Tuesday, December 2, 2025

Misusing Wayne's Classic Line

An ad in a frum publication. HUGE letters: YOU MISS 100 PERCENT OF THE SHOTS YOU DON'T TAKE. 

Small letters at the bottom. "Get in the game. You have everything to lose".

Classic advertising-messing-witchyermind. 

You get the reference. Wayne Gretzky line. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. So shoot!! At least try!!! Who can argue with such an inspiring exhortation. Yes! Get in the game. You have EVERYTHING to lose. 

OK - I'm in!! 

But wait.... What are you selling me??

Daf Yomi? Amud Yomi? Fantasy football? A real estate investment? A shidduch?

The plot thickens!!:-)!!

I look down to the bottom of the ad to the small print. Oh - those HORRIBLE diet shots. The diet shots that often don't work. The diet shots that often cause terrible side effects and have even killed people. The diet shots that are a life sentence - once you start you are on it for life it you want to keep the weight off. Otherwise, it is all coming back. The diet shots that cost an accumlative FORTUNE.

That is NOT what Wayne meant. 

Consumer beware. Do your research and remember that there are MUCH HEALTHIER ways of losing weight. 

Like getting all of that GARBAGE junk-food out of your house. Poison!  

Like establishing a healthy diet and exercising self control.

Like exercising regularly.

MUCH better for you. And you saved thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars JUST LIKE THAT!! :-) 

    

VaYishlach: The Dignity of All of Us

There is a certain scenario that’s often used in comedy shows, or at least it used to be. A person of importance—a boss, a mayor, a president—finds himself incognito, unrecognized by those around him. Someone interacts with this disguised dignitary, treating him with casual disrespect, oblivious to his true stature. The audience watches as that hapless individual digs himself deeper and deeper into trouble, until the moment of revelation, when the “nobody” turns out to be somebody.

As a child, I remember thinking: I should probably prepare for that scenario. Perhaps someday, I reasoned, I might be distinguished or important, and someone would treat me disrespectfully, failing to appreciate just how notable I had become. When they discovered their error and came to apologize, what would I say?  It’s not such a simple question. On the one hand, the instinct is to be gracious: “It’s fine. Really. You didn’t know.”  But such easy forgiveness carries an uncomfortable implication—that mistreating ordinary people is acceptable, that only the revelation of hidden importance makes the offense matter. Is that really the message one wishes to send?

Fortunately, a story about the Beit HaLevi provided some guidance. The great Rav Yosef Ber Soloveitchik was traveling by train—where these things tend to happen—when a fellow passenger, failing to recognize him, treated him with contempt. When someone finally informed the offender of his victim's identity, the man was mortified and rushed to apologize. The Beit HaLevi's response was unexpected: "I cannot forgive you. I am not the victim. You treated me this way because you thought I was a simple poor person on the train. You never would have spoken to me that way had you known I was a prominent rabbi. So now you must find another simple poor person and ask him for forgiveness; he is the one you were actually disrespecting."

This insight aligns with a comment the Beit HaLevi offers on this week’s Torah reading. After the attack on Dinah, her brothers Simon and Levi express their outrage: "Ki nevala asa b'Yisrael lishkav et bat Yaakov, v'chein lo ye'aseh"—"For he has done a disgraceful thing in Israel, to lie with the daughter of Jacob, and such a thing is not done (Gen. 34:7)." The Beit HaLevinotes an apparent tonal shift within this single statement. The first clause thunders with condemnation—"a disgraceful thing," a terrible crime. But then the verse seems to deflate: "and such a thing is not done." It almost reads like a secondary, social critique appended to a moral horror: “This is monstrous—and also, we don’t do that sort of thing.”

The Beit HaLevi suggests that the phrases are not two separate thoughts, but one unified argument.  The Talmud (Bava Kama 62a) describes one who is about to travel, and who wishes to entrust a bag of gold coins to his neighbor for safekeeping. Not fully trusting her, he tells her they are silver coins, hoping to limit his exposure. The Talmud rules that if she is merely negligent and the coins are lost, her liability is limited to silver—she accepted responsibility only for what she believed she was guarding. But if she actively destroys the coins, she is liable for their full value as gold. Why the distinction? In both cases she didn't know they were gold. The answer is telling: when she acted destructively, she was doing something inherently wrong. One cannot plead ignorance of aggravating circumstances when the underlying act itself was impermissible.

This, says the Beit HaLevi, is precisely what the brothers were conveying. Yes, this was a terrible thing—an attack on a family of such prominence, the household of Jacob himself. But perhaps the perpetrators might offer an excuse; they weren’t aware of that. The brothers' response anticipates this defense: "V'chein lo ye'aseh"—this is something one does not do to anyone. The behavior was wrong regardless of the victim's identity.  This is not a question of status; this isn’t about accidentally insulting a dignitary one failed to recognize. This is behavior that violates basic human dignity, and once it violates that, “I didn’t know who she was” is not an excuse.  When one acts in such a fashion, one cannot claim mitigation by pleading ignorance of the victim's importance. The full gravity of the offense attaches to the perpetrator. (See the extensive analysis of his words in Uri V’Yishi, Gen.. #44).

Later in the book of Genesis, we will indeed read the story of one who is incognito prior to a dramatic revelation of his identity. When Joseph identifies himself to his brothers, who are not aware that it is he who is the viceroy of Egypt, his first words are: "I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?" The brothers are stunned into silence. The Midrash comments: "Oy lanu mi'yom ha'din, oy lanu mi'yom ha'tochacha"—"Woe to us on the day of judgment, woe to us on the day of rebuke." Yet Joseph’s words seem to contain no rebuke at all. He doesn’t deliver a speech or list their sins; he merely identifies himself and asks about their father.

Rav Avraham Pam, Z”L, explained that the most powerful rebuke lies in the sudden recognition that positions can reverse. Those that one dismissed as unimportant, that one treated with disdain, may someday stand in a position of power. The Talmud suggests that in olam ha'emet, the World of Truth, such reversals will occur—those distinguished here may find themselves diminished there, and vice versa. To glimpse such a possibility is itself transformative rebuke.

There is, however, a deeper principle at work, even without a dramatic reversal. There exists a basic kavod habriyot, a fundamental human dignity, that constitutes an axiom of halacha. Without this foundation, no other form of honor can find ground upon which to build.

My father, Z”L, I had an unusual personal practice. In the days before cel phones and caller ID, when the phone rang and he didn't have time to talk, he would answer immediately and say, "Can I call you back?" before asking who was calling. He explained his reasoning: if he first asked "Who is this?" and only then said he couldn't talk, the caller might conclude that his availability depended on the caller's importance. By declining the call before learning the caller's identity, he made clear that his unavailability was not about who they were – or weren’t.

This recognition—that basic dignity must be extended to everyone, and that greater degrees of respect can only be built upon this foundation—is embedded in Jewish law itself. The Talmud states in five places that kavod habriyot, human dignity, is so fundamental that it can override various halachic principles. Humanity is created in God's image, and must be treated accordingly. This principle is so dominant that it prevails in conflicts with many other precepts.

More striking still, we find instances where kavod habriyot overrides even Torah law. When we have an opportunity to show direct honor to God, He sometimes steps aside and instructs to show honor to human beings instead. A Midrash teaches that Bilam's donkey—that miraculous creature who spoke in defense of Israel—might have been preserved as a testament to God's wonders. Yet God ensured the donkey did not survive, because its continued existence would have been an embarrassment to Bilam. The Midrash draws the implication: if God Himself worries about the dignity of an evildoer like Bilam, how much more must we concern ourselves with the dignity of others.

This seems counterproductive. If showing honor to God is our ultimate aim, why sacrifice a kiddush Hashem for the sake of someone as wicked as Bilam? Why not, as it were, cut out the middleman?

The key may lie in a paradox that exists within the concept of honor. The great ethicists (see, for example, Shevet Mussar ch. 43) point to an inconsistency in the behavior of vain individuals. With an exaggerated sense of self-worth, they feel little regard for the status of others. Nonetheless, if they really felt this way, the very honor and adulation they so prize would be worthless, for what value is the esteem of an insignificant person? Thus, they are forced to consider other individuals worthy, only to the extent necessary to accept their praise. Thus, receiving honor is only possible if it is first ceded somewhat to those from whom it is desired.

The answer reveals something profound about the nature of kavod itself. All honor is built upon a foundation of basic human dignity. God receives kavodthrough His creations because human beings are themselves honorable. The more dignity extended to the simplest person, the more solid the foundation upon which greater honor—ultimately directed toward God Himself—can be constructed. But if basic human dignity is not recognized, if human beings are not treated as dignified, then the entire edifice of honor directed toward God is itself compromised. This is why kavod habriyot can override even Torah obligations in certain circumstances: to affirm that humanity must be treated with foundational dignity, and God’s honor is built upon that.

