A Different Negiya Question

First 3 stories.

Story 1:When I was in America recently I went to visit a old Rebbi of mine from over 20 years ago. He was overjoyed to see me. He kissed me when I came in. Then he kissed me again. Then he kissed me a third time. He was very happy to see me. [He also gave a donation for continued harbotzos Torah. He is another name on my list of people with little or no money who give as opposed to those with lots of money who give ... an explanation "Times are rough":)]

Story 2: I recently took a child of mine to see a tzaddik somewhere is this Holy Land of ours. After talking with him warmly for about a half an hour to forty five minutes, he brought my child close, kissed him and told him that he loves him. I detected great satisfaction on my child's face. If you would have asked me if I would be willing to pay for this tzadik to kiss my child, I think a thousand dollars would be around where the bidding would start [and not because I have extra cash ה' ישפיע עלי שפע פרנסה בתוך שאר בית ישראל:-)]. He will hopefully remember the meeting for the rest of his life and it will make him feel connected to holiness.

Story 3: [From Reform Judaism Magazine - forgive me...:)] 
One of my earliest lessons as a child was to esteem and emulate individuals who demonstrated knowledge, care, and concern for Judaism. My father instructed me over and over again to show our Rabbi Nathan Bulman--an Orthodox rabbi he revered--the utmost kavod.

One day, as Rabbi Bulman and I were studying the first paragraph of the Amidah prayer, we came across the phrase, "God of Abraham, God of Isaac, and God of Jacob." Rabbi Bulman commented, as Jewish teachers have for hundreds of years, that each of us, no less than the fathers of our people, must strive for a personal relationship with God. I imbibed his words and looked at the text. "There is something that troubles me," I said. I pointed out that the text said, "Abraham" and not "Abram," the name his father Terah had bestowed upon him. In contrast, the first name of the third patriarch appears as "Jacob," rather than his other name, "Israel," which he earned as he struggled with the angel.

When I asked the rabbi why this was so, he broke out in a tremendous smile and rushed over and kissed me on my forehead. His answer to the question--which was that Abraham was the name given Abram when he became a Jew, while Jacob was born a Jew--was almost beside the point. What I remember most was his kiss. Through this single act, he displayed the passion and joy involved in the study of Torah, and he embedded a love for Jewish learning and discovery in my neshamah  that burns at the core of my being to the present day.

I have thought of that kiss often. In every teaching and personal setting in which I have found myself over the years, I have attempted to display and transmit the same love of learning to my students that Rabbi Bulman did at that decisive moment in my own life. Sometimes I am successful, sometimes not--but always I attempt to recognize the awesome responsibility I possess as a teacher. For, in the words of the rabbis, "great leaders of the Jewish people (g'dolei Yisrael) may spring from among those who sit before me," and each encounter presents an opportunity to touch their very souls.

Storytime over.

The gemara teaches that a student should be as beloved as one's own child. Is there a father who never shows physical affection to a child?

Where am I going with this??

Some schools have a policy that the teachers are not allowed to touch the students. I just heard a shiur on line today and the honorable speaker understood as axiomatic that a Rebbi may never touch a talmid. Nobody challenged him. [I often hear shiurim where none of the lecturers assertions are challenged which shows that people are either polite or lack well developed critical faculties. But this writer is a yeshiva bachur and we are taught to challenge everything. Avraham Avinu [among others] challenged Hashem Himself. This issue requires separate treatment].

The explanation is understandable. There are people out there who are dangerous and allowing physical contact can lead to the terrible catastrophes with which the media is full.

In no way do I minimize the damage done by a person who abuses a child. He effectively causes almost irreparable psychological damage for many years and often for life.

You know - cars KILL. Objects of homicide. They also maim. Knives kill too. So does radiation.

I haven't heard anyone suggest that we stop driving, slicing watermelon or taking x-rays.

I am not sure that the 'no-negiya' [between the same gender] rule is the way to go. Maybe I am biased. When I see someone I haven't seen for a while with whom I learned Torah, I instinctively kiss him. I love him. What am I supposed to do? Give him a cold handshake like two football coaches after a bitter game? [You see them exchanging words on TV but we can never hear what they are saying. Probably something like "Great game. Hope you drown to death in the shower." "You too. Hope that as you are drowning the water turns freeezing cold so that you suffer as you die."] 

[Relationships between male teachers and female students are far more complex and require much more vigilance and boundries. Maybe a blog for another time...]

99 percent of the population are not abusers and the love of the average Rebbi for talmid [as in the three stories told above] is a pure feeling of G-dliness [please see Shir Hashirim 1/2].

The answer is that we should educate students to cry foul if they ever feel anything inappropriate is being done [and we teach them what is classified as inappropriate].

We also pray to Hashem that our children should be blessed with teachers who love them as a parent does a child.

Amen!@ [The @ was a typo but I like it so I kept it].

What do you think??