Thursday, June 30, 2016

Know From Whom You Learn

About a week and a half ago I linked an article from anonymous "talmid chochom" who was matir a big aveirah. The article was replete with sources and tried [unsuccessfully] to be very convincing.

I am not 100 percent sure but I researched and it seems that the author is in fact a former yeshiva student who learned for many years and is now not religious. So please don't read anything he writes as it is forbidden to learn from such a person [knowledgable or bright as he may be - see Divrei Yatziv Yo"d 141 and Yabia Omer 7/19]. 

I am sorry for linking the article and I deleted it. 


Never A Waste Of Time

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Two Approaches To Fulfilling Mitzvos - Part 2

Continuing the thought from the previous post. The Rashi we mentioned has a huge תנא דמסייע in the Zohar Hakadosh [Parshas Kedoshim]:


דאשתכח בר נש בזווגא חד דכר ונוקבא ואתכוון לאתקדשא כדקא יאות. כדין הוא שלים ואקרי אחד בלא פגימו. בגיני כך בעי בר נש למהדי לאתתיה בההיא שעתא לזמנא לה ברעותא חדא עמיה. ויתכונון תרוייהו כחד לההיא מלה. וכד משתכחי תרוייהו כחד כדין כלא חד בנפשא ובגופא. בנפשא לאדבקא דא בדא ברעותא חדא. ובגופא כמה דאוליפנא דבר נש דלא נסיב הוא כמאן דאתפליג וכד מתחברן דכר ונוקבא כדין אתעבידו חד גופא אשתכח דאינהו חד נפשא וחד גופא ואקרי בר נש אחד כדין קב"ה שארי באחד ואפקיד רוחא דקדושה בההוא אחד. ואלין אקרון בנין דקב"ה כמה דאתמר. ובגיני כך קדושים תהיו כי קדוש אני יי' זכאין אינון ישראל דלא אוקים מלה דא באתר אחרא אלא ביה ממש דכתיב כי קדוש אני יי' לאתדבקא ביה        ולא באחרא ועלדא קדושים תהיו כי קדוש אני יי' אלקיכם

The Zohar Hakadosh is clear that Hashem dwells only when the couple is emotionally and physically united and bound together. [I don't translate the whole passage for various reasons]. 

Elsewhere [Parshas Vayikra] the Zohar Hakadosh says that only where there is simcha and desire are the couple similar to the Divine and His holy name is placed on them: 

"בשעתא דאזדווג בבת זוגיה באחדותא בחדוותא ברעותא ויפיק מניה ומנוקביה בן ובת, וכדין הוא בר נש שלים כגוונא דלעילא, ואשלים הוא לתתא כגוונא דשמא קדישא עלאה וכדין אתקרי שמא קדישא עלאה עליה".

There is much more....


Two Approaches To Fulfilling Mitzvos

לזכות הרב מרדכי גימפל בן חיה אביגיל שה' יוציאנו מאפילה לאורה ומשיעבוד לגאולה 


There are two ways to fulfill a mitzva. One way is to do so because it is written down that one must fulfill this mitzva. So a person does it. Even if it is performed with enthusiasm it is still being done because the text says so. This is much better than doing it for ulterior motives but still not [I believe] the ideal.

The ideal is to fulfill a mitzva because I want to do the mitzva. Example: Many of us eat breakfast. In fact the gemara says that we should eat breakfast. So what is our attitude towards our doughnut and coffee? Is it "The gemara says to eat so I am fulfilling the words of Chazal"? Or is it "I really enjoy my morning doughnut and coffee and when I eat it I am fulfilling the words of Chazal". Meaning, I naturally want to do this act anyway but since it is written in the gemara my intention is to eat in holiness in compliance with the words of our Sages. 

The latter way is the ideal. The Torah should not be a set of superimposed rules but something that flows from within.  

If I love my friend because there is a pasuk that commands us to do so then my love is lacking. I should love my friend naturally and deeply and think "I am fulfilling the mitzva of loving my friend and this is a sweet mitzva". 

There is a SHOCKING Rashi [נדה י"ז. ד"ה אונס אונס שינה]. He writes about the act of conjugal relations

"מתוך שהוא נאנס בשינה אינה מתאווה לה כל כך ומשמש לקיום מצות עונה בעלמא או לרצותה וקץ בה והוא מבני תשע  מדות דאמרו בנדרים כ,ב".

Since he is exceedingly tired he does not desire her so much and has relations JUST IN ORDER TO FULFILL THE MITZVA OF ONAH OR TO APPEASE HER and is disgusted by her, the children will be spiritually blemished [see Nedarim 20b בני תשע מדות]. 

This is a revolution and completely counter intuitive. One would think that specifically the mitzva of Onah should be fulfilled only because it is a mitzva with zero personal interest. Isn't that קדושה? Comes Rashi and says "No". If one's intention is JUST for the mitzva or to make her feel good then the children that result from this union will be blemished. There must be a natural element of desire. 

Of course, one should have this natural desire because Rashi says so. If Rashi would tell us to obliterate it and only have intention for the mitzva then we would do that as well. But now that Rashi tells us to to desire in a natural way - we must do that. 

This can be applied to all mitzvos. One could and should enjoy the intellectual pleasure of learning Torah while appreciating that by deeply thinking and analyzing with great interest - he is immersing himself in the word of Hashem, fulfilling His will and sanctifying himself. But if he just learns because the Shulchan Aruch says that one must - he is missing out on a complete fulfillment of the mitzva. 

There is MUCH MORE to say - maybe for another time....

The Sad And Tragic Suicide Of A Formerly Chasidic Woman

A lot of people are talking about the 50 year old mother of 7 girls who decided a number of years ago to abandon Torah observance and recently committed suicide. Some thoughts... 

First of all, the entire story from beginning to end is a tragedy. 

Second, it is worth noting that it is quite common for people who went off the derech to commit suicide. There are statistics about this and the organizations that help these people adapt to a secular lifestyle are well aware of this phenomenon and are trying to figure out ways to end it.

There are obviously many reasons and each case is different but it is safe to say that very often a person goes off the derech due, in part, to emotional instability. It is NOT [and people hotly contest me on this but I am still convinced] because they found some hole in Judaism and Torah and decided that it is not true and went on their happy way. They might think this themselves but nobody has succeeded in furnishing ONE PROOF that G-d doesn't exist. In the absence of compelling logic there are obviously psychological factors involved as well. Since they are unstable from the outset, when they reach crisis proportions they take their lives רח"ל. 

