1. UN calls for restraint after Israel threatens to flood Hamas tunnels with cold leftover cholent and oily yerushalmi kugel.
2. IDF to cut off the oxygen and gravity supply to Gaza in the next 24 hours. Source: Al Jazeera who heard from the Gaza Health Ministry who heard from jihad.com.
3. Cooper University Union condemns Jewish students for Occupying Library. First it was Occupy Wall Street and now this.
4. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is reportedly going to be swapped to Hamas with 2 later draft picks [likely Ilhan Omar and her beloved Bernie Sanders] for 100 of the hostages. She has been assured that she can take her lipstick along with her when she moves to Gaza.
5. מי כעמך ישמעאל!!! In an UNPRECEDENTED [there is that word again] show of mesirus nefesh, Hamas will use the 100 million dollars they received as a loving gift from Joey "whose side am I on anyway" Biden to buy more rockets to kill Jews while the children and babies of their people starve and they stay out of harms way in five star hotels in Qatar. Men who really put their ideals and values above any gashmiyusdike considerations.
6. Joe Biden tells Israelis in Sderot who are constantly running to bomb shelters when they hear sirens. "I know what it's like, man. All the time my alarm clock goes off and I get so darn scared I feel like I have to run for cover. Then Jill calms me down."
7. Some people on the Israeli left have privately, off the record, expressed reservations about the willingness of the Palestinian people to coexist in peace.
8. The democratic Chinese government has voted "Ping Pong" as the official game of China, mostly because it rhymes with so many Chinese names and is actually the name of another large number of people.
9. Kyrie Irving hired as official spokesman for Hamas. GOOD LUCK KYRIE!!!
Not satire:
10 Moshiach has NEVER been closer!! אחכה לו בכל יום שיבוא!!!!!😊😋
