Eric Barker
1) Goals
Asking yourself "What are my goals?" is an excellent way to make your mind go blank.
Instead, list out the major areas of your life ("career", "family", etc.) and beside each one simply write "I want..." Then finish the sentence. Be specific...
No, even more specific...
Sorry, still not specific enough...
Okay, that’s better. Don't say, "I need to find a new job," say "I'm going to spend one hour every morning job-hunting on LinkedIn and reaching out to contacts."
If the "I want..." question isn't working for you, the problem might be that you're ruling stuff out as unrealistic before it even reaches your forebrain. We get around this by finishing the sentence "There's no way I could..." Trick low self-esteem into helping you figure out what you need to do.
Snyder says you want “Specific, growth-seeking, performance-based, moderately-difficult goals.” We've covered the specific part. What's a "growth-seeking" goal?
There is evidence that people who set validation-seeking goals are more prone to depressive episodes and self-esteem loss than those who set growth-seeking goals (Dykman, 1998). Validation-seeking goals are strivings to prove one's self-worth, competence, and likeability through attainment of a goal. In contrast, growth-seeking goals are strivings to learn, grow, and improve.
Performance-based goals mean you're competing against your previous performance as opposed to competing with someone else. And "moderately difficult" goals are best because you want a balance of winning and losing. The research literally says you want a 50% probability of success. Constant failure is disheartening; winning every time means you’re setting the bar too low.
Oh, and no "dead person goals." What's that? A "dead person goal" is anything a corpse could do better than you. They usually take the form of "I need to stop..." Dead people are excellent at not doing things, far better than you are. So transform dead people goals into something more prescriptive like “When I notice myself procrastinating I will do easiest thing on my to-do list.”
Once you have your goals, prioritize. Look at how you're spending your time and cut back on your not-goals and allocate more time to the first goal on the list.
And having lots of goals is good. Gives you more options and you don't get as devastated if things don't (initially) work out.
Okay, you have a lot of specific goals. But now we need the drive to complete them. This is the tricky part in general, even more so when you've been in lockdown for a few months. Many of us are emotionally numb and long ago forgot how the shower works.
So how do we get the oomph to make these goals real?
2) Agency
Agency is the "perceived ability to begin and to continue moving along a pathway to your goals." This is why specific goals are so important. Vague goals crater agency. If you don't have a crystal clear idea of what to do next, it's hard to get motivated.
To find your goals we completed a sentence starting with "I want..." Now we're gonna switch to completing a sentence that starts with "I choose..."
The “I choose” exercise adds a sense of conviction to the goal selection process. The motivation to reach a goal is enhanced by active choice. If you find yourself wavering in determination, you can say to yourself, “Well, I picked this goal, so I better get on with it.”
Research by Teresa Amabile at Harvard has shown that progress in meaningful goals is the most motivating thing there is (well, short of having a Bengal tiger chasing you).
So to create that feeling of progress, think about your past successes. Bootstrap momentum. The more relevant those achievements are, the better, but they don't have to be a perfect match. You just want the feeling that you are the kind of person who has done this before and you can do it again.
You're a talented chef with a new recipe. A great athlete trying a different sport. You're doing something new, but you have what it takes.
3) Pathways
Definition? "The ability to generate plans to achieve goals." Think of it like resourcefulness. You need the capacity to produce workarounds that still get you where you're going when setbacks make your original plan problematic.
What does this involve? Mental rehearsal.
Another pathways-producing strategy that cuts across differing psychotherapeutic approaches involves teaching clients to mentally rehearse important upcoming events (Snyder, 1994). Although mental rehearsals were first examined in the context of athletics (see Mahoney & Avener, 1977), this approach to enhancing pathways thinking has yielded beneficial outcomes in several domains (Markus & Ruvolo, 1989). Such rehearsing enhances pathways thinking by allowing the client to anticipate potential blockages and to visualize workarounds to those problems (Bruce & Newman, 1978; Carbonell, 1981; Wilensky, 1983).
Everybody has heard of visualization. Problem is, you’re probably doing it wrong.
You don't want to use it to dream and feel good -- you want to use it to anticipate problems and to break the process into steps that form a plan. When you visualize, spend most of your time thinking about the middle of the journey.
The beginning is predictable and the end is the fun part when you're victorious. The middle is where things get confusing and ugly and some extra preparation can really help you out a lot.
Brainstorm multiple routes. If you've already thought about different paths, you're less likely to quit when frustrated because you know there's another way. Doing this increases agency because now you can follow a flow chart, step-by-step, as opposed to feeling like you don't know what's next.
Now things can still go sideways. Unpredictable stuff can happen and make your plans unworkable or irrelevant. (Heck, I'm writing this during a global pandemic, in a state of quarantine lockdown. None of my life plans thus far ever accounted for that possibility.) Given you don't have control over everything, what do you do when plans break down? Blame yourself?
Remember this phrase: “I’m not bad; the plan was bad.” We tend to beat ourselves up and that's when we lose hope. When you focus on pathways, it's just a matter of tweaking and improving the plan. Setbacks are not a reflection on you, they're just sign that the plan needs improvement.
Fill the GAP. Deep, scientific hope comes from goals, agency and pathways. We build a plan and create a deep optimism and confidence that is more fact than wish. And what happens when we assemble all three of those?
Let's round it all up and find out...
Sum Up
These are the 3 things the most resilient people do every day:
Goals: Have some. Think about the key areas of your life and finish the sentence, "I want..." Then get specific. Oh, and no "dead person goals."
Agency: Switch from "I want.." to "I choose..." And remind yourself of relevant past success to increase that feeling of progress.
Pathways: Play your "mental movie." Focus on the middle of your journey. Anticipate obstacles and find multiple routes to overcome them. When plans fail, remember: You're not bad; the plan was bad. So improve it.
What happens when we assemble the three? An upward spiral.
"Fill the GAP" and hope improves. With hope you know you can do it. Your confidence improves and so does your performance. This lets you set new goals and achieve them. With new memories of success you increase your agency. With added agency you look for more effective pathways and become more resourceful. And you just keep spiraling up.
