The Power Of Words

I often wear tefillin at Mincha. Today a fellow approached me after davening and angrily told me to take them off because it is already shkiya. This fellow is about 10-15 years younger than I am and I felt disrespected. I insisted that it is permitted to have tefillin on after shkiya as long as they were already put on before. Where I come from [the Old City] loads of people wear tefillin after shkiya. His eyes got big and he emphatically told me that I am going against the Mishna Brura. And besides, the Rov of the shul once told me to take off my tefillin after shkiya and he is the Mara D'asra so I must listen to him. So there!!

I didn't want to fight so I turned away and went back to my Maharal and that was the end of it.

I didn't know how he knew that the Rov once told me [gently] to remove my tefillin as he said it in a whisper. I suspect now that this person told the Rov to tell me and that is how he knew.

I then went to look up the Mishna Brura who says [based on the Shulchan Aruch] that one must remove his tefillin by צאת הכוכבים but after shkiya they may remain on him. Ahhhhaaaa! So there:). He then cites the Ari who said that one must remove them by shkiya. Since I don't do lots of things the Holy Ari said to do, I feel comfortable following the psak of the Shulchan Aruch.

What is interesting is that I was feeling yicheee about this interaction for the rest of the night [it is now six hours or so later and it's still bothering at me]. My rational mind says to forget about it but my emotional side felt attacked and is not at peace.

From this I learn - 1] Be careful what you say. One negative comment and you can ruin someone's day. 2] I am more sensitive than I thought. 3] Respect everybody  - especially your elders [and I suspect given the fact that I have been learning full time since soon after he was born that I might know some things that he doesn't. So also respect people who know more than you]. 4] Rebuke must be given with love. Otherwise it won't have the desired effect. My most basic inclination is to make sure he sees me again tomorrow with my tefillin after shkiya. Mature of me  - isn't it? But so is human nature,,,,