from funny scripts that were made up by people to help others forget their true reality and enter a contrived, false reality.
OR - They decide that they will be happy if a certain teams scores more points than a different team in a game somebody made up not so long ago. They are SOOOOO happy when "their" team wins. The question is [as the psauk states] לשמחה מה זו עושה? What on EARTH are you happy about? What happened? Guys wearing that uniform scored more points than the people wearing the other uniform. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! How would the wisest of all men put it? הבל הבלים.
Or they are happy because they graduated college. Why is he or she happy? Because she decided that graduating is an important value and feels happy because they tell themselves that this value has been accomplished. But objectively - one doesn't have to be happy in such an instance. OBJECTIVELY. It is all subjective. I wouldn't be happy if I graduated college because for me, getting a degree is not a value I strive to achieve. Not that there is anything WRONG with graduating. Just that the feeling of joy is really only because people are convinced that this is a reason to be happy. But is it inherently so??
I don't believe so..... If it were objective then I would be happy if I graduated - wouldn't I? We can contrast that with PLEASURE. Pleasure is real [on a sensory level] and not something I made up. That is why we CAN'T HELP but enjoy tasty food or other earthly pleasures.
We want to be TRULY happy, not for reasons that we made up. OBJECTIVE happiness.
Think about what that means.
Bi-ahava rabba....
How To View Atheists
This is a passage of Rav Kook with which even the Satmar Rebbe, the biggest kanoim and the Baalei Mussar would agree. Sharp and pointed!!!
הכופר שאין לו קישור בענין אלהי, אין לו באמת צורת אדם, ואין מגמת-חייו חיים
של אדם כלל. כל הרגשותיו הנם רק בהמיות, ואפילו אם יהיה איש מלא דעה וחכמה, ומלא
מוסר ויושר כפי הנראה, אין זה כ"א כמו בהמה מלומדת ובעלת תרבות, אבל רוח האדם
בכל עומק הוייתו, אינינו נופח כי אם עם הקישור אל הענין האלהי העליון.
The latter part of the passage is where the Rav ztz"l diverges into his own territory
אמנם כל מה שהדעה האנושית מתבררת, כך מתמעטת הכפירה המוחלטת וכחה תשש. על כן
ישנם הרבה אפיקורסים שהם כופרים לפי המדה של ההלכה, אבל כשנבין לחקר נפשם, נמצא
בהם קישור לתוכן האלהי בצורה נעלמה. ומטעם זה רבה היא מאד הנטיה כלפי זכות וחסד
בדורותינו, אפילו לאלה הכופרים המוחלטים.
My question - Is Kfira really diminishing with the increase and expansion of our knowledge and understanding?
But his point about Kofrim being connected to Hashem in a hidden way is well taken. That explains the desire of Kofrim to promote morality and ethics and to make the world a better place. That comes not from their animal but from their G-dly soul. But then again - reread the first part of the passage....
Saturday, February 24, 2018
Plane Behavior
I recently read about a Gerrer bochur whose father passed away and he had to fly to the US. The custom among many of the good boys was not to eat food served on the plane, not because of kashrus issues but because they wanted to avoid having contact with the people serving the food. [והמבין יבין].
On this flight, however, the boy felt so emotionally and physically spent that he allowed himself to take a meal.
When he returned to Eretz Yisrael, his Rebbe, the Beis Yisrael [who saw many hidden things] took a look at him and said "you ate food on the plane?"
That is a HIGH standard of kedusha.
Let us contrast that with those '86 World Series Champion N.Y. Mets with whom so many were enamored [I stopped following sports a long time ago so I don't know any more recent examples if there are such].
They got on the plane to return home from their victory and went nuts. They wrecked the plane, drank a ton of alcohol, snorted cocaine, and were acting like animals including exchanging wives and girlfriends [who were also on the plane] with each other for their carnal pleasure.
Nu, sweet friends. This popular culture is not something that our souls want us to be part of. We should be so proud that we are Jewish and have such high standards and never be embarrassed. We have great heroes of our own so we don't have to look up to entertainers and athletes.
When you descend from the plane, you can actually be a better person than you were when you boarded. If you have a sefer and siddur with you - it is a GREAT time to focus. Nothing else to do. And you are mamesh in SHOMAYIM!!!
One Mitzva
A man tries to enter Heaven but is stopped by the Angel who keeps the Pearly Gates.
The Angel explains that it is not easy to get into Heaven. There is a certain criterion to be met before entry is allowed. The Angel asks the man several questions. Was he religious in life?
He answers, "No!"
Did he attend shul on Shabbos and Yom Tovim?
He answers, "No!"
Did he give Tzedakah to the poor?
He answers, "No!"
Did he do any good deeds while on earth?
He answers, "No!"
Did he help his neighbor?
He answers, "No!"
The Angel says, "Not good! Not good at all!" In exasperation the Angel says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"
The Angel explains that it is not easy to get into Heaven. There is a certain criterion to be met before entry is allowed. The Angel asks the man several questions. Was he religious in life?
He answers, "No!"
Did he attend shul on Shabbos and Yom Tovim?
He answers, "No!"
Did he give Tzedakah to the poor?
He answers, "No!"
Did he do any good deeds while on earth?
He answers, "No!"
Did he help his neighbor?
He answers, "No!"
The Angel says, "Not good! Not good at all!" In exasperation the Angel says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"
The man says, "There was this little old lady who was surrounded by a dozen hoodlums when I came out of the drugstore. They had taken her purse and were shoving her, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought my way through the crowd and got her purse back. I helped her to her feet. Then I went up to the biggest, meanest dude and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was; and then I spit in his face."
"Wow", says the Angel, "That's impressive. When did this happen?"
"Oh, about ten minutes ago," replied the man.
Late For Work
Bernstein walks into work one day at 9. He is very late.
The boss is furious. “You should have been here at 8:30!” he shouts.
“Why?” he asks. “What happened at 8:30?”
The Census
The census taker comes to the Goldman house.
“Does Louis Goldman live here?” he asks.
“No,” replies Goldman.
“Well, then, what is your name?”
“Louis Goldman.”
“Wait a minute–didn’t you just tell me that Goldman doesn’t live here?”
“Aha,” says Goldman. “You call this living?”
Pros And Cons
I was debating between being an athlete or a criminal so I wrote down the pros and the cons.
Stressed And Unhappy
83% of Americans feel stressed out at work. 55% of Americans are unsatisfied with their jobs, and 47% of Americans struggle to stay happy. Of course, it’s even worse in Disney world where statistically, only 1 out of 7 dwarfs are happy.
Very Costly
It is both interesting and sad. The average income in the USA [at the end of 2017] was $44,564 [for a 40 hour work week - but who works 40 hours a week anymore?]. That means that if an Orthodox Jew earns an average salary, after basic expenses such as food, shelter, car, insurance etc. he can afford to send exactly zero children to yeshiva.
Link
A brief outline of a drasha I was zoche to give this past leil Shabbos.
I omitted all of the humor. For that - ya had to be there....
I omitted all of the humor. For that - ya had to be there....
We Want To Stay Jews
Rabbi Moshe Grylak
My friend sent me an impassioned letter: Was his community really to blame for an ex-pat Israeli’s son marrying a non-Jew? Maybe that’s our wake-up call
“I’m sorry to be writing to you so emotionally, Rav Grylak. I’m just so full of anger, shock, surprise, and discouragement.”
That was how the e-mail began. It was from an Israeli yored who left Israel some 20 years ago and now lives in a certain US city, where he makes a good living, and belongs to the local Orthodox community, which is very strong and mostly made up of bnei Torah who have years of yeshivah learning under their belts. The e-mail continued:
“For all these years, I’ve been oblivious to a particular problem, which was brought to my attention in a painfully embarrassing way. Let me tell you a little about myself and how I was finally confronted with the tragic situation I’m about to discuss.
“My family and I have a good life here. We’re well integrated into our kehillah, and we’ve given our children a Torah education. One of my sons even went to learn in the Brisker yeshivah in Jerusalem. Everything is fine with us, but something is going on here that I wasn’t aware of. It’s like a time bomb, and when it explodes, we’re all going to be very upset and start looking around to see who’s to blame. Not us, of course… but for a tragedy like this, we’ll want to pin the blame on somebody….
“I’m sure you’re wondering not only what I’m talking about, but why I’m writing to you about it. I guess I’m turning to you as a last resort. Nobody in my community seems to have the patience to listen to me talk about this, so I’m hoping you might give me a soapbox I can stand on and scream ‘Help!’
“I work in real estate, and baruch Hashem, it brings in a decent parnassah. Naturally, my business brings me into contact with different sorts of people. One of my recent contacts was a fellow yored — I’ll call him Nati — who’s been living in our city for about five years, but unlike me, Nati was a nonreligious Jew. We met over coffee to negotiate a business deal, but soon our conversation wandered to the main thing we had in common, our identity as Israelis now living here across the ocean. Each of us was curious about what motivated the other to leave Israel. As we spoke, though, I noticed something sad in his eyes, and I also got the feeling that something more was on his mind, something he wasn’t saying.
“Finally I got up the nerve to ask him if something was bothering him. He said yes, as a matter of fact — next week his son was getting married. I innocently replied, ‘Hey, that’s something to be happy about! It might be stressful, but after all, your son is starting a family of his own, you’ll have grandchildren, b’ezrat Hashem.’ My upbeat tone didn’t lift his mood, though.
