Be A Woman - Not A Man; Is Submission A Good Thing?

Last week a woman wrote a caustic, vitriolic, abrasive and yet highly circulated article, in the name of Jewish women worldwide and for all of the generations, demanding full rights for women. Women must be accepted to the yeshivos of the men, they are sick of cooking and cleaning for the men, they demand equality!! Men have been oppressing them for too long and they have had enough!!

I hope you didn't see it...

A few points:

1] She does not represent the masses of women. MOST women don't [and never did] feel as she does. Just a few angry feminists.

2] Women don't REALLY want to go to Lakewood and Mir. Either would she [the author of the article]. Find me a women who wants to sit in front a gemara 12 hours a day, every day, trying to analyze the machlokes of whether or not we say migo li-hotzi or whether a tnai means that the maaseh is kayam, just if the tnai is not fulfilled the maaseh is batel or do we say that the maaseh is not kayam and if the tnai is fulfilled the maaseh is kayam. C'mon. You don't really care. It would be extremely boring for you to analyze that. It interested Reb Elchonon Wasserman and Rav Isser Zalamn Meltzer and many bnei yeshiva since but is really out of the orbit of the average [or non-average] women. Not because you are inferior but because you don't care.

3] Sorry to disappoint her but MEN DON'T HATE WOMEN NOR DO WE WANT TO CONTROL THEM. If anything - in a large percentage of Jewish marriages, it is the wife who controls her husband and not the opposite. We actually love our mothers, wives and daughters and just want what is best for them. In Jewish literature throughout the ages you see time and again that the rabbis had far more compassion for the plight of women than for the plight of men. The mitzva of ואהבת לרעך כמוך applies equally towards women as it does towards men.

4] If you don't want to cook and clean then you shouldn't have gotten married. That is part of the contract [as per the mishna in Ksubos 59]. But the flipside is that the man obligates himself to support his wife until and even after his death. That is a good deal. I am looking for someone to support me until my demise. In the meantime I have found nobody [am poor] and envy my wife who in exchange for doing my laundry doesn't have to worry about money. Plus - she gets to have a home, children, companionship [I also make her laugh quite a bit - free, live-in comedy!] etc. It is a VERY good deal ma'am. The grass always seems greener on the other side - but it isn't:-).

5] If she and her ilk REALLY want to be more like men then here is my suggestion. Get up every morning at six for daf yomi and minyan. Then stop your day in the middle, drop everything and get a mincha minyan. Do the same for maariv. At night, have an hour and a half chavrusa in shulchan aruch hilchos ribis when you can't keep your eyes open.

You want to learn even more? Buy an Artscroll Shas, learn through the whole thing [with the footnotes] and come back to me when you are finished. Listen to any shiurim on line. Maybe Rav Schachter on Maseches Sotah. Why do we have to make our yeshivos co-ed? Do you think the boys and girls should have chavrusas together? Is this normal??? Stop trying to destroy our mesorah.

6] Being a Jew means SUBMISSION. Submission is a BAD WORD for the militant feminists but that is what it is all about. A women must SUBMIT and be SUBORDINATE to her husband and to Hashem. Indeed. אין אשה כשרה אלא העושה רצון בעלה. It is NOT about male power vs. female power. It is NOT a power struggle. Why not? Because the men have NO POWER either. We also MUST BE subordinate to Hashem. We also MUST BE SUBORDINATE TO OUR WIVES [or "wife" since we all have one at most]. As daf yomi leaners will discover this week - men are משועבד to their wives. משועבד means that we are like עבדים to our wives. "Slaves" in English. A wife has obligations towards her husband and a husband towards his wife. It is eminently fair. It is actually [on the surface] unfair. Women get the better of the deal. The Torah puts far more obligations on the man towards his wife and G-d. A woman has the option of doing most things men do but is not obligated.

The POINT however of being a Jew is learning how to be בטל בתכלית to the will of the Ribbono Shel Olam. That is the greatest pleasure and the highest level of service. Not male vs. female but both in the service of the Creator. All of the feminist [and "Open Orthodox"] rhetoric misses this critical point. We are NOT in this world to satisfy our yearnings, spiritual or otherwise but to fulfill the will of Hashem with Ahava and Yirah.

Leading me to my next point.

8] Fill yourself with ahava and yirah and then you won't be resentful when you perform services for your husband. My mother is more than happy to do my laundry when I am visiting [even though I can do it on my own]. This is because she loves me. My wife asks me what I want to eat so she can make it [even though I know how to prepare my own food - namely, by buying it in the supermarket]. My daughter insists on ironing my shirts. These special women are filled not with enmity but with a holy feminine desire to give and nurture. In this area they are not unique. MOST Jewish women have this quality. Those angry feminists with acidic pens [or not to be anachronistic "keyboards"] are suppressing that part of themselves for deep psychological reason that I cannot decipher.

Poor them.

Nu - a lot more to say but not for now.

May all of the unhappy women in the world find spiritual fulfillment in ways that leave their souls truly nourished and may they never harbor a desire to bee like them men but who they are - שעשני כרצונו - a reflection of the deep will of the Creator הבורא ברוך הוא [see Siddur Olas Ri-iyah on that bracha].

Maybe my beloved friend R' Mordy at Six Flags will brighten up your mood. It did mine.