One last point: Everything we do is in order to make our lives better. That is why we go to work, go to the dentist, get married, have children, buy [or more commonly - lease] a car, buy a house, eat lunch etc. etc. 

When someone involves himself in a life of crime on some level he believes that this will make his life better. He thinks that if he robs a bank then he will have lots of money and be happy. But the reality is that crime doesn't pay and in the end he lives in fear, ultimately gets caught and lands in jail. 

A man thinks that if he has an affair it will make him happy but then he gets caught [almost everybody does at the end] and loses - his wife, children, home, and many other things. It just doesn't pay [besides being an aveirah].

I have seen MANY people go off the derech, some of whom I know intimately and deeply. I have yet to meet a person who is HAPPIER after he abandons observance. Are there such people? Maybe. But my experience has been that people are always less happy afterwards. Now they can finally watch movies [even on Shabbos] or wear jeans and no kippah or a short skirt [רח"ל] but it is not really such a thrill after a while. What do they lose? Almost EVERYTHING. They lose their families [as did the recent suicide], their meaning in life, the many pleasures that organized religion affords [such as a solid communal structure, smachot etc. etc.] and much more.

That can also lead a person to suicide. 

I have known many many people who abandoned their secular lifestyle to become religious and all of them were much happier after becoming observant than before. Why? Because now they have meaning, a solid community, build large families which are a source of great nachas and have a structure than consistently gives them pleasure - Shabbos, Yom Tov, Smachot, learning, davening, singing etc. etc. 

To summarize: People go off the derech very often thinking that things will be better for them on the other side but all too often are severely disappointed. There is almost NO GRASS on the other side. Yes, being secular means that one need not control his lusts and desires, he may eat what he wants when he wants, he may dress as he pleases and much more, but the human spirit doesn't need that that in order to be happy. On the contrary, a life without authentic meaning is quite depressive for anybody who thinks about it.

I conclude with a quote from a 20th Century Jewish thinker:

When man abandons G-d, G-d is not alone. 

Man is.

The Gift of An Able Body

I have a friend. He was a huge talmid chochom and masmid. He was always learning and wrote many sefarim. He loved to teach and to speak. He would daven and daven and daven - last guy in shul. He has a very large family. He is not an old man but his body is wracked with disease and he is a shell of the man he once was - vibrant, alive, filled with simcha and enthusiasm. Now he can barely walk or talk. 

To see him is to be heartbroken. 

Lessons:

1] Take advantage of you health if you have it. It doesn't last forever. Do lots of mitzvos and thank Hashem with every breath. 

2] We aren't in chage of ANYTHING. As long as Hashem gives it we have it - the moment He deems fit to take it away it is GONE. 

3] Complain less about your tzaros. They could be much worse. 

4] Always remember that no matter how much success you have in this world - at that very moment many people are suffering. 

5] At the end all that really matters is the good that you did with your life. Try to do thing about which people will talk glowingly and be inspired by after you go. I have never heard anyone say at a shiva home: "Moish was so special. He could down 3 hefty portions of spaghetti and meatballs and still have planty of room for dessert". Or "Yocheved loved fancy hotels. She must have spent a third of her life in them". 

We Want More!


לזכות לאה אסתר בת פרימט לזרעא חייא וקיימא!

Imagine you had a job that paid $4,000 an hour [which is EXACTLY $4,000 more than I make in an hour, so appreciate it]. 

The work day ended and today you earned enough to take your family away for Pesach. But you are not completely satisfied. You want to finish paying your mortgage. You figure that with 25 hours of overtime - the mortgage is paid off [besides the capital you are earning - that pays for the basics like bread, water, jewellery for your wife and of course the greatest expense - nursery school tuition]. So you approach your boss and say "Maybe there is more work to do??"

That was what the Jews said at Har Sinai. "נעשה ונשמע". We will do whatever you tell us. נעשה. But after we are finished we want ot hear MORE. We love being Jewish!!! We love Tachanun, especially the long one on Monday and Thursday. We say extra tehillim every day because the standard davening doesn't suffice for us. We learn our daf-yomi - but with Tosfos too. We ALWAYS want more. נשמע. Let's hear more!!!

[עפ"י שפ"א משפטים עמ' 121]  

The Gift Of Life

It's MY life.

MINE, MINE, MINE!

That is the visceral feeling many of us have. When someone dies people are shocked. "His" life was taken.

This is a mistake. It is life that belongs to Hashem that was given to us as a gift. A huuuuuuge, unearned, undeserved gift. 

We actually say it every day - 3 times [4 if we forgot yaaleh vi-yavo...].

על חיינו המסורים בידיך - [Thank you Hashem] for our lives that are given over into your hands.

This morning I went to check up on my [almost] 2 year old Adina who was sleeping. She was breathing [THANK G-D!]. I was watching and marveling at her breathing. Then I thought "I could only watch my daughter get married [a different one - Adina'le is not quite ready] last week because he gave her MILLIONS of consecutive, uninterrupted breaths."

חסדי השם כי לא תמנו כי לא כלו רחמיו. 

[See Sifsei Chaim Middos page 113]

Dance In The Rain

Sifrei Minim

A fascinating question that I was delighted to have found someone who speaks about: A librarian supplying someone with a book that contains apikorsus. From the Heiliger Klausenberger! [If you click it then is should enlarge].




Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Update On Eitan Yehuda Ben Debbie

Tuesday. Day 23. Eitan has continued to make great progress in the hospital. He's been walking more and more (using a walker). He's able to eat on his own (only soft foods for now, but there are plenty of tasty things that are soft).


The feeding tube is gone. The last IV line is gone. The tracheotomy was removed. Each of these "removals" feels like a monumental step forward.


On shabbat we went to shul together in the hospital. Eitan asked for a Sidur, sang along to לכה דודי, davened שמונה עשרה, and asked if we could leave early. All signs of the good old Eitan coming back. Just a week earlier this seemed like such an impossible reality. I never really understood what tears of joy are. I mean I saw them in the movies, but it never really made sense that you could cry from something good. But standing under a טלית for ברכת כהנים with Eitan, less than three weeks after such a devastating injury, I understood what they are.


We are now leaving Hadassah Ein Karem and heading to Alyn to start Eitan's rehabilitation. There is not one doctor, nurse, or physiotherapist, who could have predicted that only three weeks after Eitan's injury we could be leaving the hospital and starting rehab. I can't stress how grateful we are to all of you for your unwavering support, your constant prayers, and your help with all things big and small. Don't doubt for a second that you are a big part of this incredible miracle.


