At the beginning of Parshas Yisro, Rashi explains that Yisro is called "Yisro" because he added [יתר] a parsha [section] in the Torah. The "parsha" is ואתה תחזה where Yisro advises Moshe to appoint judges.
Many years ago there was a gathering of prominent Rabbonim in Europe in order to discuss the critical issues of the time. One Rav arose and gave a fire and brimstone speech, pointing out the many flaws in the behavior of the Jewish people. After he finished, arose the great Gaon and Tzadik HaRav Menachem Zemba ztz"l [who was later killed by the Nazis in the Warsaw Ghetto, Pesach 1942 הי"ד] and quoted our Rashi. Asked Rav Zemba - The parsha that Yisro added does not start with the words ואתה תחזה [means look for worthy judges] but even earlier with the words לא טוב הדבר אשר אתה עושה - What you are doing [judging the Jews alone] is not good. Why does Rashi not quote THAT pasuk?
Answered the Holy Rav - לא טוב is not a parsha. Just criticizing doesn't have any merits!! The parsha only really begins when we search for solutions. ואתה תחזה - find worthy judges. THAT is a parsha! [Heard from the Tolna Rebbe Shlita]
He meant to tell the previous Rav - just telling people what they are doing wrong is not enough, we must search for solutions!
Sweetest friends!! We don't realize how much we are criticized and how much we criticize others. A child can be criticized dozens of times a day. "Don't do this", "Don't go there", "Don't touch that", "Why didn't you call?" ["Why" is almost never a question and almost always a criticism] "Why were you late?", "I can't believe you said that!".. The examples abound.
WOMEN!! Stop trying to change your husbands. The last time a woman changes a male is when he is in diapers.... You criticize him all the time but you see that it doesn't help! So give it up. If he is male [most husbands are], he won't respond positively to being criticized. He WILL become resentful. Exactly what you want:-).
PARENTS!! Cut your kids some slack. If you HAVE to criticize, make sure that for every word of criticism, your child hears ten complimentary words. One major reason that so many people suffer from the illness called "perfectionism" is because they were relentlessly criticized as children. I am an "observant Jew" and notice how constant the barrage of criticism flows from parents to children, spouses to each, teachers to students etc. The sad reality is that it almost always has the opposite of the intended effect. Most people aren't even cognizant of how critical they are towards others - and primarily towards themselves. To show them would require lots of therapy that people haven't the time or money for. So PLEASE save the money and start noticing. לא טוב is not a parsha! IF YOU STOP CRITICZING YOURSELF ALL OF THE TIME - YOU WILL ALSO BECOMEING MORE ACCEPTING TOWARDS OTHERS.
We are in the Kabalistic period of the year called שובבי"ם where we try to bring our errant children back home שובו בנים שובבים!! The way to do this is by always finding the good and trying our best to minimize the criticism. With children - minimal. With spouses NEVER [trust me - this is my field]. If you internalize this - your lives and those around you will improve dramatically and immediately!!
Love and blessings to all and a great shabbos!
A not normal shiur on this weeks parsha בס"ד http://www.yutorah.org/
