"The key to success is to keep growing in all areas of life - mental, emotional, spiritual, as well as physical."
"I firmly believe that respect is a lot more important, and a lot greater, than popularity."
Julius Erving
When I was a kid, I idolized a Philadelphia 76er named Julius Erving, known as Dr. J. He was only an exciting, explosive and graceful ballplayer who defied the laws of gravity but was also a CLASS ACT. A true role model both on the court and off. Plus, how many Doctors play in the NBA?? Cooooolll!!!
It turns out- not so fast. The "Doc" had one mitzva that he was very eager to fulfill and did so many a time. That is the mitzva of Pru U'rivu. In his great sensitivity, he didn't want to overburden his wife with too many pregnancies and wanted to share the zchus with other women as well, so he spent his free time engaged in the act that either led to this "mitzva" or had that potential [there is actually a famous chakira if the mitzva is the מעשה or the תוצאה see here] with many others. There is no way of knowing how many children he actually has because he himself might not even know but suffice it to say that for many years he was paying child support to numerous women while at the same time being an absentee father. His wife knew about his special affinity for this "mitzva" but was mindlessly devoted to him. She remarked that she would even have eaten his [excuse the reference] "fecal matter" had he so desired. After a while, even she could take his absence from the home at nights and constant philandering no more and filed for divorce.
Where is the root of such behavior? I would suggest as follows: Human - or more precisely, male - nature. Men, by nature, are polygamous and enjoy variety and frequency.
If when reading about the darker side of the "Doc" we are shocked and dismayed it is because we grew up with a basic moral and spiritual ethos that makes such behavior reprehensible and despicable in our eyes. That is exactly my point. To be melamed zchus [while not justifying his behavior in any way shape or form]: He didn't grow up with that same moral and spiritual ethos. He grew up believing that life is about maximizing physical and material pleasure and comfort. Life is about victory, whether it is over an opponent or another sexual conquest. That is a miserable existence which usually leads to emotional and certainly spiritual destruction. Succumbing to every whim and desire of the body pulverizes the soul.
The lesson we can learn is that EVERY TIME we exhibit the true power of CONTROLLING our passions and desires - we become that much more spiritual and empower our souls. Every time we succumb, even in a less perverse fashion that what we have been describing, we become more of an animal. Animals don't have an ethic of self-control. That is unique to human beings. Julius Erving could defy the laws of nature by jumping really, really high and staying there for a while but he neglected to defy nature by controlling his lust. What makes things worse is that he expresses no regret for his actions. He was once asked about it and declared proudly "I love all of my sons and daughters". Touching.
So let us guard our eyes, mouths, thoughts and deeds to ensure that all parts of our beings are directed towards what is holy and pure!
#איזהוגבורהכובשאתיצרו
#מאיוביתחכמני
