Thoughts On Being "Nothing"

A few days ago I spoke to a prominent American Rabbi about a certain issue. During the course of the conversation he said a number of things that troubled me. I will share one or two...

"Ally" he said, in the course of trying to prove me wrong, "I am a nothing - but you are also a nothing."

At the time it didn't really seem to bother me so much but since the line has repeated itself in my mind innumerable times since then it obviously hit me in a deeper place. So instead of repression [which is what I have been engaged in] I am going to bring it up to the surface [in honor of Lag Ba-Omer when much hidden wisdom was revealed] and then I will feel better and hopefully we will all learn something and move on. I am not exactly sure what I am going to write but I will do what I often do, namely, start typing and hope that the Ribbono Shel Oilam [spell check claims I spelled "Oilam" wrong:-)]  guides my fingers to the right keys.

1] It could be that I am nothing, but how does HE know that?? He doesn't know me [except for one brief conversation where I unsuccessfully solicited his help in a certain matter]. Isn't it quite presumptuous to tell someone [especially someone who has been in learning and teaching for 25 years] that he is a nothing.

Upon reflection I can't help but agree with him. I AM a nothing [a bi-simchadike nothing. A freiliche nothing. A nothing with healthy self-esteem. But a nothing. Remind me to tell you a good Chassidishe "nothing" story]. Every day we say in davening ומותר האדם מן הבהמה אין. Chassidus translates "What makes man greater than an animal is that he realizes that he is nothing." I definitely want to be greater than animals and appreciate my "nothingness". Compared to Hashem I am nothing and compared to real Jews I also am nothing [see Ramban on the pasuk שלח נא ביד תשלח in parshas Shmos and make sure you are sitting down when you do...]. HOWEVER, I don't think it is his job in life to tell me that.

The Holy Books [that both he and I learn] teach that when putting someone down one must first love him. Since I didn't sense even a drop of love emanating from him it really wasn't his place to say that. Even though he had a valid point.

2] He didn't have to put down my Rebbe. He doesn't know him either. So why talk about people you don't know?? Why talk about people you DO know?! When I meet a yeshiva bachur, I have a minhag. I like to ask him who his maggid shiur is in yeshiva and then sing his praises. "You are in Rav Shteigmeisters shiur?? WOW-EEEE!! He is something else!!" I like this minhag. Just because I am not in Rav Shteigmeisters shiur [and probably wouldn't want to be] that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve some kind words.

What am I driving at? The gemara! AHHHHH, THE GEMARA!! Yeah - the one that Rebbe Akiva's talmidim died because לא נהגו כבוד זה בזה. AHHHH, RESPECT!!! Everybody deserves some. We should be zoche to dish it out in great quantities and make the tikkun.

Love and blessings:-)