Diary Entry From My Journey #15

I am still struggling with my difficulty asking for and receiving money from people. I was raised to GIVE and not to take.

So I keep reminding myself of what Rav Hutner taught. I MUST give back. What can I give?

Gratitude. Bucketfulls of Gratitude.

Also, I took upon myself to daven for anyone who contributes. I live next to the makom hamikdash so my tfillos have more potency. Plus, I try to daven from the heart as one whose blog "Searches For Heart" should do. I already have a list of the names of the donors and their parent's names for tefilla.

In addition, our tradition teaches that the study of Torah with the proper motivation and in purity brings down bounty to the world. So the taking is to bring more blessing to the world.

Lastly, when someone gives they purchase for themselves a bigger portion in eternity and blessings in this world as well. Tzedaka saves from gehenom and from death. So for a few bucks it is definitely worth ones while to give.

Still feeling guilty but working on it....

Being overwhelmed by fatigue isn't helping my mood. So I will take a little bit of a break to catch some zzzzz's where my brother used to sleep [30 years ago!!]. He doesn't have internet so he can't read this and don't tell him:).