“Instead, he sighed and said, ‘Yes, but he’s marrying a non-Jewish girl.’
“That took me by surprise. I didn’t know what to say at first, but after a moment I recovered from the shock, and I held my hands out to the sides, palms up, as if to say, what can you do? ‘That’s America,’ I said. ‘That’s the price of living in a free society like this.’
“He didn’t answer, he just gave me a scrutinizing look. He must have sensed the hidden criticism in my gesture, the implication that his son’s choice was a result of his father’s failure to give him a Jewish education. After a brief silence, he said, ‘Well, let’s get this deal closed. That’s what we’re here for, right?’ We proceeded to do that, and although sort of a dark cloud hung over the rest of our meeting, we managed to hammer out the details of the transaction between us. We shook hands, and parted ways.
“And then it happened. He got into his car, and suddenly he opened the window, as if he’d just remembered something important he hadn’t mentioned. ‘Excuse me for saying this,’ he called out to me, ‘but it’s your fault that my son is marrying a goyah. It’s your whole kehillah’s fault!’ All the fury he’d been holding back came out in that accusation. He closed the window with a bang and sped off.
“I was very offended, I’ll admit. I just stood there by my car, stunned. I certainly hadn’t expected a business meeting to end like that. I got back to my office, but I couldn’t get that fellow’s crazy, angry parting shot out of my head. What did I, and my frum community, have to do with the fact that he’d left his kids exposed to secular values? Didn’t he realize that he’d left the way wide open for his son to marry out? What chutzpah, blaming my whole beautiful kehillah, and me personally, for what his son was doing! He must be crazy, I decided. Assimilation is a plague that affects all of American Jewry, and secular yordim, just because they’re Israeli, aren’t immune. So what did Nati want from me? He cooked his own goose….
“My thoughts went around and around like that the rest of the day, and the next morning I was still upset. But then I told myself that the man is angry about something, and he directed his anger at me. So maybe instead of just getting angry back at him, I should try to find out what he meant. Maybe I should talk it out with him.
“I decided I’d call him and clear the air. ‘Nati, I won’t deny that I was very insulted by what you said yesterday. You were upset, I know, but where do you come off blaming me — and my whole community — for what your son is doing?’
“His response surprised me. ‘Frankly, I’m glad to hear you were insulted. Nobody else I’ve spoken to from your kehillah has even cared enough to be insulted.’
“I couldn’t understand what he was so glad about. ‘Nati,’ I said, ‘can you please explain what you’re talking about?’
“ ‘Aaah,’ he said, a bit mockingly. ‘Do you really want to know? Because I haven’t seen much of that here — someone who really wants to know. You know what, come to my house this evening, and I’ll explain everything.’
“I didn’t know what I was in for. When I got to his house, I was surprised to see about 20 men and women in his living room. My first impulse was to leave. Why were all these people here? To help my host explain what he meant by his wild accusation?
“Actually, yes.
“Nati introduced me to his other guests. He told them what had happened between us, and then he turned to me and said, ‘Now each one of these people will tell you, in their own words, what I was talking about when I said what I said about your community.’
“Rav Grylak, I don’t know how I got through those next three hours. Those people had a lot of resentment to get off their chests. I’ll just summarize their message: ‘We all had reasons for leaving Israel. We’ve all managed, more or less, to get past the bumps in the road and get settled financially. But we never thought we’d have a problem keeping our children Jewish. You may look at us as chilonim, but we want to stay in the fold! True, we may not be meticulous in keeping mitzvot, but we want to keep our families Jewish. We thought that if we lived in a place with chareidi Jews, they would help us. We’re not ‘black hats’ like you, but we’d be happy to give our kids some Jewish education. But we can’t afford the tuition in your schools, and you haven’t approached us to help out. Tell your rabbis to open the door to us — we want our children and grandchildren to be Jews!’
“I don’t know what more to say, Rav Grylak. There may be chilonim who don’t want to be saved from assimilating, but here is a whole group of Israelis who feel more traditional about their Judaism, who would want a connection with us. Is there anything you can suggest? Maybe it will help if you print this letter.” (Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 698)
My friend sent me an impassioned letter: Was his community really to blame for an ex-pat Israeli’s son marrying a non-Jew? Maybe that’s our wake-up call
“I’m sorry to be writing to you so emotionally, Rav Grylak. I’m just so full of anger, shock, surprise, and discouragement.”
That was how the e-mail began. It was from an Israeli yored who left Israel some 20 years ago and now lives in a certain US city, where he makes a good living, and belongs to the local Orthodox community, which is very strong and mostly made up of bnei Torah who have years of yeshivah learning under their belts. The e-mail continued:
“For all these years, I’ve been oblivious to a particular problem, which was brought to my attention in a painfully embarrassing way. Let me tell you a little about myself and how I was finally confronted with the tragic situation I’m about to discuss.
“My family and I have a good life here. We’re well integrated into our kehillah, and we’ve given our children a Torah education. One of my sons even went to learn in the Brisker yeshivah in Jerusalem. Everything is fine with us, but something is going on here that I wasn’t aware of. It’s like a time bomb, and when it explodes, we’re all going to be very upset and start looking around to see who’s to blame. Not us, of course… but for a tragedy like this, we’ll want to pin the blame on somebody….
“I’m sure you’re wondering not only what I’m talking about, but why I’m writing to you about it. I guess I’m turning to you as a last resort. Nobody in my community seems to have the patience to listen to me talk about this, so I’m hoping you might give me a soapbox I can stand on and scream ‘Help!’
“I work in real estate, and baruch Hashem, it brings in a decent parnassah. Naturally, my business brings me into contact with different sorts of people. One of my recent contacts was a fellow yored — I’ll call him Nati — who’s been living in our city for about five years, but unlike me, Nati was a nonreligious Jew. We met over coffee to negotiate a business deal, but soon our conversation wandered to the main thing we had in common, our identity as Israelis now living here across the ocean. Each of us was curious about what motivated the other to leave Israel. As we spoke, though, I noticed something sad in his eyes, and I also got the feeling that something more was on his mind, something he wasn’t saying.
“Finally I got up the nerve to ask him if something was bothering him. He said yes, as a matter of fact — next week his son was getting married. I innocently replied, ‘Hey, that’s something to be happy about! It might be stressful, but after all, your son is starting a family of his own, you’ll have grandchildren, b’ezrat Hashem.’ My upbeat tone didn’t lift his mood, though.
“Instead, he sighed and said, ‘Yes, but he’s marrying a non-Jewish girl.’
“That took me by surprise. I didn’t know what to say at first, but after a moment I recovered from the shock, and I held my hands out to the sides, palms up, as if to say, what can you do? ‘That’s America,’ I said. ‘That’s the price of living in a free society like this.’
“He didn’t answer, he just gave me a scrutinizing look. He must have sensed the hidden criticism in my gesture, the implication that his son’s choice was a result of his father’s failure to give him a Jewish education. After a brief silence, he said, ‘Well, let’s get this deal closed. That’s what we’re here for, right?’ We proceeded to do that, and although sort of a dark cloud hung over the rest of our meeting, we managed to hammer out the details of the transaction between us. We shook hands, and parted ways.
“And then it happened. He got into his car, and suddenly he opened the window, as if he’d just remembered something important he hadn’t mentioned. ‘Excuse me for saying this,’ he called out to me, ‘but it’s your fault that my son is marrying a goyah. It’s your whole kehillah’s fault!’ All the fury he’d been holding back came out in that accusation. He closed the window with a bang and sped off.
“I was very offended, I’ll admit. I just stood there by my car, stunned. I certainly hadn’t expected a business meeting to end like that. I got back to my office, but I couldn’t get that fellow’s crazy, angry parting shot out of my head. What did I, and my frum community, have to do with the fact that he’d left his kids exposed to secular values? Didn’t he realize that he’d left the way wide open for his son to marry out? What chutzpah, blaming my whole beautiful kehillah, and me personally, for what his son was doing! He must be crazy, I decided. Assimilation is a plague that affects all of American Jewry, and secular yordim, just because they’re Israeli, aren’t immune. So what did Nati want from me? He cooked his own goose….
“My thoughts went around and around like that the rest of the day, and the next morning I was still upset. But then I told myself that the man is angry about something, and he directed his anger at me. So maybe instead of just getting angry back at him, I should try to find out what he meant. Maybe I should talk it out with him.
“I decided I’d call him and clear the air. ‘Nati, I won’t deny that I was very insulted by what you said yesterday. You were upset, I know, but where do you come off blaming me — and my whole community — for what your son is doing?’
“His response surprised me. ‘Frankly, I’m glad to hear you were insulted. Nobody else I’ve spoken to from your kehillah has even cared enough to be insulted.’
“I couldn’t understand what he was so glad about. ‘Nati,’ I said, ‘can you please explain what you’re talking about?’
“ ‘Aaah,’ he said, a bit mockingly. ‘Do you really want to know? Because I haven’t seen much of that here — someone who really wants to know. You know what, come to my house this evening, and I’ll explain everything.’
“I didn’t know what I was in for. When I got to his house, I was surprised to see about 20 men and women in his living room. My first impulse was to leave. Why were all these people here? To help my host explain what he meant by his wild accusation?