It might be suggested that this is the message of the statement, “Who is honored? He who honors others” (Avot 4:1). Not only is someone who is respectful to others worthy of such treatment himself, as the mishnah states openly, but further it is only possible for a person to receive honor if he first accords it to others, deeming them appropriate sources of expressions of esteem. As Rabbenu Yonah comments, “All honor that one shows to people, he is showing to himself.”

There is no such thing as stature without basic human dignity. All of humanity is created in the image of God, and this fact commands recognition in everything we say and everything we do. If we fail to appreciate this, if we fail to embody it in how we treat others, then there is nowhere for any form of importance to build itself. The highest esteem possible can only emerge when we recognize the dignity in all of us.

 R' Feldman


 

Monday, December 1, 2025

A Queer Phenomenon

Serious

An article came out with the astounding statistic that "among surveyed [non-Orthodox] *rabbis* ordained before 2004, only 7% identified as LGBTQ+ [don't forget the + sign. Halevai on all of our bank accounts!!]. The share rises to 15% for those ordained between 2005 and 2014, 29% for the 2015-2024 cohort, and 51% among current students."

Satire

Man: "I would like to become the rabbi of your temple".

Temple board: "Are you married?"

Man: "Yes". 

Temple board: "To your husband or wife?"

Man: "Wife".

Temple board: "We are not ready to break that glass ceiling and employ a man married to a woman. Sorry. Get yourself a husband and we'll talk."

Man: "But my brother is gay! My sister is lesbian!! My mother thinks she is a man!!! Doesn't that qualify me??"

Temple board: "So sorry. But we can't get past your marriage to a self identifying and biological woman. It would break with this Temple's tradition to hire you."

Serious

Trying hard not to think too much about why all these homos are so heck-bent on becoming deviant clergymen-women. 

I mean - this is America. A gay guy can become secretary of the US treasury, secretary of transportion [not only could they be but actually were/are], Nick Fuentes or anything else. Why do they seek out a position in the clergy? 

Weird. Or, maybe it is better to use the word that used to mean weird - QUEER!!!

Mussar Haskel

Let us thank Hashem that we have a Torah and don't make up our own distortion of everything holy as we go along. 

Toras Moshiach

Moshiach is coming ANY DAY אי"ה. But how will the Goyim adapt?? Will they suddenly be transformed in Jewish people with a Jewish mindset and eat cholent, kugel and tzimmes??

משיח יפרש תורת משה, בזה שיתגלה החיזיון בעולם איך יונקים כל העמים והמפלגות האנושיות את לשד חייהם הרוחניים מהמקור היסודי האחד, ומכל מקום יתאים התוכן לרוח כל אומה ואומה על פי תולדותיה, וכל עניניה המיוחדים, המזגיים והאקלימיים, וכל פרטי השינויים האיקונומיים והתכונות הנפשיות לכל שינוייהן, עד שהעושר של הפירוט לא יהיה חסר מאומה. והכל יהיה מתאגד ויונק ממקור אחד, בידידות עליונה וביטחון פנימי איתן. ד' יתן אומר המבשרות צבא רב, כל דיבור ודיבור שיצא מפי הגבורה נחלק לשבעים לשונות. וההתיישבות המוחלטה של האיחוד הרוחני של כל העולם האנושי, בצורה המקיימת את כל הטוב של החופש הפרטי, האישי והקיבוצי. היא התחלה למה שהוא יותר נעלה ונשגב, להרעיון הגדול הנובע מגילוי האחדות העשירה של כל ההויה כולה, בכל זיוה, חינה ויופיה, ובכל מתקה ועינוגה, וכל הוד רעננותה ורעם גבורתה, בשפעת חסדה ועליצות שלותה העליונה.

The Moshiach will interpret the Torah of Moshe by revealing to the world how all nations and human factions draw the essence of their spiritual lives from the one fundamental source. Nevertheless, the content will be adapted to the spirit of each nation according to its history, its unique temperamental and climatic characteristics, and all the details of economic changes and psychological traits in all their variations, so that nothing will be lacking in the richness of detail. And everything will be united and draw sustenance from one source, in supreme friendship and firm inner security. God will give out a word; they will announce it to a great multitude; every word that comes from the mouth of the Almighty is divided into seventy languages [see Shabbos 88b]. And the absolute settlement of the spiritual union of all of humanity, in a form that preserves all the good of private, personal, and collective freedom. She began toward something more sublime and exalted, toward the great idea stemming from the discovery of the rich unity of all existence, in all its radiance, charm, and beauty, and in all its sweetness and delight, and all the splendor of its freshness and the thunder of its might, in the abundance of its grace and the joy of its supreme serenity.


Shmonah Kvatzim 2-177

Dual Loyalty

 


Ilhan Omar Argues She Should Be Able To Stay In Horrible Country She Hates



President Donald Trump said that Ilhan Omar she should be removed from the United States as she entered the country by marrying her brother. “Somalia, where you have a Congressman goes around telling everybody about our Constitution, yet she supposedly came into our country by marrying her brother,” Trump said while speaking to reporters on Air Force One. “Well, if that’s true, she shouldn’t be a Congressman, and we should throw her the *gehenom* out of our country. We don't need people who claim to be incestual in our beautiful country”.

Congresswoman Ilhan Omar in response has gone on the record to condemn Trump for suggesting she be deported to Somalia, arguing that she has every right to stay in the horrible country she hates.

She hit back at Trump by airing her grievances in the most derogatory way possible: on CNN. "I have every right to be in this terrible, evil, disgusting country," Omar told reporters on CNN. "No, I'm talking about America, not Somalia. Why would I say that about Somalia? That place is great."

CNN anchor Anderson Cooper praised the Minnesota congresswoman for her candor and asked why she bothers staying if she hates America so much. Omar then accused Cooper of being racist for even asking such a question.

"You and your white gay privilege. I have the right to stay anywhere I want, even somewhere I hate with every fiber of my being," she said before abruptly ending the interview.

Omar's colleagues in the Democrat Party have supported her right to remain in a country she hates and fully exploit it for her benefit. "If she goes back to Somalia, how will she make her money?" Nancy Pelosi said. "Be reasonable."

At publishing time, Ilhan Omar was still somehow being allowed to live in America, for some reason.


Panim/ Nosei

 

(כא) וַאֲמַרְתֶּ֕ם גַּ֗ם הִנֵּ֛ה עַבְדְּךָ֥ יַעֲקֹ֖ב אַחֲרֵ֑ינוּ כִּֽי־אָמַ֞ר אֲכַפְּרָ֣ה פָנָ֗יו בַּמִּנְחָה֙ הַהֹלֶ֣כֶת לְפָנָ֔י וְאַחֲרֵי־כֵן֙ אֶרְאֶ֣ה פָנָ֔יו אוּלַ֖י יִשָּׂ֥א פָנָֽי׃


אכפרה פניו – "פנים" – משורש "פנה" – עיקר הוראתו: פניות; הכיוון שאדם נוקט ביחס לדבר. רק מפירוש זה יוצא ש"פנים" פירושם "פרצוף"; שכן תנועת הפרצוף, כיוונו, והעמדתו, מגלים את מחשבות האדם ונטיותיו. מכאן ש"פנים" מציין את יחס אדם כלפי דבר, בין אם הוא יחס ידידותי ובין אם יחס של איבה. מצד אחד מצאנו: "בְּאוֹר־פְּנֵי־מֶלֶךְ חַיִּים" (משלי טז, טו), ומצד שני: "פְּנֵי ה' בְּעֹשֵׂי רָע" (תהלים לד, יז). נמצא ש"אכפרה פניו" פירושו: אשכך את איבתו. ("כפר" – עיין פירוש לעיל ו, יד.)

I will appease his face – "face" – from the root "panah" – its primary meaning: turning; the direction a person takes in relation to something. Only from this interpretation does it follow that "face" means "countenance"; for the movement, direction, and position of the face reveal a person's thoughts and inclinations. Therefore, "face" indicates a person's attitude toward something, whether it's a friendly attitude or one of hostility. On the one hand, we found: "In the light of the king's face is life" (Proverbs 16:15), and on the other hand: "The face of the Lord is against those who do evil" (Psalm 34:17). It emerges that "expiate his face" means: I will appease his anger. 


אולי ישא פני – במקביל להוראות השונות של השורש "נשא", משתנה גם משמעות הביטוי "נשא פנים". כאן עלינו להתייחס במיוחד לשתי ההוראות: "להרים" ו"לקבל על עצמו".

בפסוקנו, בא "נשא" במובן "להרים". "אולי ישא פני": אולי הוא ירים את פני, שעתה הן נפולות; אולי יסלח לעווני וישכח אותו, כדי שאוכל שוב להרים את פני ולהביט בעיניו.

