The Sfas Emes [at the end of his commentary on Meseches Yoma] says a HUUUUGE chiddush. The Holy Rebbe writes that on Erev Yom Kippur one must ask forgiveness even if he was justified in what he said or did to the other person. As long as the other person was offended - he is obligated to ask forgiveness. All year long one must only ask forgiveness if what he said or did was actually wrong. Erev Yom Kippur has a special chumra that even when he was 100 percent on the mark, forgiveness must be requested.
In this light I will ask that if I hurt ANYONE in ANY WAY by anything I said, didn't say, did, didn't do, PLEASE forgive me. If you have something that you have been holding inside and want to tell me how much I bothered you, you may contact me directly and I will not get defensive or deny any wrongdoing. If you were hurt, then you deserve to be placated and appeased. A precise reading of early sources reveal that the foundation of asking for mechila is הכנעה - submission [ואכמ"ל]. It is critical that a person lower himself to the other person and thus redress the wrong that he did.
I will be happy to lower myself to you. I am so low that I can play handball on the sidewalk. Please just tell me so that I can make amends.
My life experience has taught me that the people who hurt me the most, NEVER ask mechilah or ask in a perfunctory way without any real sense of regret and willingness to change. There are profound psychological explanation for this which are not the topic of this post. However, I don't want to be guilty of the same - so PLEASE tell me what I have done so that I can correct it for the future.
For who offended or hurt me - I am mochel mechilah gemura! It might not help because a careful reading of a gemera at the end of Yoma [ואכמ"ל] teaches that without asking, the mechila is limited in it's effectiveness [or not effective at all], but for all it is worth, I am mochel.
What I have learned over the years is that it is very rare that a person is AGAINST me. Why would anyone be DAVKA against me?! It is that people are FOR themselves. This self-love and absorption comes at the expense of others but should not be taken personally. Paradoxically, people are far too immersed in themselves to have an interest in being against me. I am a nobody so what is there to be against? It is not like we are competing to be President of the US or for a specific job. It is this same self-immersion that might cause others at times to act in ways that cause offense or hurt feelings. That is the paradox.
Nobody is against you either [in all likelihood]. They are just in favor of themselves. So please together with me, drop all feelings of hostility and anger, let go, and put yourself in a world of complete, unbridled, unconditional love לכל אשר בשם ישראל יכונה - for all Jews [in the category of those one must love].
Bi-ahava and wishes for a great Yom Kippur filled with tremendous elevation,
Me