“Actually, yes.
“Nati introduced me to his other guests. He told them what had happened between us, and then he turned to me and said, ‘Now each one of these people will tell you, in their own words, what I was talking about when I said what I said about your community.’
“Rav Grylak, I don’t know how I got through those next three hours. Those people had a lot of resentment to get off their chests. I’ll just summarize their message: ‘We all had reasons for leaving Israel. We’ve all managed, more or less, to get past the bumps in the road and get settled financially. But we never thought we’d have a problem keeping our children Jewish. You may look at us as chilonim, but we want to stay in the fold! True, we may not be meticulous in keeping mitzvot, but we want to keep our families Jewish. We thought that if we lived in a place with chareidi Jews, they would help us. We’re not ‘black hats’ like you, but we’d be happy to give our kids some Jewish education. But we can’t afford the tuition in your schools, and you haven’t approached us to help out. Tell your rabbis to open the door to us — we want our children and grandchildren to be Jews!’
“I don’t know what more to say, Rav Grylak. There may be chilonim who don’t want to be saved from assimilating, but here is a whole group of Israelis who feel more traditional about their Judaism, who would want a connection with us. Is there anything you can suggest? Maybe it will help if you print this letter.” (Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 698)
Living Healthfully
Yonason Rosenblum
In the gym that I frequent too infrequently, there hangs a New Yorker–style cartoon depicting a doctor speaking to an overweight, middle-aged man sitting on the examination table. The caption reads: “What fits your busy schedule better — exercising one hour a day, or being dead 24 hours a day?”
Michael Kaufman makes a similar point at the outset of his potentially lifesaving new work, Am I My Body’s Keeper? Torah, Science, Diet and Fitness — for Life. “Since a prerequisite for living a Torah life is obviously ‘living,’ the Jew must be keenly aware of the very first duty to be healthy, for otherwise no mitzvos can be observed and no Torah learned.”
In his haskamah to Kaufman’s work, Rabbi Yosef Fleischman, rosh kollel of one of the largest Choshen Mishpat kollels in the world, notes a striking paradox. No religion puts such an emphasis on the sanctity of life and the preciousness of every moment as Judaism. “One would think therefore that religious Jews would live a life-promoting lifestyle. However, many religious Jews engage in practices that are harmful to their health. It would seem that… many are sadly unaware of the facts, and they are paying for their ignorance.”
Anyone who has ever stood in the checkout line on an Erev Shabbos in a religious neighborhood can readily confirm Rabbi Fleischman’s observation. Entire shopping carts are filled with the most caloric, least nutritious nosh and sugary soft drinks. And we will not even discuss the preservative-laden cold cuts that are staples at so many Shabbos tables and kiddushim.
Judy Siegel-Itzkovich, the Jerusalem Post’s excellent health columnist, writes in a review of Am I My Body’s Keeper that “chareidi Jews and to a lesser extent modern Orthodox are at higher risk of heart attacks, stroke, cancer, diabetes, and other chronic maladies than the secular population.” (Happily, that does not mean we live less long. Chareidim in Israel live, on average, three years longer. Other factors such as social networks, a sense of meaning in our lives, and a large familial support system compensate for the dietary deficits.)
Kaufman is hardly the first Jew to advocate strongly for a healthy lifestyle. The Rambam was the great champion of preventive medicine. “A physician’s ability to prevent illness is greater proof of his skill than his ability to cure a sick person,” he writes. The Rambam had few of the modern physician’s diagnostic or curative tools at his disposal. But the basics of preventive medicine have remained largely unchanged: a healthy diet and regular vigorous exercise remain the keys.
If one follows his rules of diet, exercise and sufficient sleep, the Rambam assures us, we will enjoy good health and freedom from disease until we become old and die. And he warns those who learn diligently the entire day that they too must not neglect the necessity of physical exercise involving the entire body and all the limbs.
In our times, the Chofetz Chaim was careful to prevent bochurim in Radin from overexertion in learning. “The entire Torah,” he writes, “is dependent upon the mitzvah of taking care of your body.”
Historically, Jewish and Christian attitudes to the necessity of preserving the health of the body differed radically, as Kaufman details in one of the book’s most fascinating chapters. Torah places a high value on personal hygiene, as well as on the cleanliness of the surrounding environment. Bathhouses were central public facilities in every Jewish community. The stench of garbage or human refuse constituted halachic bars to davening.
Paul, the organizational founder of the Church, ridiculed Jews for their punctilious concern with personal cleanliness. “The Pharisees and all the Jews do not eat unless they wash their hands properly… and when they come from the marketplace, they do not eat unless they wash. And there are many other traditions [of cleanliness] that they observe, such as the washing of cups and pots and copper vessels and dining couches.”
Meanwhile medieval European cities were running cesspools of garbage and refuse, human and animal, everywhere. Moreover, a disdain for the body was taken as a sign of saintliness. Kaufman writes of many Christian “saints” whose saintliness consisted primarily in never bathing and giving off a stench such that no one could approach them. During the Spanish Inquisition one of the signs used to ferret out insincere converts to Christianity was their continued affinity for personal hygiene.
Jews remained far less susceptible to the recurrent plagues that affected the medieval Christian world because of their efforts to keep their surroundings clean and the frequent washing of their hands. That Jewish communities were relatively less hard-hit by the bubonic plague was one of the key pieces of evidence cited by Christians that Jews were poisoning the wells.
BESIDES THE FASCINATING halachic and historical material he brings, Kaufman does a superb job of summarizing the current state of scientific evidence concerning diet and exercise in a concise and compelling fashion. (He avoids taking sides where the evidence is conflicting, such as the ongoing debate over the pros and cons of coffee.)
Some of his information will be familiar to those who attempt to keep abreast of the relevant literature, such as his list of the ten healthiest foods: apples, almonds, broccoli, blueberries, oily fish (salmon, sardines), leafy green vegetables, sweet potatoes, wheat germ, avocadoes and oatmeal. Even that list, however, may be news to many readers.
But Am I My Body’s Keeper is laced with many genuine surprises. An entire chapter is devoted to the dangers of a sedentary lifestyle. As the current saying goes, “Sitting is the new smoking.” And most of us spend many hours of our day sitting, whether it is learning in kollel or in front of a computer screen.
Some of the first hints of the dangers of lack of regular movement came from NASA studies of the first astronauts. NASA scientists found that just three orbits around the earth at zero gravity left John Glenn considerably aged. Even regular exercise is not sufficient to overcome the effects of too much sitting, as proved by the study of astronauts, who were in superb physical condition.
Let me just give some hint as to how compelling the chapter on sedentary lifestyles is. When I first read the chapter in the manuscript over two years ago, I immediately undertook to follow Kaufman’s example of standing for all of davening, except where there is a strong halachic preference for sitting. And when I reread the published book, I did so standing up the entire time. Now, all I have left to do is create the same shtender/work desk, at which Kaufman stands and does all his learning and writing.
(Incidentally, Am I My Body’s Keeper is Kaufman’s ninth book, including a seminal work on Feminism and Judaism, and his memoir In One Era and Out the Other which discusses the American Jewish community and the yeshivah world in the immediate postwar period.)
Ultimately, Am I My Body’s Keeper is an extremely optimistic book. True, none of us gets to pick our genes. But twin studies show that lifestyle choices can be far more powerful than genetics in determining both the length and the quality of our lives. There is now evidence, for instance, that not only can exercise delay various aging processes, but that it can even reverse them. In 2007, a team at Columbia University observed something long thought impossible: The creation of new brain cells in an already mature brain among those who exercised regularly. And this process was taking place in the prefrontal cortex and temporal cortex, parts of the brain connected to thinking and memory, and which are particularly vulnerable to aging. And we are not talking about Olympic athletes. Researchers found that healthy but sedentary adults in their sixties who started walking 40 minutes three times a week experienced a two percent annual growth in the hippocampus, which controls memory.
There is nothing, according to Kaufman’s studies, that is not improved by exercise and a proper diet — health, mobility, cognition, and mood. With respect to the latter, exercise has been shown to be as effective as the leading medications for conditions related to depression.
But in addition to all the good things mentioned above, it must be noted that discipline is required to follow Kaufman’s dietary and exercise prescriptions. And that discipline, in turn, has implications in all aspects of our lives, including our avodas Hashem.
Those working with struggling teenagers have long known that the gym is one of the best places to start. There teens learn discipline and gain self-esteem. Every time one lifts a weight one more time, despite the yetzer’s call to stop, or surpasses a previous personal milestone, one experiences the feeling of having overcome oneself, which is at the root of self-esteem.
When Jordan Peterson, who went on to become a Harvard professor and today one of the most influential public intellectuals in the world, speaks about turning his life around at 25, he always refers to steps right out of Am I My Body’s Keeper: He stopped smoking two packs a day, gave up his heavy drinking, and started lifting weights, more than doubling the amount that he could bench press in a short period of time.
Certainly, Kaufman is his own best advertisement for his advice. Now in his 86th year, though he has finally given up running, he still stands ramrod straight. He rises at 5 a.m. each morning for the neitz minyan at the nearby Ger beis medrash. A vigorous cardio workout on the elliptical machine is followed by learning an amud yomi, and then on to the gym to workout with weights. A brisk walk comes next, and three times a week swimming laps. Only then is he ready for breakfast, and the ten-hour workday at his shtenders/desk. On Shabbos he walks from the end of Geula to the neitz minyan at the Kosel.