לעומת זאת, בפסוק "לא תשא פני דל" (ויקרא יט, טו) ובמושג הכללי "נשא פנים במשפט", משמעות "נשא" היא "לקבל על עצמו"; ובהרחבה: "לקלוט אל תוך עצמו", "לתפוס בשכל", "להכיר". כך, "נשא את ראש" פירושו: "לִמְנות", אשר ביסודו משמעותו: לקלוט בתודעה בזה אחר זה מספר של פרטים, הכלולים במושג משותף. "נשא פנים במשפט": לכלול את אישיותו ויחודיותו של כל בעל דין, בין הגורמים המשפיעים על פסק הדין; לקחת בחשבון את מי שעומד בדין.

Perhaps he will show favor – in parallel with the various meanings of the root "nasa," the meaning of the expression "nasa panim" also changes. Here we must pay special attention to two instructions: "to lift" and "to take upon oneself."

In our verse, "carry" comes in the sense of "to lift." "Perhaps he will lift up his face": perhaps he will raise his face, which is now downcast; perhaps he will forgive my iniquity and forget it, so that I can again lift up my face and look into his eyes.

In contrast, in the verse "You shall not show partiality to the poor" (Leviticus 19:15) and in the general concept of "showing partiality in judgment," the meaning of "carry" is "to accept upon oneself"; and by extension: "to absorb within oneself," "to grasp intellectually," "to recognize." Thus, "carry your head" means "count," which fundamentally means: to perceive one after another a number of details included in a common concept. "Show face in court": To include the personality and uniqueness of each litigant among the factors influencing the verdict; to take into account the person standing trial.

Kinas Sofrim

Chazal teach us [.בבא בתרא כ"ב] that קנאת סופרים תרבה חכמה - envy between scholars increases wisdom [i.e. competition]. Some people understand this to be an ideal. We are competitive beings so use that competitive spirit to increase your learning. 

But if you think about it - that is why I should learn?? To *beat* my friend? Shouldn't I learn לשמה [according to the multiple meanings in our sources]??!

Chazal also teach us that at the end of days before Moshiach the wisdom of the scholars will rot - חכמת סופרים תסרח. What will cause this rot?? Maybe... that the wisdom was achieved through competitiveness and not through learning לשמה. 

החכמה שמתרבה מתוך קנאת סופרים, כיון שבאה מתוך קנאה סופה להירקב, וכל ריקבון יש בו סרחון, וזאת היא חכמת סופרים שתסרח בעקבתא דמשיחא. ועל ידי סרחון זה תתבטל צורתה הקודמת, ויוחל להיות מאיר אור הנשמה של החכמה העליונה, העליונה מכל קנאה. שהיא למעלה מחכמת סופרים. היא החכמה שתצא לאור על ידי שיר חדש, ושם חדש אשר פי ד' יקבנו, ויהי כזית הודו, וריח לו כלבנון.

The wisdom that increases from the envy of scribes, because it comes from envy, is destined to rot, and all rot has a stench, and this is the wisdom of scribes that will stink in the footsteps of the Moshiach. And by this stench, its previous form will be nullified, and it will begin to illuminate the light of the soul of the highest wisdom, which is higher than all jealousy which is more than the wisdom of scribes. She is the wisdom that will be revealed by a new song, and a new name that will be established by the name of Hashem, and her beauty will be like the olive tree, and her fragrance like Lebanon.


Shmoneh Kvatzim 2-166

The Essence Of Existence

כנסת ישראל היא תמצית ההויה כולה, ובעולם הזה נשפעת תמצית זו באומה הישראלית ממש, בחמריותה ורוחניותה, בתולדתה ואמונתה. וההסטוריה הישראלית היא תמצית האידיאלי של ההסטוריה הכללית, ואין לך תנועה בעולם, בכל העמים כולם, שלא תמצא דוגמתה בישראל. ואמונתה היא התמצית המסולתת מכל האמונות, והמקור המשפיע את הטוב והאידיאליות לאמונות כולן, וממילא הכח המברר את כל המושגים האמוניים, עד שיביאם למדרגת שפה ברורה לקרוא כולם בשם ד'. וגואלך קדוש ישראל אלהי כל הארץ ייקרא. 

The Knesses of Israel [the mystical soul of the Jewish people] is the essence of all existence, and in this [physical] world, this essence is poured out into the very Jewish nation, in its materiality and spirituality, in its history and faith. And Jewish history is the epitome of the ideal of general history, and there is no movement in the world, among all peoples that something similar to it, not be found in Israel. And her faith is the refined essence of all faiths, and the source that bestows goodness and idealism upon all faiths, and consequently, the power that clarifies all religious concepts, until it brings them to the level of a clear language that all can call upon in the name of God [Tzphania 3-6]. And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth shall He be called [Yeshayahu 54-5].

Shmonah Kvatzim 2-157



Connecting To Tzadikim

 המחשבה על דבר האחדות של המציאות בכלל, מביאה למחשבה של אחדות הנשמות באופן פשוט, ומיד היא משפיעה על ידי תולדתה זו את ההשפעה היותר טובה, את האידיאל של השלום והאהבה הכללית, שכל המידות הטובות האישיות והחברותיות צומחות ממנו. אחדות הנשמות מביאה לידי הכרה את הרעיון של מציאות עובדים רוחניים. מתעלים בעילוי פנימי, שלא את עבודתם האפשרית להיות מוחשת מוקיר העולם, כי אם את השפעתם על הזיקוק הנשמתי, והארת החיים כולם, על ידי הוייתם העצמית. ובהם האושר העליון נמצא בקביעות, וגורל הטוב של כל אנשי המעשה מגיע להם לפי אותה המידה שהם דבקים באנשי קודש הללו, שאור ד' חי ופועל בבהירות גדולה ומליאה מאד בנשמתם. מעולם ידענו רז זה, גודל תפקידם של תלמידי חכמים בעולם, של צדיקים וערכם. ידענו מהכתוב ומדברי חז"ל במקומות רבים. אמנם נשפל הדבר החי הזה מסיבות שונות, מפגמים שבאו באותם הראויים לבוא לידי מידה זו על ידי המתדמים אליהם, ומירידה כללית בעולם, מהתנוונות החיים על ידי הגלויות הרבות. באה החסידות המאוחרת, והשתדלה לתקן ענין זה, להחזיר את הערך החי של הצדיק ופעולתו הסגולית, שהוא רעיון מיסטי וחברותי ביחד, שעוד צריך הרבה לתשומת לב הצד החיובי והשלילי שבזה. 

The thought of the unity of reality in general leads to the thought of the unity of souls in a simple way, and immediately, by what this engenders, it exerts the best influence, the ideal of universal peace and love, from which all personal and social virtues grow. The unity of souls brings to light the idea of the existence of spiritual beings. They transcend through inner elevation, they are appreciated by the world not by their [practical] service [of Hashem] that can be felt, but by their influence on spiritual refinement and the illumination of all life through their very existence. And in them, supreme happiness is found constantly, and the good fortune of all people of action comes to them in proportion to how much they adhere to these holy people, in whose souls the light of God lives and acts with great and very full clarity. We have always known this secret, the magnitude of the role of Torah scholars in the world, of righteous people and their value. We knew this from the written word and from the words of the Sages in many places. Although this living thing has fallen for various reasons, from defects that came to those worthy of reaching this level by those who resemble them, and from a general decline in the world, from the degeneration of life due to the many exiles. Then came the later Chasidus [as opposed to the earlier Chasidei Ashkenaz of the Middle Ages], which attempted to rectify this matter, to restore the living value of the righteous person and their unique actions. This is a mystical and social idea combined, which still requires much attention to the positive and negative aspects of it.

[Shmoneh Kvatzim 2-156] 

Understanding And Dealing With The Emotion Of Fear #4

 HERE!!:-)!!

The Fury Of Intolerance

 “...But the Mahommedan religion increases, instead of lessening, the fury of intolerance. It was originally propagated by the sword, and ever since, its votaries have been subject, above the people of all other creeds, to this form of madness. In a moment the fruits of patient toil, the prospects of material prosperity, the fear of death itself, are flung aside. The more emotional Pathans are powerless to resist. All rational considerations are forgotten. Seizing their weapons, they become Ghazis—as dangerous and as sensible as mad dogs: fit only to be treated as such. While the more generous spirits among the tribesmen become convulsed in an ecstasy of religious bloodthirstiness, poorer and more material souls derive additional impulses from the influence of others, the hopes of plunder and the joy of fighting. Thus whole nations are roused to arms. Thus the Turks repel their enemies, the Arabs of the Soudan break the British squares, and the rising on the Indian frontier spreads far and wide. In each case civilisation is confronted with militant Mahommedanism. The forces of progress clash with those of reaction. The religion of blood and war is face to face with that of peace.”

― Winston Churchill, The Story of the Malakand Field Force

OYYYYYYY Vinston'l - מי יגלה עפר מעל עיניך and you would see what has happened to your beloved country!!


Understanding And Dealing With The Emotion Of Fear #3

 HERE!!:-)!!

