Sunday, June 30, 2024
Biden Invents New Language On Live TV
ATLANTA — President Biden impressed millions of viewers during tonight's presidential debate by inventing a brand new language live on TV.
"We find idea where fadffkvk damavdvdv," Biden said, demonstrating his brand new language.
The new language appears to be a mix of English words, repurposed with new definitions, along with other words that are nearly impossible to pronounce.
"Dvafd remfamf mfahahm," Biden continued. "Malarkey! The idea fvfvfv!"
The debate moderators appeared to struggle with Biden's fantastic and efficient new language at first but stopped worrying when they realized it wouldn't change what they thought of the president's debate performance.
According to Nielsen Ratings, the broadcast experienced a striking uptick in viewership from the elusive linguist demographic.
"I don't know what it means," said Dr. Samuel Norris, a Harvard PhD. "But I'm excited."
At publishing time, the debate entered its second hour. For undisclosed reasons, a coroner is standing by.
Jill Biden Refuses To Drop Out Of Presidential Race
WASHINGTON, DC — Following the disastrous Presidential debate, First Lady Jill Biden announced she will not drop out of the race despite growing calls from within the party to do so.
"Over my husband's dead body!" Mrs. Biden declared. "The nomination is MINE. You hear me, Joe Scarborough? MINE! Now get back to work, fools!"
Many on the left have called for President Biden to step down after his mental decline was put on national display, however Jill Biden has forcefully refused. "Joe isn't going anywhere!" screamed Ms. Biden as a frightened Joe tried to appeal for help. "Quiet, Joe! I didn't drag your bag of bones through primary season to quit now. Get a juice box and get back on stage!"
With even liberal outlets like the New York Times calling for Biden to step aside for a younger, living candidate, the Biden campaign has thus far remained unmoved. A defiant Jill Biden returned to the campaign trail Thursday in an effort to reassure supporters she is still in the game. "Look how alive Joe looks! Who's a good boy?! We're not going anywhere. Four more years!"
As of publishing time, Jill Biden announced Joe would be placed in a cryogenic sleep until after the election and she would continue to run the country in the interim.
Journalists Dumbfounded As There Were No Previous Signs Of Biden Declining Whatsoever
NEW YORK, NY — Journalists from media outlets around the country are reeling from shock after Biden's performance in the presidential debate, caught completely off guard by the President's steep mental decline.
"There were no warning signs. None," said MSNBC anchor Joe Scarborough. "Up until the very moment the debate started, President Biden has been the picture of vitality and intelligence. He has never before lost his train of thought, stared into the abyss with his mouth gaping, mumbled incoherently for extended periods, or made nonsensical statements like 'We beat Medicare.' It's all so shocking - shocking, I tell you."
Members of the White House Press Corps, having never reported a single instance of Biden faltering in the past four years, were equally stunned. "Biden's debate performance was entirely out of the blue," explained Tyler Page of the Washington Post. "There were no pointers that his mental capacity was impaired in the slightest before the debate. I mean, I'm just thinking back over the past few months…D-Day…the G7 Summit…the Juneteenth concert…yeah, there's really just nothing that would indicate that he wasn't at tip-top performance leading into the debate. It was just so unlike Joe Biden."
At publishing time, journalists had been further flabbergasted to hear that the President had told several egregious lies during the debate, as he had always been completely honest up until that point.
Points To Ponder
“It is amazing how many people think that they can answer an argument by attributing bad motives to those who disagree with them. Using this kind of reasoning, you can believe or not believe anything about anything, without having to bother to deal with facts or logic.”
“Journalists cannot serve two masters. To the extent that they take on the task of suppressing information or biting their tongue for the sake of some political agenda, they are betraying the trust of the public and corrupting their own profession.”
“People who refuse to accept unpleasant truths have no right to complain about politicians who lie to them. What other kind of candidates would such people elect?”
“A society that puts equality - in the sense of equality of outcome - ahead of freedom will end up with neither equality nor freedom. The use of force to achieve equality will destroy freedom, and the force, introduced for good purposes, will end up in the hands of people who use it to promote their own interests.”
“What ‘multiculturalism’ boils down to is that you can praise any culture in the world except Western culture - and you cannot blame any culture in the world except Western culture.”
“The history of the 20th century is full of examples of countries that set out to redistribute wealth and ended up redistributing poverty.”
“If you have always believed that everyone should play by the same rules and be judged by the same standards, that would have gotten you labeled a radical 50 years ago, a liberal 25 years ago and a racist today.”
“Slavery has existed all over the planet for thousands of years, with black, white, yellow and other races being both slaves and enslavers. Does that mean that everybody ought to apologize to everybody else for what their ancestors did?”
“The average white student would have been wiped out at Cornell. But the average white student was unlikely to be admitted to Cornell, in the first place. Nor was a white student who scored at the 75th percentile. That was a ‘favor’ reserved for black students. This ‘favor’ turned black students who would have been successful at most American colleges and universities into failures at Cornell.”
“There are no solutions. There are only trade-offs.”
Thomas Sowell
Thursday, June 27, 2024
Points To Ponder
"Make a mistake? Release the guilt, remember the lesson."
----
"Surround yourself with people who have the same goals as you. Rise together."
----
"Productivity is most important for things you don't want to be doing. Most people want to increase productivity so they can spend less time on the task.
But before you worry about being more productive, think about being more selective. Rather than focusing on increasing productivity, it may be worth asking, "What would I be delighted to spend time on, even if it went slowly?"
Direct your energy toward figuring out how to start what you want to do rather than thinking about how to shorten what you don't want to do."
-------
Philosopher and author Albert Camus on the excuses we allow ourselves to live by:
"Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it."
----
"What problem have you solved, ever, that was worth solving where you knew all the given information in advance? No problem worth solving is like that. In the real world, you have a surplus of information and you have to filter it, or you don't have sufficient information and you have to go find some."
----
"Would I be happy with this result if no one other than me and my family could see it, and I didn't compare the result to the appearance of other people's success?"
כוח המחילה
כמה צרות, כמה יסורים, עוברים על העם בתקופה האחרונה. טורח הצרות אין להיספר, איה שוקל ואיה סופר, כלשון ה'סליחות' בעשרת ימי תשובה. והכל מחפשים פתרונות וסגולות להינצל מכל צרה ומצוקה.
זו העת להיזכר במעשה המפורסם שנצטט בשורות הבאות, ויש לו גם המשך אקטואלי שהתרחש ממש בימים אלה. הכל מכירים את הסיפור הנורא על מרן הגר"ח שמואלביץ זצ"ל, עם העגונה במקלט. ולמי שבכל זאת עדיין לא שמע, היה זה סיפור עוצר-נשימה שהתרחש באחת המלחמות בארץ ישראל. הגאון זצ"ל שהה במקלט יחד עם אנשים נוספים, מסביב נפלו פגזים רבים, והציבור היה שרוי בפחד גדול. לפתע קמה אשה עגונה, שבעלה נְטשה לנפשה עם כל ילדיה, פרצה בבכי נסער, וזעקה מול כל הנוכחים:
"רק אתה, ריבונו של עולם, יודע את מידת הסבל והצער שנגרמו לי מאז שעזבני בעלי. רְאֵה, אני מוחלת לו על כל מה שעשה, ובזכות זה אני מבקשת ממך שתמחול גם אתה לבניך על כל מה שהכעיסוך, ותעזור לנו לצאת מכאן בשלום"... כששמע הגר"ח שמואלביץ את הדברים, פרץ גם הוא בבכי, ואמר: "בטוחני שכולנו נצא מהמקלט הזה ללא פגע, ולא יאונה לנו כל רע".
ואכן, ניסים גדולים התרחשו שם. פגזים נפלו על ימין ועל שמאל, ולמרבה הפלא לא פגעו באיש ואף לא הסבו נזק. אשה צדקת זו, 'הובילה' כביכול את הקב"ה לרחם על עמו ישראל. בכך שהתגברה על מידותיה ומחלה לבעלה האכזר, גרמה להתגברות מידת הרחמים בשמים עליה ועל כל הקהל.
ומדוע אנחנו מספרים עכשיו את הסיפור הכל-כך מפורסם? כדי להודיע ולהיוודע שני דברים. ראשית, שאחד הפתרונות היעילים ביותר להינצל מהצרות הוא - לוותר איש לרעהו. בלי 'פשעטלעך' ובלי הסברים. לוותר, וזהו.
ושנית, אשה זו נפטרה לפני כשבוע-ומחצה, והיא בת 110 שנים! הצדקת התגוררה בשנים האחרונות בבני ברק, סמוך לכולל חזון איש, ובנה הגדול הוא בן 90, עמו"ש. היא הותירה אחריה צאצאים וזרע בנים יראי-השם. לידע ולהודיע שהשי"ת משלם שכר טוב לעושי רצונו, ומי שמוותר - לא יפסיד לעולם.