For having taken it upon himself to show us all the way to a longer, healthier, and more fulfilling life, I wish Kaufman, “l’chayim.”
In the gym that I frequent too infrequently, there hangs a New Yorker–style cartoon depicting a doctor speaking to an overweight, middle-aged man sitting on the examination table. The caption reads: “What fits your busy schedule better — exercising one hour a day, or being dead 24 hours a day?”
Michael Kaufman makes a similar point at the outset of his potentially lifesaving new work, Am I My Body’s Keeper? Torah, Science, Diet and Fitness — for Life. “Since a prerequisite for living a Torah life is obviously ‘living,’ the Jew must be keenly aware of the very first duty to be healthy, for otherwise no mitzvos can be observed and no Torah learned.”
In his haskamah to Kaufman’s work, Rabbi Yosef Fleischman, rosh kollel of one of the largest Choshen Mishpat kollels in the world, notes a striking paradox. No religion puts such an emphasis on the sanctity of life and the preciousness of every moment as Judaism. “One would think therefore that religious Jews would live a life-promoting lifestyle. However, many religious Jews engage in practices that are harmful to their health. It would seem that… many are sadly unaware of the facts, and they are paying for their ignorance.”
Anyone who has ever stood in the checkout line on an Erev Shabbos in a religious neighborhood can readily confirm Rabbi Fleischman’s observation. Entire shopping carts are filled with the most caloric, least nutritious nosh and sugary soft drinks. And we will not even discuss the preservative-laden cold cuts that are staples at so many Shabbos tables and kiddushim.
Judy Siegel-Itzkovich, the Jerusalem Post’s excellent health columnist, writes in a review of Am I My Body’s Keeper that “chareidi Jews and to a lesser extent modern Orthodox are at higher risk of heart attacks, stroke, cancer, diabetes, and other chronic maladies than the secular population.” (Happily, that does not mean we live less long. Chareidim in Israel live, on average, three years longer. Other factors such as social networks, a sense of meaning in our lives, and a large familial support system compensate for the dietary deficits.)
Kaufman is hardly the first Jew to advocate strongly for a healthy lifestyle. The Rambam was the great champion of preventive medicine. “A physician’s ability to prevent illness is greater proof of his skill than his ability to cure a sick person,” he writes. The Rambam had few of the modern physician’s diagnostic or curative tools at his disposal. But the basics of preventive medicine have remained largely unchanged: a healthy diet and regular vigorous exercise remain the keys.
If one follows his rules of diet, exercise and sufficient sleep, the Rambam assures us, we will enjoy good health and freedom from disease until we become old and die. And he warns those who learn diligently the entire day that they too must not neglect the necessity of physical exercise involving the entire body and all the limbs.
In our times, the Chofetz Chaim was careful to prevent bochurim in Radin from overexertion in learning. “The entire Torah,” he writes, “is dependent upon the mitzvah of taking care of your body.”
Historically, Jewish and Christian attitudes to the necessity of preserving the health of the body differed radically, as Kaufman details in one of the book’s most fascinating chapters. Torah places a high value on personal hygiene, as well as on the cleanliness of the surrounding environment. Bathhouses were central public facilities in every Jewish community. The stench of garbage or human refuse constituted halachic bars to davening.
Paul, the organizational founder of the Church, ridiculed Jews for their punctilious concern with personal cleanliness. “The Pharisees and all the Jews do not eat unless they wash their hands properly… and when they come from the marketplace, they do not eat unless they wash. And there are many other traditions [of cleanliness] that they observe, such as the washing of cups and pots and copper vessels and dining couches.”
Meanwhile medieval European cities were running cesspools of garbage and refuse, human and animal, everywhere. Moreover, a disdain for the body was taken as a sign of saintliness. Kaufman writes of many Christian “saints” whose saintliness consisted primarily in never bathing and giving off a stench such that no one could approach them. During the Spanish Inquisition one of the signs used to ferret out insincere converts to Christianity was their continued affinity for personal hygiene.
Jews remained far less susceptible to the recurrent plagues that affected the medieval Christian world because of their efforts to keep their surroundings clean and the frequent washing of their hands. That Jewish communities were relatively less hard-hit by the bubonic plague was one of the key pieces of evidence cited by Christians that Jews were poisoning the wells.
BESIDES THE FASCINATING halachic and historical material he brings, Kaufman does a superb job of summarizing the current state of scientific evidence concerning diet and exercise in a concise and compelling fashion. (He avoids taking sides where the evidence is conflicting, such as the ongoing debate over the pros and cons of coffee.)
Some of his information will be familiar to those who attempt to keep abreast of the relevant literature, such as his list of the ten healthiest foods: apples, almonds, broccoli, blueberries, oily fish (salmon, sardines), leafy green vegetables, sweet potatoes, wheat germ, avocadoes and oatmeal. Even that list, however, may be news to many readers.
But Am I My Body’s Keeper is laced with many genuine surprises. An entire chapter is devoted to the dangers of a sedentary lifestyle. As the current saying goes, “Sitting is the new smoking.” And most of us spend many hours of our day sitting, whether it is learning in kollel or in front of a computer screen.
Some of the first hints of the dangers of lack of regular movement came from NASA studies of the first astronauts. NASA scientists found that just three orbits around the earth at zero gravity left John Glenn considerably aged. Even regular exercise is not sufficient to overcome the effects of too much sitting, as proved by the study of astronauts, who were in superb physical condition.
Let me just give some hint as to how compelling the chapter on sedentary lifestyles is. When I first read the chapter in the manuscript over two years ago, I immediately undertook to follow Kaufman’s example of standing for all of davening, except where there is a strong halachic preference for sitting. And when I reread the published book, I did so standing up the entire time. Now, all I have left to do is create the same shtender/work desk, at which Kaufman stands and does all his learning and writing.
(Incidentally, Am I My Body’s Keeper is Kaufman’s ninth book, including a seminal work on Feminism and Judaism, and his memoir In One Era and Out the Other which discusses the American Jewish community and the yeshivah world in the immediate postwar period.)
Ultimately, Am I My Body’s Keeper is an extremely optimistic book. True, none of us gets to pick our genes. But twin studies show that lifestyle choices can be far more powerful than genetics in determining both the length and the quality of our lives. There is now evidence, for instance, that not only can exercise delay various aging processes, but that it can even reverse them. In 2007, a team at Columbia University observed something long thought impossible: The creation of new brain cells in an already mature brain among those who exercised regularly. And this process was taking place in the prefrontal cortex and temporal cortex, parts of the brain connected to thinking and memory, and which are particularly vulnerable to aging. And we are not talking about Olympic athletes. Researchers found that healthy but sedentary adults in their sixties who started walking 40 minutes three times a week experienced a two percent annual growth in the hippocampus, which controls memory.
There is nothing, according to Kaufman’s studies, that is not improved by exercise and a proper diet — health, mobility, cognition, and mood. With respect to the latter, exercise has been shown to be as effective as the leading medications for conditions related to depression.
But in addition to all the good things mentioned above, it must be noted that discipline is required to follow Kaufman’s dietary and exercise prescriptions. And that discipline, in turn, has implications in all aspects of our lives, including our avodas Hashem.
Those working with struggling teenagers have long known that the gym is one of the best places to start. There teens learn discipline and gain self-esteem. Every time one lifts a weight one more time, despite the yetzer’s call to stop, or surpasses a previous personal milestone, one experiences the feeling of having overcome oneself, which is at the root of self-esteem.
When Jordan Peterson, who went on to become a Harvard professor and today one of the most influential public intellectuals in the world, speaks about turning his life around at 25, he always refers to steps right out of Am I My Body’s Keeper: He stopped smoking two packs a day, gave up his heavy drinking, and started lifting weights, more than doubling the amount that he could bench press in a short period of time.
Certainly, Kaufman is his own best advertisement for his advice. Now in his 86th year, though he has finally given up running, he still stands ramrod straight. He rises at 5 a.m. each morning for the neitz minyan at the nearby Ger beis medrash. A vigorous cardio workout on the elliptical machine is followed by learning an amud yomi, and then on to the gym to workout with weights. A brisk walk comes next, and three times a week swimming laps. Only then is he ready for breakfast, and the ten-hour workday at his shtenders/desk. On Shabbos he walks from the end of Geula to the neitz minyan at the Kosel.
For having taken it upon himself to show us all the way to a longer, healthier, and more fulfilling life, I wish Kaufman, “l’chayim.”
Thursday, February 22, 2018
Link
I have what to say about this remarkable passage but maybe another time. I will let the intelligent reader reach his or her own conclusions.
Why War?
"Late on X-mas Eve 1914, during World War One, men of the British Expeditionary Force (BEF) heard German troops in the trenches opposite them singing carols and patriotic songs and saw lanterns and small fir trees along their trenches. Messages began to be shouted between the trenches.
The following day, British and German soldiers met in no man's land and exchanged gifts, took photographs and some played impromptu games of soccer. They also buried casualties and repaired trenches and dugouts."
