SCARY! - ALWAYS BI-SIMCHA

A sobering thought:

It could be that G-d decided last week that this will be my last year on earth. I have 4 days to undo the decree.

S-C-A-R-Y!!!

What have I done that would justify keeping me here? I can openly and with a great deal of embarassment admit that this year I spent a great deal of time complaining to Hashem Yisborach for the various struggles, disappointments, frustrations, pains, distresses etc. etc. from which I suffered a great deal on many different levels. It was not an easy one [following the previous one which was also no walk in the park - excluding the day I went for a pleasant walk in Central Park]. Maybe He said "Hey Elch, if you don't like the way I run my world, I will take you out of it".

So I think part of my avoda [and yours?] over the next few days is to fill myself with gratitude to Hashem for all of the BILLIONS of blessings I enjoy daily [every healthy cell, the sun, wind, gravity, knees, kindneys and countless other body parts and functions, food, a roof over my head, intellect, family and friends, shoes, water, RUNNING water, electricity, automobiles instead of horses etc. etc. etc.]. If we appreciate His blessings we receive the right for more.

I also ask Hashem to keep me here because my children need a father. The Chasam Sofer writes that sometimes Hashem keeps a person around longer just for the sake of his kids [והותיר ה' אלקיך לטובה בפרי בטנך]. The same applies to one who serves the community.

But the bottom line [at least for me] is אבינו מלכנו חננו ועננו כי אין בנו מעשים עשה עמנו צדקה וחסד והושיענו.

My learning is pathetic, my davening yet worse, my thoughts are constantly focused on myself etc. etc. But Hashem's mercy reigns supreme. I can hope that he give me yet another chance and HOPEFULLY next year I will be better.

I need a lot of mussar and chasidus to get my soul in order.

And, of course, ALWAYS bi-simcha!

What about YOU?