Let me take a moment to thank the incredible staff at Hadassah Ein Karem hospital. They have been fantastic from a to z. No one should ever need them but if you do, this is the place to be.


Please continue to pray for the complete recovery of איתן יהודה בן דבי.


Debbie and Hillel Solow


http://tehilimyahad.com/mr.jsp?r=29XJSFTBLl

The Power Of Toil

לזכות לאה אסתר בת פרימט

The gemara [Bava Metzia 86b and Pesachim 42b] talks about עמילן של טבחים - starch of cooks. They use this עמילן to draw the dirt out of the pots. 

The Dzikover, the Holy Imrei Noam, explains that to be עמל בתורה is to draw the dirt out of a person by learning with great intensity and diligence. 

The story goes [I believe I have the correct names] that in the Mir Yeshiva, the Mashgiach Rav Yeruchem Levovitz said that the only student who doesn't need to learn mussar is R' Chaim Shmuelevitz because he learns so intensly, with such עמל, that he IS Torah. [I must reference the famous Maharal that a person who learns enough Torah BECOMES Torah ואכמ"ל]. 

Monday, June 27, 2016

Ahhhhhhhh Dr. Seuss!

We WAKE UP!!

Two nights ago I was waiting for my Gila's sheva brachos to start so I went to a local Beis Medrash. I was overcome with fatigue so I placed my head on the shtender and woke up about a half hour later [with a puddle of saliva on my pants...:-)]. Feeling like a new man [who needs to dry clean his pants], I happily walked to the sheva brachos.

Why didn't I sleep for a month or a year? Why didn't I sleep [chas vi-shalom] forever??

How is it that we sleep and when our body received what it needed [or our alarm sounds] we awaken??

Answer:

חסד א-ל כל היום!!!

Let us stop taking it for granted....

ברוך אתה ה' המעביר שינה מעיני!!! - Hashem removes sleep from our eyes.

Why don't we dance when we say this bracha??

המחזיר נשמות לפגרים מתים - He returns neshamos to dead corpses.

We were PARTIALLY DEAD and now we are new, refreshed, living people. 

חסד א-ל כל היום!!

Thanks Hashem!!

I want to publicly thank Hashem for the birth of my daughter Gila. 

She was born 20 years ago but a] I didn't have a blog then so there were fewer people to whom I could spread the message. And b] Why do we only thank Hashem when things happen and then forget about it afterwards and take it for granted??

So thank you Hashem for Gila. For EVERY SECOND of the last 20 years tht you gave me and her life.

And for the multitude of other gifts you have bestowed upon us including her marriage.

חסד א-ל כל היום!! 

It Is Impossible

לזכות לאה אסתר בת פרימט לברכה והצלחה בכל מעשי ידיה וזרעא של קיימא. 


OK, beloved friends. This is not for mere mortals like me. But this is a level that we should be striving for and little by little we can inch closer to the ultimate goal.  

-------------

It is impossible not to love Hashem [!!] and it is impossible that this sweet love will not sprout a practical application to love and to actively be involved in everything that relates to attaining the light of Hashem.

It is impossible not to love Torah and Mitzvos which are so connected to the good of Hashem.

It is impossible not to love honesty and righteousness, the good and proper order, which brings good to all and is connected beautifully to the true reality and to the holy ideas of the heart with an elevated connected that because of its greatness we call it the "will of Hashem". The will of Hashem is really greater than all of this, and more special than all of this and saturates pleasantness to the soul of all existence more than any idea can fathom.

It is impossible not to be filled with love for all creations, because the flow of G-dly light shines in them all, and everything is the revelation of the delightful pleasantness of Hashem.

The chesed of Hashem fills the earth! [Tehillim 33/5].

In the words of the Holy Rav ztz"l:
 
אי אפשר כלל שלא לאהוב את ד', ואי אפשר כלל שלא להצמיח אהבה מתוקה מוכרחת זאת צמח מעשי, לאהוב ולפעול בפועל ובמעשה כל המתיחש לטוב ביחש להשגת אור ד'. אי אפשר שלא לאהוב את התורה והמצוות, שהן כל כך קשורות בטוב ד'. אי אפשר שלא לאהוב את היושר ואת הצדק, את הסדר הטוב והמעולה, המסבב טוב לכל, שהוא קשור יפה באמתת המציאות וברעיון הלב ביחש המעולה, שמפני גודלו ותפארתו אנו קוראים אותו חפץ ד', מה שהוא נעלה מכל זה, ומיוחד מכל זה, ומרוה נעימות לנשמת כל יותר מכל מה שכל רעיון יוכל להתנשא. אי אפשר שלא להתמלא אהבה לכל בריה, שהרי שפעת אור ד' בכל הוא מאיר, והכל הוא התגלות חמדת נועם ד', חסד ד' מלאה הארץ. 
[ח' קבצים א', תרצ"ו]

The Mysterious


“The most beautiful and deepest experience a man can have is the sense of the mysterious. It is the underlying principle of religion as well as all serious endeavor in art and science. He who never had this experience seems to me, if not dead, then at least blind. To sense that behind anything that can be experienced there is a something that our mind cannot grasp and whose beauty and sublimity reaches us only indirectly and as a feeble reflection, this is religiousness.
In this sense I am religious. To me it suffices to wonder at these secrets and to attempt humbly to grasp with my mind a mere image of the lofty structure of all that there is.”


― Albert Einstein, On Cosmic Religion and Other Opinions and Aphorisms

Fixing The Sin

לרפואת נעמי בת טובה בתוך שח"י

There is a fascinating Tosfos in Sanhedrin! 

Ready???

Ok....

Tosfos [59b] says that the mitzva of having children has a passive element to it. How so? The prohibition against spilling seed is the other side of the coin. One side is "have children" while the other is "guard your seed". 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

So what does this mean practically? That when one marries and is involved in the holy mitzva of procreation he should have in mind that he wants to fix the earlier sin of wasting his seed. This is in line with the rule that the tikkun of a לאו that is derived from an עשה [as the aveirah of wasting seed derives from the עשה of having children] is by fulfilling the עשה. 

Moreover, Chazal say that with the limbs with which one performed bundles of aveiros he should perform bundles of mitzvos. So when one is married he has the opportunity to fix the past and do bundles of mitzvos. 

This DOESN'T mean that one should be with one's wife a lot. The gemara already said [Brachos 22] that this should be avoided and one must control his urges. It does mean that when one is involved in the act it should be done with holiness and purity. 

