R' Etiel Giladi
Do you
have a problem? Are you looking for a solution? Sometimes, a person
talks about difficulties but is really searching for compassion and
somebody to listen and not really asking for a solution.
Understanding this point is today an indispensable part of guidance
for a new groom. Your wife wants you to listen, she isn't looking for
solutions. However, during personal therapy people are also
interested in solving their dilemmas.
Explaining
Dreams
What
does "a solution" mean? In today's language, a solution is
a way out of a problem – a step, a process, or a way of
understanding that will free me from the place where I have gotten
stuck, something that will take care of the crisis and help me to
progress to a better path. However, in the language of the Torah, the
root peh-tav-reish refers to explaining the
meaning of a dream (as we have written here in the past, every
spiritual therapy can be viewed as explaining a dream).
The
explanation is not merely a practical conclusion that allows us to
cope with the contents of a dream. First and foremost, it requires
deep analysis of the dream, an understanding of the hints within it
and its spiritual background. A dream consists of confused fragments
of reality which spring up without any special sequence from the
unconscious mind, and to explain it ("liftor")
we must stitch its parts together ("litfor")
and give it meaning. Indeed, the word "patar"
(resolved) is translated into Aramaic as "pashar"
(explained - a shin and a tav can be interchanged when going from
Hebrew to Aramaic). This appears in the book of Daniel with respect
to explaining dreams and one time in Hebrew in Kohellet: "Who is
wise and knows the explanation of things (pesher davar)?"
[8:1]. Solving the contents of a dream means to explain what appeared
in it.
When
we have a problem, especially something related to the spiritual
realm, it is not enough to find a practical solution that will
extricate us from the situation. Healing of the soul requires a
solution which includes an explanation, deep insight that will give
our lives real meaning. There are times when the explanation is also
needed to achieve a true solution of a crisis, and without this
addition the practical suggestions are not precise and are not
efficient. At other times the process must be in the opposite
direction – First of all the practical problem must be solved. The
person must stop the harmful action, move his mind away from
troublesome thoughts, and go back to assume an active role. Only
after this is done is it possible to expose the deep roots of the
problem. There is also another possibility – that the very act of
reaching an explanation solves the difficulty, and that there is no
need for changes in practice.
Salvation
and Consolation
Why
is this solution-explanation so important? Eliyahu the Prophet will
give us good news in the future, he will provide salvation and
consolation. The salvation is redemption from the difficulties of the
exile, the consolation is based on understanding – justifying all
the difficulties we experienced, an explanation that we can fully
accept about why they were all necessary, and the understanding that
this is what led to the redemption. Without consolation, the solution
eases the situation from this moment on, but it leaves us with the
difficulties of the past. And a solution of the past without any
explanation leaves us with a "hole" in our biography – an
undesirable and unexplained era that continues to burden us even
after it has passed.
This
is also similar to another important element of personal therapy:
releasing us of our vows, which is based on an understanding of the
spiritual motives of the vow. The sages have taught us that a wise
man who absolves a person from a vow uproots it, as if it had never
happened at all, and doesn't merely cancel it from that moment on.
(Canceling a vow, which a husband can do for his wife, only takes
effect from the moment that he takes this action.) As opposed to a
medical cure, which may leave behind scars and blemishes, releasing a
person from a vow does not leave any vestiges of the past. A good
process of therapy should lead in the end to a situation where the
entire difficult past becomes part of a single path of progress. Once
the difficulties are explained, they become part of our growth and
learning.
Peace
and Perfection
The
root "pashar" also appears in the word
"peshara" – a compromise. We have been
taught that "a compromise is better than a judgement."
Every difficulty that we experience is an example of "judgement,"
a feeling of a lack, the hidden face of G-d, and a complaint about
the real world. Compromise shows us that the Holy One, Blessed be He,
appears all over the world, peeps out through the cracks at
everything that happens, and controls everything by a merciful
process of personal guidance. When a person compromises with G-d,
when the good and the difficult parts of life "compromise"
with each other, he can achieve peace and internal perfection. (Here
is a hint of the truth: The numerical value of " yodai'a
pesher davar" – He knows the explanation of things – is
876, the same as that of "sar shalom" – the
prince of peace – which is one of the names of Mashiach, who will
console us for the troubles of the exile and bring about true peace
in the world.)
