For more than 20 years, I’ve studied happiness and well-being. Along the way, I discovered that much of our suffering comes from an invisible source: limiting beliefs. These are the deeply held assumptions about ourselves, others, and the world that quietly shape our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. When left unexamined, they trap us in patterns of unhappiness. But once we see them clearly, we can dissolve them and move toward greater freedom and joy.
What Are Limiting Beliefs?
Think of life as a program running in the background. Every experience we have is generated by a chain that begins with a belief. Research shows us how beliefs lead to thoughts (Buschmann et al., 2018). Simply, if I believe that I am unworthy, I will have thoughts about my unworthiness. Thoughts are then a necessary precondition for emotion (Lazarus, 1982). For example, if I have unworthy thoughts, I may feel emotions related to unworthiness.
The book The Three Beliefs of Ego talks of three limiting beliefs that lead to our least enjoyable emotions: sadness, anger, and fear.
The belief in lack or incompleteness, which leads to sadness.
The belief that outcomes will make us happy, which leads to anger.
The belief that we have control, which leads to fear.
For example, research shows that those with elevated levels of anxiety show higher than normal control beliefs (Millings & Carnelley, 2015). But while these beliefs are convincing, they can be seen through. It is simply our thoughts that make it seem like these beliefs are 100% true.
For example:
A thought tells us that we lack something, and another thought tells us we 'should' have it.
A thought tells us that a certain achievement, result, or outcome will make us happy.
A thought tells us that we can control other people or situations that we actually have no control over.
When we learn to stop listening to these untrue thoughts and beliefs, our whole world opens up. In fact, revising beliefs is the key change mechanism in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Kronemyer & Bystritsky, 2014), one of the most reliable psychological treatments available.
How I Learned to Spot Limiting Beliefs
For years, I tried to “fix” myself by changing my habits or forcing positive thinking. But I realized that no amount of surface-level change could undo the suffering until I examined the root beliefs driving it. One approach that helped me was to trace my experiences backward, first identifying the emotion, then identifying the thoughts that created the emotion, then identifying the beliefs that created the thoughts.
For example, if I felt anxious at a social gathering, I might notice a thought like, “I don’t belong here.” Following that thought back often revealed a deeper belief such as, “I’m not good enough.”
Dissolving Limiting Beliefs Through Mindful Self-Compassion
The good news is that we don’t need to fight or suppress our beliefs. Paradoxically, the more we resist them, the stronger they seem to grow. What really works is simply observing them with mindfulness and compassion. For example, research by Kristin Neff (2011) shows that self-kindness (versus self-judgment), feelings of common humanity (versus separation), and mindfulness versus (over-identification with our experiences) can help us respond to our life situations in more adaptive ways. So, if you notice a belief like, “I’m a failure,” try to pause, breathe, and remind yourself:
I can accept myself even if I feel like a failure.
Everybody fails sometimes.
This is just a thought. It's not who I am.
Moving Beyond Limiting Beliefs
The key to transcending limiting beliefs is mindful disidentification. When we stop confusing ourselves with our thoughts and beliefs, we open ourselves up to more presence, peace, and freedom. Neuroscience research suggests that meditation practices may be one way to cultivate this type of mindfulness (Tang, Hölzel, & Posner, 2015).
Limiting beliefs are like invisible scripts running our lives. But once we bring them into awareness with compassion, they begin to dissolve. We can reprogram our inner patterns, let go of what no longer serves us, and open ourselves to the happiness that was always available—beyond belief.
References
Buschmann, T., Horn, R. A., Blankenship, V. R., Garcia, Y. E., & Bohan, K. B. (2018). The relationship between automatic thoughts and irrational beliefs predicting anxiety and depression. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 36, 137-162.
Lazarus, R. S. (1982). Thoughts on the relations between emotion and cognition. American psychologist, 37(9), 1019.
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self‐compassion, self‐esteem, and well‐being. Social and personality psychology compass, 5(1), 1-12.
Tang, Y. Y., Hölzel, B. K., & Posner, M. I. (2015). The neuroscience of mindfulness meditation. Nature reviews neuroscience, 16(4), 213-225.
Millings, A., & Carnelley, K. B. (2015). Core belief content examined in a large sample of patients using online cognitive behaviour therapy. Journal of Affective Disorders, 186, 275-283.
Kronemyer, D., & Bystritsky, A. (2014). A non-linear dynamical approach to belief revision in cognitive behavioral therapy. Frontiers in Computational Neuroscience, 8, 55.
