A person with a bad temper destroys his life and causes much distress to others. Anger ruins relationships and wrecks one's health. When you become angry, your heart beats faster, your arterial pressure rises, the blood in your stomach shifts to your heart and central nervous system, the processes in your alimentary canal cease, sugar is freed from the reserves in the liver, your spleen contracts and discharges its contents of concentrated corpuscles, and adrenalin is secreted from the adrenal medulla. These changes give you greater strength to attack an enemy or help you flee danger. In situations that are annoying but not dangerous these reactions are highly healthy. The more aware you are of the harm you cause yourself through your anger, the more motivated you will be to develop attitudes and outlooks that will decrease the intensity and frequency of your anger. Recall some of the difficulties and problems caused by your anger. Many people deny their anger to others and to themselves.
Frequently, when an obviously angry person (as shown by his clenched fists, the look on his face, or his tone of voice) is asked if he is angry, he replies that he is not. The first step in overcoming anger is to be aware that you are angry. One of the best cures for anger is to see yourself as others see you when you are angry. Just once when you are in a rage, look at yourself in a mirror. Perhaps, have someone else videotape you. See the expression on your face. Compare that with how you look when you are joyous or are laughing. Listen to your voice on a recording. Compare that with how you sound when you are calm and relaxed.
Anger sidetracks you from your real goals. When you are angry, you do not think clearly and are more prone to making mistakes. Consider it a high priority to enter a calmer state. When you realize that you are angry, breathe deeply and slowly several times. Repeat the words "calm and relaxed" with each breath. Imagine yourself in the most peaceful and serene setting you can think of. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you sense? Some people find that when they imagine a glowing white light flowing through them from head to toe, it changes their state. Some prefer to do this with a yellow light, while others prefer a shiny blue light. Let anger serve as your teacher. Ask yourself, "What pain am I expressing with my anger?" And, "What vulnerable areas in myself have led to this anger?" When you become angry, you are: (a) blaming someone, and (b) evaluating what the person did or said as negative. Give up blaming. Try to see things from the other person's point of view. He might not be at fault at all, he might be making an honest mistake, he might just be in a nonresourceful state, he might not know any better. Frequently the reality of a situation that led to the anger is different from what it seemed to be at first.
When you become angry about something, ask yourself, "Am I certain that my perception is correct? How can I be sure?" Realize that most situations are so trivial that it is not worth the harm to your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being to get angry. When you feel angry, ask yourself, "Am I angry about a triviality?" Instead of reacting with anger, ask yourself, "What can I say to this person in a calm, straightforward, and respectful manner that will help us come to a mutually acceptable agreement?" An example might be: "I'm disturbed with what you said/did. Let me share with you how I see things and let's work this out."
Communicate with compassion or love with the person who aroused your anger. Perhaps this alone will settle the issue in a satisfactory manner. A truly loving person accomplishes more than one who is angry. One tool for alleviating anger is to focus for a few minutes on just your bodily reactions. Focus on the muscle tension of your arms. shoulders, and stomach. Be aware of any sensations you are experiencing. Many people find that anger disappears when they do this. High levels of stress can lead to anger. If you become angry frequently and easily, make it a high priority to decrease your level of stress. A major factor can be a general dissatisfaction with what you are doing with your life. This necessitates a plan for major changes. Lack of sleep or deficient nutrition can be the cause of irritability which generates anger. With a proper amount of rest and a change of diet, this can be remedied. Visualize yourself coping in a calm or humorous manner with a situation that used to get you angry. Mentally rehearse a positive approach. After practicing a number of times, you will be able to remain calmer in a situation in which you previously became angry.
[R' Pliskin]
