ADMIT FAULT!

I once saw a video where a rabbi said something which was so theologically problematic that it ensconced his views firmly outside the realm of Jewish belief. He said it clearly and knew he was being filmed.

He received a great deal of heat and so later filmed another video where he explained .... that his words were misconstrued and that he takes it upon himself in the future not to allow his words to be miscontrued. Meaning - it is not MY fault because I was misunderstood. It's YOUR fault for misunderstanding me! Like people often say [or imply] "It is not my fault for hurting his/her feelings. It is his/her fault for being offended!!"

Holy Lord!! Why couldn't he just have said - "I said something really stupid. I am sorry. I am an Orthodox rabbi and I spoke like a Reconstructionist or worse. חטאתי עוויתי פשעתי. In the future I will be more careful with my words."  But no - he couldn't-wouldn't admit his error.

He wrote a biography of his storied career and strangely only wrote of his many successes but nothing about his failures. Did he never fail? Is he perfect?? Or perhaps he tries to project a certain public image which is not exactly a reflection of his true self?

Coincidentally, I once spoke to a woman who told me that in decades of marriage her husband HAS NEVER BEEN WRONG!! Well, he's been wrong lots of times. He just never admitted it... He is a follower of this rabbi. Coincidence or not?

Sweetest friends!! You want shalom bayis - admit fault. We are ALL filled with faults. It is part and part of the human condition. EVERY DAY we bang our chest and admit sin. But all too often we do it as part of the liturgy but not because we really believe it.

There are many reasons that people refuse to admit fault, error, apologize for misdeeds etc. One reason is insecurity. They can only feel good about themselves if they are always right. Another is fear of repercussions. There are many possible reasons. But the bottom line is that if you want to grow as a person and as a Jew - admitting fault is stage one.

So said the Rambam in hilchos teshuva and so is the reality.

"I was WRONG".

"I am SOOO sorry for what I did. It was thoughtless and bordering on mean".

"I apologize for all the pain I caused you".

"I am sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me most".

"I feel terrible that I was so selfish and stingy".

Holy sentences that are RARELY verbalized. Whatta world it would be if people would habitually admit fault and resolve not to repeat the sin.

A delicious, nutritious recipe for personal growth.