No Answer

Scene 1: I get a call. I look at my cell phone and it's Avi, an acquaintance of mine. The first thought that goes through my head is "What does he want?". Then I remember that he recently asked me if he could borrow money and he is probably calling to follow up. I REALLY don't want to deal with him now - so I don't answer. It is much easier to ignore than it is to say "no". So I ignore. I am relieved that he is temporarily off my back.

Scene 2: I get a call.  I look at my cell phone and it's Avi, an acquaintance of mine. The first thought that goes through my head is "What does he want?". Then I remember that he recently offered me a job teaching in a huge yeshiva twice a week. I will give shiur to dozens of eager boys and get a very nice salary which is exactly what a man with seven mouths to feed needs. This will solve my existential [I need to teach Torah] and financial [I need to pay that mortgage - and for groceries] crises. Do I answer?? You betcha - OF COURSE I answer. "Heyyyy Avvvvvvvv!!! What's uuuppp?"

This was a mashal. I don't have a cell phone, an acquaintance named Avi [after I posted I remembered that I DO have an acqaintance named Avi:). Nice guy!], a job offer, a mortgage, or an existential or financial crisis. Thank G-d. I am happy with what I have - and with what I don't have...  

What is the difference between scene 1 and scene 2? Why don't I answer and why do I answer. Simple: I answer when I think it will be to my benefit and don't answer when I don't. Here is a life-changing thought for the next time you receive a call. Think of HOW THE CALLER FEELS. IF HE IS CALLING - ODDS ARE THAT HE WANTS TO SPEAK WITH YOU. Put yourself in his shoes [hoping they are your size and don't smell too bad] and imagine him waiting anxiously to hear your voice. Then decidee if you should answer. Sometimes you shouldn't because what you are presently doing shouldn't be interrupted [like mincha]. Then think about how he feels waiting for you to return his call. THEN decide when to call back.

Recently I have needed various people for a certain issue that has been the cause of much anguish for me. I call. No answer. I call again. No answer. Again. Again. Again. Yet again. They don't return my calls. Too busy? EVERYBODY religious makes time to daven because that is part of Avodas Hashem. Why isn't DERECH ERETZ part of Avodas Hashem??? Are people such big masmidim [most of the people I am in touch with learn or teach full time] that they don't have 3 minutes to return a call. Am I such a bothersome person? Maybe it's me  - who knows.

I have a "weakness" that I can't seem to overcome - when someone calls I feel compelled to get right back to them within a very short period of time. I NEVER ignore an email sent to me. Am I missing something?? Should I ignore people?? And no - I don't necessarily want to speak with everyone who calls me but I just can't take the feeling of insult that I feel like I heap upon another human being when I ignore him. People have time to read the paper or go on facebook so why not take the time to be mechabed another person?

Recently I called up a friend who is really, really a special person. He is deep, spiritual, a talmid chacham, a ben aliya etc. etc. I wasn't calling to ask for a favor but for something I thought would interest him. He didn't answer or return my call. So I called again. Ditto. I was shocked! Him too?? Of all people... A few weeks before I had called and he didn't return my call and when I ran into him I asked if he received my message and he answered in the affirmative. I was stunned. He didn't apologize. Nothing. I didn't say anything. On the message I left this time I was more forward. He called back soon after to apologize. I wish that I didn't have to leave provocative messages to get a call back.

Forgive me for sharing. I am honored to have a relationship with the Tolna Rebbe Shlita. I know that he sleeps little and is non-stop bombarded by telephone calls and people seeking his counsel and blessing. Countless problems come to his doorstep daily. He routinely reads new sefarim at breakneck speed from cover to cover and has regular sedarim in Tanach, gemara etc. He gives countless shiurim which require preparation. He also has parents, a wife, six children, and many grandchildren כן ירבו. Here is the kicker... He is [just about] the ONLY PERSON I know who calls me right back whenever I call him. If he is there he picks up in the first place. I can guarantee that when I call it is not for his benefit but for mine and he of course knows it. He doesn't do it to get money out of me because unemployed rabbeim who sit and learn three sedarim generally don't have money. It isn't because I am a tzadik or talmid chochom because I am not. I am not a widow or orphan or a nebach case. Thank G-d, I enjoy good health as do my family members and I don't suffer from any emotional disorders [other than being addicted to Torah and having a serious aversion to loud cell phone conversations on public transportaion]. It is because he realizes that if I am calling, I must feel that I need to speak to him so he makes himself available.

When I told him I was buying a computer he PERSONALLY got in touch with someone to get me a good deal and good service. When I looked for a school for my kids, he PERSONALLY researched every school around in order to determine which school would be best. When I thought of moving he PERSONALLY researched the neighborhood I was considering. Whenever anyone in my family has had a medical issue he PERSONALLY got me in touch with someone who knows who the best doctor would be. I once needed a lawyer, he PERSONALLY made sure I got a good lawyer.  I have HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of such stories. Many I cannot tell publicly that are simply beyond belief. I am not related to him, do nothing for him, have no money and no connections [the ones I have don't help him] and my father is not a big Chasidishe Rebbe. He also knows all of my faults. So why him and nobody else? I think it is simple. He wakes up in the morning with the determination to help everybody in every way he can and NULLIFIES his ego and personal desires.

I am not writing this to "brag"  that "my Rebbe" is the biggest tzaddik. There are many tzadikim around and I encourage people to get close to as many tzadikim as possible. I am writing this to demonstrate that if a person has a LEV TOV then he finds time for everybody.

If I am wrong I urge you to contact me and set me straight. This is an issue where I feel that so many people just don't get it.

I was recently writing stories about Rav Genechovski. He was such a pure soul that he couldn't bear to tell anyone anything that would cause them discomfort. He would never say "you are wrong" "just the opposite" [farkert] or other terms of endearment that are so common in the rhetoric of the Beis Medrash. A Rov once gave a shiur and came to a halachic conclusion that Rav Genechovski felt was in error. He KNEW that the Rov was wrong. He couldn't bring himself to publicly correct him so he remained silent. He then wrote him a letter thanking him for the shiur and told him how impressed he was that he came to the conclusion that ... and then he wrote the opposite of what the Rav had actually said, as if that is what he understood. He then proceeded to marshal proofs in favor of the Rov's thesis [which in fact was the opposite of what he had said] and thanked him.

Today, I called a certain Rosh Yeshiva. We are on very good terms. He picked up and after a minute told me that he was in the middle of a meeting and has to go. I think he made two mistakes. If he was speaking to some people why did he interrupt to answer the phone?? Right now he is with them and the call can be returned later. It is not derech eretz to interrupt in the middle [just as you don't interrupt one mitzva to do another עוסק במצוה פטור מן המצוה].  Then he made ME uncomfortable by telling me that I called him in the middle of a meeting and he can't talk. Rav Genechovski would NEVER have done that. He would have given the people he was meeting with his full, undivided attention and after the meeting returned the call.

We should all be zoche to walk in the path of the true tzaddikim:)!