In the words of the Master:

איסור דהוז"ל הוא בכלל מצוה דפר"ו כנראה מד' התוס' סנהדרין (נט רע"ב) וכמ"ש בחי'. ולכן ‏ע"י מצות פר"ו בכונה הראויה לשם ה' יוכל ג"כ לתקן מה שחטא באיסור זה ולקלוט אותן טיפין ‏לקדושה כי כל לאו הבא מכלל עשה העשה הוא תיקון הלאו. וגם בלא"ה א' בוי"ר (פר' כא) כי באבר ‏שעשה בו חבילות עבירות יעשה בו חבילות של מצות ע"ש. וכן כאן באותו אבר חבילות מצות היינו ‏פו"ר ומצות עונה. [ומיהו י"ל נמי ישב ולא עבר עבירה כדר"ח בר פפי שנזדמנה לידו מקרי ג"כ מצוה ‏כדאי' בקידושין (לט:) ] ואין ר"ל חבילות ברבוי במעשה דע"ז א' בברכות (כב.) שלא יהיו ת"ח מצוים ‏כו' וא' באבות אל תרבה שיחה כנודע. רק אין ר"ל בכמות אלא באיכות שיהי' בקדושה ובטהרה ‏דבלא"ה מקרי בעילת זנות וכבהמות כדאי' בזוהר כ"פ רק כאשר הוא בקדושה כפי אפשרות האדם ‏‏[דאין הקב"ה בא בטרוניא והרי אז"ל בעוון מלא דאפי' חסיד שבחסידים כו' (כמ"ש מ"ר ר"פ תזריע) ‏‏] אז ה' צלך ג"כ דוגמתו שופע לארץ העליונה אשר היתה חריבה ויבישה ע"י חטאיו כנודע כדאי' ‏בתיקונים ונתקן הכל. וע"י שיורדים טפי גשמים מלמעלה על הארץ היא נותנת יבולה שהיא רוח ‏קדושה בלב האדם תחת רוח הטומאה שהי' לו מקודם כמ"ש דוד המע"ה באותו מזמור ורוח קדשך ‏אל תקח ממני השיבה לי וגו' [צדקת הצדיק קכ"ד]



Spilling Seed And Moshiach




לזכות ידיד נפשי רבינו חיים ש. שליט"א ששאל על המקור שבעקבתא דמשיחא יתגבר עוון הוז"ל


In the generation of Moshiach the sin of spilling seed in forbidden ways will be very powerful to the extent that ALMOST NOBODY is free from it. 



All of the souls that existed before Avraham Avinu emerged from him afterward. That is why he is called אב המון גוים, he was really the father of many nations. 

The world is 6,000 years long, three sets of 2000 [2000 is a full cycle]. Before Avraham there were 2000 years of "Tohu". This is represented by Sodom and its tikkun is the generation that left Egypt. 

Then came 2000 years of Torah from the time of Avraham. The root of these years are the generation of the Tower of Bavel. The tikkun is the aliyah of the Jews from [the same] Bavel in the time of Ezra. 

Then comes the third 2,000 - the generation of Moshiach. Ahhhhh! That was rooted in the Dor Hamabul. Chazal tell us that the sin of the Dor Hambul was "flooding the world" with their seed and the punishment was being flooded [see Niddah 13 and Shabbos 41a].

We are now towards the end of the last 2000 years. That is why this sin is so overwhelming. 

In the words of the Holy Master Rebbe Tzadok: 


ובעקבי משיח מתגבר מאד עון זה וכמ"ש בס' ראשית חכמה, כי כמעט אין אדם בדורו שניצול. כי כל הנפשות שיצאו עד אברהם אע"ה נוטעו בזרעו אח"כ כמשז"ל (יבמות סג.) ע"פ ונברכו בך כל גויי הארץ לשון הברכה..... ולכך נקרא אב המון גוים אב ממש לכל הגוים. והיינו כי ב' אלפים הוא סבוב שלם בבריאה כמ"ש בב' נברא העולם וכמ"ש במק"א על מאמר רז"ל דתורה קדמה ב' אלפים שנה לעולם. ולכך אז"ל (סנהדרין לז.) ב' אלפים תוהו כו' שבכל חלק היו כל הנפשות הראויות לצאת. דתוהו עד אאע"ה. ודתורה בזרעו עד משיח שיכלו כל הנשמות שבגוף כמ"ש יבמות (סב.) ויהי' פעם ג' בתכלית השלימות בדורו של משיח המתחיל בב' אלפים השלישים. והנה ג' דורות שקדמו לאאע"ה מנו בפ' חלק שאין להם חלק לעוה"ב והיינו לתוקף הרע שנתגבר עליהם וזה לעומת זה כאשר יתוקנו הם ג"כ בתוקף גדול. וסדום הם דור יציאת מצרים כנ"ל ודור הפלגה הם דור עולי גולה ג"כ מארץ שנער ואז"ל (ברכות ד.) שהיו ג"כ ראוים לנס כביאה ראשונה. ודור המבול הם דור משיח בעלי ביאה שלישית ולכך מתגבר עון דדור המבול ביותר. וג' אלו הם ג"כ    נגד כלל ג' סדרי ב' אלפים הנז' ואכמ"ל

צדקת הצדיק ק"ט


She-hakol Bara Lichvodo

לרפואת חיה רייזל בת דינה ואיתן יהודה בן דבי ונועם בן לאה בתוך שח"י
ולזכות לאה אסתר בת פרימט לזרעא חייא וקיימא

The first of the sheva brachos is שהכל ברא לכבודו - Everything is for the honor of Hashem. The Rishonim worked very hard to try to figure out the connection between this bracha and marriage.

It is very challenging to have shalom bayis. So many contradictory feelings, desires, wishes and habits. What brings a couple together? שהכל ברא לכבודו. It is ALL about the will of HKB"H! 

Quarrels over!

That is also the idea of the chuppah. The couple needs something ABOVE THEM, something HIGHER in order to bind them together. 

[Based on the Lubavitcher Rebbe]

Note: In honor of the simcha we posted many new shiurim on marriage in drush and pilpul. שמעו ותחי נפשכם!:-)

Notes

Notes from one of my sheva brachos drashos - I have to go downstairs now and say another....:-).

Sorry I omitted the jokes and stories.

Focus On Now!

Image result for quotes about life

To My Single Friends!