בימי ה'שבעה' סיפרו שכששאלו אותה כמה פעמים האם הסיפור נכון, אישרה הנפטרת ע"ה את הפרטים לאמיתם.
Kedushas HaMitzvos
כִּי אֲתָא, אִקְּלַע לְהָהוּא אוּשְׁפִּיזָא, קָם קַמַּיְיהוּ בִּיקָרָא שַׁפִּיר, עָבְדִי לֵיהּ יְקָרָא טוּבָא, יָתֵיב וְקָא מִשְׁתַּבַּח: כַּמָּה נָאָה אַכְסַנְיָא זוֹ! אֲמַר לֵיהּ יֵשׁוּ הַנּוֹצְרִי: רַבִּי, עֵינֶיהָ טְרוּטוֹת. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: רָשָׁע, בְּכָךְ אַתָּה עוֹסֵק? אַפֵּיק אַרְבַּע מְאָה שִׁפּוּרֵי וְשַׁמְּתֵיהּ. כׇּל יוֹמָא אֲתָא לְקַמֵּיהּ וְלָא קַבְּלֵיהּ.
When he came back to Eretz Yisrael, Rabbi Yehoshua arrived at a certain inn. The innkeeper stood before him, honoring him considerably, and overall they accorded him great honor. Rabbi Yehoshua ben Peraḥya then sat and was praising them by saying: How beautiful is this inn. Jesus the Nazarene, one of his students, said to him: My teacher, but the eyes of the innkeeper’s wife are narrow [terutot]. Rabbi Yehoshua ben Peraḥya said to him: Wicked one, is this what you are engaged in, gazing at women? He brought out four hundred shofarot and excommunicated him. Every day Jesus would come before him, but he would not accept his wish to return.
יוֹמָא חַד הֲוָה קָרֵי קְרִיַּת שְׁמַע, אֲתָא לְקַמֵּיהּ. הֲוָה בְּדַעְתֵּיהּ לְקַבּוֹלֵיהּ, אַחְוִי לֵיהּ בִּידֵיהּ, סְבַר מִדְחָא דָּחֵי לֵיהּ, אֲזַל זְקַף לְבֵינְתָּא פַּלְחַאּ. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: חֲזוֹר בָּךְ! אֲמַר לֵיהּ: כָּךְ מְקוּבְּלַנִי מִמְּךָ, כׇּל הַחוֹטֵא וּמַחְטִיא אֶת הָרַבִּים — אֵין מַסְפִּיקִין בְּיָדוֹ לַעֲשׂוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה. דְּאָמַר מָר: יֵשׁוּ הַנּוֹצְרִי כִּישֵּׁף וְהִסִּית וְהִדִּיחַ וְהֶחְטִיא אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל.
One day, Rabbi Yehoshua ben Peraḥya was reciting Shema when Jesus came before him. He intended to accept him on this occasion, so he signaled to him with his hand to wait. Jesus thought he was rejecting him entirely. He therefore went and stood up a brick and worshipped it as an idol. Rabbi Yehoshua ben Peraḥya said to him: Return from your sins. Jesus said to him: This is the tradition that I received from you: Anyone who sins and causes the masses to sin is not given the opportunity to repent. The Gemara explains how he caused the masses to sin: For the Master said: Jesus the Nazarene performed sorcery, and he incited the masses, and subverted the masses, and caused the Jewish people to sin.
Shlach: Rejecting the Land of Israel
“And [the spies] began to speak badly about the land that they had explored.” (Num. 13:32)
A dispirited discussion took place at Beit HaRav, Rav Kook’s house in Jerusalem, not long after the end of World War II. The Chief Rabbi had passed away ten years earlier, and at the head of the table now sat his son, Rabbi Tzvi Yehudah Kook
At the Shabbos table, one participant raised a disturbing topic: the phenomenon of visitors touring Eretz Yisrael and subsequently criticizing the country upon their return home. “These visitors complain about everything: the heat, the poverty, the backwardness, the political situation — and they discourage other Jews from considering moving here,” he lamented.
Rabbi Tzvi Yehudah responded by recounting the following parable, one that he had heard in the name of Rabbi Samuel Mohilever, the rabbi of Bialystok.
The Failed Match
Once, there was a wealthy man who sought the hand of a particular young lady. She was the most beautiful girl in town and possessed many talents, as well as a truly refined character. Her family was not well-off, so they were enthusiastic about a potential match with the prosperous gentleman.
The young woman, however, had no interest in the match. Rich or not, the prospective suitor was known to be coarse and ill-mannered. She refused to meet with him.
The father requested that she meet the young man at their home, to avoid causing him embarrassment. “Remember,” he said, “just one meeting doesn’t mean you have to marry him.” To please her father, the young woman agreed.
The following Sabbath afternoon, the fellow arrived at the house as arranged and was warmly received by the father. Shortly afterward, his daughter made her entrance. However, her hair was uncombed, and she wore a faded, crumpled dress and shabby house slippers. Appalled at her disheveled appearance, it did not take long before the young man excused himself and made a hurried exit.
“What everyone says about this girl — it’s not true,” exclaimed the astonished young man to his friends. “She’s hideous!”
Rabbi Tzvi Yehudah stopped briefly, surveying the guests seated around the table. “Superficially, it would appear that the brash young fellow had rejected the young woman. But in fact, it was she who had rejected him.”
“The same is true regarding the Land of Israel,” the rabbi explained. “Eretz Yisrael is a special land, ready to accept only those who are receptive to its unique spiritual qualities. The Land does not reveal its inner beauty to all who visit. Not everyone is worthy to perceive its special holiness.”
“It may appear as if the dissatisfied visitors are the ones who reject the Land of Israel,” he concluded. “But in fact, it is the Land that rejects them!”
A thoughtful silence pervaded the room. Those present were stunned by the parable and the rabbi’s impassioned delivery. Then one of the guests observed, “Reb Tzvi Yehudah, your words are befitting for a son of your eminent father, may his memory be a blessing!”
Seeing the Goodness of Jerusalem
Rabbi Tzvi Yehudah’s response was indeed appropriate for Rav Kook’s son. When visitors from outside the country would approach the Chief Rabbi for a blessing, Rav Kook would quote from the Book of Psalms: "יְבָרֶכְךָ ה' מִצִּיּוֹן" - “May God bless you from Zion” (128:5).
Then he would ask: What exactly is this “blessing from Zion”? In fact, the content of the blessing is described in the continuation of the verse: וּרְאֵה בְּטוּב יְרוּשָׁלָ͏ִם - “May you see the goodness of Jerusalem.”
The rabbi would explain: “The verse does not say that one should merit seeing Jerusalem; but that one should merit seeing “the goodness of Jerusalem.” Many people visit Jerusalem. But how many of them merit seeing the inner goodness hidden in the holy city?”
“And that,” he concluded, “is God’s special blessing from Zion.”
(Stories from the Land of Israel. Adapted from Malachim Kivnei Adam by Simcha Raz, pp. 227-278, 230)
USA VS. CANADA
Canada: it's that country up to the North. But is it any better than America? Let's take a look at a comprehensive comparison of the two countries:
Weights & Measures
Canada: Uses the metric system just like Communist Russia
USA: Measures everything in touchdowns per AR-15
Winner: USA
Free Speech
Canada: Can be jailed for misgendering non-binary people such as Justin Trudeau
USA: Jailing people for political reasons? Ha, that will never happen here.
Winner: USA
Healthcare
Canada: 7-month wait for free treatment, but unfortunately, the treatment is suicide
USA: 1-month wait to pay $500,000 so the doctor can give you an Advil
Winner: USA
Hockey
Canada: Invented hockey and still basically never wins the Stanley Cup
USA: Stole hockey from Canada along with all the good hockey players
Winner: USA
Leaders
Canada: Ruled by an oppressive dictator in blackface
USA: Ruled by an oppressive dictator with dementia
Winner: Draw
French people
Canada: Lots
USA: Legally banned from entering the country
Winner: USA
Weather
Canada: Cold and usually freezing
USA: Tornadoes, heat, hurricanes, cold, hot, whatever you like. A literal buffet of weather
Winner: USA
Population Density
Canada: Most people try to live as close to the US as possible
USA: Most people try to live as far away from Canada as possible
Winner: USA
Tourist Attractions
Canada: Snow?
USA: World's largest rocking chair in Casey, Illinois
Winner: USA
Does your country have Florida?
Canada: No
USA: Yes
Winner: USA
Guns
Canada: You can only have lame guns for hunting
USA: Yes
Winner: USA
Food
Canada: Milk in a bag and deer jerky for every meal
USA: Milk in jugs as God intended, plus a ton more pizza shops.
Winner: USA
Government
Canada: Socialist
USA: Not socialist for another three or four months at least.
Winner: USA
Well, there you have it. Looks like our fair and impartial analysis has definitively proved that the United States is better than Canada. Who knew?
