R' Amichai Gordin Shabbat Bi-shabbato
The groom was more than fifty years old, the bride was close to forty. Years of loneliness came to an end at this very special wedding. Four years later, after long fertility treatments, the couple was privileged to have a cute baby. There are some people who achieve all they want very easily, for others things are more difficult.
Two years later, their apartment was blown up in a gas explosion. The pure and optimistic lives of Avraham and Galia Topan and their baby, Yosef Chaim, were ended suddenly in a tragic accident.
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It was impossible to stop looking at them. Something about their smiles and their innocence did not allow you to leave them. The pictures of Yael and Avigayil Gross, sweet children who were accidentally poisoned, remained on the screen in our heads for hours. Who could have believed that they would end their lives in such a tragic way?
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"If it happens that many strong walls fall down in a city... this is a tragedy and it calls for a fast and prayer. The same is true for earthquakes and storms which can destroy buildings and kill people" [Rambam, Hilchot Taaniyot 2:12].
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Our sages taught us to look for the hand of G-d in the world. When a string of disasters happens, we should not only look for the specific causes of each event. (And if this could happen to the very same exterminator, who worked in our home several times, a man who is honest, upright, dedicated, and responsible, the same thing could happen to other workers, G-d forbid.) When a tragedy happens, it is necessary to lift up our viewpoint and to listen – to the voice of G-d, speaking to us (or possibly shouting at us).
I want to share my own personal soul-searching with you. (I am happy to see that Rabbi Yoni Lavie, with whom I share this column, also wrote about this matter last week.) I am neither a prophet nor the son of a prophet. I do not know what the Creator wants from us, or who it is that knows the details of the will of G-d. The following are things that I concluded by myself and for me alone as a result of these terrible tragedies. If any of my readers will be able to reap any benefit from my own conclusions, that will be my reward.
There is a common thread that passes through these two shocking tragedies. In both cases, we brought the events on ourselves. Both cases were caused by very dangerous materials which when used properly greatly improve our lives. It is hard to live without gas for cooking, and it is hard to live in the midst of an infestation of mice and rats.
Gas and insecticides are not the only dangerous materials that we bring into our homes. The internet, which greatly improves the quality of our lives, is also a very dangerous realm which must be protected very carefully.
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After spending ten years as an educator in a yeshiva high school, Rabbi Yaniv Efrati moved to being a researcher in Bar Ilan University. He studied addiction to problematic internet sites and the ramifications of this phenomenon. He came to some very significant conclusions.
According to Dr. Efrati's research, about 30% of the religious youths (even including those who study in the "good" yeshivot) spend a lot of time with sites that have sexual content. Even if this is exaggerated and the true number is closer to 15%, this is still a shocking statistic.
Unfortunately, Dr. Efrati's research shows that the main problem of these youths is not what is usually assumed – that they are succumbing to the prohibition of "Do not follow your heart and your eyes" [Bamidbar 15:39]. And the filth that has been left behind in the souls of these youths is also not the main problem that they will face in the future.
Dr. Efrati found that religious youths who surf such internet sites are more prone to develop serious pathological illnesses in the future. The tension between their value system and where they find themselves at night, when nobody else is looking over their shoulder, is harsh and problematic. This pressure leads them to live between two worlds, in a state of mental and spiritual anguish that becomes too much to bear.
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There are two things that we can do for them and for ourselves. The first thing is to convince ourselves and our children the truth of the adage, "A righteous person will fall seven times and get up again, while an evil person will fall in his evil" [Mishlei 24:16]. Both righteous and evil people fall. The world is not perfect. But there is a difference. An evil person gives up and does not believe in himself, while a righteous person, in spite of falling and rising up many times, continues on his path. (There is much that can be added, but not in this short article.)
The next item is simple but important. We cannot completely prevent gas leaks, but we can minimize them. We cannot prevent all the traffic accidents but we can dramatically decrease their number. We cannot hermetically seal off all the problematic internet sites, but we can drastically limit our exposure to them.
We must install effective gateways in our home internet, even if this leads to irritating interference. We must also carefully weigh whether the benefit that our child will get from having a smartphone outweighs the danger and the heavy price that he might pay in the end. We must always be wary of dangerous materials.