Letting Go

Thursday, June 23, 2016

The Third Parsha Of Shma



Every evening and morning, we say the Shema, Judaism’s supreme declaration of monotheistic faith. In the first passage, we accept upon ourselves the yoke of God’s sovereignty. And in the second, we accept God’s commandments.

Interestingly, the Sages added a third paragraph to the Shema — the passage commanding us to wear tzitzit (tassels) on the corners of our garments (Num. 15:37-41). Why did they decide to add this particular paragraph, out of the entire Torah, to the central prayer of Judaism?




Six Themes

The Talmud in Berachot 12b explains that the passage of tzitzit contains not one, but six major themes:




The mitzvah of wearing tzitzit on our garments;
The Exodus (“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt”);
Accepting the mitzvot (“You will thus remember and keep all of My commandments”);
Resisting heresy (“You will not stray after your hearts”);
Refraining from immoral and sinful thoughts (“and after your eyes”);
Eschewing idolatry (“which have led you astray”).



Is there a common motif to these six themes? Most are indeed fundamental concepts of Judaism, but what is so special about the mitzvah of tzitzit, more than the other 612 commandments?




Spiritual Focus

This mitzvah in fact does contain a fundamental message. It touches on the basic issues of life: how do we realize our spiritual potential? How can we truly fulfill ourselves as human beings?

As Maimonides wryly noted, the philosophers composed numerous volumes and entire libraries trying to answer these questions. Despite their efforts, they failed to exhaust the topic. The Talmudic sages, on the other hand, succeeded in encompassing the subject by revealing its essence in one pithy statement:


“Let all your deeds be for the sake of Heaven” (Avot 2:12).


Human perfection is attained by establishing a worthwhile spiritual goal for all of our efforts and activities in life. Once we have set our spiritual focus, we need to direct all of our aspirations, wants and actions according to that objective. Then we will be complete in all aspects and levels of our existence.

This is the message of tzitzit. The sky-blue techelet thread reminds us of the heavens and the Throne of Glory. The soul’s external expressions — character traits, emotions and actions — are like a garment worn on the outside, over the body. We need to connect all of these outer manifestations to our inner spiritual goal, our tachlit, in the same way that we tie our outer clothes with the special thread of techelet.

The Exodus from Egyptian bondage expands on this theme. We are no longer slaves, subjected to physical and moral repression. A slave cannot set goals for his life and actions — they are not under his control. But we were liberated from slavery, are we are free to elevate ourselves and aspire towards our spiritual calling.

The acceptance of practical mitzvot perpetuates the same message. All of our detailed actions should connect with our overall objective. Thus, we attain completion in all aspects of our existence: our intellect, emotions and conduct.




Avoiding the Pitfalls

While the first three themes in the passage of tzitzit teach us how to fulfill the maxim, “Let all of your deeds be for the sake of Heaven,” the last three themes deal with avoiding three obstacles to this guideline.

The first pitfall is heresy. The fear of all-inclusive commitment, the desire to avoid moral responsibilities, can lead to denial of God or His Oneness. The path of heresy means abandoning elevated goals and rejecting ethical aspirations. Without a comprehensive objective and direction, the soul naturally seeks some other occupation. Lacking an overriding goal, the soul is tossed and flung like flotsam in the ocean, pulled by any internal or external lure. This leads to the second pitfall: attraction to base and corrupt actions.

In the end, however, a self-indulgent lifestyle leaves the soul with feelings of horrible emptiness. The soul recognizes that a life without meaning is a contradiction to its very essence. But since it has already lost its rational beacon by rejecting the light of truth, the soul seeks purpose and meaning in foreign cultures. It tries to find spiritual sustenance in broken cisterns, in idolatrous worship.

Thus, we see that this short passage includes the fundamental themes of Judaism. It describes that which gives our lives meaning and direction, and the major obstacles that can lead the soul astray. It is a fitting conclusion to our acceptance of God’s kingship in the Shema prayer.



(Gold from the Land of Israel. Adapted from Ein Eyah vol. I, pp. 70-71 From ravkookktorah.org)

A Mystery

The Rav is HaGaon Rav Berel Povarski Shlita the Rosh Yeshiva of Ponovitch
?Who is his friend

חיה רייזל בת דינה

From an email...

I just spoke with Moishe Katz, the husband of Raizel bas Dena. PLEASE NOTE: As of a short while ago, her name has been changed...Please kindly send out this e-mail again today with a clear note on top that, henceforth, everyone should please daven for 
CHAYA RAIZEL BAS DENA

Thank you very much...May we be zocheh to hear only besuros tovos henceforth IY"H...

Rabbi Reisman – Parshas Behaloscha 5776



1. This week’s Shabbos is significant because although most people don’t realize it, it contains the Posuk which is used according to the Ramban as the source for Davening for Bakashas Tzerachim. Most people are aware that the Rambam holds in Sefer Hamitzvos Mitzvah Hei and elsewhere, that the source for the Mitzvah of Davening is (וּלְעָבְדוֹ, בְּכָל-לְבַבְכֶם) which is of course in Kriyas Shema in Parshas Eikev 11:13. The Rambam says (אֵיזוֹ הִיא עֲבוֹדָה שֶׁבַּלֵּב, זוֹ הִיא תְּפִלָּה). That is the source for the Mitzvah of Davening according to the Rambam. 

However, the Ramban has a Posuk in this week’s Parsha 10:9. The Posuk says (וְכִי-תָבֹאוּ מִלְחָמָה בְּאַרְצְכֶם) if someone goes out to battle and you see a big army against you, the Posuk says (וַהֲרֵעֹתֶם, בַּחֲצֹצְרֹת). You should call out a blowing of the trumpets. The Ramban understands that this is the source for the Mitzvah of Davening Bish’as Tzarah. When you go out to battle and you see a Tzarah or if you see Lo Aleinu any type of Tzarah, the response to the Tzarah should be (וַהֲרֵעֹתֶם, בַּחֲצֹצְרֹת) with a call to the Ribbono Shel Olam. According to the Ramban this is the source for the Mitzvah of Davening. 

We spoke about this on other occasions, probably in the summer Parshios, however, today I would like to make the impression upon you first of all that there is a very basic difference in the Mitzvah itself, of the Lomdus of the Mitzvah. According to the Ramban it is a Mitzvah to Daven Bish’as Tzarah. (כִּי-תֵצֵא לַמִּלְחָמָה) when someone goes out to battle. According to the Rambam it has nothing to do with a Shas Tzarah, it has to do with a daily obligation. Just like the Korban Tamid is every day, so too there is a Mitzvah to Daven every single day. So it is really a fundamental Machlokes in the Mitzvah D’oraissa of Davening. The Drabanan of Davening – according to everyone there is a Mitzvah to Daven three times a day. But the D’oraissa of Davening, that there is a fundamental difference between the two. 