Squad Gives 21 Fire Alarm Salute For Their Fallen Comrade Jamaal Bowman
New York Jewish Week via JTA — George Latimer defeated Rep. Jamaal Bowman in the Democratic primary in New York’s 16th Congressional district on Tuesday, a significant setback for progressive critics of Israel in a closely-watched race with national implications.
Latimer, a centrist who hewed to a pro-Israel position during the campaign, was declared the winner by The Associated Press and other news outlets around 40 minutes after the polls closed at 9 p.m. With 70 percent of votes in, Latimer led Bowman by more than 11 points.
“What we see tonight is in fact the many,” Latimer said in his victory speech, in a play on a slogan used by Bowman. “This is the many of Westchester and the Bronx.”
“We will continue to fight for a free Palestine now, and God help us build a better world where everyone understands when we say ‘Free Palestine,’ it is not antisemitic,” he said, while adding "we don't want to kick the Jews out of Palestine. We want to kick them off the face of the earth. We DON'T hate Semites, brother! Palestinians are Semites. We just hate dem Jews."
Bowman had made AIPAC a focus of his campaign, and kept up his attacks against the group after conceding defeat.
“We should be outraged when a Super PAC of dark, devious Jewish money can spend $20 million to brainwash people into believing something that ain't true,” he said. “They spent a record amount of money, the most in US history, to beat this shvartza. Where is de equity here??”
Bowman was plagued by other scandals, particularly an infamous incident when he pulled a House fire alarm in September to delay a vote in Congress, earning a rare, formal censure from Congress.
He explained his actions by saying “I was trying to get to a door. I thought the alarm would open the door, and I pulled the fire alarm to open the door by accident,” Bowman said at the time, adding: “I was just trying to get to my vote and the door that’s usually open wasn’t open, it was closed.” As he spoke, his nose became strongly longer and longer.
The Squad met on Capitol Hill Wednesday to honor their fallen member, Jamaal Bowman, with a solemn 21 fire alarm salute.
"We are here to honor Jamaal, or Jam Jam, as I like to call him," said a tearful Rep Ocasio-Cortez. "He could really tap dance with the best of 'em."
The Squad chose to honor him with a fire alarm salute because of his propensity for pulling fire alarms to delay votes.
"He was well known for pulling fire alarms and hating the Jews," Rep Omar said. "I'm going to miss him so much!"
"Rest in power, Bowman!" Rep Pressley said, holding her fist up in solidarity with his antisemitism.
Bowman, who lost his primary election and is as good as dead, will be standing awkwardly in state in the Capitol rotunda for the next week as colleagues come to pay their respects — as is customary for failed politicians.
According to sources, Bowman has privately speculated that he lost against his primary challenge because he just didn't hate the Jews quite enough.
Jamaal Bowman is survived by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley, Rashida Tlaib, Cori Bush, Greg Casar, Summer Lee, and Delia Ramirez.
Wednesday, June 26, 2024
Being In The Moment
"צריך כל איש הישראל לבל להסתכל ולחשוב על מה שיהיה אחר כך רק על הרגע שהוא עומד בו, וכמאמר הרבי הקדוש (תהלים לט, ו) 'הנה טפחות נתת ימי', כמו אדם המודד שבעים אמה חבלים בידו ולא נשאר לו בידו לעולם אלא טפח, שזה שמדד כבר הוא חוץ לידו, ומה שלא מדד עדיין איננו בידו, נמצא שאין לו רק הטפח שאוחז בתוך ידו. כן המה הימים מהאדם, מה שעבר אין, ומה שעתיד עדיין לא בא, נמצא שאין לו לחשוב רק על הרגע שעומד בה".
Texas Rangers Double Down With 'No Homo Night'
ARLINGTON, TX — Despite facing ongoing criticism for being the only remaining Major League Baseball team to not hold a Pride Night, the Texas Rangers announced the club would double down by celebrating a "No Homo Night" at the ballpark.
Whereas all other MLB teams scheduled special nights to cater to celebrating LGBTQ lifestyles, the Rangers instead decided to institute "No Homo Night," which will include overtly heterosexual hotdogs, no physical touching between male fans other than aggressive high-fives, and a strict ban on any Dallas Cowboys clothing.
"It's going to be a sweet time at the ballpark. No homo," said Rangers General Manager Chris Young. "We want everyone who comes out to the stadium for that game to be assured that all affection among the players and fans will be strictly platonic in nature."
LGBTQ activists did not take kindly to the team's announcement. "Stop oppressing us!" shouted one social media user who was only wearing purple leather chaps in his profile photo. "How are we supposed to feel seen and celebrated when only a measly 29 out of 30 MLB teams have a Pride Night? You bigots!"
At publishing time, all tickets for "No Homo Night" had sold out, with many fans expressing relief that they could take their kids to the game without fear of having to explain why people would wear Dallas Cowboys gear.
Guy Currently Being Dumped Thrilled By Possibility Of Still Being Friends
COLUMBUS, OH — Local man Jackson Hund was overjoyed to learn that the woman breaking up with him totally wanted to still be friends.
"Wow, I feel amazing now. What a relief!" said Hund, who moments earlier was in the depths of depression. "Still friends? Yippee hooray!"
Hund's girlfriend Kristy Owens broke up with him at her apartment, initially leading to tears being shed before she shared the good news about staying friends. "Gosh, at first I felt like I was dying inside. It hurt so bad," reported Hund. "Then she told me she still saw me as a brother and fellow human and wanted to remain friends, and the tears just dried up! I'm so thrilled with how this all turned out!"
According to sources, Hund thinks the former couple will totally work better as friends and could not have agreed more with Owens' assessment. "I am just over the moon that we can still be friends. It's what every guy hopes for when the woman they hoped to marry breaks up with them," said Hund. "How wonderful!"
At publishing time, Hund was further elated to learn that the problem in their relationship wasn't him, it was her.
Points To Ponder
Honestly - this post would seem to be worth 100 million dollars.
But actually - it is priceless.
נעם ה'.
אור נעם ה' מרפא את העולם מכל תחלואיו. הריחוק מאור זה מביא את העולם לידי קצף נסתר תמידי. הוא מלא זעף חמה על עצמו, על הויתו, על הכל. הוא מנוגד מעצמו אל עצמו. ומתוך שאינו מוצא שום מטרה לכללות החיים, ע"כ הוא נשא רק עם שאונם, ומסור בידי ההכרח השולט עליו נגד הכרתו. אך הנעם האלהי נותן פתרון מתוק לכל שאלות החיים; והחיים כיון שהם נעשים מתוקים ונעימים, ממילא יחדלו מהיות לשאלה; חיים מתוקים ונעימים הלא ראויים לכל הדעות שימצאו, וראוי גם שיהיו מתחדשים ומתרבים; ע"כ נעשים מובנים נטית השמחה וחפץ ההתרבות; אז אותו הקצף והזלזול המצוי בפני הדור יוצא ונדף, ותחתיו בא רגש קדוש, נעים ומתוקן, המביא ענג, אהבה ואושר ועמו שלום, צניעות, תפארת וקדושה.
הכונה והתכלית
המחשבות היותר מהרסות הן נובלות של המחשבות היותר נשגבות, אלא שהן באות בלי תיקון, דהיינו שאינן יודעות את ערכן ואת שעתן. שלילת הכונה והתכלית במציאות, שזוהי האפסיות הגמורה, המביאה טמיון רוחני גדול בעולם, מקורה היא במחשבה היותר עליונה, שהיא מתעלה מכל כונה ותכלית. אין כונה ותכלית מוצאות מקום, כי אם כשיש מקום גם לחסרון: כשפונים בדרך זו מצליחים ובדרך אחרת מתדלדלים, אבל כשהטוב מלא את כל, וכל הפניות הרוחניות והמעשיות הכל מוביל להצלחה, אז באמת אין מקום עוד לכונה ותכלית.
ההשקפה המטריאליסטית
הניצוץ הטוב שיש בנטיה החומרית, שנתגברה הרבה בזמננו והמתאמצת לתת פתרונים לכל השאלות העולמיות מתוך נקודת השקפתה, הוא אותו האימוץ שהיא מוצאת בעצמה, להכיר את העולם המעשי בלא תערובות של דמיונות; וזהו דבר אמת לעצמו, שאנו צריכים לסגל אותו יפה. המושגים הרוחניים מוכרחים הם להתלבש בתחילתם בציורים של דמיון, שאין המציאות מסכימה להם, ושעלולים לשיגיונות. וטובה רבה מביאה הנטיה החמרית, שהיא מטאטאה את הציורים הדמיוניים הכוזבים והחלשים, לפנות מקום להאמונה הטהורה במציאות ה' הנעלה מכל דמיון, הודאי שמו, יותר ודאי מכל המציאות החמרית. בכלל אין הרוחניות מתגברת להיות משתלמת בשלטונה כ"א ע"י כפירה מוחלטת בכל מעצוריה כפירה הבאה מתוך הכרה פנימית והרגשה מלאה, המתרוממת מעל לכל רגשי פחד ורפיון. מחשק כפירה זו יולד אור האמונה הבהירה, התזקה מכל איתני עולם. "מי יתן טהור מטמא לא אחד".
