Dealing With Hurt

When I was a child I was sensitive. Now all kids are sensitive and susceptible to being hurt emotionally - all people for that matter - but I think I was more than the norm, evidenced by the fact that I used to cry quite often. [When I was a child I was a boy - did you know that? -  but I cried a lot more than girls].

Well, the years have passed and I cry much less frequently [unless it's something extreme like the Mets blowing a 6 run lead in the ninth....] but my feelings still get hurt quite often. I am much more emotionally aware than I was as a child and I should have the capacity to understand that someone else's words or actions shouldn't control my feelings but despite my efforts to repress my feelings the pain festers in my intestines [kishkes] and I suspect that my chronic digestive issues have a lot more to do with my psyche than with my body [if you've ever seen me you know that I don't have much body...]. Now I don't get offended over every little thing. Certain things that might bother others don't bother me in the slightest but there are certain things, seemingly minor and inconsequential, that hurt me. The list is known to only one person beside me [guess who] and I would rather it remain that way because it is flat out embarrassing to reveal what offends me.

This quality also has a very positive side because I hope that my sensitivity to my own pain and fragility helps me be more sensitive to others. Everything has an upside and a downside [even the "cursed" Internet - an upcoming post] and I appreciate the value of the upside and I wouldn't do away with my sensitivity if I could.

Recently I got hit HARD. OHHHHH BOY!! One of the hardest hits I've ever taken and it seems like it was a group hit [details NOT forthcoming...]. So I have reflected a lot and come to the following conclusion which I hope may help my dear, sweet readers.

I was definitely wronged. No doubt about it [at least in my mind]. It hurt. Ouch. Yetzt m'gait vyter. Now we move forward. [Saying it in Yiddish gives me stronger resolve..] I can't allow myself to be a human punching bag. What was done was done. There will be ramifications but my job is to learn my lessons and continue on. Can people be rotten? Avade! Even Jews. But MY JOB is to spread the Light of simcha and kedusha with an indefatigable spirit. If I let myself be negatively affected then I display weak character which will ensure my failure in my life's mission. A person has to believe in his path and then the nay sayers and critics won't get to him as much. Admit the pain - then move forward. It should be a kappara....

Think about it and tell me what you think...

:-)