Here, it comes out to be a Machlokes why we ask for everything every single day. Why in every Shemoneh Esrei do we ask for everything. I would think that if you go to a king and you have to be Mevakeish Tzerachav, you have to ask for something, you don’t pile on all the Tzerachim. The normal way to ask for things is to ask for things in a very sensible way by taking what you need the most and asking for that. Halo Davar Hu, isn’t it a strange thing that Chazal were Mechayeiv us to Daven a Shemoneh Esrei which includes requests Mamash for every single thing. 

Well, according to the Ramban this is a good Kasha. Bakashas Tzerachim, Davening and asking for stuff you shouldn’t ask for everything. According to the Rambam though, that it is an Avodah it is understood that we ask for everything. This is because (וּלְעָבְדוֹ, בְּכָל-לְבַבְכֶם) is not asking for stuff. It is recognizing that it comes from HKB”H. What about according to the Ramban? According to the Ramban it is a Bakashas Tzerachav, so if the whole thing is that we are asking for stuff why do we ask for everything? 

I saw an incredible Vort in the Divrei Yoel from the Satmar Rebbe. I think that it is in Parshas Chayah Sarah perhaps (I don’t remember). He says something absolutely beautiful. The Gemara says in the beginning of Maseches Megillah that the order of Davening of the 12 middle Berachos is something that had been forgotten. Chazal came and set it up again. An obvious question is how could it be that Klal Yisrael forgot the order of the middle Berachos of Shemoneh Esrei and we Daven Shemoneh Esrei every single day. One person can forget it, two people, but how can it be forgotten? 

The Satmar Rebbe said beautifully, Shemoneh Esrei which is Bakashas Tzerachav doesn’t require that you say everything, you don’t have to say all of the Berachos. Why do we say all of it? Because after the Churban Bais Hamikdash we don’t have Avodah in the Bais Hamikdash and therefore, we turn to Avodah as part of Shemoneh Esrei and Shemoneh Esrei is the Amud Ho’avodah. As far as Avodah is concerned we have to ask for everything. 

So the Satmar Rebbe said during the time of the Binyan Bayis Sheini when the Bais Hamikdash stood it reverted back to the Ramban’s version of the Mitzvah D’oraissa which is just Bakashas Tzerachav and in that Tekufah people did not say the whole middle of Shemoneh Esrei. The middle of Shemoneh Esrei is 13 Berachos but V’lamalshinim was added later. It was then 12 Berachos, 6 Berachos for personal needs and 6 Berachos for Klal Yisrael needs. So that when the Bais Hamikdash stood you chose which of the middle 12 Berachos you wanted to say. Therefore, it was forgotten. If someone wants to say all 12 what is the order. Since people didn’t do it it was forgotten. Dafka after the Churban Bayis Sheini when the Avodah was no longer in the Bais Hamikdash and therefore, Avodah was pushed back into Shemoneh Esrei like the Rambam Min Hatorah and the Ramban M’drabanan. At that time they had to set up again the order of the middle Berachos. 

What we are saying essentially is this, the reason we Daven all of the middle Berachos is a form of Avodah not just asking for things. It is our nature that we have the most Kavana in the one of the middle Berachos that we need the most. Parnasa, Bareich Aleinu, people have Kavana. Lo Aleinu if someone has a Choleh he has Kavana in Refaeinu. That is Bakashas Tzerachim. But the element of Shemoneh Esrei which is the Avodah is just the opposite. It is what you have that you have to recognize that it comes from HKB”H. It is what you feel certain that you have, there you turn to HKB”H and say all of it comes from you. A beautiful thought, a beautiful understanding of the two aspects of Shemoneh Esrei. Something we have to remind ourselves on a very regular basis to be able to have Kavana in Shemoneh Esrei is something elusive. You get it, you lose it. It is something that you have to be Mechazeik yourself again. 

2. In Derech Sicha the first volume, on this week’s Parsha, there is a beautiful thought from Rav Chaim Kanievsky and it has to be understood properly. When Klal Yisrael complains to the Ribbono Shel Olam there is a thought that when someone is a complainer he really has no connection to the reality when he finds things to complain about. He brings an explanation of a Posuk in Tehillim 106:16 (וַיְקַנְאוּ לְמֹשֶׁה, בַּמַּחֲנֶה; לְאַהֲרֹן, קְדוֹשׁ יְדוָד). It talks about Klal Yisrael complaining to Moshe and Aharon. B’derech Drush, Rav Chaim Kanievsky says (וַיְקַנְאוּ לְמֹשֶׁה, בַּמַּחֲנֶה) when you want to complain you find a complaint. Moshe Rabbeinu, what is he doing going off to Shamayim? Why are you busy in the Ohel Moed? (וַיְקַנְאוּ לְמֹשֶׁה, בַּמַּחֲנֶה) you are a leader of Klal Yisrael, we need you among the people. Why are you busy going to Shamayim, going to the Mishkan? (לְאַהֲרֹן, קְדוֹשׁ יְדוָד) Aharon was a leader of Klal Yisrael who dealt with Shalom among people amongst other things. Aharon was B’machaneh. To Aharon they complained why aren’t you going up to Shamayim, why aren’t you busy with holy things. The point that is being made is the point that when a person wants to complain he will find complaints. You have to be smart enough to know when to filter it out. 

Rav Chaim Kanievsky there brings a beautiful Mashal. He says a father and son were traveling and they had a donkey. The father was sitting on the donkey and the son was walking. A complainer said to them look at them, the father has no Rachmanus on the son, the father rides on the donkey and the son has to walk. The father heard it so he reversed. The son was on the donkey and the father was walking. 

A little while later the complainer says look at them, no Kibbud Av V’aim. The son rides on the donkey and lets his father walk. They heard that so the two of them got on the donkey. So now they are both riding the donkey. The complainer looks at them and says they have no Rachmanus on the donkey, two people on the donkey. So they listened again and they get down. So now, the donkey, father, and the son are all walking. 

The complainer looks at them and says look at that 3 donkeys walking on the road, why doesn’t one ride on the other. Sof Davar, the father and son picked up the donkey and carried the donkey. Says Rav Chaim this is the ending for somebody who is all worried about complainers who complain with no reason. 