Sunday, November 30, 2025

Suicide In The Charedi World Rachmana Litzlan

There are a number of suicide hotlines in Israel, available 24/7, staffed by people who speak various languages. One of these is the Tikvah Helpline for Olim, regardless of how long they have been in Israel. The staff are all licensed mental health providers. The number is 074-775-1433.


Suicide in Israel is a grave public crisis—complex, painful, and cutting across every line of demarcation: ethnic, communal, gender, and socio-economic. According to data from the Ministry of Health, some 400 people in Israel take their own lives each year, while over 6,000 others attempt suicide (Ministry of Health, 2019). Behind every single number lies a person, a family, a community—realities of deep fracture, of unbearable pain, and of a system that does not always know how to extend a hand in time.

Suicide does not occur in a vacuum. It is born of emotional, psychological, social, and at times even physical distress, bound together in tangled knots. It grows out of depression, anxiety, trauma, loneliness, failure, disconnection, or loss of meaning—and each of these is shaped by culture, by society, by community. To speak of suicide responsibly is therefore to speak in layers: to see the individual within the social fabric in which his or her despair unfolds.

Though suicide is a phenomenon that traverses all sectors of Israeli society, in the Charedi world it takes on distinctive, fraught, and particularly complex forms. On the surface, suicide rates in Charedi cities appear dramatically lower than national averages: Bnei Brak, Modi’in Illit, Elad, and Beitar Illit report rates approaching zero, in sharp contrast to Tel Aviv, Haifa, Petach Tikva, or mixed cities (Zeleznik, 2024). Such figures can foster a sense of security: here is proof that the Charedi community protects its own; that its networks of support, strong communal values, spiritual purpose, and clear boundaries create a buffer of resilience. And indeed, these resources are real, and they do provide genuine strength.

Emotional distress is not absent from the Charedi community—it simply finds other channels of expression. At times it is silenced. At times repressed. At times addressed through indirect means that prevent any open or full confrontation

But the deeper one peers beneath the polished surface, the more complicated the picture becomes. Emotional distress is not absent from the Charedi community—it simply finds other channels of expression. At times it is silenced. At times repressed. At times addressed through indirect means that prevent any open or full confrontation. Cultural constraints, rigid communal norms, fear of stigma, anxiety about family reputation, and above all the ever-present specter of harm to marriage prospects—all of these converge to weave a tight web of concealment and denial. This web may protect communal stability on the surface, but it exacts a heavy toll from the lives lived within it.

The tension between concealment and intervention marks almost every encounter with suicide in Charedi society. It is not a theoretical matter; it is a searing, practical, moral, and value-laden question: How can one extend help, build effective responses, and develop services and infrastructures for treatment without threatening the social fabric, undermining public trust in rabbinic leadership, or shaking the very pillars on which Charedi identity rests?

And the difficulty is not only conceptual but practical. Time and again, professionals working within the Charedi community (myself included, in my capacity at the Ministry of Welfare) find themselves caught between two imperatives: the need for cultural sensitivity on the one hand, and the moral and professional duty to save lives on the other. The question is not only how to identify those at risk, but also how to treat them without unraveling the delicate weave of their family, social, and communal existence.

Suicide in Israel and in Charedi Communities

Suicide is not a marginal issue. In Israel, as across the world, it is a pressing public health crisis. According to the Ministry of Health, each year approximately 400 Israelis end their own lives, while more than 6,000 attempt suicide (2019 data). Each case reverberates outward: children, parents, spouses, neighbors, communities—all are scarred by the shattering loss.

Suicide never occurs in a vacuum. It is the culmination of emotional, psychological, social, and sometimes even physical distress. It arises against the backdrop of depression, trauma, loneliness, anxiety, loss of meaning, social alienation. These factors are always interwoven with culture, community, and social structure. Hence, suicide must be viewed not only through the prism of the individual, but also within the context of the social fabric in which it occurs.

In Charedi communities, official statistics paint a striking picture: in cities such as Bnei Brak, Beitar Illit, and Elad, reported suicide rates are nearly zero. By contrast, Tel Aviv, Haifa, and mixed cities present numbers in line with global norms. On the surface, this disparity appears to testify to the strength of the Charedi world: the protective power of family, the depth of faith, the bonds of community. And indeed, these do provide real resilience.

Cultural constraints, communal norms, deep-seated fear of stigma, concern for family honor, dread of harming children’s marriage prospects—all create a system of concealment and denial

But beneath the surface, the picture is far more complex. Emotional and psychological suffering is not absent. It simply manifests differently. It is suppressed, denied, redirected. Cultural constraints, communal norms, deep-seated fear of stigma, concern for family honor, dread of harming children’s marriage prospects—all create a system of concealment and denial. On one hand, this system can protect the collective. On the other, it exacts a heavy toll on individuals.

Here lies the central tension: how can one provide help, open avenues of care, and respond responsibly—without threatening the delicate fabric of Charedi society, without undermining trust in rabbinic leadership, and without destabilizing the very structures that grant the community its strength?

Suicide in Halacha

Jewish tradition regards life as an ultimate value, with the sanctity of life a principle beyond dispute. The prohibition against suicide is learned from God’s stern words to the children of Noah: “But your blood of your lives will I require” (Bereishis 9:5). As Rashi explains from the Sages: “But—to include one who strangles himself.” In other words, not only the shedding of another’s blood is forbidden, but even one’s own. Maimonides reinforces this in unequivocal terms: “One who kills himself is a shedder of blood.”

Yet the halachic approach has never been flat or binary. Halacha recognizes human complexity and allows for situations in which anguish overwhelms the capacity for free choice. Already in the Shulchan Aruch it is ruled: “One who takes his own life, but was under duress, like King Shaul—nothing is withheld from him.” Shaul, “the chosen of God,” ended his life on the battlefield of Gilboa, and halacha interprets his act not as sin but as compulsion. This ruling opens the door to broader interpretation: it allows communities and decisors to view cases of suicide not as absolute transgression but as responses to crushing inner torment, where freedom of choice is dimmed and the sufferer becomes captive to his pain.

Likewise, Hannah and her seven sons, who chose death in sanctification of God’s Name, were enshrined in Jewish memory as paragons of valor and faith

This duality—between an absolute prohibition and an acknowledgment of broken humanity—runs like a thread through our sources. Consider the Talmudic tale of the executioner who hastened Rabbi Hanina ben Teradyon’s death by fire. Far from condemning him, the act is presented as heroic. A heavenly voice proclaimed: “Rabbi Hanina ben Teradyon and the executioner are destined for life in the World to Come.” Likewise, Hannah and her seven sons, who chose death in sanctification of God’s Name, were enshrined in Jewish memory as paragons of valor and faith.

Such examples reveal that suicide is not always seen, in every circumstance, as a categorical sin. At times, death itself is framed as a choice of principle, a stand for values, an act of transcendence. And even when the act stems not from religious devotion but from despair, from intolerable pain, from psychological torment—the halachic view does not necessarily label it sin in the simple sense, but rather as the tragic outcome of an unbearably human condition.

A Living Reality

As noted above, official statistics paint a picture of near-zero suicide rates in Charedi cities—figures that, at first glance, suggest a society of remarkable resilience and stability. Yet beneath the surface lies a far more tangled reality. Over generations, the Charedi community has cultivated powerful cultural and social defense mechanisms, designed to safeguard its unity, preserve its values, and protect its inner cohesion. Chief among these is the halachic prohibition against suicide, viewed as a grave sin and a desecration of life’s sanctity. Added to this are communal solidarity, an abiding sense of belonging and mutual responsibility, robust networks of formal and informal support, a strong family structure reinforced by relatively early marriage, and a daily rhythm of life grounded in spiritual mission. Taken together, these elements do indeed serve as a protective wall against the loneliness, alienation, and meaninglessness that are among the greatest risk factors for suicide.


A society built upon solidarity, purity, morality, and modesty also generates intense levels of social surveillance, rigid norms, and relentless expectations to conform to communal standards


Yet in a troubling paradox, those same protective structures can themselves become a trap. A society built upon solidarity, purity, morality, and modesty also generates intense levels of social surveillance, rigid norms, and relentless expectations to conform to communal standards. Within this environment, emotional distress struggles to gain legitimacy. It is not always perceived as a medical or psychological condition, but as a spiritual failing, a personal weakness, even evidence of distance from Torah values or loss of faith. As a result, acknowledging emotional pain—let alone voicing suicidal thoughts—may be seen not merely as a personal blemish but as an existential threat to the family’s standing within the community.


The fear of stigma and the dread of social rejection are not theoretical. They represent lived reality, where even suspicion of mental health struggle can lead to silent ostracism, exclusion from vital circles of belonging, and at times even rupture within one’s own family.