המחשבה האלהית
המחשבה האלהית מעטרת את כל החיים, אינה מבחנת בין נשא לשפל. היא מרוממת את הדמיון ומעשירתו, כשם שהיא מחבקת את השכל ומטהרתו; היא מזככת את הרצון, כשם שהיא מאמצת את היכולת. הצרך לחשוב על דבר אלהים היא ירידה גדולה ודרושה לאדם רק בתור רפואה. הכפירה היא הכנה שלילית לצרך העלוי העליון, שלא יהיה שום צרך לחשב ע"ד אלהות, כ"א עצם החיים יהיה אור אלהים.
חפש המחשבה
מי יוכל לדעת את מעמקי היסורין של לב רחב, של נשמה שואפת רחבי אל, כשהיא מסוגרת במסגרת צרה. אחות היא לנשר שנסגר בלול של תרנגולים. אור האלהים איננו מתגלה כי אם בחפש המחשבה. רק תאוות בזויות, המביאות מרך לב בנפש האדוקים בהן, יעשקו את חפש המחשבה מלבו של אדם. הפתגם "חפש המחשבה" נעשה מקולקל ומסורס, מפני שמשתמשים בו עבדי המחשבה במלחמתם נגד עבדים אחרים. כשהאנושיות נתונה בחולשה רוחנית, אז מעמד החפש שלה הוא הספקנות, אבל מהרה תכיר האנושיות כי הספקנות אינה אלא חולשה, כי היא נוטלת את כל האימוץ והחריצות הדרושים לחידוש ולבנין, ואז תשוב הגבורה להתעורר בה.
דרישת ד'
המהומה הכפרנית כל זמן שהיא עסוקה במגמות מוסריות, הרי היא ממש דרישת ד'. המוסר והרחבתו, הגדלת ערכם של החיים, ענוגם ושאיפותיהם הוא בעצמו דרישת ד' יותר משאר דרישות הבאות ברחשי לב בלבד, שאין בהם הטבה מעשית לסדרי החיים. מ"מ אמללים הם בני אדם כ"ז שאינם יודעים שכל מה שהם עסוקים בהרחבת המוסר ובקשת הטוב זהו דרישת ד'. ונהרה רבה תופיע עליהם, כשיגלה להם רז זה.
(יזרעאל תרע"ג)
עולם הזה טוב או רע?
דע לך בן יקיר, לא שאנו טועים רק בני העולם טועים, לחשוב על עוה״ז אשר ד׳ בראו, כי מין אוצר של תאות מחשבות ונטיות רעות הוא, ומי שרוצה לעבוד את ד׳ מוכרח לצאת ולהתרחק מן העולם כלו, ובשביל זה כל ימיהם רחוקים הם מעבודה וקדושה ובשטותי העולם שקועים, דומים הם למי שראה איש שטבע א״ע בנהר ויגזר אומר, שהמים עצם רע הוא בעולם ונבראו רק להמית. וכמה שוטה הוא איש כזה, האם אפשר להיות בלא מים, וכי בשביל שמשוגע זה לא השתמש במים כראוי, ותחת להחיות בהם את הצומח, חי, ומדבר, המית א״ע בהם, רעים הם המים. כן הוא גם עם העולם כלו. עולם שבראו ד׳ הוא, ואף בתחתית העולם בכל עקמימותיו ובכל פתלתוליו נמצאים דרכים, מחילות ומערות, אשר אל בוראו ואל אדונו אדון העולם מובילים, וכל החסרון הוא רק באדם, שאינו משתמש עם דברי העולם לטוב רק לרע. והפסוק מכריז ואומר, אולת אדם תסלף דרכו ועל ד׳ יזעף לבו (משלי י״ט ג'). הלא יש לך דרכים שמובילים אותך לד׳ ורק אתה הוא שמסלף אותם. ולמה עוד תתרעם ותדבר סרה שח״ו ד׳ ברא עולם של גשם, עולם שא״א לעבוד בו את בוראו. [חובת התלמידים פי"ג]
Tuesday, June 25, 2024
Trump Preps For Debate Against Biden By Going to Nursing Home And Arguing With Dementia Patients
WEST PALM BEACH, FL — The Trump campaign announced Monday that the former president had begun preparing for his upcoming debate with Joe Biden by visiting nursing homes and arguing with dementia patients.
"George, you're wrong about lime JELL-O. Nobody likes it," Trump said as he argued with a 94-year-old dementia patient who claims to be constantly observed by Russian spies. "It doesn't taste good! Everyone's telling me all the time how much they hate it and you're telling me they should serve it every day? On DAY ONE I will ban lime JELL-O."
"And Mexico will pay for it!"
Elderly onlookers applauded as Trump slammed the dementia patient after suddenly picking a fight with him during dessert time.
"It's like he's saying what we're all thinking," said Constance Woodrow, a 78-year-old Alzheimer's patient.
In another instance, Trump screamed at a WWII veteran until he started crying.
"Greatest generation? More like lamest generation," Trump quipped, invoking laughs from orderlies. "You complain about loud music when people — good people — are trying to listen to jazz. You make me sick, to tell you the truth."
"But thank you for your service."
In this, and many such cases, a crowd of old folks erupted in cheers for Trump as he blasted one dementia patient after another.
Trump's debate prep is a distinct departure from previous campaign years when he spent time studying government policy and took part in mock debates against former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.
"I spent all my time arguing against a fat man about bridges or something," Trump said, reflecting on past debate missteps. "It didn't prepare me at all. Biden is thin and he hates bridges!"
Sources close to the Biden campaign confirm the president is concerned about this new development leading up to Thursday's debate.
"Oh no, my ice cream," Biden reportedly whispered as his wife led him away.
At publishing time, sources confirm that if Trump fails to win the presidency he will be welcome at Shady Oaks Assisted Living.
Canada Officially Loses Recognized Country Status After Failing To Win Stanley Cup Again
EDMONTON — Following Canada's loss of the Stanley Cup to America for the 31st time in a row, international authorities have confirmed that Canada will indeed lose its status as a recognized country, as Stanley Cup tradition demands.
Canadian sources have confirmed that countries across the globe are already in the process of withdrawing ambassadors and embassies from the former country, while NATO has already passed a motion withdrawing Canada from the organization.
"As much as it pains us to do this, we can simply no longer stand by and continue to pretend that Canada is a real nation," commented Secretary-General of the United Nations António Guterres. "There's no way that Canada — which is about 95% ice, I'm told — should be losing a game that's played completely on ice to the American state of Florida, which has no ice whatsoever. It's simply disgraceful. We can no longer allow this travesty to masquerade itself as a legitimate nation, and are therefore retracting Canada's status as a recognized country, effective immediately."
While most legislators are not quite sure what to do with Canada now, most Americans support declaring Canada a vassal state of Florida. Florida Governor DeSantis has publicly stated that he will only demand tribute from Canada every other year.
At publishing time, Norway, Spain, and Ireland had made world news by saying that they would still recognize Canada as a state "just like we did with Palestine."
Ladies: Easy Ways To Comfort Your Man When His Favorite Sports Team Loses
Nothing can send an otherwise well-adjusted man into a sudden tailspin of depression quite like his favorite sports team losing. Ladies, here are nine ways you can comfort your man when such a tragedy unfolds:
Remind him that it's just a game: This will help put things back in perspective.
Ask him again which team lost and by how much: He needs to process this.
Stand in front of the screen for the last 5 minutes of the game and ask if he wants to talk about his feelings: Obviously, he has some things he needs to express.
Be super, extra cheerful to help offset his sadness: This will right the ship in no time.
Tell him you're very sorry about his team not getting the golden snitch or whatever, now pass the wine: Empathy is so important.
Remind him that his team's all-star third baseman with a career WAR over 50 who's been on the IL since April did great in his AAA rehab start and is close to activation: You won't believe how his eyes will light up.
Ask if now is a good time to talk about having more children: This will be a welcome distraction.
Tell him it's too bad about the large men in another city not hitting the ball with the stick better: Let him know you really care.
Ask him why he doesn't just root for a better team: Help him see the error of his foolish, foolish ways.
Follow these nine easy steps, and your man will beat the post-loss doldrums in no time!
'It's Not What It Looks Like!' Man Insists After Getting Caught Watching WNBA Game
DALLAS, TX — Sources at the Grady household reported this weekend that Bill Grady scrambled for an explanation when his wife Cara caught him watching a WNBA game on his phone.
Grady was closely watching a game between the Indiana Fever and the Chicago Sky in his man cave when Cara walked into the room. A flustered Bill reportedly fumbled to close out of the game in a frantic attempt to hide what he was doing.
