Parshat Vayigash is a parsha of reunion and unification, as we read about the long-awaited revelation of Yosef to his brothers in Egypt. In reading the detailed description of the reconciliation between Yosef and his brothers, we learn a lesson about how to attain and maintain achdut (unity) among Bnei Yisrael for all generations.
The Torah depicts Yosef as unable to control his flooding emotions in the dramatic verses in which he finally divulges his identity. We might imagine that he would feel overwhelmed by anger or resentment after all these years. As we read and understand the parsha, however, it is apparent that it was not hatred or anger but deep love and compassion for his brothers that ultimately brought Yosef to break down in tears before his brothers.
Yosef’s love and concern for his brothers is displayed most remarkably in the moments just before his revelation. The Torah tells that Yosef could not bare the thought that the Egyptians were in the room witnessing this scene (Gen. 45:1). Rashi explains that Yosef did not want to cause his brother to be shamed before the Egyptians.This sensitivity displayed by sending away the Egyptians gives insight into the mindset of Yosef HaTzadik. Yosef was in an exalted position, his dreams had essentially come true, and he had the bothers in perfect place to shame and embarrass them in the public eye. And yet, Yosef did not seize this opportunity to cause his bothers pain, instead, he actually goes above and beyond to minimize their shame.
We see from this that the rebuke Yosef deliveed was clearly not for his own self-edification or God forbid, revenge against his brothers. Rather, his words of reproach were offered not as a means to avenge his brothers or to push them further away, but instead to bring them closer to him. The Torah describes:
And Joseph said to his brothers, "I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?" but his brothers could not answer him because they were startled by his presence.
Then Joseph said to his brothers, "Please come closer to me," and they drew closer. And he said, "I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. Gen. 45:3-4)
Many commentators wonder why Yosef repeats a second time ani Yosef? Moreover, why does he add the word, achicha (your brother) in the second time? The Beis Halevi explains that the first time Yosef declared, I am Yosef, was mussar for their sin and for the pain they caused him and his father: Yehuda was trying to convince Yosef to release Binyamin with the claim that he wanted to protect his father from the pain of losing a beloved son (43:9). In response to this claim, Yosef calls out to them - I am Yosef – meaning, if you’re so worried now about all this, why didn’t you save me in order to protect my father 20 years ago? Why did you put me in harm’s way and cause my father so much distress?
The second statement was not one of rebuke, but of reconciliation. Immediately after Yosef delivers this subtle but taunting rebuke to his brothers, he shows them that he loves them still, he reminds them, I am your brother even after the pain you caused.
Love is not the denial or blindness to another’s wrongdoings; he truly loving parent or friend will reprimand the child when necessary. What differentiates rebuke that comes from a place of hate and vengeance from rebuke out of love and care for another individual lies in the intentions of the one reprimanding: is it for the advancement of one’s ego, or is it in the hopes of teaching a lesson and ultimately reconciling the relationship.
It is only rebuke that comes from the heart and that is delivered sensitivity that enables the restoration of harmony even after so many years of bitterness and pain. As we see in our parsha, after Yosef reproaches his brothers with his simple but meaningful and evocative words that he is able to get closer to them again (as he explicitly says, Please come closer to me and so they do).
We might ask, what was it that gave Yosef the ability to overcome his own personal, internal wounds and to express and display deep affection and care for his brothers? Yosef himself tells us the answer to this question with one word: achicha. With this word, Yosef tells the brothers – we are brothers – part of one family – and no disputes will sever those family ties.
Rav Nevenzhal points out that the first two letters of the word echad (one) make up the word ach (brother). Interestingly, it is the letter dalet, which typically denotes the name of Hashem, that is added to the word ach (brother) to form the word echad (one). Perhaps the deep message of these letter combinations is that what unites all of Bnei Yisrael (the sons of Israel) is the fact that we have one Father, one God.
Rav Nevenzhal cites an insight of Rav Moshe Kordevero to highlight this point: the word areiv means mixed-in or intertwined. And so, the famous verse, kol Yisrael areivim zeh bazeh (all Jews are responsible for each other) implies that all Klal Yisrael are inherently intertwined with one another. It is this inherent connection that makes us responsible for one another. It is this unbreakable bond that allows Yosef to forgive rather than avenge.
We learn this lesson of achdut and areivut from Yaakov Avinu in this parsha. The Midrash tells us that upon reuniting with his beleved son, Yosef, Yaakov neither fell on Yosef’s neck nor kissed him but rather he called out Shema Ysrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad upon reuniting with his beloved son, Yosef (Rashi, 46:29). Yaakov knew that indeed strife would continue to shatter the Jewish unity in future generations, but still, in the reunion of his family perhaps he realized that ultimately the bond of brotherhood would somehow keep the Jewish family in tact even through all the internal battles they might have to overcome. Perhaps in calling out these words Yaakov hoped to teach this to his sons by reminding them Hashem is our God, Hashem is one. All of you are inherently united in purpose – with the same goal of serving Hashem.
Finally, this is perhaps one way to understand Yosef’s comforting words to his brothers:
But now do not be sad, and let it not trouble you that you sold me here, for it was to preserve life that God sent me before you (Gen. 46:5).
With these words Yosef tells his brothers I am here to serve God and I have been here serving God all along just as you were in the house of our father! We are still united as one family bonded by greater goals of avdut Hashem.
Let us hear the words of Yaakov Avinu – reminding us the essential lesson of ahavat Yisrael, achdut, and areivut. When we see another individual doing something that seems contrary to this greater goal of serving Hashem, let us be motivated by our love and dedication and not by frustration or ego in the way we point out the mistakes they may have made. It is with this mindset that we will surely treat each other with sensitivity, dignity and honor that every son of the King merits. May we rejoice in knowing that the bond of Bnei Yisrael is timeless and let this awareness move us to see each other and treat each other with the unconditional love and sensitivity and devotion that we have for family.
Shabbat Shalom, Taly
