Tuesday, December 26, 2017

So Much Lying

Chazal say that before Hashem created the world, truth said "don't create [man] for he is filled with falsehood". 


"אמר רבי סימון: בשעה שבא הקדוש ברוך הוא לבראֹת את אדם הראשון, נעשו מלאכי השרת כיתים כיתים, וחבורות חבורות. מהם אומרים אל יִבָּרֵא, ומהם אומרים יִבָּרֵא, הדא הוא דכתיב: (תהלים פה, יא) חֶסֶד וֶאֱמֶת נִפְגָּשׁוּ, צֶדֶק וְשָׁלוֹם נָשָׁקוּ. חסד אומר: יִבָּרֵא, שהוא גומל חסדים. ואמת אומר: אל יִבָּרֵא, שכולו שקרים. צדק אומר: יִבָּרֵא, שהוא עושה צדקות. שלום אומר: אל יִבָּרֵא, דכוליה קטטה. מה עשה הקדוש ברוך הוא נטל אמת והשליכו לארץ, הדא הוא דכתיב (דניאל ח, יב) וְתַשְׁלֵךְ אֱמֶת אַרְצָה.
אמרו מלאכי השרת לפני הקדוש ברוך הוא רבון העולמים! מה אתה מבזה תכסיס אלטיכסייה שלך?! תעלה אמת מן הארץ! הדא הוא דכתיב (תהלים פה, יב) אֱמֶת מֵאֶרֶץ תִּצְמָח".

This medrash requires a lot of explanation but maybe another time. In the meantime, some words about sheker from the web. 
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According to recent research, lying happens a lot more than you might think.I’d love to start, as I normally do, with a nice long anecdote, but there’s a problem. By the time you have finished reading this post there’s every chance you might just think that I’m making it all up.

Why?

Well, because the big truth I want to get across in this post is how often people lie. The spoiler here is that, unfortunately, it’s a lot. 60 percent of people lie for every ten minutes of conversation

Yes, that’s right. According to the University of Massachusetts, a whopping 60 percent of people lie to you at least once during discussions lasting ten minutes or more.

Think about how many of those you have in a week.

And what I’ve just told you is almost a white lie right there. It’s not just one lie you might hear. Oh no. The average number of lies these people told was actually two or three lies in ten minutes.

And that’s a wee bit worrying when you have a moment to take that fact in. Because, in a ten-minute conversation, they won’t be talking for all of that time. They will be listening to you chatter on as well.

So the truth-to-lies ratio for their contribution is, in a way, a lot higher.

And I just pray that you’re not one of the 60 percent as well – because the above conversation is simply not worth having then! Seriously: under those circumstances there could be two people telling six lies in ten minutes.

And, even if those figures are somehow a little off, things are still not great.

An earlier study that didn’t come to the same conclusion still said that men and women lie in a fifth of conversations lasting ten or more minutes. It found they deceive 30 percent of their work colleagues every week.

What kinds of lies are these people spreading?

Well, it’s a whole range of things. In the Massachusetts study, participants were asked to look over recorded conversations they had had. As they did, they were encouraged to identify all the lies that they had told. A lie counted as every time someone deceived someone about the facts. So that included smaller things: like if you said someone’s hair was nice (when you didn’t think it was) right through to big whoppers.

The results of this experiment also found that men and women, on the whole, lie for different reasons. Women lie to feel better about themselves, while men lie to look better.
But let’s break down these lies just a little bit more.


This doesn’t end when we stop being kids, either. When you are late for work, or you forget someone’s birthday, you may well lie to cover your back. If you don’t then you might get into more serious trouble, or might cause offense when there was never meant to be any. Nobody intends to forget the birthday of someone they care about, for instance. Of course if you do remember to buy that gift – and the other person doesn’t like it – then they feel socially obliged to lie to you.

Of course, things can spiral out of control. Dr Paul Ekman explains that the greater the stakes, the worse we are at covering lies. So when you forget to buy someone a present and then say it’s in the mail then that’s fine. But if you are pulled over by the police over a potential speeding ticket, then a lie is less likely to pass under the radar.


Are we creating a world where we want to hear lies?

Of course what is interesting is that we already have a world where we almost want to hear lies. It sounds cynical, but I think to some extent this is true.

First off think about work. Does your boss really want to know that you have rolled into work late because you have no motivation? Or would they rather you told them you were late because of traffic? Think of it like this: which of these keeps you out of trouble, and makes them feel better?

And, in terms of your friends, these lies also persist. Like I mentioned before, you are told to say a gift is nice, even if you don’t like it, so as not to hurt someone’s feelings. This is a rule which has been pushed onto you since you were a child.