This is INSANNNNEEEE!!! One day they are maiming and killing each other. The next, they are exchanging gifts, taking pictures together and playing friendly games of soccer. The next, back to maiming and killing.
WHYYYYY? Why do people go to war?? Why do the masses listen to the few crazy people who tell them to kill each other?? For what? For some land that they are going to lose again in the next war??
CRRRRAZZZYYYY!
And that, sweet friends, is world history in a nutshell.
[I am not referring to the wars of Israel which are either in defense or Divinely mandated].
Shades Of Gray
Rabbi Frand
The Medrash says that when Moshe descended from Mt. Sinai and saw that Aaron was apparently an active participant with the Jewish people in making the Golden Calf, he was exceedingly upset. The Medrash explains that Aaron’s intent was only to stall until Moshe came back down from the mountain. However, Moshe believed that his brother had been of one mind with the people and he had severely criticized him.
The Medrash says that G-d told Moshe not to be upset with Aaron, assuring him that his brother’s intentions were appropriate. Not only that, but G-d insisted: “I swear I will only accept the offerings of my children if they will be offered by Aaron in the role of Kohen Gadol.” This is alluded to in the pasuk [verse] “And you, bring near to yourself Aaron your brother and his sons with him from among the Children of Israel so that he shall be a Kohen to me… [Shmos 28:1].
What does this Medrash teach us? Was Aaron right or wrong in his strategy of going along with the Jewish people and trying to delay while they built the Golden Calf? The clear implication of the Medrash is that he was right and that he war rewarded for this strategy.
The problem is that the Torah states just the opposite: “And with Aaron, G-d was very angry (intending) to destroy him…” [Devorim 9:20]. G-d, too, was very upset that Aaron was not a more forceful opponent of the nation in their evil desire to create a Golden Calf. Avodah Zarah requires martyrdom. Aaron should have stood up in opposition — even if it would have cost him his life (as was the case with his brother-in-law, Chur).
How do we reconcile the Medrash with the explicit pasuk in the Torah which states the opposite?
The same type of paradox is found in a Medrash regarding the Burning Bush. The Torah says that Moshe hid his face because “he feared to look at G-d” [Shmos 3:6]. The Medrash implies that this was not an appropriate response from Moshe. The Medrash states that when Moshe [Shmos 33:13] later asks to see G-d’s Presence, G-d tells him “When I wanted you to look, you did not want to look; now that you want to see, I don’t want to show you.” The Medrash thereby implies that Moshe acted incorrectly when he hid his eyes at the Burning Bush.
On the other hand, Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi — in this very same Medrash –states that Moshe Rabbeinu was rewarded for covering his face at the Burning Bush by the fact that later on G-d spoke to him ‘face to face’ [Shmos 33:11].
Again, which way is it? Did Moshe act properly or improperly? We seem to be getting mixed signals from the Medrash.
Rav Elya Meir Bloch (1894-1955) explains that we learn from both sets of “contradictions” raised by these Medrashim that G-d has the ability to look at a person’s deed and see within it multi-faceted activities. With G-d, things are not just black or white. With G-d there are shades of gray.
There were good intentions behind Aaron’s act of attempting to stall the people at the gate. He and his descendants received reward for that action. This does not contradict the fact that, ultimately, he should have stood up against the people even at the cost of martyrdom. Ultimately, his act was wrong and in fact ‘angered’ G-d.
Moshe Rabbeinu should have aspired for more at the appearance of the Burning Bush. At that moment, his desire to grasp an understanding of G-d should have overcome his awe and reverence for G-d. For that lack of aspiration, he later suffered and his subsequent aspiration to understand G-d’s Essence was denied. Nevertheless, he was rewarded for the overpowering awe and reverence that he did demonstrate at that time.
The bottom line from all this is that G-d’s Truth is able to resolve that which appears to us to be contradictory. G-d can look at a person’s deed and see in it both good and bad. The good must be recognized and acknowledged and rewarded. At the same time, G-d in His Wisdom, can see shortcomings and see that those shortcomings must be rectified or even punished.
Rav Bloch explains that we face these challenges all the time. We see people who do things that are not 100% right (perhaps not even 10% right), despite having had good motivations. We must have the ability to say “but it’s not all bad — he meant well!”
We need to emulate G-d and recognize that things are not all black and white. We must be able to at least discern and seek out good motivation, even in actions which may deserve condemnation.
Rav Aryeh Levine (the famous “Tzadik of our Times”; 1885-1969) had a very bitter and hostile opponent. For whatever reason, this person was put in jail. Rav Aryeh Levine went to visit him in jail. The jail guard asked Rav Aryeh “Why are you coming to visit this person? He hates you! He always publicly criticizes you!”
Rav Aryeh’s response was “He’s doing it honestly” (e.g — he means well.) That is a response that perhaps requires Reb Aryeh Levine’s level of righteousness. He was able to credit his enemy with persecuting him for well-intentioned reasons.
So many times, we observe incidents where we think “Okay there is good and bad, but the good is totally nullified by the bad.” G-d does not just nullify good actions. We too, should not nullify good so quickly. We should not just view the world as black and white. We should look for shades of gray.
The Medrash says that when Moshe descended from Mt. Sinai and saw that Aaron was apparently an active participant with the Jewish people in making the Golden Calf, he was exceedingly upset. The Medrash explains that Aaron’s intent was only to stall until Moshe came back down from the mountain. However, Moshe believed that his brother had been of one mind with the people and he had severely criticized him.
The Medrash says that G-d told Moshe not to be upset with Aaron, assuring him that his brother’s intentions were appropriate. Not only that, but G-d insisted: “I swear I will only accept the offerings of my children if they will be offered by Aaron in the role of Kohen Gadol.” This is alluded to in the pasuk [verse] “And you, bring near to yourself Aaron your brother and his sons with him from among the Children of Israel so that he shall be a Kohen to me… [Shmos 28:1].
What does this Medrash teach us? Was Aaron right or wrong in his strategy of going along with the Jewish people and trying to delay while they built the Golden Calf? The clear implication of the Medrash is that he was right and that he war rewarded for this strategy.
The problem is that the Torah states just the opposite: “And with Aaron, G-d was very angry (intending) to destroy him…” [Devorim 9:20]. G-d, too, was very upset that Aaron was not a more forceful opponent of the nation in their evil desire to create a Golden Calf. Avodah Zarah requires martyrdom. Aaron should have stood up in opposition — even if it would have cost him his life (as was the case with his brother-in-law, Chur).
How do we reconcile the Medrash with the explicit pasuk in the Torah which states the opposite?
The same type of paradox is found in a Medrash regarding the Burning Bush. The Torah says that Moshe hid his face because “he feared to look at G-d” [Shmos 3:6]. The Medrash implies that this was not an appropriate response from Moshe. The Medrash states that when Moshe [Shmos 33:13] later asks to see G-d’s Presence, G-d tells him “When I wanted you to look, you did not want to look; now that you want to see, I don’t want to show you.” The Medrash thereby implies that Moshe acted incorrectly when he hid his eyes at the Burning Bush.
On the other hand, Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi — in this very same Medrash –states that Moshe Rabbeinu was rewarded for covering his face at the Burning Bush by the fact that later on G-d spoke to him ‘face to face’ [Shmos 33:11].
Again, which way is it? Did Moshe act properly or improperly? We seem to be getting mixed signals from the Medrash.
Rav Elya Meir Bloch (1894-1955) explains that we learn from both sets of “contradictions” raised by these Medrashim that G-d has the ability to look at a person’s deed and see within it multi-faceted activities. With G-d, things are not just black or white. With G-d there are shades of gray.
There were good intentions behind Aaron’s act of attempting to stall the people at the gate. He and his descendants received reward for that action. This does not contradict the fact that, ultimately, he should have stood up against the people even at the cost of martyrdom. Ultimately, his act was wrong and in fact ‘angered’ G-d.
Moshe Rabbeinu should have aspired for more at the appearance of the Burning Bush. At that moment, his desire to grasp an understanding of G-d should have overcome his awe and reverence for G-d. For that lack of aspiration, he later suffered and his subsequent aspiration to understand G-d’s Essence was denied. Nevertheless, he was rewarded for the overpowering awe and reverence that he did demonstrate at that time.
The bottom line from all this is that G-d’s Truth is able to resolve that which appears to us to be contradictory. G-d can look at a person’s deed and see in it both good and bad. The good must be recognized and acknowledged and rewarded. At the same time, G-d in His Wisdom, can see shortcomings and see that those shortcomings must be rectified or even punished.
Rav Bloch explains that we face these challenges all the time. We see people who do things that are not 100% right (perhaps not even 10% right), despite having had good motivations. We must have the ability to say “but it’s not all bad — he meant well!”
We need to emulate G-d and recognize that things are not all black and white. We must be able to at least discern and seek out good motivation, even in actions which may deserve condemnation.
Rav Aryeh Levine (the famous “Tzadik of our Times”; 1885-1969) had a very bitter and hostile opponent. For whatever reason, this person was put in jail. Rav Aryeh Levine went to visit him in jail. The jail guard asked Rav Aryeh “Why are you coming to visit this person? He hates you! He always publicly criticizes you!”
Rav Aryeh’s response was “He’s doing it honestly” (e.g — he means well.) That is a response that perhaps requires Reb Aryeh Levine’s level of righteousness. He was able to credit his enemy with persecuting him for well-intentioned reasons.
