I recently spoke at a simcha. It was a large room and there was a large crowd. I cracked a joke and there was no reaction from the people present. I turned to one of the Baalei Simcha and asked him if he got the joke. He looked up from his plate and indicated that he hadn't been listening. Nor, it turned out, had almost anyone else. My friend was more interested in the dead piece of chicken if front of him than he was in anything I had to say. So were the many others present. My son who was in the crowd told me that until then people weren't listening but after I explained the joke nobody laughed at, people perked up and listened.
I am not particularly offended by their behavior. At the very same simcha others got up to speak and I stared right at them while not listening to nary a word they were saying [except to listen for the "and we should be zocheh to Moshiach tzidkeinu b'meheira b'yameinu". THE END!! Let's say Ha-gomel!!:-)].
So what is the mussar haskel? Here are some:
A] You are usually faaar more interested in what you have to say than anybody else [unless you have some insider trading tips for the stock market or the like]. That is humbling. Humility is the BEST!
B] Keep your speech short - it is hard for people to listen.
C] It is a great act of kindness to step out of your thoughts that generally center around you and listen to someone else. If you can approach him after and make substantive comment about his speech together with effusive praise - all the better!
D] Kavod Hatorah and Kavod Ha-odom - When a human being is speaking worlds of Torah, that should be more compelling than the dead piece of meat you have on your plate.
E] On Thanksgiving, when I see that brave shechted turkey on my plate, one thing is for sure - he wasn't chicken.
F] When I made a joke and explained it - people joined me. So use humor, it is an effective tool [שבת פ"ב - רבא פתח במילתא דבדיחותא]. Even if you are not a funny guy [or girl] then there is enough material available to enable even non-funny people to be funny. I am not the funniest person. But when I make fun of MYSELF people laugh and there is a LOT of material there. Don't take yourself too seriously. Most others don't [see "A"].
G] Many people read from texts when they speak publicly. This often [but not always] detracts from the flow and authenticity of the words spoken. But for many this is necessary in order to remember and properly express what they have to say.
H] People don't care how smart or talented you are [except your mother]. But they care VERY MUCH how you made them feel. So at smachot, the main point of the speech, after the Torah, should be complimenting people. How often are people publicly complimented?? Rarely. Put it on thick.
I] They say that 65 percent of people are afraid of public speaking while 61 percent are afraid of dying. That means that more people would rather be buried than be the one saying the eulogy. But there is nothing to be afraid of - who says anyone is listening:-).
