Tumultuous Times At Fox

THIS JUST IN!!!!

Tucker Carlson has been summarily dismissed as host of Fox News!! 

He will be replaced by Zev Brenner of "Talkline". 

 

A Fox spokesman explained : "We liked Tucker but he could get really cynical and sarcastic at times. We want someone positive, someone more spiritual, someone more Heimish, someone who davens daily in the Vorehand Shteibel on Manhattan's West Side. Zev was perfect."

Brenner commented in an exclusive interview with Mevakeshlev: "The Mishna says "הוי זנב לאריות ואל תהי ראש לשועלים" - Be a tail to the lions and not the head of the foxes. I am a זאב - wolf. But I aspire to be a tail to the lions. Fox already has a head and that is not my job. I just want to serve faithfully, reporting the news as it is - ending every episode with an inspiring dvar Torah as I do at the end of daily minyan [available on youtube!!!]. May Hashem help me and may I make my alma mater Torah Voda'as proud. And may I help a Republican get elected in 2024. Let it be Trump or DeSantis or whomever. Just not Biden. The poor nebuch guy announced that he is running for President. He can't run. He can only wobble slowly!! [I heard that line from my predecessor and good friend Tucker. He and his lovely wife will be joining us for Shabbat dinner this week]."  

Sources close to Fox reveal that the other candidate was Nochum Segal but he turned down the job explaining that "there are too many pritzus-dike dressed ladies working for the network and I would have to interview women not dressed in accordance with standards of Jewish modesty. I am perfectly content continuing with JM In The AM. This week we have interviews with Mordechai Shapiro, Benny Friedman and Joey Newcomb. What could be better than that??!!!"