I recently posted an article about how people are inclined towards negativity.
We can never know most of what other people are thinking [which makes literally every human being a mystery] but sometimes we get a glimmer.
Most people just ignore me after I am chazan. That is fine. There is one person who is makpid to "shkoyach" me. That is lovely. But if someone compliments my tefilla it is invariably either preceded or followed by a criticism. The compliment is just a front. That is fine, too. Constructive criticism can be helpful.
But I wonder: I already planned last night to make sure to come a few minutes early to daverning so that I am ready on time. I arose after not sleeping enough. I invested close to an hour of time and intense effort and said thousands of words attempting to have kavvana for each one. I raised my voice so that everyone would be able to hear. This was work. A labor of love but labor.
Then my efforts are either mostly ignored or someone gets me b/c I was too fast or too slow for his taste. Or I said one extra perek of tehillim after davening. Or that I wore a tallis for mincha [both shuls where I daven forbade me. One fellow told me that a tallis for the chazan is an American thing]. Or that I didn't say Kedusha loud enough. Or that I said [in the Nusach Sefard minyan] "וקרב קץ משיחיה" [one fellow gets really annoyed at the "קץ"]. The list will go on.
Bottom line: I am primarily davening for Hashem but I do strive to please the Tzibbur, which is no mean feat.
Mussar Haskel #1: Thank your chazan today. He worked for you - free of charge....
#2: Always look for the POSITIVE. It will enhance your life immensely - and the lives of those around you.
I have to go to maariv.... See you:-).