"It's not what it looks like!" he insisted as Cara stood staring at him in surprise. "I was… I was just, uh, playing Wordle! I definitely wasn't doing what you think I was doing, especially if you think I was watching a WNBA game. That would be ridiculous…yeah, totally ridiculous."
Bill laughed nervously as his wife continued to stare. "Bill…how could you?" Cara asked. "A WNBA game? I never expected to walk in here and find you doing something so shameful."
"It's Caitlin Clark, honey!" Bill blurted out. "Everybody's watching the games now! There's nothing to be ashamed of! They're athletes just like anyone else…except it looks like the games are played at half-speed and it's all just layups and awkward jump shots."
At publishing time, Bill Grady had sought counseling from a professional to deal with his problem.
'What Does OPS Stand For?' Wife Asks, Unaware She Has Just Doomed Herself To 75-Minute Primer On Advanced Baseball Statistics
GREENVILLE, UT — While her husband was watching a baseball game Sunday, local woman Hannah Wendell idly asked her husband, Mark: "What does OPS stand for?"
According to witnesses, Wendell had no inkling of the fate to which she had just doomed herself with the casual bit of small talk: a 75-minute primer on advanced baseball statistics and data analysis.
"I'm glad you asked, honey," Mark said, perking up from his spot on the couch. "OK, so, first, we have to talk about the difference between a plate appearance and an at-bat. Are you familiar? No? OK. Wait, let's back up. You need to understand two separate stats - OBP and slugging - before we can begin to explore the statistical significance of OPS and how it's impacted the valuation of players as a total offensive package, as well as the consideration of qualities not traditionally appreciated by baseball managers, fans, and even players just a few decades ago."
"So, let's dive right in - on-base percentage as a supplemental metric to batting average. Here we go. Let's take Kyle Schwarber as an example. Traditionally, teams would have looked at his average, which is fairly high this year, though he's flirted with the Mendoza Line for years. But when you start to look at OBP..."
Having asked the casual question just to make conversation while walking by the TV, Wendell realized she may have made a mistake around minute 17, when Mark pulled out his phone to show her a scene from Moneyball. At approximately the 55-minute mark, her husband reached the exciting climax of his speech, expertly describing the exact significance of OPS as a tool to evaluate a player's offensive prowess. "So, as you can see, it's absolutely fascinating how the two metrics combined provide us with a handy, quick glance at a player's production at the plate, despite - and this is the interesting part - despite the fact that the two stats in question, OBP and SLG, as you'll remember, have entirely different denominators!"
"Now, of course, you'll be questioning how OPS takes into account the various ballparks - Coors Field, am I right, babe? Haha - and the short answer is, it doesn't. That's when you have to start looking at less casual metrics like wRC+ or OPS+. Or should we start with wOBA?"
Twenty minutes later, Wendell remembered she had to wash her hair and excused herself, though Mark promised to circle back with her for tomorrow's lesson on WAR.
10 Commandments Woke Democrats Have Approved For Display In Public Schools
In the wake of Louisiana's conflation of Church and State by mandating that the Ten Commandments be posted in every classroom, Democrats offered a compromise, stating that, while the original Ten Commandments are "hateful" and "out-of-date," they would be okay with having an updated version.
We have obtained exclusive access to the 10 Democrat-Approved Commandments:
Thou shalt have no other gods besides thyself: For your desires take precedence over all.
Thou shalt not misgender thy neighbor in vain: For your teacher shall not hold you blameless.
Remember to wear skimpy clothes and keep them holey: You shall uncover your nakedness.
Thou shalt honor thy teacher and hate thy transphobic parents: You shall not tell your parents if you decide to chemically alter your body to pretend to be a different gender.
Thou shall not kill the sexual vibe the teacher hath created in the classroom: You shall know every detail of your teacher's intimate life, for some reason.
Thou shalt not attain basic literacy: You shall use neither appropriate capitalization nor punctuation of any kind.
Thou shalt hate and bully the straight white male, for he is the worst: Persecute him and bless him not, for his sins are many.
Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless it's against Donald Trump in a court room: In that case, bear away.
Thou shalt not forbid abortion: Offer up your children to Moloch at every opportunity in the name of reproductive rights.
Thou shalt covet thy neighbor's everything: Everything he has should be yours, for he is privileged.
Husband, Wife Caught In Infinite Loop Of Shouting 'WHAT?!' Back And Forth Across The House
HEATH, OH — Tragically, a local husband and wife became trapped in an infinite loop last week when they began shouting "WHAT?" repeatedly from across the house.
The incident reportedly began when Mark Andrews, a local pharmacist, attempted to ask his wife a question while she was in the kitchen and he was in the master bedroom.
"Honey, I can't find my socks," Mark called out while getting ready for work. "Where are my socks?"
Sheila Andrews, who was busy cleaning at the time, allegedly did not have time for this.
"WHAT?" she yelled back.
"WHAT?"
"WHAT?"
"WHAT?"
The local community only learned there was a problem when Mark didn't show up for work. His manager reached out to him over the phone and was dismayed to learn yet another employee had become trapped in an endless loop.
"Just walk over there and talk to your wife," Mark's boss implored.
"If she thinks I'm going to walk all the way over there just to talk to her, she's got another thing coming!" Mark retorted. "It's not like I'm not busy too! I can't be walking across the house all the time!"
According to sources, there hasn't been a case this bad since 1987 when a couple starved to death while being unable to hear what the other wanted to have for dinner. Experts recommend having children so that they can intervene and quickly pass along what the other parent is saying to stave off any potential infinite loop.
At publishing time, neither party gave in to walk across the house and hear what the other was trying to say. Their story has become an urban legend in the community. Some even believe that — on a still and moonless night — if you really listen hard, you can still hear them shouting "WHAT?" even to this day.
סומכים על צה"ל או על הקדוש ברוך הוא?
ושלא נספר לעצמנו סיפורים שאנו סומכים על הקב"ה.
אנו סומכים על חיילי צה"ל שיעשו עבורנו את העבודה, אף אחד מאיתנו לא רואה התפרקות וזעקות של מי מאתנו מול ארון הקודש בבית הכנסת או בישיבה - בבכי תמרורים לפני בורא עולם שיצלנו מחמאס והחיזבאללה, כמו שאנו רואים איך אנו מתפרקים בעת שחלילה מי ממשפחתנו חולה – כשזה נוגע לנו בבשרנו.
כי זה לא נוגע לנו, זה לא בבשרנו.
אנו רגועים כי אנו סומכים על כוחי ועוצם ידי – לא פחות, כי יש כוחות טובים, יש נשק מעולה, יש לנו טילים ואולי גם פצצת אטום.
[עי' בזה בספר מוסר ודעת של הגר"ד פוברסקי זצ"ל חלק א' מעמ' ד"ש משיחה שנאמרה במלחמת יוה"כ "אוכיחה ואערכה לעיניך"]
Monday, June 24, 2024
A Computer Generated Message Of Care And Appreciation
"Your call is important to us!! Please hold for 45 minutes until you are disconnected.
Thank you".
How To Know Who You Can Trust: 6 Secrets From Research
Trust — humanity's favorite high-wire act.
What’s the reason most people cite for wanting to leave their job? Not trusting their employer. And what quality do you value in a friend more than any other? You guessed it: trustworthiness.
But a 2021 poll showed that 18 percent of American adults said they only have one or zero people they can trust for help in their personal lives. It’s a sad "I'll laugh about this in therapy" kind of statistic. Makes you nostalgic for the days when the biggest act of treachery was someone stealing your favorite crayon.
But our well-being is always dependent on the support and cooperation of others. Trust is essential – however, it always contains an element of risk.
The good news? Research shows in many ways, trust is more common than you think. It’s our default. But it’s also very fragile.
So what can we do about it? How can we better find trust, create trust and be seen as trustworthy?
We’re gonna get help from two experts in the field. Dr. Peter H. Kim is a professor of management at USC and the author of “How Trust Works.” David DeSteno is a professor of psychology at Northeastern University, and the author of “The Truth About Trust.”
Let’s get to it...
Competence And Integrity
People who are competent can be trusted because they know that they’re doing. People with integrity can be trusted because they’re honest. Great combo.
These are the big things others look for and we should look for when it comes to trust -- but that wacky human brain of ours processes these two signals very differently.
When we see someone do something well even once, we assume they’re competent at it. And we’re even willing to discount them screwing it up once later because, hey, nobody’s perfect.
Integrity, however, is the reverse. We intuitively think that people who possess it won’t act dishonestly. So one slip up is enough to make us lose faith that they’re a decent person.
By looking for competence and integrity over time, we can get a good sense of who to trust. Problem is we’re not very good with that time part. We usually make trust judgments quickly and intuitively.
You make up our mind about someone in 100 milliseconds. Yeah, read it again: 100 milliseconds. And what happens when you’re given additional time? You merely become more convinced you’re right.
And crazy things can influence us when it comes to trust. How attractive someone is, whether they’re the same gender as you are, whether someone blushes, and the state of your ever-changing mood all affect whether you trust somebody. (In some situations you trust people more just because they have a beard.)
