R' Itiel Giladi
Are you upset? Are you thinking about your distress all day long? Perhaps that's the problem. Decrease your distress to its proper proportions, and it can become a constructive force for improvement.
This week, at the beginning of the month of Iyar, we mark the date of the passing of Rebbe Menachem Mendel from Vitebsk, the author of "Pri Ha'Aretz," who was the leader of the first major Aliya to Eretz Yisrael in modern times. Rebbe Menachem Mendel wanted the settlement in the land to achieve economic independence, but he did not succeed in his goal, and the people were forced to rely on "Charity for Eretz Yisrael" which was sent from abroad. With this as background, we can continue to the following story:
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One time the messenger who brought money from abroad was delayed, and the community reached a state of hunger. When the people complained to Rebbe Menachem Mendel, he replied: It is clear that you are hungry, but why does this matter fill your thoughts all day long?
You should do as I do, the Rebbe said. In the morning, I spend about a quarter of an hour being hungry, for the amount of time that it usually takes me to eat breakfast. After this I return to my usual activities. And I do the same at the times of the other meals. When there is food you don't eat all day long, and if there is no food it is sufficient to feel hungry during the times when you would normally eat.
The people felt that the Rebbe's words were meant as a joke which did not suit their mood, and they continued to complain. Then the Rebbe said that he saw with the aid of the Holy Spirit that the messenger would soon arrive, and that they could borrow money to buy food, since they would soon be able to repay the loan. Afterwards, the Rebbe was upset, and he told the people that if they had listened to his advice and held out a little longer, they would no longer have been required to depend on support from abroad.
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Maintain a Proper Proportion
The above story describes an understandable source of distress – hunger. But the Rebbe told his followers that they must keep their feelings in check and not let them take over their entire lives. The clear need must be given the time that it deserved but no more than that. Then, he said, the hunger would no longer be a spiritual force that would take over their souls but rather it would lead them to financial independence. That is, distress that takes control of life cause matters to get "stuck" and as a result leads to an increase in financial dependence, while a real need that is kept under control can be transformed into a positive force which will help a person advance and develop an independent solution for his problems.
The reader may well claim: It is obvious that every major problem involves increasing a spiritual force to a level that is beyond the proper proportion or an exaggeration of a life situation – what is the "big discovery" in saying that the solution is to return to proper proportions? If I could indeed control my distress or my troublesome thoughts, I would never have a need to consult an analyst...
Setting a Limit makes it Possible
Well, being aware of the correct path to a solution can help calm a person and indicate the proper path: A person may feel that in order to find a solution to a problem he must occupy himself with it all the time, but by doing so he merely enhances his spiritual distress. On the other hand, a fear of being obsessively occupied with the distress can force a person to the other extreme and distract him completely. Then the repressed distress, which has not been solved, returns and suddenly reappears, and the spiritual distress becomes stronger still. Limiting the time of involvement in a proper way can allow "a release of pressure," for the problem is not ignored but it is controlled so that it does not completely take over. Putting a limit allows a person to "surround" the problem and take control of it, instead of being imprisoned by it. And then it can be transformed into a constructive urge that will lead to a viable solution.
The first step should be to completely ignore the situation – to "despair" of this world and to completely cancel the "ego" and its needs. Only one who is able to do this can also control and establish the proper level of involvement in his problems (following the advice of the Rambam – that in order to achieve the middle path it is necessary to first move to the other extreme, and instead of being obsessively involved in the problem to ignore it completely). Using this approach, to ignore the problem is not a negative reaction but rather a necessary stage in reaching a solution. (In the above story, the people in the community lacked this stage completely, and that is why they thought that Rebbe Menachem Mendel's advice was merely a joke.)
Limiting the involvement with the problem requires a considerable effort and self-control, but it can be a way of transforming a problematic spiritual force into a positive force of the soul.
Ash"an
The limit is not necessarily restricted to time. The "Sefer Yetzira" lists three dimensions of reality, abbreviated as Ash"an (smoke) – Olam (the world, referring to a physical place); Shana (a year, referring to time); and Nefesh (a soul, indicating the element of humanity). Rebbe Menachem Mendel proposes limiting the feeling of hunger (the urge to eat) to the proper times. Similarly, solving cultural problems depends on linking human relationships to the right person instead of expanding to a large number of varied relationships. (Specifically, this means that mending sexual problems requires limiting relationships to the person's mate.) Difficulty in finding a place/a mission/finance in the world (which is related to overcoming the lust for money) can be treated by restricting to a "place" – concentrating on a region where it is suitable for a person to develop, while making sure not to encroach on another person's boundaries or on dispersal of the soul.
