Reb Usher Friend ztz"l [1910-2003] was a unique figure and
one of the great pillars of chesed of our generation. There are many legendary
stories about him, some of which have been documented in the sefer ר' אשר מפי תלמידיו.
There was NEVER anyone like him and it is kedai to get to know him -
even after his passing.
Here is one story [if you ask nicely I can share many more....:-)]
A man in Argentina called him and related that his daughter was
dating a goy and that he fears that they will marry. His life is not a
life and he doesn't know what to do. R' Usher told him to go around once [or
twice] a week for an entire year and collect tzedaka. In that merit, his
daughter will break up.
The man asked for an address where he should send the money and R'
Usher told him that he doesn't want the money. He should give it to a
local shul or school or mikva etc. The important thing is to collect.
The man did as he was told and after 3 months his daughter
split up from the boy. The man was elated. He called R' Usher and told him. He
added that collecting tzedaka was very hard for him. He counted the amount of
money he collected over the 3 months and figured out how much he would collect
over the next nine months. He would instead take the money out of his own
pocket and give it to tzedaka.
R' Usher said: No way. You have to collect for the full year.
Message: Collecting tzedaka [even not for oneself] can be very
humiliating [this writer can attest to that. Probably the most humiliating
thing I ever do.... People lose respect for me and the neshama is called
"respect" (עי' הקדמת בעל המאור למסכת ברכות) so it is a mini-spiritual death]. There
is a great tikun for one's neshama to experience that humiliation. It doesn't
feel good but then again - either does childbirth and we know how much
good comes from that.
So always remember to try to make tzdaka collectors feel good. They
are indeed doing you a big favor. Also, if you collect for any good cause
you will not only be helping others but you will primarily be helping
yourself.
Life is short - you gotta "chap arein" as many bizyonos as
possible...