"Trust your gut," they say. But it's the same gut that tells me buying a family-sized bag of chips is a good idea because I'll "save some for later."
That said, going with your gut is better than not trusting anyone. You can tell Nobel Peace Prize winners from America’s Most Wanted at a rate much better than chance. More often than not for first impressions, you can trust your gut.
Now a rate “above chance” is not all that spectacular unless you’re playing blackjack all night. So should we just evaluate people based on their reputations? Ummm...
Reputations Aren’t Reliable
The research shows reputation only matters when it comes to trust if the circumstances are pretty much the same.
If the stakes increase dramatically, that's where trust goes to play hide and seek and reputations become about as significant as the “g” in lasagna. When the payoffs of violating trust increase, suddenly everyone's moral compass starts spinning like a game show wheel.
Desteno notes, “When it comes to trust, then, the question we ask shouldn’t be: Is he trustworthy? It should be: Is he trustworthy right now?”
So the smarter move is not to rely on reputation but to examine current motives and incentives.
Yes, this is enough to make Machiavelli go, “Wow, that’s depressing.” So what should we do?
Incentivize Trust
Trusting people is a lot like doing yoga – it seems like a good idea until you're suddenly in a position you can't get out of.
Human morality is best scientifically examined as a trade-off between short-term and long-term goals. Stealing pays off now but you might go to jail later. Thinking long-term means you don’t go to jail but since the thieves just stole all the food, you may starve.
May sound a bit cold and mechanical but we do better when we incentivize trust: reducing the situational factors that might tempt even good people to cheat or betray and upping the things that make people think long-term.
In negotiation contexts they refer to it as “extending the shadow of the future.” In a one-off context, it might be rational (but unethical) to cheat. But if the contract is for three deals, suddenly it makes a lot more sense for them to behave – at least on the first two deals. And in that time maybe trust begins to grow. If you can demonstrate that there’s more value in the future, even otherwise shady people are more likely to play nice.
The goal isn’t to turn every relationship into a cold, clinical contract but to help establish some guardrails that make it clear it’s best to think long-term and keep behavior on the straight and narrow.
This is all good defense. What’s good offense?
Extend Trust Early
It’s not a good idea to warily eye everyone like they're potential contestants on "Who Wants to Betray Me Next?" Studies show expecting others to be selfish can be a self-fulfilling prophecy: “those who expect people to act selfishly, actually experience uncooperative behavior from others more often.”
Meanwhile, displaying trust in others from the get-go can create the opposite type of self-fulfilling prophecy: people want to prove your trust in them to be justified. Research shows seemingly irrational displays of trust often prove quite rational because it leads others to trust you and not want to let you down.
But once we get into the nitty-gritty of an ongoing relationship, what signals will people look for in you to decide if you're trustworthy? And by the same token, what should you look for in others?
To Be Trusted, Do This
As mentioned earlier, competence is a good thing. And a solid meta-signal of competence is displaying self-control.
Study subjects consistently placed more trust in people who did not look exhausted and overworked. Intuitively, they grasped that those who didn’t seem disciplined were less likely to focus on the long-term over the short-term.
There are a number of other factors research says we should display (and look for) when it comes to trust:
Discretion: You've got friends who promise to keep your secrets, only to spill them like a human WikiLeaks the moment they're three martinis deep. Being discrete may seem obvious but what’s funny is that keeping secrets is so uncommon that in their studies, researchers Cross and Parker frequently heard people talking about calling information “secret” to make certain it would be spread widely.
Match words and deeds: Be consistent. Imagine a world where if someone said, “I’ll call you back in five minutes,” they actually did. Not in five hours. Not never. But in five actual minutes. The fabric of society as we know it would unravel. People would be wandering the streets in confusion, not knowing how to handle this newfound reliability.
Set realistic expectations: If you don’t, people may feel they have to bend the rules to do what they said they’ll do.
Communicate often and set clear boundaries: If you set boundaries, it’s clear when people are (and are not) violating them. "Please note: I require eight hours of solitude after social events, and if you try to make me share my fries, I will bite you."
Say “I don’t know”: This might seem ironic after all the emphasis on competence but “I don’t know” shows a commitment to the truth; a badge of honor in a world brimming with half-baked facts and overcooked opinions.
If you’re the boss: Holding a position of authority changes the dynamic. Make sure to occasionally step outside of your role, to make your decisions fair and transparent, and to be someone who holds the untrustworthy accountable.
On the flip side, what affects your ability to smartly trust or distrust others? Your physiology. Do your best to stay calm and assertive. When you’re angry or nervous, you’ll be less trusting, even when that’s a bad idea. And when you’re too calm you may trust someone it’d be better not to.
No matter what, we all make mistakes. So what’s the best way to apologize?
Apologies
Research shows there are six components to a good apology: an expression of regret, an explanation, an acknowledgement of responsibility, a promise not to repeat the offense, an offer to repair the damage done, and a request for forgiveness. The more of the six an apology contained the better recipients perceived it to be.
But one thing is more important than all of the above: sincerity. Without that, none of the six matters. A lack of sincerity isn’t a red flag; it's a parade of red flags, with a marching band and baton twirlers.
One more thing to note is the distinction between failures of competence and failures of integrity. For competence-based mistakes, apologies are great. But when the failure is one of integrity, apologies can actually make things worse. When you apologize for an integrity-based violation, it's like admitting, "Yes, I am exactly as terrible as you feared, and here's my signed confession."
Mess ups happen. But don’t be a jerk. People are far less likely to forgive you.
Okay, we’ve covered a lot. Time to round it up, and we’ll learn the best overall perspective to take when it comes to trust...
Sum Up
Here’s what you need to know about trust...
Competence And Integrity: The two big trust signals. But we usually go with our gut. Far from perfect, but better than treating everyone like they're contestants on "America's Next Top Traitor."
Reputations Aren’t Reliable: When the stakes are higher than Snoop Dogg on a space station, people recalibrate their moral GPS. Look at motives and incentives, not history.
Incentivize Trust: Shift the circumstances to make good behavior more favorable and bad behavior less enticing.
Extend Trust Early: By simply deciding not to view everyone as a potential scam artist or a future character in a true crime podcast, you're activating their desire to be their best. It's like reverse psychology without the reverse part.
To Be Trusted, Do This: Display self-control. "Trust me," your demeanor says, "I haven't thrown a Monopoly board in a fit of rage for at least a decade." Be discreet, consistent, set boundaries and communicate.
Apologies: Offering up a "sorry" so thin it could be used as tracing paper isn’t worth the effort. Be sincere or don’t bother. Apologies help when you made a mistake. But for an integrity-based violation, they can be a net negative. You're now a Disney villain.
A lot of the above probably isn’t very reassuring. Well, this might make you feel better: when all is said and done, it’s better to trust people. When researchers compared people who trusted too much to those who trusted too little, the former came out ahead. Yeah, the former occasionally got taken advantage of but the latter missed out on so many opportunities that it wasn’t worth it.
People who give others the benefit of the doubt are both happier and healthier. In fact, high-trusters are actually less gullible and better at lie detection. Remember the tip about extending trust early? These people naturally do that without thinking and very often reap the benefits. (They also ensure that the world doesn’t devolve into a giant, suspicious, eye-narrowing contest.)
And in our personal relationships, it’s not just trust that’s good -- downright positive illusions about the people we love turn out to be justified. Most moments of perceived untrustworthiness are mistaken. When we have positive illusions about people – we think they’re even better than they are – it really helps us let little things go without suspicion or resentment. It’s like beer goggles but for personality.
Having people you can really trust in your life is like finding out your old car is actually a Transformer. We all need people we can rely on to not only support us, but also be honest with us – even when it hurts. They give you that look. You know the one. The “Are you seriously going to wear that?” look. We all need people we can rely on to tell us the truth.
It's worth the risk for those moments of connection, those shared laughs over something utterly stupid, those midnight conversations that make you feel like you're not alone in this whirling chaos we call life.
Trust me on that one.
Improving Memory
Having a bad memory is like your brain is perpetually stuck in airplane mode -- it's technically functioning but not really connecting to anything useful. At times, our minds feel less like steel traps and more like sieves with personality. We’ve all dealt with forgotten passwords and end up answering security questions that might as well be riddles posed by a bridge troll. Isn't adult life fun?
And then there’s aging: nature’s ultimate bait-and-switch. Sure doesn’t make your memory any better. The good news is most of the memory issues we deal with as we age are normal. But it doesn’t make memory issues any more fun.
So what do we do about it? Well, we’re going to dive into the science to learn about how your memory works, why it doesn’t sometimes – and how we can make it better.
We’re gonna get some help from Daniel Schacter. He’s a professor of psychology at Harvard and his excellent book is “The Seven Sins of Memory: How the Mind Forgets and Remembers.”