So many times, we observe incidents where we think “Okay there is good and bad, but the good is totally nullified by the bad.” G-d does not just nullify good actions. We too, should not nullify good so quickly. We should not just view the world as black and white. We should look for shades of gray.
Halachos Of Kiruv
Rabbi Doniel Neustadt
Of paramount important to Orthodox Jewry today is kiruv rechokim, bringing our fellow Jews back to religious observance. Thank G-d, the concerted efforts of many devoted individuals and organizations have borne fruit, and thousands of Jews the world over have gone back to their roots and become Torah observant.
We must bear in mind, however, that although kiruv rechokim is supremely important, it does not supersede Halachah. “The ends justify the means” is a philosophy utterly rejected by the Torah, and compromising halachic standards for the sake of being mekarev is forbidden.
Recently, a certain kiruv network recruited actors and actresses and honored them at an organizational event. In view of the immoral and decadent lifestyle pursued and personified by these people, honoring them may be a desecration of Hashem’s honor. When we give recognition to such people, we mock the sanctity and holiness which Hashem requires of us, His “kingdom of priests and holy nation” (1).
Another sensitive issue that presents itself to just about anyone involved in kiruv is the problem of men and women shaking hands. Physical contact of this sort is a serious transgression (2) and should be studiously avoided (3). Although kiruv professionals prepare themselves to deal with this problem, those of us who are not adept at handling such potentially embarrassing situations may not put ourselves in a position where we are liable to violate the halachah.
Since kiruv veterans agree that a most effective method of kiruv is the Shabbos invitation, let us review some of the potential trouble-spots so that we do not transgress the halachah while acting upon our good intentions.
If the guest does not live within walking distance of our home, he should be invited for the entire Shabbos so that he does not drive home on our account. The guest should be told that according to Jewish law it is prohibited for him to drive home on Shabbos. Experienced kiruv workers maintain that when properly explained, the guest will often accede to the request.
In the event that the guest will come for Shabbos only if he can drive home, there are authorities who permit inviting him anyway, provided that there is a reasonable chance that the invitation will lead to kiruv (4). The guest should be informed that sleeping quarters have been arranged for him and he may change his mind at anytime and decide to sleep over. Since not all authorities agree with this leniency (5) and not all cases are identical, the specific case should be presented to a rav for a final decision.
When possible, a guest at our table should be asked to wash his hands before eating bread (6) and to recite the proper blessing before and after food is eaten (7). If the guest cannot read the Hebrew text, he may recite the blessing in any language that he understands (8). Alternatively, the host may recite the blessings aloud while the guest listens and recites amen (9). If none of these suggestions are practical, it is permitted to serve him food, even though he will not wash his hands or a blessing–either before or after the meal–will not be recited (10).
A non-observant Jew may be counted towards the minimum number of people required for zimun. Preferably, however, he should not be the one to lead the zimun (11).
While teaching a non-observant Jew how to recite a blessing, it is permitted for the host to recite Hashem’s name (12).
A female guest, whether single or married, must be dressed at least according to the minimum standards of tzenius (13). A woman who is scantily clad, should not be invited into our homes under any circumstances.
If the female guest is not is not dressed with the minimum requirements of tzenius, kiddush, blessings, Divrei Torah or zemiros may not be recited while facing her. If one cannot avoid facing her, one may close his eyes or face downward throughout the recitation of these devorim sh’bekedushah (14).
A married woman’s hair should be covered while sitting at our table. If it is not, there are poskim who are lenient and allow devorim sh’bekedushah to be recited in her presence (15). One may rely on these poskim when no other alternative is practical (16).
A female guest should be asked not to sing zemiros along with the family. If this will result in alienating a potential ba’alas teshuvah, there are some poskim who allow her to sing along with the rest of the family (17).
The wine or grape juice should not be touched or poured by the guest (18). If the wine or grape juice is mevushal (cooked), there are several authorities (19) who permit non-observant Jews to touch it while others (20) do not (21).
Before learning Torah with a potential ba’al teshuvah, it is proper–when possible–to have him recite Birchos ha-Torah (22).
In a previous column we quoted the opinion of several poskim who prohibit proposing a shiduch between non-observant Jews who will not keep the laws of family purity. It is possible, however, that if the shiduch is made for the purposes of potential kiruv or in order to avoid the tragic alternative of intermarriage, then the shiduch may be proposed. A rav should be consulted.
FOOTNOTES
1 Harav E. Svei (oral address, partly quoted in Yated Ne’eman, Dec. 6 1997).
2 Rabbeinu Yonah (Sha’arei Teshuvah 3:80; 3:138); Igros Moshe O.C. 1:113; E.H. 1:56; Az Nidberu 2:73.
3 Harav Y.Y. Kanievsky quotes the Chazon Ish as maintaining that shaking hands falls into the category of yehareg ve’al ya’avor (see Teharas Am Yisrael, pg. 44).
4 Teshuvos v’Hanhagos 1:358. Several arguments lend support to this position:
The guest is desecrating the Shabbos regardless of my invitation;
Actually, we are minimizing his chillul Shabbos for the time period he will spend at our home;
He will be eating kosher food;
Several poskim hold that “aiding a sinner” does not apply to one who deliberately sins (see Igros Moshe Y.D. 1:72 and E.H. 4:87-1 quoting the Dagul M’ervavah);
The purpose of the invitation is for kiruv and not to aid a sinner in committing a sin.
5 See Igros Moshe O.C. 1:98-99; 4:71; who prohibits organizing a minyan for children on Shabbos when they will surely come by car. [There are several differences, however, between the situations described in these responsa and the situation with which we are dealing.] See also a stringent ruling by Harav S. Wosner (quoted in Avosos Ahavah, pg. 119).
6 Rama O.C. 163:2.
7 O.C. 169:2.
8 O.C. 185:1.
9 Mishnah Berurah 213:9. B’dieved, even if the guest failed to recite amen, his blessing is valid.
10 Harav S. Z. Auerbach (oral ruling, quoted in Vezos ha-Berachah, pg. 154). [See also Minchas Shelomo 35 where Harav Auerbach maintains that when denying a guest food will lead him to become antagonistic toward Torah and religious Jews, it is permitted to feed him. See also similar ruling quoted in the name of Chazon Ish in Pe’er ha-Dor 3:195]; Harav C.P. Scheinberg (quoted in Avosos Ahava, pg. 118.); See also Igros Moshe O.C. 5:13-9 who finds much room for leniency on this matter.
11 Harav S.Z. Auerbach and Harav C.P. Scheinberg (quoted in Vezos ha-Berachah, pg. 132) based on Mishnah Berurah 199:2 and Beiur Halachah. See also Teshuvos Pnei Mavin 40.
12 Igros Moshe O.C. 2:56.
13 Minimum requirements: Neckline must be high enough to cover the bone at the base of the neck (collarbone); sleeves must extend past the elbow; dress must cover the knees.
14 Mishnah Berurah 75:1; Chazon Ish O.C. 16:7.
15 Aruch ha-Shulchan O.C. 75:7.
16 Igros Moshe O.C. 1:39,42,43; O.C. 3:23,24; E.H. 1:114.
17 See Sridei Eish 2:8 quoting Harav S.R. Hirsch and other poskim who allowed singing under similar circumstances.
18 Igros Moshe Y.D. 1:46; 2:132; 4:58-3; O.C. 5:37-8.
19 Igros Moshe Y.D. 3:31; Minchas Yitzchak 7:61; Yabia Omer 8:15.
20 Minchas Shelomo 25; Harav S.Y. Elyashiv (written responsum quoted in Yabia Omer, ibid.) Shevet ha-Levi 2:51; Teshuvos v’Hanhagos 2:401.
21 This issue is discussed at length in The Weekly Halachah Discussion, vol. 1, pg. 197.
22 Oral ruling heard in the name of Harav S.Y. Elyashiv.
Of paramount important to Orthodox Jewry today is kiruv rechokim, bringing our fellow Jews back to religious observance. Thank G-d, the concerted efforts of many devoted individuals and organizations have borne fruit, and thousands of Jews the world over have gone back to their roots and become Torah observant.
We must bear in mind, however, that although kiruv rechokim is supremely important, it does not supersede Halachah. “The ends justify the means” is a philosophy utterly rejected by the Torah, and compromising halachic standards for the sake of being mekarev is forbidden.
Recently, a certain kiruv network recruited actors and actresses and honored them at an organizational event. In view of the immoral and decadent lifestyle pursued and personified by these people, honoring them may be a desecration of Hashem’s honor. When we give recognition to such people, we mock the sanctity and holiness which Hashem requires of us, His “kingdom of priests and holy nation” (1).
Another sensitive issue that presents itself to just about anyone involved in kiruv is the problem of men and women shaking hands. Physical contact of this sort is a serious transgression (2) and should be studiously avoided (3). Although kiruv professionals prepare themselves to deal with this problem, those of us who are not adept at handling such potentially embarrassing situations may not put ourselves in a position where we are liable to violate the halachah.
Since kiruv veterans agree that a most effective method of kiruv is the Shabbos invitation, let us review some of the potential trouble-spots so that we do not transgress the halachah while acting upon our good intentions.