The person has to take this Mussar from the Torah, from his Rabbeim, not from the society around him. In society we have plenty people carrying and burdened by their donkeys. Plenty of people who see the needs of society around them, the fanciness, the expenses and the extraordinary needs. They are busy carrying donkeys. Why? Because the people around them make fun, if not verbally but by attitude of people who live simpler lives. Stop carrying the donkeys. Put them down. Live a life where you are comfortable with yourselves, where you don’t have to go out and do things because of people around you. Vayislonenu, when they want to find something to complain about they will find something to complain about. And so, these are two thoughts on the Parsha, one a more involved Halachik thought and one a Mussar which I hope people will be smart enough to take. 

3. Now turning to the challenges of the upcoming summer. The summer is a challenging time particularly for Bnei Torah because suddenly we have more time. There is more time on your hands, you are not doing homework. Many people take off Fridays in the summer. You have to look at the summer as a time of opportunity. For those of you who are driving up on Thursday nights, every Thursday night when you drive up say to the Ribbono Shel Olam, I see I can stay up on Thursday night so when I get back to the city I will stay up for Mishmar. Much more comfortable than sitting in a car for hours. Say it every week from this Thursday to the Thursday before Labor Day and IY”H you will be Mekayeim it. You will turn your ride up to the country into a Mussar Seder. Something from which you will take Mussar for the time to come. 

Friday morning for those of you who up in the country there should be a time where you go to Shul and stay there until noon at least. It should be a Friday first Seder. A time where you undertake a Limud which you don’t always have. Certainly if you are in the city there are so many Yetzer Horas here. Ways to waste your time. I am not talking Chas V’shalom to people who go to bars, they are not listening to phone calls in middle of work. If you are listening here, you are someone who has a She’ifa to learning. Plan, without planning, zero, nothing at all happens. Find a Chavrusa here in the city. Not someone who goes to the country like you because he is going to end up going there for a week and you will end up going there for a week and you are going to end up losing your Chavrusa. Find someone who is in the city, someone who will be here, someone who will available to you. Get a Chavrusa, undertake learning, undertake Limud. Do what you have to do. As a Ben Torah when situations change you have to use them for Torah, Avodah, and Yiras Shamayim. 



A new season is beginning, every beginning is a time for an opportunity or Chas V’shalom a time of Yeridah. It is what you make of it. Make something of it. With that I wish one and all an absolutely wonderful, delightful, meaningful summer of growth and IY”H I hope you continue to join us here on our Thursday Seder. A Gutten Shabbos to one and all!

Letting Go

Maharal On Avos 1/1

R' Shaya Karlinsky


Moshe received the Torah from Sinai and transmitted it to Yehoshua; Yehoshua to the Elders; the Elders to the Prophets; and the Prophets transmitted it to the Anshei Knesset HaGedolah (Members of the Great Assembly). They made three statements (taught three things): Be deliberate (patient and restrained) in judgment; establish a large cadre of disciples; and construct a boundary around the Torah.

The following problems (textual and logical) exist in this Mishnah.


What is the relevance of the chain of Torah transmission to this tractate specifically? We don’t find such an introduction in any other tractate. Ironically, this tractate appears to be simply instructions of ethical discipline, rather than an integral part of the Torah which was received at Sinai. Why is the chain of tradition enumerated specifically at the beginning of the tractate?


The Tanna should have written “Moshe received the Torah from the Almighty…”. What is the meaning that he received it from Sinai?


The Mishna opens with Moshe receiving the Torah, and continues with Moshe transmitting the Torah (to Yehoshua), and the Prophets transmitting the Torah. Why didn’t the Mishnah continue with each subsequent link receiving it? And then from Mishnah 3, the Tanna reverts back to the language of receiving, when he lists Antignus Ish Socho, followed by the various pairs, eachreceiving for their predecessors.


The phrase “mesirah,” transmitted, is mentioned from Moshe to Yeshoshua, but is not repeated with Yehoshua’s transmission to the Elders, nor the Elders to the Prophets. It then reappears for the Prophets transmission to the Anshei Knesset Hagedolah. What is the significance of that?


It is clear that the Elders to whom Yehoshua transmitted the Torah weren’t the same Elders who transmitted it to the Prophets, because the original Elders didn’t live all the way to the time of Shmuel, the first Prophet. Rather the Elders who received it from Yehoshua transmitted it to other Elders who eventually transmitted it to the Prophets. So the Mishna should have more precisely written “Yehoshua (transmitted it) to the Elders, the Elders to Elders, and (those) Elders to the Prophets”. Why was the transmission among the Elders not distinguished separately, yet a separate transmission to the Prophets was distinguished?


Moreover, since Torah knowledge is not a function of prophecy (but of wisdom and scholarship), there should be no distinction between Prophets and Elders. Had the Elders who received it from Yehoshua been the ones to actually transmit to the Prophets, it would be justified to list the Prophets as a link in the chain of tradition. But since there were transmissions from one group of Elders to other Elders, and there were also transmissions from one group of Prophets to other Prophets until it was transmitted to the Anshei Knesset Hagedolah, all of these transmissions should have been listed as one transmission from Yehoshua to Elders, and then Elders to the Anshei Knesset HaGedolah. What is the significance of the two groups, Elders and Prophets, in the transmission process?


Why weren’t the Kings, like David and Solomon, also considered a separate group, with the Elders transmitting it to the Kings?


Why don’t we find any specific teachings mentioned from the transmissions to the Elders or the Prophets? Only from the transmission to the Anshei Knesset HaGedolah do we find that they taught three things.



The opening of this tractate with the chain of Torah transmission has to do with both the tractate’s name, Avoth, and its topic, “Musar” (ethical discipline).

It is written in Mishle (1:8) “Hark my son to the discipline of your father, and don’t abandon the teachings of your mother.” Parents, who bring life to their children, are especially suited to discipline and educate them, due to their greater maturity and experience. The father plays the major role in the discipline. Since this tractate discusses ethical disciplines, it opens with the true “fathers”, those who bring real life — Torah – – to the world: Moshe, Yehoshua, the Elders, the Prophets, the Anshei Knesset HaGedola, and the Tana’im. As they are true fathers, it behooves us to accept moral disciplines from them. In fact, this is why the Tractate itself is called “Avoth” (literally “fathers”).