We’re only gonna cover 4 of the 7 because those are the big ones (and if I covered all 7 we’d run into attention span issues – and that’s a topic for another post).
Alrighty, let’s get to it...
Transience
Transience is the weakening or loss of memory over time. Thanks to transience, we can forget embarrassing moments from high school, only to replace them with new embarrassing moments from adulthood. Daniel says with age our memories generally go from “reproductive and specific recollections to reconstructive and more general descriptions.”
In people’s forties, story recall begins to decline. Word recall gets trickier in our fifties. It’s usually not huge – generally a 10-15% decline versus younger cohorts. When you reach your sixties and seventies this accelerates, but it varies from person to person. Roughly 20% of people in their seventies still have memories as sharp as college students. What’s their secret?
It’s likely due to the effects of education. More schooling builds up what neuroscientists call “cognitive reserve.” Strengthen those brain muscles early on and you have a lot more to spare when aging starts doing its withering work. Research shows cognitive reserve not only prevents the memory decline caused by normal aging but also provides a buffer against dementia.
Now it might be a little late to go back and get that Master’s degree. So what can we do to keep our memories from fading?
You want to do more “elaboration during encoding.” That’s fancy talk for relating new information to things you already know. This helps to produce less transient memories. When new information has no relationship to old information your brain doesn’t know where to file it and it ends up getting lost. By hanging new memories on hooks provided by previous memories you make more natural connections and are more likely to remember things longer.
Memory tricks can help. When we convert things we want to remember into vivid or bizarre visual images, they’re more likely to stick. Images and locations are stored differently than words or ideas and are stickier. This is why you might struggle to remember someone’s name but you rarely forget how to get to their house.
You may have heard about “memory palaces.” This is a powerful technique where you mentally stroll through an imaginary location, placing memories in specific spots. Problem is, it’s a lot of work and as complex as trying to follow the plot of "Inception" after a few too many glasses of wine. I’ll stick to writing things down on my hand, thanks. But there’s a lesson here: hard work is the signal your brain responds to when it comes to memory. Just like lifting heavy weights tells muscles, “You need to grow”, effort tells the brain “This needs to be remembered.”
A less involved method for reducing transience is “retrieval practice.” The more frequently you remember something, the easier it is to remember it again later. This is why smart students use flash cards. Distributing that practice over time increases the power of this technique. And that’s why cramming for a test rarely results in long term retention.
No, I don’t expect you to use flash cards for remembering everyday stuff. So what’s a dead simple way to fight your memory’s tendency toward transience?
Studies show the more we talk and think about things in our everyday life, the better we retain them. So if you want to remember something, discuss it with friends. Read more about it. Even conversing with yourself about stuff you want to retain has been shown to help.
And the next memory issue we need to tangle with? Wait -- where’d I put it? It’s around here somewhere...
Absent-Mindedness
This isn’t when memories fade with time – it’s when you can’t find your keys or forget you had a lunch meeting today.
You walk into a room and suddenly your brain pulls a Houdini on you. You’re left standing in the kitchen, holding a can opener, wondering if you were about to fight a robot or make tuna salad. It's like your brain is playing a never-ending game of hide and seek with your intentions. Your brain laughs at you like Vincent Price in a campy horror movie, followed by maniacal organ music.
What causes this? It’s not transience – it’s because you didn’t really encode the information to begin with. You weren’t paying attention when you put your keys down, so you never created a memory of where they are. The reason this happens so frequently with keys and eyeglasses is because these are things we do on autopilot. We’re not thinking and so the information doesn’t get stored. Of course, this problem gets worse with age because memory encoding isn’t as efficient in our later years.
How do we deal with absent-mindedness? The basic recommendation is simple: pay attention. (I used to think I had the attention span of a goldfish, but I think I owe goldfish an apology at this point.) If something is important, get off autopilot and deliberately focus on it.
May be easier said than done. In that case, convert memories to physical reminders. You put lunch meetings on your calendar. Always put your keys in the same place. Set alarms. Get things out of your head and into the world. There’s a reason Post-It notes are a multi-zillion dollar industry. (My living space looks less like a home and more like the scene of a conspiracy theorist’s last stand.)
Alright, next memory issue is… Oh, what’s the name. It’s on the tip of my tongue. Starts with a “B”...
Blocking
Blocking is when the memory is in there but you can’t get it out. It’s like a mental paywall on an article you really want to read. You're standing there, mouth agape, trying to remember that celebrity’s name, and your brain is like a lazy cat that just flicks its tail and stares at you. Suddenly “That actor from that movie with the thing…” becomes a fun group activity.
Depressingly, blocking gets more common with age. Research shows college students have 1-2 “tip of the tongue” experiences per week while elderly folks have twice that. And middle-aged people score right in between. Studies show it’s the #1 biggest cognitive complaint of people over 50, by far. Blocking keeps life spicy. Who needs the monotony of always knowing what you're talking about?
The research here is fascinating. Blocking occurs most often with proper names. They even have a cool name for the underlying issue: “the Baker/Baker paradox.” If someone’s name is Baker, you’re more likely to struggle with remembering that than trying to recall that their profession is being a baker. Why?
Proper names are arbitrary. The fact that someone’s name is Baker doesn’t connect with anything about them. It’s random. But remembering that someone’s profession is a baker calls up a wealth of associations and connections in your mind. (Ooh, fresh bread.) So you’re much more likely to recall that someone works as a baker, but remembering that their name is Baker is a challenge. (There’s even an amusing study that showed people were more likely to block on the names Aladdin, Mary Poppins, and Pinocchio than with Grumpy, Snow White, and Scrooge. The latter are all descriptive.)
Also, with most words our brains can quickly compensate with synonyms (if you don’t remember “banker”, you can say “works in finance” and nobody’s the wiser). But with proper names there’s no substitute – you either remember “Christopher Nolan” and “Memento” or you end up saying, “Um, that director-guy who did the movie about not remembering anything.”
So what can we do about it? First off, don’t give up. Time helps. The majority of blocks resolve within a minute and the more time people spend the more likely they are to recover the memory.
Another trick is to go through the alphabet. Research shows when people are blocking on a famous face, having the initial letters to the person’s name is more helpful than contextual information.
Okay, time to talk about a very different type of memory issue: what happens when you want to forget – but can’t?
Persistence
There are moments when the issue with memory is not getting it to work but figuring out how to make it stop. Persistence is when you keep recalling things you don’t want to. You enter the enormous mental Costco warehouse of regret, guilt, and shame but can’t find the exit. Internal monologue becomes infernal monologue.
We retain emotional memories better than unemotional ones. It makes sense. If something is dangerous or strange your brain is like, “Hmm, better keep this one at the top of the pile.” And it’s why a powerful mnemonic trick is creating bizarre or silly images. But in this context, it really sucks. Persistence is like a sinister gym membership for the brain that you can't cancel, no matter how many times you call, write, or scream into the void.
Pushing the ugly memory away doesn’t help. That’s the “don’t think of a white bear” issue, first explained by Harvard’s Daniel Wegner. So how do we hit the “mark as read” button on those distressing memories?
Discussing these thoughts can help. May sound ironic given that earlier we saw that talking about memories strengthens them, but here the talking helps dissipate the emotion that keeps them coming back. This is why therapists -- the human equivalent of IT support for emotions – can help.
Another trick is writing about them. Writing creates a narrative around the memories that helps you make sense of them. This is extraordinarily powerful. Putting your thoughts on a page means there are fewer of them jangling around inside your head. People who write about their problems report improved mood, higher GPA’s, reduced work absenteeism, and higher rates of reemployment after losing a job.
Okay, we’ve learned a lot. Let’s round it all up and learn about another memory issue – but this one is truly wonderful...
Sum Up
This is how to improve your memory…
Transience: Memories fade, especially as we age. It’s like being on a game show where the subject is you, and you’re still losing. But if we keep recalling the things we wish to remember, through work or in conversation with loved ones, we can retain more.
Absent-mindedness: Forgetting where you put your keys (even when they're in your hand). It’s usually an issue of not sufficiently paying attention in the first place. Turn off autopilot or start using physical reminders.
Blocking: This is when your brain decides to play keep-away with names and facts. Usually it’s just a matter of waiting, but cycling through the alphabet can help as well.
Persistence: We all have regrets, worries and memories that have the half-life of uranium. To end the carousel of angst, talk about what bothers you or, even better, write about it.
But a lot of people don’t want a “better” memory. They dream of having a perfect one. I don’t burn a lot of calories fantasizing about that. As I wrote about in one of my books, there are a small number of people who, in some areas, do have a perfect memory. And you wouldn’t want to be them.
People with a cognitive anomaly called “HSAM” remember everything that happens to them as if it was yesterday – literally. In some ways this is a blessing, but in many other ways a curse. Most deal with depression. There are many things we don’t need or want to remember. They also have trouble with romantic relationships. Forgive and forget is a lot harder when the latter is impossible.