If the guest does not live within walking distance of our home, he should be invited for the entire Shabbos so that he does not drive home on our account. The guest should be told that according to Jewish law it is prohibited for him to drive home on Shabbos. Experienced kiruv workers maintain that when properly explained, the guest will often accede to the request.
In the event that the guest will come for Shabbos only if he can drive home, there are authorities who permit inviting him anyway, provided that there is a reasonable chance that the invitation will lead to kiruv (4). The guest should be informed that sleeping quarters have been arranged for him and he may change his mind at anytime and decide to sleep over. Since not all authorities agree with this leniency (5) and not all cases are identical, the specific case should be presented to a rav for a final decision.
When possible, a guest at our table should be asked to wash his hands before eating bread (6) and to recite the proper blessing before and after food is eaten (7). If the guest cannot read the Hebrew text, he may recite the blessing in any language that he understands (8). Alternatively, the host may recite the blessings aloud while the guest listens and recites amen (9). If none of these suggestions are practical, it is permitted to serve him food, even though he will not wash his hands or a blessing–either before or after the meal–will not be recited (10).
A non-observant Jew may be counted towards the minimum number of people required for zimun. Preferably, however, he should not be the one to lead the zimun (11).
While teaching a non-observant Jew how to recite a blessing, it is permitted for the host to recite Hashem’s name (12).
A female guest, whether single or married, must be dressed at least according to the minimum standards of tzenius (13). A woman who is scantily clad, should not be invited into our homes under any circumstances.
If the female guest is not is not dressed with the minimum requirements of tzenius, kiddush, blessings, Divrei Torah or zemiros may not be recited while facing her. If one cannot avoid facing her, one may close his eyes or face downward throughout the recitation of these devorim sh’bekedushah (14).
A married woman’s hair should be covered while sitting at our table. If it is not, there are poskim who are lenient and allow devorim sh’bekedushah to be recited in her presence (15). One may rely on these poskim when no other alternative is practical (16).
A female guest should be asked not to sing zemiros along with the family. If this will result in alienating a potential ba’alas teshuvah, there are some poskim who allow her to sing along with the rest of the family (17).
The wine or grape juice should not be touched or poured by the guest (18). If the wine or grape juice is mevushal (cooked), there are several authorities (19) who permit non-observant Jews to touch it while others (20) do not (21).
Before learning Torah with a potential ba’al teshuvah, it is proper–when possible–to have him recite Birchos ha-Torah (22).
In a previous column we quoted the opinion of several poskim who prohibit proposing a shiduch between non-observant Jews who will not keep the laws of family purity. It is possible, however, that if the shiduch is made for the purposes of potential kiruv or in order to avoid the tragic alternative of intermarriage, then the shiduch may be proposed. A rav should be consulted.
FOOTNOTES
1 Harav E. Svei (oral address, partly quoted in Yated Ne’eman, Dec. 6 1997).
2 Rabbeinu Yonah (Sha’arei Teshuvah 3:80; 3:138); Igros Moshe O.C. 1:113; E.H. 1:56; Az Nidberu 2:73.
3 Harav Y.Y. Kanievsky quotes the Chazon Ish as maintaining that shaking hands falls into the category of yehareg ve’al ya’avor (see Teharas Am Yisrael, pg. 44).
4 Teshuvos v’Hanhagos 1:358. Several arguments lend support to this position:
The guest is desecrating the Shabbos regardless of my invitation;
Actually, we are minimizing his chillul Shabbos for the time period he will spend at our home;
He will be eating kosher food;
Several poskim hold that “aiding a sinner” does not apply to one who deliberately sins (see Igros Moshe Y.D. 1:72 and E.H. 4:87-1 quoting the Dagul M’ervavah);
The purpose of the invitation is for kiruv and not to aid a sinner in committing a sin.
5 See Igros Moshe O.C. 1:98-99; 4:71; who prohibits organizing a minyan for children on Shabbos when they will surely come by car. [There are several differences, however, between the situations described in these responsa and the situation with which we are dealing.] See also a stringent ruling by Harav S. Wosner (quoted in Avosos Ahavah, pg. 119).
6 Rama O.C. 163:2.
7 O.C. 169:2.
8 O.C. 185:1.
9 Mishnah Berurah 213:9. B’dieved, even if the guest failed to recite amen, his blessing is valid.
10 Harav S. Z. Auerbach (oral ruling, quoted in Vezos ha-Berachah, pg. 154). [See also Minchas Shelomo 35 where Harav Auerbach maintains that when denying a guest food will lead him to become antagonistic toward Torah and religious Jews, it is permitted to feed him. See also similar ruling quoted in the name of Chazon Ish in Pe’er ha-Dor 3:195]; Harav C.P. Scheinberg (quoted in Avosos Ahava, pg. 118.); See also Igros Moshe O.C. 5:13-9 who finds much room for leniency on this matter.
11 Harav S.Z. Auerbach and Harav C.P. Scheinberg (quoted in Vezos ha-Berachah, pg. 132) based on Mishnah Berurah 199:2 and Beiur Halachah. See also Teshuvos Pnei Mavin 40.
12 Igros Moshe O.C. 2:56.
13 Minimum requirements: Neckline must be high enough to cover the bone at the base of the neck (collarbone); sleeves must extend past the elbow; dress must cover the knees.
14 Mishnah Berurah 75:1; Chazon Ish O.C. 16:7.
15 Aruch ha-Shulchan O.C. 75:7.
16 Igros Moshe O.C. 1:39,42,43; O.C. 3:23,24; E.H. 1:114.
17 See Sridei Eish 2:8 quoting Harav S.R. Hirsch and other poskim who allowed singing under similar circumstances.
18 Igros Moshe Y.D. 1:46; 2:132; 4:58-3; O.C. 5:37-8.
19 Igros Moshe Y.D. 3:31; Minchas Yitzchak 7:61; Yabia Omer 8:15.
20 Minchas Shelomo 25; Harav S.Y. Elyashiv (written responsum quoted in Yabia Omer, ibid.) Shevet ha-Levi 2:51; Teshuvos v’Hanhagos 2:401.
21 This issue is discussed at length in The Weekly Halachah Discussion, vol. 1, pg. 197.
22 Oral ruling heard in the name of Harav S.Y. Elyashiv.
Link
Amazing Bisiyata Di-shmaya! Yesodei Yesodos about neemanus, eidus and rov.
MILLIONS should hear this. [It is in English!]
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
Guest Post By The Navi Zecharia
כ כֹּה אָמַר, יְהוָה צְבָאוֹת: עֹד אֲשֶׁר יָבֹאוּ עַמִּים, וְיֹשְׁבֵי עָרִים רַבּוֹת. כא וְהָלְכוּ יוֹשְׁבֵי אַחַת אֶל-אַחַת לֵאמֹר, נֵלְכָה הָלוֹךְ לְחַלּוֹת אֶת-פְּנֵי יְהוָה, וּלְבַקֵּשׁ, אֶת-יְהוָה צְבָאוֹת; אֵלְכָה, גַּם-אָנִי. כב וּבָאוּ עַמִּים רַבִּים וְגוֹיִם עֲצוּמִים, לְבַקֵּשׁ אֶת-יְהוָה צְבָאוֹת בִּירוּשָׁלִָם, וּלְחַלּוֹת, אֶת-פְּנֵי יְהוָה. {ס} כג כֹּה-אָמַר, יְהוָה צְבָאוֹת, בַּיָּמִים הָהֵמָּה, אֲשֶׁר יַחֲזִיקוּ עֲשָׂרָה אֲנָשִׁים מִכֹּל לְשֹׁנוֹת הַגּוֹיִם; וְהֶחֱזִיקוּ בִּכְנַף אִישׁ יְהוּדִי לֵאמֹר, נֵלְכָה עִמָּכֶם--כִּי שָׁמַעְנוּ, אֱלֹהִים עִמָּכֶם.
20 “Thus says the Lord of hosts: Peoples shall yet come, even the inhabitants of many cities. 21 The inhabitants of one city shall go to another, saying, ‘Let us go at once to entreat the favor of the Lord and to seek the Lord of hosts; I myself am going.’ 22 Many peoples and strong nations shall come to seek the Lord of hosts in Jerusalem and to entreat the favor of the Lord. 23 Thus says the Lord of hosts: In those days ten men from the nations of every tongue shall take hold of the robe of a Jew, saying, ‘Let us go with you, for we have heard that God is with you.’”
This is HOPEFULLY around the corner!!
A Different Type Of Cell
So many Israeli politicians have gone to jail that when you ask them for their "cell number", the question takes on a entirely new meaning.
Link
The relationship between Ponovitch and Lubavitch has not always been the most pleasant. However, Rav Dovid Povarsky [his yahrtzeit was yesterday], who was a Rosh Yeshiva in Ponivitch, was first a Maggid Shiur in a Chabad Yeshiva.
Here is a meeting between the famous "choizer" of the Rebbe, Rav Yoel Kahn Shlita, and HaGaon Rav Berel Povarsky Shlita, Rosh Yeshivas Ponovitch.
עושה שלום במרומיו הוא יעשה שלום עלינו ועל כל ישראל!!
Mi-she Mi-she Mi-she
משנכנס אדר מרבים בשמחה - When Adar comes in we are supposed to increase our simcha levels. How?