In the Charedi world, depression often manifests in hidden, passive, or veiled ways: vague talk of “tiredness from life,” of emptiness or lack of desire, of “nothing to get up for in the morning.” Sometimes distress is expressed in failing physical health, in unexplained bodily pain, or in prolonged social withdrawal. “Death wishes” are rarely stated outright; they are hinted, whispered, tucked between the lines. In a culture that sanctifies silence, psychological anguish is translated into a language of allusion and concealment. This makes it extraordinarily difficult for professionals, family members, and even close friends to recognize the signs of distress in time (Moshkovitz, 2024).


This state of affairs creates a formidable challenge for anyone seeking to develop effective therapeutic responses within the community. How can one identify a person at risk if that individual cannot—or dares not—admit it to themselves? How can we open a conversation about psychological pain when the very act of speaking is deemed a moral failure? And more than this: how can help be extended without endangering a person’s social standing or a family’s wholeness?


The difficulty emerges even in the hesitant voices of contemporary rabbinic leaders who, sometimes with heavy hearts and trembling voices, dare to breach the wall of silence. Thus, for example, in an unusually sharp shiur on Parashas Noach (5782), Rav Asher Weiss spoke on the verse “And surely your blood of your lives will I require”:


“It is not pleasant to deal with this subject, and even less so to say that it is relevant. But sadly, shamefully, and with great pain—we must admit: even in our community, even in the Charedi world, there are cases of suicide. In recent years there were two very well-known incidents that shook the entire public, and brought some awareness to this great tragedy. But what many do not know is that every year there are dozens of such cases in Israel—and even more in the United States and across the Jewish world.”


These words, painful as they are, amount to a cry to abandon denial and to choose, however painfully, to shine light into the darkest corners. The Sephardic Chief Rabbi, Rabbi Yitzhak Yosef, addressed the issue almost a decade ago. In a talk delivered with deep sorrow, he said (Kikar HaShabbat, 19.09.16):


“Today, to our great sorrow, we hear of cases of young men taking their own lives. They suffer from depression—and they commit suicide. We need to speak about this. It is something terrible and dreadful. A person who commits suicide loses both this world and the World to Come. He is cut off entirely…”


We cannot allow ourselves to continue looking away. I cry out in pain to all community rabbis: go down to the people, speak with your congregants, and join together in devising ways to confront this silent epidemic


To this anguished picture we can add the voice of Rabbi Yitzchok Mordechai Brach, a senior member of the Chevra Kadisha in New York, who in Adar 5785 issued a dramatic public letter. He warned of a “silent epidemic” of suicide among Charedi youth in America, and in words that pierced the heart he called for the urgent establishment of support centers. He wrote (Kikar HaShabbat, 19.03.25):


“We are in a state of real emergency… We cannot allow ourselves to continue looking away. I cry out in pain to all community rabbis: go down to the people, speak with your congregants, and join together in devising ways to confront this silent epidemic… Charedi youth are choosing to end their lives, bringing grief and destruction upon themselves and upon their families.”


And indeed, he warned, every delay in developing proper responses is itself the loss of more lives. Tragically, since the publication of his letter, additional names have been added to the list of victims.


 


Groups at Risk

Although Charedi society as a whole benefits from strong protective factors—communal cohesion, mutual support systems, deep faith, and stable family structures—there are groups within it that face heightened, sometimes dramatically heightened, risk of depression, despair, and even suicide. The danger arises when the very mechanisms of protection that the community provides cease to function for the individual.


At the top of the list are those who have left the fold. For one raised within the Charedi community, personal identity is inextricably bound with communal belonging. Exiting is not experienced merely as a shift in worldview, but as a severing from every system that sustains existence: family, friends, education, faith, and even the cultural and linguistic framework. For many, leaving entails not only estrangement from society but painful rupture with family. Studies show that the risk of suicide in this group is 50 percent, compared with 12 percent in the general population (Zeleznik, 2024). The crisis they endure is not only a crisis of faith, but a collapse of existential identity: the loss of support networks, the breakdown of belonging, immense economic challenges, obstacles to integration in the world of employment and higher education, and often the delayed processing of childhood traumas or emotional and sexual abuse long hidden from view.


The gap between the ideal of the joyous, devoted, and fulfilled mother, and the complex emotional reality that often follows childbirth, can create a profound sense of failure


Another significant risk group is postpartum women. Charedi society has both high fertility rates and birth intervals far shorter than the national average. While the broader Israeli society has made strides in recognizing postpartum depression and establishing support systems, in the Charedi world awareness is still developing. The gap between the ideal of the joyous, devoted, and fulfilled mother, and the complex emotional reality that often follows childbirth, can create a profound sense of failure. A cultural script that elevates motherhood as the central axis of Charedi life transforms any deviation from this role into a source of shame, guilt, and fear. Women suffering from postpartum depression often hesitate to seek help, fearing the impact on their marital harmony, their family’s standing, or once again—the marriage prospects of their children.


Within this tapestry, we must also name one of the most silent and anguished groups of all: survivors of sexual abuse. Despite significant progress in recent years, the Charedi community still struggles to create a public platform of acknowledgment for abuse. The tendency to favor internal handling, concealment, and at times outright silencing leaves victims carrying their pain in profound isolation. They suffer not only the initial trauma, but also the secondary trauma of denial: the trauma of being unacknowledged, delegitimized, blamed, and afraid. For many, this silence and isolation lead to chronic depression, anxiety, and a sense of inescapable despair that places them at heightened risk for suicidal ideation and attempts.


What unites all of these risk groups is the way in which communal defense mechanisms—the same structures that shield members from the outside—become barriers from within. The very mechanisms designed to guard can, in these cases, stifle. The individual finds himself trapped between the desperate need to remain part of the community and the equally desperate need to cry out: I am in pain. I can’t go on. I need help.


 


Research and Systemic Response

Recent findings from the research literature show that suicide in Charedi society (as in Israeli society more broadly) follows a pattern of constant tension: between exposure and concealment, between recognition of reality and repression that serves cultural and social ends. The State of Israel, through its Ministry of Health, operates the National Suicide Prevention Program—a multi-year, multi-system initiative integrating the health, welfare, education, security, and civil sectors. Its goals include early detection, restricting access to lethal means, training “gatekeepers,” and raising awareness of mental health while reducing stigma (Ministry of Health, 2019).


International research underscores the effectiveness of measures such as limiting access to means of suicide (closing bridges, regulating medication sales), alongside the use of evidence-based therapies like CBT and DBT, both of which have proven highly effective in reducing suicidal ideation. Pharmacological treatments to reduce immediate suicidal thoughts have also demonstrated significant impact (Mann et al., 2021; Zaltzman et al., 2016).


At the same time, modern research warns unequivocally of the contagious effect of suicide—the so-called “Werther Effect.” This is a recognized pattern of social imitation, where exposure to a suicide, particularly of someone known or prominent, significantly raises suicide risk among others. Hence the enormous responsibility that falls on professionals, educators, parents, and the media: to speak carefully, but to speak nonetheless. There is no place for glorifying suicide, no place for presenting it as a solution. But nor can the subject be left in silence. We must talk about it. We must place on the table the pain of the living—those who ask to be seen, to be heard, to be believed.


He did not speak about risk, nor about prevention. He did not cite protocols or statistics. Instead, he spoke—plainly, painfully—about the soul. About the child. About listening.


When I asked my colleague Rabbi Shimon Aflalo—a social worker, suicide-prevention expert, and trainer of prevention workshops in the Charedi community—what he thought was the single most important message to convey on this subject, I was surprised by where he began. He did not speak about risk, nor about prevention. He did not cite protocols or statistics. Instead, he spoke—plainly, painfully—about the soul. About the child. About listening.


He quoted the piercing words of Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch in his commentary on Parashat Toldot, on the verse “And the boys grew”:


“To wish to teach and educate Jacob and Esau on the same school bench, with the same habits of life, in the same way for the same future of study and thought, is certainly the surest way to ruin one of them.”


Words written more than a century ago could hardly be more relevant today. How often do we—parents, teachers, friends—try to force all our children, all members of our community, into a single mold? How often do we overlook individuality, difference, emotional need, and inner struggle?


Rabbi Aflalo’s message was sharp and unambiguous:


“Parents—listen. Understand. Care. Speak. Do not neglect. Seek professional advice. Use the tools offered by community and state alike. Do not say: ‘This doesn’t happen here,’ or, ‘Time will heal it.’ Pain does not simply go away. Pain only takes on new forms—quieter, more dangerous forms.”


The Ministry of Welfare, too, has joined efforts in this field, particularly in supporting bereaved families, accompanying those in crisis, and offering marital and family counseling through municipal treatment centers and regional hubs. Still, as of now, the Ministry lacks a dedicated, comprehensive, structured program for suicide prevention. As someone who works in the community day in and day out, I see this as a gap that must be filled quickly and responsibly. There are promising joint initiatives between the Health and Welfare Ministries, aimed at training professionals to recognize signs of psychological distress and provide immediate support. But the road ahead is long.