Their unique condition removes another documented quirk of human memory: positive bias. As time goes by, we better recollect the good things than the bad things. We enhance the past. We gloss over the pain and remember things as better than they really were. This keeps us sane and happy. HSAM robs you of this merciful bias. You don’t want a perfect memory.
But you can have a “pretty good” one.
Give the above tips a shot, and your memory will be as reliable as my ability to forget the one item I actually went to the store for.
4 Rituals To Keep You Happy All The Time
.jpg)
Happiness. It's the one characteristic everyone goes on about like it's the golden ticket to the Wonka factory of life. And maintaining happiness, well, yeeeeesh. It's a relentless pursuit in a world that constantly shifts the goalposts. You're trying to maintain a sunny disposition in an era where the news cycle is less "informative briefing" and more "24/7 carnival of despair." The world might feel like your oyster, but unfortunately, you're allergic to shellfish.
Everybody thinks they have answers. The never-ending mantra of hydrate, meditate, yoga-tate, all while making sure you get eight hours of sleep. And the frequent thought in response is: “Who the heck has time for that? I'd have to clone myself, and even then, I doubt either of me would want to do yoga.”
People say you should “embrace your negative emotions.” But you don't want to embrace them. You want to unmatch them on Tinder, block their calls, and avoid them at the grocery store.
We need answers. Well, when things get serious, mafia members “go to the mattresses.” We’re going to the textbooks. This week we’ll be drawing from “A Primer in Positive Psychology.”
We’re gonna get some tips on how to be happier and get those positive emotions flowing. (People have referred to me as a “Thought Leader.” I hate that term. If anything, this week I’m more of a “Feeling Emperor.”)
Let’s get to it...
The Simple Formula For Happiness
Of course there’s one:
“Happiness = set-point + life circumstances + volitional activity.”
Jargony but pretty accurate. First, there's "set-point," which sounds like something you fiddle with on a washing machine, not a component of emotional well-being. Roughly 50% of your happiness is determined by your genetics, that nebulous cocktail of hand-me-downs. Some people have a default setting of “cheery” and other people’s emotional thermostat is naturally as low as a bass guitar in a grunge band. If you’re in that latter category don’t start drinking wine straight from the bottle just yet. There’s not much you can do about genetics but we do have two more factors.
Life circumstances can be altered -- but usually not too dramatically or quickly. If you live in a war-torn country or weren’t smart enough to choose billionaire parents, this can be a drag too.
Finally, we have "volitional activity," which is a fancy way of saying “stuff you choose to do.” This is the part of the equation where we can try to wrestle our happiness back from the jaws of fate.
The key thing about volitional activity is it’s like going to the gym: if you don’t do it consistently, you don’t stay in shape. So look for activities that you can build into your schedule on a daily or weekly basis. It has to be integrated into your life.
Alright, we know the formula for happiness – but what things actually produce it?
Correlates Of Smiles
What does the research say is associated with happiness?
Of course, I have to give the “correlation is not causation” warning and maybe throw a “YMMV” in there too, but you can do a lot worse than the following list:
Zero To Small Effect: age, gender, education, social class, income, having children, ethnicity, intelligence, physical attractiveness.
Moderate Effect: number of friends, being married, religiousness, level of leisure activity, physical health, conscientiousness, extraversion, neuroticism (negative correlation), internal locus of control.
Large Effect: gratitude, optimism, being employed, percent of time experiencing positive affect, self-esteem.
Increasing things from the “large effect” list in your life would be a good idea. Might want to get a few from the “moderate effect” list as well. And another thing that might boost your happiness: if you don’t score so well on the things in the “zero to small” list, well, when it comes to happiness, they’re not that big a deal.
Of course, as scientific as this list may be, these are only true “in general.” So how can we get some bespoke, custom recommendations for the things that will idiosyncratically boost your smiles?
Customized Happiness
Many of the “personal” suggestions we get for how to be happier, while well-meaning, can also be pseudoscientific and a bit loopy. Reboot your soul. Clear your chakra cache. (I've been trying to “manifest” a winning lottery ticket for years, but so far, all I've managed is a concerning number of empty pizza boxes.)
If you want to have more good days, you first need to define what a “good day” is for you. Sounds simple, but it’s not. Research shows we’re actually pretty bad about knowing what really makes us happy -- and we’re probably even worse about consistently doing those things.
I apologize – you’re going to need to do some homework for this one.
First, pay attention to what makes you happy and unhappy. Sounds obvious but we often don’t do it – like choosing to stay in when seeing friends would really boost your mood. Simply put, do more of the good and less of the bad. Yes, these findings sound like they came from the “Journal of Obvious Conclusions.” It's a method so straightforward, it's almost offensive. I’ll bet you know a few things that would make your days better, but you just don’t consistently do them.
If you’re still bewildered or feeling fancy, break out the notebook and start keeping track of what you do and then rank the days from 1 to 10. Do this for at least two weeks and then look for patterns. It’s a bit like playing a game of emotional “Clue.”
Did most of the good days involve accomplishing something? Exercise? Seeing a friend?
Did the bad days all have long hours at work in common? Little sleep? Or just the presence of that one person who drives you crazy? Don’t get down about it, learn from it. Honestly, I’ve had so many “learning experiences” that if they were points on a loyalty card, I’d have a free trip around the world by now.
The research shows everyone who does this exercise finds a pattern and often it was one that surprised them. Who knew your personal secret to happiness was just more internet videos of dogs reuniting with their owners?
But maybe you can’t dramatically alter your schedule. No problem. We’re gonna cheat like bandits and trick our brains into happiness...
The Peak-End Rule
The human brain might be the most complex thing in the universe. Dopamine, serotonin, limbic system – sounds like a lineup for a particularly bad music festival. But in other ways it’s pretty simple – and easy to trick.
As you may have heard, we’re all subject to “cognitive biases.” These are built-in shortcuts your brain uses, trading off a bit of accuracy for increased speed and simplicity. And we can leverage these to increase happiness.
For instance, how your brain evaluates your mood in the moment is very different from how it perceives things when it looks back on your life. As I discussed in one of my books, when we reflect on the past, our gray matter focuses on the high points and the ending.
We can use this bias to game the system. That day might not be so great but if you make sure there’s a good high point and that you end the day well, you’re more likely to look back on it positively and feel better. It’s like auto-tune for life.
Remember, in the grand movie of life, you’re both the director and the editor. Tough day coming up? Happiness could be as simple as making sure an Amazon package is scheduled to arrive – and that you end the evening having dinner with a friend. Things might still be rough but you’ll remember it as much better than it was. It's like giving your past a makeover.
Okay, let’s round it up – and learn a great shortcut to happiness...
Sum Up
This is how to be happier:
The Happiness Formula: “Happiness = set-point + life circumstances + volitional activity.” (This is what happens when scientists try to solve emotions as if they're fixing a carburetor.) Not much you can do about set point, a little you can do about circumstances, but volitional activity is very much under your control. Find sustainable habits that elevate your mood.
Leverage Correlates Of Happiness: Really work on gratitude and optimism. Worry less about looks, education and income. And more friends never hurt.
Develop Your Custom Happiness Protocol: Study your good and bad days to discover patterns for tailored happiness. It's like turning your life into a DIY project, except instead of making a coffee table, you're trying to assemble your mood with an Allen wrench of self-reflection.
Exploit The Peak-End Rule: It’s like being a DJ for your memories. You’re spinning the tracks, pumping up the bass on the good bits, and fading out the bad. Give moments a positive high point and a happy ending and you can photoshop your life.
Yeah, this might feel complex to execute on a daily basis. Some will say, “Oh, Mr. Digital Ranty Man, I’m not gonna remember all that.” Fine. Here’s a shortcut...
By any chance, did you notice a pattern in the moderate-to-large correlates of happiness? Number of friends, marriage, extraversion, and gratitude. They’re all social. And if you squint, even some others like religiousness, leisure activities, and employment all often involve contact with others.
Yeah, the shortcut is people.
A very interesting study from 2002 compared happy people to very happy people. As you got to the far end of the happiness scale, most robust correlates of happiness stopped being predictive. But one remained -- good relationships. Every one of the very happy people had close connections.
Friends can be crazy, annoying even, but few things bring us more happiness. We all have that "I've Got a Crisis Every Five Minutes" friend. The sky is always falling, and they're Chicken Little's publicist. But let's face it: you're probably someone's occasionally irritating friend, too.
And then there’s family, a group of people who, for better or for worse, are bound together by fate, fortune, and the occasional paternity test. They're like a sitcom cast that never gets canceled, complete with wacky neighbors and surprise guest appearances. They might seem like nature's way of ensuring we never run out of material for our future therapists. But being closer to them is a powerful route to feeling better.
Some days we live in a world where it seems like if people are talking, it's assumed the Wi-Fi is down. But in a field of study like psychology where things are often blurry, it seems fair to say there is one necessary condition for extreme happiness...
Connecting with people you love.
