Monday, March 25, 2019

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Collusion In The Megilla

A recent statement released by Trump about the Megilla: 

"Congress, led by Memuchan [his name is fake news. He is really Haman. He is too big a coward to use his real name. Ha-man is no man. He is a wimp. Ha-wimp], passed legislation criminalizing women who don't speak the language of their husbands. That is why Melania speaks only English at home. Isn't she beautiful? But I don't let her speak Serbo-Croatian. Only English. Memuchan and Beto should be investigated for collusion and their emails should be inspected. "Big beautiful coal ish so rare b'Beto umidaber collusion amo" - everybody knows that. But the media LOVES Beto, so they cover up for him. The press is horrible. The WORST. Except for Fox news. They love me because they are my type of people. Winners. Not like Beto and Memuchan who are losers. Big losers. Make Shushan great again!! Only I can do that. I am a winner. It is all in the art of the deal. I know how to make deals. I would would NEVER turn down 10 thousand silver talents if they were offered to me. I got talent. That is why I hosted a reality show. But I can always use more money. I am SICK of losing to China. The money and jobs should stay in the USA." 

Anti-Semitism

In one of the frum publications they featured a number of sidebars with people relating anecdotes of Anti-Semitic incidents that they had experienced. 

Let me offer some perspective: Every day there are MILLIONS of interactions between Jews and non-Jew in the United States. Of those, a tiny fraction of one percent may involve Anti-Semitism. That means that 99.9999 percent plus of our interactions - are NOT Anti-Semitic. A few random anecdotes reflect the exception and not the rule.  

That doesn't mean that things cannot or will not change. It just means that for now things are VERY GOOD for us.   

In all of the years I have lived and visited there and countless thousands of interactions with non-Jews, I experienced about ZERO Anti-Semitism. 

Except for one incident. We played basketball against another team and the ref told us to remove our yarmulkes because the BOBBY PINS posed a danger to the other team because they might poke their eyes out. Besides that - all of the Anti-Jewish sentiments I heard came from the mouths of Jews.... By the way - we lost the game. Ostensibly because we didn't have our bobby pins to poke their eyes out and with their eyes in their sockets they were a far better team. For the record - they put a box and one on me [meaning a zone for four players and one guy following me]. The guy guarding me was far my superior and made me look BADDD. It should be a kappara.  

No Mexicans In Shushan

There is no question that Trump kept the 15th of Adar for Purim because there is no bigger fan than him of walled cities. It is also significant that there were NO MEXICANS in Shushan - because the wall kept them out. 


The Holy Maharal

Michael Cohen was asked if he had ever been in Prague in connection with the investigation into the charges against his former client, Donald J. Trump. 

He said that he has never been there. 

How can a Yid publicly admit that he has never been to the kever of the Maharal?? Isn't he EMBARASSED??

I hope he gets there soon.

זכותו יגן עלינו!!!!


My Melatonin Effect

I was recently invited to give a drasha in a shul between kabollas Shabbos and Maariv. When I arrived I saw a Rosh Yeshiva there which made me a tad bit nervous [not everybody appreciates my style....]. 

I started to talk and within a very short time he was OUT COLD. A deep sleep.

Problem solved. 


Rejected

I applied to the Electoral College but was rejected because my SAT scores were too low.

I am reapplying hoping to get in on an athletic scholarship.