And yet, in our time, we are fortunate. Fortunate to have hotlines. Fortunate to have accessible, available, culturally attuned responses. Dozens of call centers and professionals with Charedi orientation are now available to anyone seeking help, anonymously and in full discretion. Sometimes a single phone call, a single question, a moment of genuine listening—can save a life. And no less important: the national hotline, 118, operated by the Ministry of Welfare, is always open.


 


Practical Tools

Having traced the unique contours of suicide within Charedi society—its halachic, cultural, and social contexts—it is clear that the response cannot be one-dimensional or generic. It must be precise, sensitive, culturally attuned, and grounded in a deep understanding of the community’s needs and challenges. The built-in tension between the sanctity of life on the one hand and the mechanisms of concealment and silence on the other demands a holistic, multi-system approach—one that weaves together professional knowledge, communal realities, and the values of Torah and halacha.


At the heart of every response lies a simple yet profound truth: suicide prevention is not only the responsibility of mental health professionals. It is a social, educational, communal, and spiritual responsibility as well


What follows is not a set of magic solutions but a framework of practical tools, drawn from professional experience, research findings, and long conversations with community leaders and field workers. These are stepping stones toward change: change in discourse, in the range of responses available, in the willingness to recognize pain and in the capacity to address it. At the heart of every response lies a simple yet profound truth: suicide prevention is not only the responsibility of mental health professionals. It is a social, educational, communal, and spiritual responsibility as well.


A Combined Approach


Addressing suicide in the Charedi world requires a holistic and multi-system strategy. No single institution can shoulder the task. Success depends on deep, coordinated collaboration between the health system, the welfare system, the education system, and rabbinic and communal leadership. The discourse must be delicately balanced: open, honest, transparent, and responsible on the one hand; and on the other, profoundly attuned to the cultural codes, values, and fears embedded within Charedi life. Such an approach demands that emotional pain not be framed as spiritual failure or shame, but as part of the human condition—requiring care and support. Without this foundational shift, all other solutions remain superficial patches.


Intra-Communal Education and Awareness


From my work in the field, I have learned that the most basic need of Charedi families is the willingness to speak—and that willingness must emerge from within. To cultivate it, awareness campaigns must be culturally tailored. External messaging, however well-meaning, rarely breaches the walls of defense and shame. Effective education must enlist rabbis, teachers, and counselors from within the community—people fluent in halacha, in communal sensitivities, in the dread of stigma and the fear of harm to family standing. They must bring the issue to light through Torah sources, moral language, and spiritual framing, emphasizing that Torah itself recognizes pain, struggle, and the duty to care for the soul no less—perhaps even more—than for the body.


Training Rabbinic and Educational Leadership


One conclusion emerges with stark clarity: in Charedi society, change begins and ends with spiritual and educational leadership. When a rabbi, rosh yeshiva, school principal, or other figure of authority gives permission to speak of pain, depression, and struggle, many barriers fall away. Professional training for rabbis and educators is not a luxury—it is a necessity. Such training should cover basic concepts in mental health, warning signs of suicidal risk, initial responses, and referral pathways. When these messages come clothed in the voice of Torah, the willingness to hear and to act rises dramatically.


Culturally Adapted Treatment


For a Charedi individual, entering psychotherapy can be accompanied by immense fear: What will people say? What will they think? Will it ruin my children’s shidduchim? Will it be seen as spiritual weakness? Effective treatment must therefore be not only professional but culturally congruent: therapists from within the community, clinics that respect religious norms, opportunities for anonymous and discreet help-seeking, and therapeutic content that does not clash with faith but integrates naturally with it. Again and again I have seen how, when such adaptation is present, willingness to seek help rises sharply and stigma weakens. This is not professional compromise. It is professional wisdom.


Granting Legitimacy to Speak of Pain


Perhaps above all, the central tool is legitimacy: the permission to speak of struggle. The Torah is not a Torah of silence. It is filled with stories of anguish, of trial, of despair and of desperate cries—and equally, of hope, consolation, and mutual responsibility. One need only read the verse “A broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” to understand: the Torah does not demand repression, but deep listening to the soul. Precisely by engaging with the sources of our tradition that encourage honesty about suffering and the search for help, we can begin to dismantle the wall between the spiritual world and the world of mental health. And we can affirm that mental well-being is not less than a halachic obligation.


 


A Doorway of Hope

I write these lines in the hope—deep, genuine, and prayerful—that they may serve as a small anchor for anyone standing on the edge, feeling the ground slip beneath their feet, searching for meaning in pain that seems beyond bearing. May these words be a signpost of hope. If even one person feels a little less alone, one family feels more understood, one community leader dares to open his eyes and say aloud: “This exists here, among us, and we will no longer be silent”—then these words will not have been written in vain.


I do not write only as a researcher, a professional, or a public servant. I write also as a human being, as a friend, as a child of this community, as someone who has looked pain in the eyes. Suicide is not an abstract phenomenon, not a matter of cold statistics. It is names and faces. It is friends and classmates. It is families who gave their very hearts to their children, who loved them, prayed for them, fought for them—and yet lost them. The grief does not fade. Even years later it remains, a wound carried in every conversation, every lecture, every encounter with a family in crisis, with a teenager struggling, with a parent terrified for their child’s life.


I, too, carry such a name. In my prayers, I once raised the name of a beloved childhood friend—Israel ben T.K.—with all my strength, begging that he would find the spark of hope to hold him here, with us. He did not find it. He left us. His absence remains with me always. And in his absence, I hear the charge to speak, to act, to refuse silence.


To break the silence is not to dishonor our community but to redeem it—to allow the sanctity of life, kedushat ha-chayim, to shine even in the darkest places


And so, out of that very brokenness, I want to send a call—to parents, to families, to communities: remember your loved ones, honor their memory, hold their names in your hearts. And then, live. Live fully. Invest your love in those who remain beside you. Give life to life. I believe with all my being that those who left us do not want us to drown in their pain. They want us to carry them with us, yes—but to build, to believe, to hope, to embrace the gift of life with even greater intensity.


Our tradition teaches: “A broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” The task before us is not to erase or repress the pain, but to transform it into responsibility, into care, into solidarity. To break the silence is not to dishonor our community but to redeem it—to allow the sanctity of life, kedushat ha-chayim, to shine even in the darkest places.


If we can do this—if we can make space for the cry, for the conversation, for the listening—then perhaps we will open not only a doorway of hope for the afflicted, but also a doorway of renewal for all of us.


Sources

Babylonian Talmud, Avodah Zarah 18a.


Maimonides, Mishneh Torah, Laws of Murder and Preservation of Life, Chapter 2.


Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah, Section 345.


Mushkowitz, A. (2024). I Wanted to Die – Until I Went to a Rabbi. Midaos, 105, 16–23.


Zelznik, D. (n.d.). Issues in Suicide and Suicide Assessment in the Charedi Community in Israel. Hebrew Psychology. Retrieved from: https://www.hebpsy.net/articles.asp?id=3255


Mann, J. J., Michel, C. A., & Auerbach, R. P. (2021). Improving suicide prevention through evidence-based strategies: A systematic review. American Journal of Psychiatry, 178(7), 611–624.


Zalsman, G., Hawton, K., Wasserman, D., van Heeringen, K., Arensman, E., Sarchiapone, M., Carli, V., Höschl, C., Barzilay, R., Balazs, J., Purebl, G., Kahn, J. P., Sáiz, P. A., Lipsicas, C. B., Bobes, J., Cozman, D., Hegerl, U., & Zohar, J. (2016). Suicide prevention strategies revisited: 10-year systematic review. The Lancet Psychiatry, 3(7), 646–659.


Kikar HaShabbat (19.09.16). “One Who Studies Torah Has No Suicidal Thoughts.” Retrieved from: https://www.kikar.co.il/haredim-news/210486


Kikar HaShabbat (19.03.25). “People End Their Lives in Ways Beyond Comprehension” | The Letter that Shook the U.S. Retrieved from: https://www.kikar.co.il/haredim-news/haredi-rabbi-suicide-crisis

Dimyon

I just heard Rabbi X, who apparently believes that the biggest mitzva in the Torah is to serve in the army and if you don't do so you are not part of Klal Yisrael עפ"ל, say that the boy who allegedly committed suicide at the Atzeres Tefillah did so because his Rabbeim didn't let him go to the army. 

What did he base this specious claim on??

One thing.

Imagination. דמיונות!! He just imagined it. I mean why else would he commit suicide?? There is no good reason to take your own life other than being prevented from fulfilling the greatest mitzva in the Torah. So it must be that he wanted to go to the army, his rabbeim didn't let him, so he went to the Atzeres Tefilla and jumped to his death. Then Rabbi X said it on the Internet and hundreds will hear it and might even believe him. He literally made it up. The boy wrote a note and no mention of this was made. 

Anyway - we are giving shiurim there days on the power of דמיון, listen here and here

A Banana Republic

The Prime Minister of Israel who has the hardest and most pressured job on the planet, as he is responsible for a country who is under an existential threat 24/7 and surrounded by enemies who would love to carry this threat out to fruition and many are busy planning our destruction right now [!!], gets paid about 65 thousand shekels a month. 