One of the Rishonim, Rav Dovid ben Rav Levi of Narvona [lived in Provence in southeast France in the 13th century] explained how we are so happy in his ספר המכתם.
The Rambam writes in hilchos purim in explaining why מתנות לאביונים is so important:
"שאין שם שמחה גדולה ומפוארה אלא לשמח לב אביונים ויתומים אלמנות וגרים שהמשמח לב אומללים האלו דומה לשכינה שנאמר להחיות רוח שפלים ולהחיות לב נדכאים"
"There is no greater or more glorious simcha than gladdening the hearts of the poor, orphans, widows and converts. For one who gladdens these unfortunates is LIKE THE SHECHINA as it says about [Hashem] "He infuses spirit in the low and gives life to the downtrodden."
The greatest happiness is being like Hashem and the way to do that is to raise the spirits of those who are down. Says the ספר המכתם - don't wait until Purim comes to have the simcha of being like Hashem. Start already on Rosh Chodesh!
A rishon telling us how to be happy - help make others happy. That's the מרבים בשמחה of Adar.
Link
Can one read the Megila after Plag Hamincha on Leil Purim and then again after Plag on Purim day? Maybe it is תרתי דסתרי because when reading the first time he is saying that it is already night after Plag and the next day he is saying that it is still daytime??
It should go viral....
While on the topic, מענין לענין שלא באותו הענין - If someone read the Megila after Amud Haschachar thinking it was still night, is he yotzei the daytime obligation? There are various ra-ayos. I had one BS"D from the Sfas Emes quoted in the afore-linked [new word, invented right here on Mevakesh!!:-)] shiur and another from the Birkei Yosef. I sent it to a certain Gaon Shlita for his appraisal. On the edge of my seat....
Who Is Ra-ayhu?
The pasuk says ומשלוח מנות איש לרעהו. Is one's Rebbi considered רעהו?
Can one send to close family members? Maybe since the mitzva is intended to increase brotherhood and friendship, one's family members who are already very close aren't included?
What about a מחלל שבת? Is he called רעך? What about a תינוק שנשבה??
[See Sfas Emes Megila 7b and Tshuvos Vihanhagos 3/236]
The Sum Or The Parts?
The Mishna Brura says that one must give a דבר חשוב for משלוח מנות. What is the din if one sends various items that each one individually is not a דבר חשוב but in total it is a דבר חשוב??
Financial Austerity
Rabbi Emanuel Feldman
A Saudi prince has recently been preaching financial austerity and fighting ill-gotten wealth. But before becoming intoxicated by this sudden fresh air, we learned that while campaigning for this cause, the prince paused just long enough to buy himself a little bauble: A $300 million chateau.
Extravagant tastes are expected in a king’s son. But if you can’t have a king as your father, a good path toward wealth is that of politics. For example, Bill and Hillary Clinton just purchased, for $2 million, the mansion next door to their already palatial home in Chappaqua, New York. Their daughter Chelsea lives in a block-long Manhattan apartment worth $6 million. To help pay the grocery bills, Bill pocketed $500,000 for a talk he gave in Russia, and Hillary accepted $250,000 for a speech to Wall Street bigwigs. Not bad for a family that, as Hillary once declared, left the White House “flat broke.”
Being a former president also has its perks. Barack Obama is purchasing a little place near Washington for a mere $8 million. Not bad for a former community organizer who urged financial discipline on his countrymen. He was paid $300,000 for a little talk he gave on Wall Street. (If $300,000 is available in New York, can $500,000 in Moscow be far behind?)
(Curious: When I left the pulpit rabbinate, no one offered me huge speaking fees. In fact, no one offered me any fees at all. Perhaps that was because I had nothing to offer in return — such as access to the president of the USA, or exclusive rights to lucrative investments in oil or gas, or introductions to key policy makers. As a result, I was spared the dilemmas of worrying about the moral implications of accepting exorbitant fees. Of course, I might have suggested access to the One Above, or lucrative investments in tzedakah. But these are available to anyone.)
The temptations of bribery — which has many incarnations beyond money — are overwhelming, the rationalizations irresistible. Read carefully the Torah’s insights on bribery: “It blinds the eyes of the wise, and perverts the words of the righteous,” (Devarim 16:19). Note that not only ordinary people are affected by the bribe, but even the intellectual and moral elite are affected — and infected. Even the wise will turn a blind eye to certain facts; even the righteous will inevitably pervert the truth. If the eye and the mind — of tzaddikim! — function differently when the pocket is stuffed with ill-gotten cash or favors, how much more so for those who are Torah-less. And that is why few political leaders leave office poorer than when they came in. Which might explain why politicians spend millions in order to win elections, and why in the state of Georgia, a recent candidate for the House of Representatives spent over $40 million. (Not a typo: forty million.)
Obviously, there are here and there mayors and legislators and judges of unimpeachable integrity who are untainted by the smell of power and favors and money. But they do not run for higher office; all we get are clones of Clinton and Trump. And somehow a Jewish mind turns to the towering Torah leaders of our generation: Rav Moshe Feinstein, Rav Aharon Kotler, Rav Yosef Elyashiv, Rav J. B. Soloveitchik, and many others. For these consummate Torah torchbearers, no chateaus, no mansions, no Riviera villas, no multimillion-dollar homes. They did not preach — but instead lived — austere and humble existences for generations long, and as true servants of G-d and the Jewish People, succeeded in preserving authentic Judaism. They remind Jews that we are all princes of the divine King.
Meanwhile, on the streets below, politicians in their chauffeured limos come and go, complaining about religious turpitude. (Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 698)
A Saudi prince has recently been preaching financial austerity and fighting ill-gotten wealth. But before becoming intoxicated by this sudden fresh air, we learned that while campaigning for this cause, the prince paused just long enough to buy himself a little bauble: A $300 million chateau.
Extravagant tastes are expected in a king’s son. But if you can’t have a king as your father, a good path toward wealth is that of politics. For example, Bill and Hillary Clinton just purchased, for $2 million, the mansion next door to their already palatial home in Chappaqua, New York. Their daughter Chelsea lives in a block-long Manhattan apartment worth $6 million. To help pay the grocery bills, Bill pocketed $500,000 for a talk he gave in Russia, and Hillary accepted $250,000 for a speech to Wall Street bigwigs. Not bad for a family that, as Hillary once declared, left the White House “flat broke.”
Being a former president also has its perks. Barack Obama is purchasing a little place near Washington for a mere $8 million. Not bad for a former community organizer who urged financial discipline on his countrymen. He was paid $300,000 for a little talk he gave on Wall Street. (If $300,000 is available in New York, can $500,000 in Moscow be far behind?)
The wise King Solomon’s dictum, “lovers of money are never satisfied with money” (Koheles 5:9), is still a universal truth. European leaders fulfill the dictum with luxurious villas on the Riviera, and which politician in Israel dares refute King Solomon? Former PM Ehud Barak lives in palatial quarters estimated at $4 million, and other top Israeli ministers and officials tend to their extensive land and properties while mouthing slogans about Zionist ideals of economic equality and helping the “little man.” With few exceptions — Golda Meir and Menachem Begin come to mind — the aroma of money remains overpowering. Like sea water, the more one drinks, the thirstier one becomes.
(Curious: When I left the pulpit rabbinate, no one offered me huge speaking fees. In fact, no one offered me any fees at all. Perhaps that was because I had nothing to offer in return — such as access to the president of the USA, or exclusive rights to lucrative investments in oil or gas, or introductions to key policy makers. As a result, I was spared the dilemmas of worrying about the moral implications of accepting exorbitant fees. Of course, I might have suggested access to the One Above, or lucrative investments in tzedakah. But these are available to anyone.)
The temptations of bribery — which has many incarnations beyond money — are overwhelming, the rationalizations irresistible. Read carefully the Torah’s insights on bribery: “It blinds the eyes of the wise, and perverts the words of the righteous,” (Devarim 16:19). Note that not only ordinary people are affected by the bribe, but even the intellectual and moral elite are affected — and infected. Even the wise will turn a blind eye to certain facts; even the righteous will inevitably pervert the truth. If the eye and the mind — of tzaddikim! — function differently when the pocket is stuffed with ill-gotten cash or favors, how much more so for those who are Torah-less. And that is why few political leaders leave office poorer than when they came in. Which might explain why politicians spend millions in order to win elections, and why in the state of Georgia, a recent candidate for the House of Representatives spent over $40 million. (Not a typo: forty million.)
Obviously, there are here and there mayors and legislators and judges of unimpeachable integrity who are untainted by the smell of power and favors and money. But they do not run for higher office; all we get are clones of Clinton and Trump. And somehow a Jewish mind turns to the towering Torah leaders of our generation: Rav Moshe Feinstein, Rav Aharon Kotler, Rav Yosef Elyashiv, Rav J. B. Soloveitchik, and many others. For these consummate Torah torchbearers, no chateaus, no mansions, no Riviera villas, no multimillion-dollar homes. They did not preach — but instead lived — austere and humble existences for generations long, and as true servants of G-d and the Jewish People, succeeded in preserving authentic Judaism. They remind Jews that we are all princes of the divine King.
Meanwhile, on the streets below, politicians in their chauffeured limos come and go, complaining about religious turpitude. (Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 698)
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