To Cling Or Not To Cling

One of the big obstacles to having a satisfying relationship is differing expectations. Example: A girl likes a boy. That is encouraged. In order to enhance the relationship she understands that the boy should be texting her every morning to say "good morning Chava-Shaina-Mirel-Shprintza-Yenta-Bluma". He should also text her throughout the morning to ensure that she is doing well. He should also text her before going to sleep to say "good night Chava-etc.-etc.-etc.". He should also meet her for dinner and of course email and call her various times throughout the day.

Am I exaggerating? But of course. I do that so that you smile because people are so TENSE and I want readers of mevakesh to CHILL. However you understand my point. Some girls [some not all!!] are CLIIINGYY. Some boys are also clingy. Usually clingy girls don't end up with clingy boys and clingy boys don't end up with clingy girls. This creates a gap in expectations and makes the "clinged to" feel choked and makes the "clinger" feel unloved and insecure about the relationship.

So give your partner some space if he/she needs it. I know a fellow who LOVES PEOPLE yet refuses to carry around a cell phone or any other contraption that would enable anybody to contact him because when he goes out he wants space from the world and doesn't want to feel that anybody can reach him at any second. This includes his wife, children or anybody else. He also never texts his wife [he doesn't know how]. He also is blogging RIGHT NOW as we speak:-). [Incidentally, when I was introduced in shul this shabbos before my drasha it was noted that I am an active blogger. How did they KNOW? I didn't tell them! Can like, anyone read this?? SOOOO embarrassing!]

The best way to do things is to discuss what each side needs and wants and try to come to some sort of understanding as to how much contact there will be. Every healthy relationship needs time apart and time together. How much depends on the individuals involved.