The President of Israel [don't confuse the term "President" with that of the US which is a real job] whose main job is to get Kavod [and enjoy all that money he gets every month] but has no political power or clout and [seemingly] no pressure, who doesn't have to make important decisions that will affect the entire country, the entire Middle East and the entire world, gets paid .... 75K - 10K more [!!!!!!!!!]. [To do what exactly??? And by golly - what does he do with all that cash???]  

The Prime Minister was chosen by the people. 

The President was NOT chosen by the people - just the 120 Knesset members.

So now the democratically elected PM has to beg the undemocratically elected President to grant him clemency so that instead of being constantly busy trying to keep himself out of trouble he can focus on doing his job which is ensuring the security and economic vitality and so much more for this country. This whole trial is really bad for the country. A PM needs to be focused on his job. If he is a criminal then wait till he gets out of office to prosecute him. [Unless of course he is not fit to serve. It is seems clear that whether one likes his politics or not - he is fit to serve. Is he a little corrupt? - Who isn't in secular politics?? It is all about Kavod, power, prestige, media attention etc. etc. If he took bribes in the past - keep a thousand eyes on him to make sure he doesn't in the future and let him do his job. Or get another PM in office and then prosecute]. 

The common denominator between the two of them is that both had grandfathers who were rabbonim [Rav Kook was Maspid BN's grandfather Rav Nosson Milikovsky (it is published and we have blogged it in the past) and Herzog's grandfather was a Gaon Olam and Tzadik Yesod Olam - ירידת הדורות on steroids] and both of their grandfathers are no doubt looking down from שמים with צער at their errant-deviant-recalcitrant-wayward grandsons who are not only עמי הארץ but quite religiously far from what their grandfathers wanted in their descendants. In שמים they are not impressed with titles - even fancy ones like נשיא or ראש ממשלה. What counts up there is Torah, Mitzvos and Yiras Shomayim. 

Another common denominator is that according to the Rambam - both of them are disqualified from their jobs [and not b/c of expensive cigars or the like - See Hil Melachim 1-7]. 

As one Gadol put it - it is not דינא דמלכותא but דינא דליצנותא. 

And of course we thank the רבונו של עולם that we are not under Arab rule, British rule, Russian rule, Nazi rule, or democrat [as in American blue] rule:-). This Banana Republic is much better than MOST alternatives. We also thank Hashem that we can live in Eretz Yisrael and freely keep His mitzvos!!!:-)!!!😊😘

WE WANT MOSHIACH NOW!!!


The Center Of Existence We Call Mom And Dad

“If you build a society in which children honor their parents, your society will long survive. And the corollary is: A society in which children do not honor their parents is doomed to self-destruction.”

----

The center, the focal point, of the universe is Israel [as per many many sources]. [That is why the world is obssesed with her:-) without them knowing all the Jewish sources]. 

The center of Israel is Yerushalayim. 

The center of Yerushalayim is the Beis Hamikdash. 

The center of the Beis Hamikdash is the Kodesh Hakodashim.

The centerpiece of the Kodesh Kodashim are the Luchos with the Aseres Hadibros.

The center point of the Luchos is ... the mitzva to honor your parents. כבד את אביך ואת אמך. Number FIVE!!:-) Highhhhhhh five!

So it emerges that the center of existence is the mitzva to honor one's parents.

That makes is a PRETTY SERIOUS mitzva!! 

I don't know any frum Jews who eat ham and cheese. 

I don't know any frum Jews married to Gentiles. 

I don't know any frum Jews who eat on Yom Kippur. 

I don't know any frum Jewish who have a christmas tree. 

There are plenty of otherwise frum Jews who don't properly honor their parents.

This is a huge error! Like - you almost can't do worse. 

There is almost nothing more vile than a person who doesn't appreciate that he owes his very existence, his eternal reality, which is worth more to him than anything else, to his parents and treats them with less than the respect they deserve. 

That is besides everything they did for you after they created you. Because it is also evil not to appreciate ANY kindness one did for you. Certainly for all your parents have done from the second you were conceived. Like, thanks Mom for eating [and not smoking or snorting crack-:)!!] when I was in utero!! Saved my life!! 

It is not always easy to be a good child but the more one thinks about it, the easier it becomes. 

That is even if they messed you up [most of of our parents did to a certain extent b/c they just transfered their emotional issues to us w/o even being aware. Then we pass the favor forward and do the same to our children:-)]. As Mitch Albom wrote in The Five People You Meet In Heaven "All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair." And still. They are your parents.

The Western world often despises authority [exemplified by the political left - being progressive means that the people before you were regressive and thus deserving of more scorn than respect] and has a very "I do what I feel like attitude" so if I want to kill a baby b/c that is what I feel like doing, I am going to do that and even go to the Supreme Court to assert that *right* [even though I am *left*]. It's all about ME! That leaves little room for an *obligation* to honor parents.  

Someone who doesn't honor his parents properly is a completely אפגעפרעגטע מענטש, אדם מופרך לגמרי, מתחת לכל ביקורת אפשרית. He is IMMORAL!

If one does stumble in this area [we all do, אין צדיק בארץ אשר יעשה טוב ולא יחטא] then he MUST immediately acknowledge his sin and beg forgiveness.       

Part of the Tumah, the evil, the abomination, the noxiousness, of Christianity and Islam, is that they are both rooted in Judaism. Yet, instead of appreciating that they owe their spiritual lives and meaning [and there is nothing a human being craves for more than meaning] to us - they [generally but not always] hate us. 

Mussar Haskel: Appreciate your Source. G-d and parents. 

Sad: Man Who Missed Black Friday Forced To Buy TV For Same Price But Without Giant 'BLACK FRIDAY SALE' Tag

RENO, NV — After missing out on Black Friday shopping, local man Chris Rogers was forced to purchase a new television for the exact same price but without a "BLACK FRIDAY SALE" tag.

A dejected Rogers somberly carried his new 65-inch Samsung television to the checkout counter, yearning for the thrill of peeling off the sale tag.

"I missed out," sighed Rogers. "This television costs $799, but it doesn't have the sticker on it that says 'Regularly $1299, Save: $500' with the $1299 crossed out. It just says the price is $799. Where's the joy in that? It's so disappointing and dull."

Rogers strongly considered waiting until next year so he could get a television for the same price but with a "SALE" tag affixed to it. "I really wanted that tag," said Rogers. "Our television broke, and I waited for a month just so I could go on Black Friday. Then my daughter got sick, which ruined everything. Now I have to spend the same amount on a television, but I don't get a 'BLACK FRIDAY SALE' tag. This is the worst."


Spiritual Satisfaction

Do practitioners of other religions find spiritual satisfaction in their religions? If they do - is that a challenge to our faith?? 

The short answers are *yes* and *no*.

The slightly longer answer is:

כל האמונות כולן, הן מפרנסות את הנשמות של החיים בהן, והמקושרים בהן במעמקי לב. אמנם הסיגול הזה של המזון הרוחני, דומה הוא ממש להסיגול של המזון הגשמי. מתפרנסים השרצים והרמשים ממזונותיהם המעופשים, וטועמים בהם טעם יפה, לפי שהם לפי מזגם וסיגולם. מתענג הוא החתול על העכבר שטורף, כי הוא מיוחד לו. מתענגים העופות על התולעים שברפש, מתענג החזיר על מזונו המיוחד, הגמל על קוציו ודרדריו, ומתענג האדם על לחמו הנקי, על עסיס רמונו, על יין רקחו ועל ראשית שמניו. לכו לחמו בלחמי ושתו ביין מסכתי. ואנשי קודש תהיון לי ובשר בשדה טרפה לא תאכלו, לכלב תשליכון אותו. לגר אשר בשעריך תתננה ואכלה או מכור לנכרי, כי עם קדוש אתה לד' אלהיך. 

All beliefs, without exception, nourish the souls of those who live in them, and those connected to them in the depths of the heart. Indeed, this assimilation of spiritual food is very similar to the assimilation of physical food. Insects and vermin feed on their moldy foods and find them tasty, according to their nature and disposition. The cat delights in the mouse it hunts, for it is suited to it. Birds enjoy the worms in the dirt, the pig enjoys its special food, the camel its thorns and thistles, and man enjoys his clean bread, the juice of his pomegranate, his prepared wine, and the finest of his oils. Eat your bread with joy and drink your wine with a cheerful heart. And you shall be holy people to Me; do not eat flesh torn in the field, throw it to the dogs. Give the foreigner in your gates to eat it or sell it to a stranger, for you are a holy people to the Lord your God.

This psukim are alluding to the fact that our פסולת/waste is given to the non-Jews and less. We suffice with nothing less that the Real Thing.  


The Root Cause

What is the common denominator of the various problems in the frum community: Drinking, gambling, drugs, obesity, excessive gashmiyus, machlokes, shalom bayis problems, children off the derech and a lot more??

