More on the grades issue that I have been blogging about recently:
When I was a child, my self image was bound up with my successes and failures. So if I failed a test that meant to me that I was a failure - not that I didn't know very much about the Civil War or whatever the subject of the test. If my friend received a higher grade, that meant that he was a more valuable human being than I was. Nobody every told me that my value as a person is not at all linked to my test grade.
This applies to all areas of life. When a kid tries out for the team and gets cut - the message he may well receive is that his friends who made the team are not only better players but more valuable human beings - especially in a society that puts such a premium on athletic achievement.
When a child has low self esteem then he will usually perform in life in accordance with his low expectations of himself. Even if he is a "success" - he will be a miserable one.
Even to this day I have to remind myself that achievement is NOT the barometer with Hashem judges us. He judges the heart, sincerity, effort, altruism, purity etc. etc. That is not to say that one shouldn't achieve but that the achievement is either a means to an end or an indication of positive internal qualities [barring achievements that have objective value]. So of course one should know the gemara he is learning and [li-havdil] one should try to get that promotion at work etc. etc. but it should never be a competition and it should never impinge on one's essential validity as a human being.
In summary: A human being and Godly soul should not be judged by his SAT score.
