How To Raise Good Children

A summary of my thoughts as we approach the Shabbos when we read of the rebellious ben sorrer umoreh son.

There are 3 basic groups -

1] Some raise their kids "charedi" [or "chardal" in Israel which means either "mustard" or that you wear a kippa sruga and keep all the mitzvos] with lots of Torah and Mitzvos and yet not all of the children turn out well. Some this way and some that way.

2] Some raise their kids "modern" and not all of those kids turn out well either. Some rebel to the "right" [i.e. to Hashem] and some to the "left" [to the Satan].

3] Some raise their kids not frum at all and they aren't always successful. Many of these kids end up becoming baalei teshuva while others end up marrying goyim.

How do you raise kids to be like you want them to?

Here is the secret [I am VERY experienced:-)].

YOU DON'T!!!

You don't because your children are unique and not necessarily your "type". You also don't because you have very-very limited control over what your children do. When they are toddlers you have a lot more control but as teenagers - almost none. Today I was talking to a mashgiach in a yeshiva and he was telling me how much he was against his children getting drivers licenses and then right under his nose his son when out and got his driver's license. A good boy. Charedi. Hat, jacket, everything. But at the end of the day - people are people and people are independent/egocentric/ideologically-driven etc. etc. which will make them do things their parents don't want them to.

I will use an example close to home. Me. I am closer than close. I am actually home. When was a kid I didn't listen to everything my parents said. Did you?

So here is my take: Love them, set a good example, have good shalom bayis, try to give each child time, understand their unique needs etc. etc. and them love them more, kiss them and hug them frequently and then get down to doing together with your spouse what is really the most powerful and effective parenting tool.

Say tehillim. Lots!!!!!

Li-zchus my holy beloved children who have taught me more about parenting than any book could ever possibly teach me.