Li-zchus my parents שיחיו who gave me almost everything I have in gashmiyus and ruchniyus.
Imagine you are a newborn baby. You are COLD, hungry, crying, unable to process this drastic change in your environment [the womb was SOOOOO comfy!!], all of these HUUUUGE, GIANT funny looking creatures are standing around you [you have never seen anything like it], making WEIRD noises [you will later learn that it is called "talking"], everything is so new and frightening. If you are ignored and just left to be - you will die a slow painful death WITHIN DAYS!!! You have ZERO CAPACITY to take care of yourself in any way shape or form. You can't call social services for help. You can't do anything but cry, burp, breathe and pooh [במחילה מכבודכם!!].
A woman you have never seen before comes and takes you into her warm, loving arms and holds you close. You start receiving the most critical component that will contribute to your emotional growth - AFFECTION. She hugs and kisses you almost non-stop. Suddenly you find yourself wearing warm fresh clothing and a clean diaper. You still cry but are feeling better about things. Then you are brought close and enjoy your first meal - DELICIOUUSSSSSS!!!! "Thanks lady" you can't say but would-if-ya-could.
From this day on for years this "lady" - whom we will call "your mother", will consistently, thousands of times, administer to your every last need. Food, drink, shelter, clothing etc. etc. etc.
How do you repay a person who was there for you countless times when you so desperately needed her and did so with no thought of recompense? All she wanted was that you be taken care of, satisfied and happy. Nothing else. You are her whole world.
This continues for years as you develop the skills to feed, bathe, dress and otherwise take care of yourself. But she is still there - cooking you meals, taking you to the doctor, loving you etc. etc. You continue to receive FREE room and board for the first [at least] 2 decades of your life.
WHATTA LADY!!
Then there is this "guy", whom we will call for lack of a better term "your father", who works his tail off [which would explain why he doesn't have a tail anymore] to pay for all your needs. He also provides you with love, teaches you to brush your teeth, ride a bike, helps you with your homework and stays with you in the hospital when you need emergency treatment or some procedure. He has a lot of people and stress in his life but you are always in the forefront of his mind. If a man comes to the door begging, he might give him five, fifty or a hundred bucks - but no more and don't come back for another year. But for you? He will pay your outrageous school [and camp - 8k a summer?] tuition every year to ensure that you receive a solid Jewish and general education so that you can fare for yourself later in life and also remain connected to your heritage. He teaches you how to keep Shabbos and celebrate Jewish Holidays in a warm and nurturing environment. You are made to feel that his home is your home [even though he paid for it and you didn't]. He takes you to shul and drives you to your friend's houses for playdates and reads you bedtime stories.
WHATTA GUY!!!
Now the child is a teenager. Rebellion kicks in. He [or she] starts finding his parents really annoying. His mother can be overbearing and hypersensitive. His father is emotionally deaf to his true emotional needs. His parents are too religious. He wants to play ball and watch movies and they want him to learn and daven. He notices that there is often tension between his parents. It is unpleasant. Why do they have to be like that??? His friend's parents seem much more "cool". His parents send him to therapy where he discovers that all of his problems are really his parent's fault. He is madder than ever.
He starts trying different things. Doesn't keep the dress code [hair too long, "forgets" to put on his tzitzis, his yarmulke "falls" off his head and stays off]. He gets friendly with not the best kids, girls etc. etc.
This is healthy - in a way. It is called "individuation". He wants to carve out his own personal identity. We can't be our parents or even who they want us to be. We can only be ourselves and we have to explore and find out who that is.
Here is the critical message: One may NEVER lose sight of the fact, that these two people were there for him when NOBODY ELSE WAS. Thousands of thousands of times. Just about every meal he has ever eaten was sponsored [and often prepared] by them. Just about every refreshing shower was in taken in THEIR home that they generously allowed him to live in free of charge.
Did his parents scar him emotionally? OF COURSE!! We are ALL scarred by our parents [unwittingly] and then in turn scar our children [particularly if we are descended from Holocaust survivors where the emotional damage is impossible to fathom]. MOST PARENTS are good people who are trying their best. ALL parents are imperfect, mere human beings with a host of emotional imperfections and inadequacies. To cause one's parents unnecessary pain is the grossest case of ingratitude possible.
YOUR PARENTS!!!!
They gave you LIFE. You wouldn't exist if not for them!!! The mouth you use to speak disrespectfully was provided by THEM [and Hashem]. The legs you use to go places they told you not to go to was provided by THEM [and Hashem]. This MUST be kept in mind.
Children are not the slaves of their parents. They are allowed to make their own decisions. If your parents want you to be a doctor and you don't - you are not obligated to listen to them. But one must make EVERY EFFORT to do whatever he can to cause his parents to feel GOOD and give them nachas.
THAT is in part what Ha-Kadosh B"H meant when he put smack in the middle of the Aseres Hadibros "כבד את אביך ואת אמך". The language of Tana D'bei Eliyahu is " ואין הקב"ה מבקש מן האדם רק שיכבד אב ואם ויתיירא מהם שהוא כאילו מכבד להקב"ה ומתיירא ממנו".
WOW!!!!
So much more to say!!!!! ישמע חכם ויוסף לקח!!!!