Emotional issues. That is the ROOT of everything. 

Among the numerous problems with our upbringing and our educational system is that we are not taught to be in constant touch with our feelings. We should be constantly asking ourselves how we feel - fear, joy, sadness, anxious etc. etc. etc. All day long we are feeling and we are rarely self aware anough to be in touch with our feelings. If we know how we feel when things happens then we have a guide what are needs are and we can go about filling those needs. We also know what hurts us, what makes us anxious etc. etc. and we can try to discover why to learn more about ourselves. It starts with us and then we expand to focusing on the feelings of others. 

When someone asks "how are you feeling?" it is almost always a question about your body and not your soul and psyche [unless it is your therapist...]. People are very comfortable sharing their physical issues but not their emotional ones. When you go to shul in the morning, EVERY SINGLE PERSON is dealing with emotional issues and you don't know about any of them [unless they are obvious, like when a person walks into shul and starts throwing chairs and tables and screaming like a maniac - he has anger management issues...].

Our whole culture is focused on what is OUTSIDE [that darn phone again!!:-)] of us but not what really matters - what is inside. If we would be focused on fixing what is inside and be focused on fulfilling the emotional needs of ourselves and others - many of our problems would be solved.  

I promise. The solution to society's problems - begins with the individual. 

Meaning - you. 

Today. 

Tikkun Ha-achila

The basic component of Shabbos meals is the bread, and its special name is 'challah'. The bread's name, 'Challah,' refers to the creation of the first Erev Shabbos: "Adam HaRishon... the Challah of the world", and from this comes the special care required by the mitzvah of separating Challah by a woman, and the reference to the serpent's deed.

Hence also the custom of baking challah for Shabbos on Erev Shabbos, which is mentioned in the Rema, and according to the early authorities it is alluded to in the Babylonian Talmud; however, in the Jerusalem Talmud, the baking on Friday evening is explicitly stated:

 Ezra decreed for Israel... that they should bake bread on Erev Shabbos.

 "By the sweat of your brow you will eat bread."

The Chida writes: "שלחן" with the letters reversed –  "לנחש"  . And from here to the first time bread is mentioned in the Torah – as a punishment for the sin of Adam and Eve, which was caused by the serpent:

 "By the sweat of your brow you will eat bread".

 The tikkun for this came in the Abrahamic War:

 And Melchizedek, king of Salem, brought out bread and wine,

 And then the bread rises on the table of the angels:

 "And I will take a morsel of bread and refresh your hearts".

 In essence, the bread-making process involves selection and refinement. This is 'by the sweat of your brow you shall eat bread', from the thorn and thistle to find food. The selection continues through the very act of eating, and this is the essence of the work of 'raising the sparks'.

 Bread and Selectivity in the Bible

 A similar process can be seen in the seven mentions of bread in the Book of Genesis. We mentioned the first three times: 'By the sweat of your brow you shall eat bread', 'He brought out bread and wine', and 'And I took a piece of bread'. The fourth time is when Avraham sends Yishmael away:

 "And Avraham rose early in the morning and took bread and a skin of water and gave it to Hagar".

 Here too, there is a process of clarification, Yitzchak being chosen from the pair: Yishmael and Yitzchak, in the manner stated regarding the sons of the concubines: "And Avraham gave gifts and sent them away".

 This process continues in our parsha – in the struggle for the birthright. Jacob and Esav are the sons of the same parents, twins, and here Jacob gives to Esav:

 "Bread" and lentil stew.

And with this, he buys the birthright from him and becomes the chosen one. And indeed, this is the fifth time bread is mentioned in the Bible – and again, it is through a selective sorting of food from waste.

And make me delicacies.

Indeed, in our parsha, eating plays a central role – in Yitzchak's blessing. Yitzchak Avinu asks Esav for delicacies:

"Prepare me delicacies, that I love, and bring them to me, and eat, so that my soul may bless you before I die" [12].

Yitzchak's request for food raises understandable difficulty, and the author of 'Shem MiShmuel' addressed this, seeing the request for the hunt as a desire to elevate the sparks:

And make me delicacies as I love... And it is known from the matter of holy sparks that fell during the breaking of the vessels and need to be clarified and raised from inanimate, plant, animal to speaker [man], and with the proper kavana of eating, they are returned to holiness. And while they are in the "breaking", they are like captives and hunted, and when they are returned to holiness, it is as if one hunts and captures the captive... [13].

In another year, the 'Shem MiShmuel' explains it from a different angle – Yitzchak's request for delicacies was so that the Holy Spirit would rest upon him:

Regarding what Yitzchak wanted in the delicacies, God forbid, to say that he was eager for the lust of eating... It seems that in the Midrash on the verse "And there was a bitter spirit" Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai said that it caused them to lose the Holy Spirit... And it can be said that Yitzchak attributed it to his eyes being dimmed, and the Holy Spirit only dwells in joy, and since a blind person is considered dead, he lacked joy. Therefore, he sought things to gladden his heart, like Elisha, about whom it is written, "And now bring me a musician... so that the Holy Spirit may rest upon him."

The Tikkun of The Tree of Knowledge 

Although Yitzchak asked for delicacies, Rivka added the bread, and this is the sixth time bread appears in the Bible:

And she gave him the delicacies and the bread which she had made with her hand for Yaakov her son.

Regarding this, the "Shem Shmuel" explained that their intention was to rectify the sin of the Tree of Knowledge:

"And make me savory food, etc." It seems that Yitzchak only said "savory food," while Rivka added bread... It seems that in the Midrash, regarding "and make me savory food," Rabbi Eliezer, quoting Rabbi Yose bar Zamra, said three things were said about it [the Tree of Knowledge]... And similarly, Yitzchak said, "and make me savory food, etc."... It seems that the Midrash came to hint that the entire purpose of the savory food that Isaac requested was to rectify the sin of eating from the Tree of Knowledge... And Yitzchak did not think to rectify anything other than the damage to the physical aspect... But Rivka, who knew through prophesy that Yaakov would receive the blessings and Esav would descend greatly, "wisdom of women builds her house" and added the bread, which is a rectification of the intellectual aspect.

This tikkun must come specifically through Rivka's efforts, who rectifies the sin of Chava:

 The fact that the blessings needed to come to Yaakov through Rivkas's efforts is explained according to the words of the esteemed father of our Rebbe, may his memory be blessed, that Yaakov and Esav, who were born twins in the same womb, were a likeness of the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge, which were intertwined at the same root. And it is known that the mothers rectified the sin of Chava... and Rivka rectified the sin of Chava by feeding Adam from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. This means that since Esav is a model of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the delicacies he prepared were a model of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, that is, to connect good with evil. And the delicacies of Jacob were a model of the fruit of the Tree of Life. Therefore, Rivka, who tried to prevent Yitzchak from eating Esav's delicacies and instead had him taste Yaakov's delicacies, thereby rectified the sin of Eve who fed Adam from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.

 Now it is clear why Yitzchak did not taste Esav's delicacies:

 And according to what is stated, the reason why Yitzchak did not taste any of Esav's delicacies will be understood. It was simple for him to taste some of them to appease Esav, and also so that the blessing he ultimately gave would come to pass, because he recognized and knew what was before him, that they were the fruit of Esav.

 After Jacob gave Esav bread with lentil stew, the bread he gave Yitzchak was pure, and from it came joy to Yitzchak, and the Holy Spirit rested upon him.

 The joy of corrected eating

 Regarding the joy of proper eating, Rabbi Kook wrote:

That which simple appetite accomplishes for all creatures and for average human beings, stimulating the individual to eat in order to strengthen his life and his faculties, so too in a rarefied way, with elevated power, in people with great awareness, righteous people, the foundations of the world, it awakens the desire to unite with all of the holy sparks concealed in each food, corresponding to which the soulful joy awakens in the person who eats in their presence, receiving them into his soul, increasing, because of them, light and vast joy. And the sparks themselves add might and joy at that movement, even before the eating. 

When we eat for the sake of our material appetite, our sadness intensifies, as in the hidden meaning of the verse, “those who eat the bread of sadness” (Psalms 127:2). 

That is because the spiritual sparks in the food, which were capable of rising, descend. And when they are sad at their having descended, the person eating feels their sadness as a result of the interchange of a number of ways of feeling and transpositions of spiritual letters, until the sad feeling is recognized in a psychological disclosure within himself. 

The food of the Land of Israel sanctifies from within and is not material except in its outward appearance, but one must be careful with the foods of the Diaspora. The anticipation of Eretz Yisrael elevates the food outside the Land.

And this is the secret of remembering Jerusalem, whether by the rivers of Babylon or in the Song of Ascents, which is repeated at every meal. The hoping for the Land of Israel, which comes right after eating, refines the food from abroad and makes it close to the elevation of the Land of Israel. 

Translated from a sicha of Rav Hadari