Moshe’s receiving of the Torah from G-d had a unique quality to it, due to its happening in a designated place, Sinai. A true “receiving” requires the full intention to give on the part of the giver, demonstrated by designating a place for the receiving. Emphasizing that Moshe received the Torah “from Sinai” (not even saying that he received it “from G-d at Sinai”) shows how integral the place (Sinai) was in the process of Moshe receiving the Torah, making it completely premeditated.

Another reason why the Tanna didn’t write “Moshe received the Torah from G-d…” is because that would have implied that G-d’s ability to transmit the Torah was related to Moshe’s ability to receive it, the way a teacher’s ability to transmit Torah is related to the student’s readiness and ability to receive it. On a human level, a true “Rav and Talmid” relationship does not happen easily, as not every student succeeds in learning from every teacher. (This is true, despite our desire to fulfill what we will learn in Ch. 4 Mishna 1, that a true wise man is one who learns from everyone. More when we get to it.) It requires a specific teacher who has the desire and ability to teach, giving to a specific student who has the desire and ability to learn from this teacher . When this happens, a special relationship is created by this bilateral affinity, binding the two together in a unique way. This special relationship existed between Yehoshua and the Elders, where Yehoshua had the unique ability to teach Torah (specifically) to the Elders, and they had the unique ability to learn it (specifically) from Yehoshua. The additional chains of tradition had that same unique bilateral relationship. G-d, however, had no limitation in His ability to teach the Torah, and His educative powers didn’t require Moshe or any specific student to enable Him to teach His Torah, as long as the student was worthy. In fact it is G-d who is enlightening all of us with Torah on an ongoing basis, as we pray every day “Vha’er eineinu b’toratecha.” To have written that “Moshe received the Torah from G-d” would have implied that G-d’s ability to transmit Torah was somehow limited specifically to Moshe as the receiver, something which certainly was not true.

Additionally, whenever a Rav teaches Torah to a Talmid, and a Talmid learns Torah from the Rav, this creates an ongoing bond between them. But saying that Moshe received the Torah from G-d would imply that Moshe was able to create this kind of ongoing bond with G-d, which is not respectful to the Almighty. Even though it does say in the Torah (Exodus 31) that G-d gave Moshe the Luchot HaEidut, the two “Tablets of Testimony,” and in numerous places “And G-d spoke to Moshe to say…”, these were specific communiques, and doesn’t imply the ongoing bond of a Rav to a Talmid.

At Sinai, the process of communication was one where G-d appeared to be speaking “to Himself” and it was Moshe’s responsibility to strive to receive the Torah. The perception was as if Moshe was receiving the Torah “from Sinai” since G-d was not required to interact with Moshe in the way a normal Rav must interact with his student.

The difference between “kibeil”, which is the verb used to describe the process of Moshe’s receiving the Torah, and “mesirah” which is the verb used for how the Torah was transmitted from him to Yehoshua and further, is as follows. “Moshe Kibeil” implies that the quality of what was received was completely dependent on Moshe, who received it to the maximum of human ability. The transmission process was perfect, as it was done by G-d, and any deficiency in what was received was due to Moshe limitations. Moshe was then able to transmit — mesarah — all he had received to Yehoshua, and Yehoshua was able to completely receive this and completely transmit all that he received to the Elders, who received it as it was transmitted to them, further tramsmitting it completely to the Prohets. But from the Anshei Knesset Hagedolah, which takes us in to the Second Temple Period, the quality of transmission deteriorated.

From Torah.org

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

So Sad And Unfortunate

UNBELIEVABLE!

Another scandal. This man knows Shas by heart - no exaggeration. Read a line and he will tell you the next one and the previous one. Apparently, he knows EVERYTHING by heart. Tanach, Mishnayos and probably many other sfarim as well. He is a talented speaker [I actually heard him recently for a moment as I was walking by in a certain yeshiva]. Inspirational. Filled [it seems] with love of Torah.

Yet, he could have "chavrusas" with Bill Cosby. I don't know any sordid details of what he did but it was super disgusting and happened hundreds of times over the years [a wonder that it only came out now]. A Beis Din publicized to the world that he may have no more contact on any level with females. They are not even allowed to go to his website which apparently is pure Torah, so manipulative that he is.

Lessons:

1] Torah is not enough. One needs Yiras Shomayim as well. 

2] Don't trust people so quickly. There are a lot of corrupt people out there. Only trust a person who has proven himself trustworthy.

3] אין אפוטרופוס לעריות - When it comes to matters of sexual misconduct everyone is suspect on some level and nothing will stop a person from getting what his tyvos seek.

4] A tragedy: A family destroyed. His poor wife and children [something tells me that the shalom bayis wasn't so great all these years]. My kids were in school with his kids and they were the stars of the school. Brilliant kids who memorized all of Tanach [word for word], Shas Mishanyos and probably many masechtos as well. Man is not an island. One's misconduct affects others. They now will have to suffer for their father's evil. 

5] Rebbe Tzadok said that the last nisayon before Moshiach is arayos. How right he was. People should be learning from the tzadikim about this matter in order to get chizzuk. 

6] I don't think I ever mentioned this on the blog [.....:-)] but the Internet is REALLY bad for anyone who cares about kedusha. 

7] We need to daven with kavana every morning that Hashem shouldn't give us difficult nisyonos in this area [ואל תביאנו לידי ניסיון].   

8] The only way to combat chillul Hashem is by making a Kiddush Hashem. That is our task. 

9 Types Of Negative Thoughts

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Why Does Borei Pri Hagofen Switch Places?


Intelligent Life

Inside Of You

The Beauty Of Life

Beautiful Life

Ready Or Not?

Is my daughter ready for marriage???

I mean, she is only 20. Her chosson is only 19. Is that old enough?

A question I grapple with. My answer:

I am not ready for marriage. It has been almost 22 years but certain parts of marriage I find overwhelming. Like having to support a whole family. Every since I turned down Goldman and Sachs' offer to be CFO [because I thought it was some kind of unidentified flying object and I am afraid of heights] I have done nothing more lucrative than learn a little gemara. 

Raising children - I have had some very formidable challenges and have made some mistakes. So I am not ready for fatherhood either.  

So when are we REALLY ready?? Maybe .... never. 

But we learn on the job, do our best and rely on Hashem to help lead the way. We also have role models and tzadikim to follow no matter what our age. 

My point - Get married young if possible and if at a sufficient level of maturity. 

Everything will be OKAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!

Move On

Shleimus



Neilah

Sent by R' Chaim Yehoshua Hakohen ben Chana Leah

Smile!!

וחי בהם!!