A Mixture

This post was triggered by a comment my friend and former chavrusa R' Shlomo posted to a previous post. A big thank you to him. I believe I am just expanding on a point he already made.

There once lived a Jew [who long ago went to the world of truth] who singlehandedly brought thousands of Jews back to their faith and to lives of complete observance. Many people are involved in kiruv organizations but he literally ran a one man kiruv organization and was successful beyond imagination. This was due to his great talents, knowledge of Torah and primarily his boundless love for people. Many people try to follow him but there is nothing like the original.

They say that his love for Jews was so overwhelming that when he would meet one he would give a warm embrace. The problem was that this show of affection was not reserved for men alone, woman were also recipients of this embrace. I don't know for sure if this is true because I never saw it myself but that is what people say.

Some people considered him a rasha. To hug a woman is not only forbidden but the halacha dictates that one should DIE before doing so [see the end of the eighth chapter of Sanhedrin with the commentaries]. I personally would definitely rather die before doing what he did. There is no room for such a serious breach of halacha!!

On the other hand we must see where he was coming from. The answer, I am convinced, is a place of love and purity. The expression of this love was inappropriate but the source of his actions was beautiful. I also feel love for many different types of people but obviously try to express it in ways that are in accordance with Jewish standards of Holiness, Purity and Godliness. I strongly identify with this individual and his desire to connect with others while at the same time no less strongly condemning his actions.

The question is how do we relate to this person? Was he a "good guy" or a "bad guy"? Should we try to emulate him or not? The answer is that we should see both sides and appreciate the good while shunning the bad. People are not all good or all bad. We are ALL mixtures of both!! Our avoda in this world is to make our good sides so dominant that the bad is rendered negligible.
We can look at a person and say "He has two sides, the bad doesn't cancel the good and the good doesn't cancel the bad". It is important to be aware that the bad is bad, otherwise we are liable to follow the person even in his areas of weakness. But that doesn't mean that it is an all or nothing proposition. And even when focusing on the bad it is important to realize that maybe it came from a good place. Just as when appreciating the good in ourselves we must realize that sometimes our mitzvos might NOT be emanating from the purest of places. Maybe we have ulterior motives for our mitzvos and we must work to perfect our source of motivation.

Example: The Torah and Chazal make it clear that great people sinned yet this does not negate their greatness. Adam, Chava, Noach, The Avos, The Shvatim, Moshe Rabbeinu, Dovid Hamelech etc. etc. The Torah is so honest about their failings in order that we appreciate the fact that great people fail and yet remain great people. Only Hashem is infallible.

The Rebbe Shlita has given many many shiurim emphasizing this point. A person is a "gemishichtz" - a mixture, and most situations in life are also not black and white.

Practically speaking what does this mean? When relating to people try to be forgiving and understanding by seeing the whole picture. For example, I might not the fact that an Israeli soldier doesn't keep kosher and Shabbos but I appreciate the fact that he risks his life to defend me. To those observant Jews who hate the idea of kollel and say "Why don't those guys get a job?!", I answer that, yes, you would like them to get a job but you must appreciate the fact that they are involved day and night in study of the Word of Hashem.

Some people are furious at their parents for sins of omission or commission. I would explain to them that it could very well be that your parents harmed you in some way but that doesn't negate all of the good they have done for you [such as bringing you into this world]. If a couple is fighting I would say "Are you MAD at her?" "YES" he answers. "I respect that," I would answer, "and your anger and its causes must be addressed, but has she ever done anything positive on your behalf?" No husband could ever answer "no" to such a question. Once you reach this point and the perspective is more balanced it is much easier to solve problems.

When you get down on yourself it is important to realize that yes, you not might be the person you would like to be, but there is still much good to be appreciated. Then work on eradicating the bad and further developing the good.

Love and Blessings Sweetest Friends!!


PS - I must reiterate that this post in no way relates to the present scandal about which I don't know any details and don't WANT to know any details. I want to know about Torah, Kedusha, Tahara, Ahavas Yisrael and how to improve my middos. I don't think all of the discussion surrounding this scandal has made anyone into a better person. I never see how talking about evil makes one into a better person unless done in the framework of limud hamussar. So Mevakesh Lev is making an attempt to get his readers to focus on what is holy and leave the shmutz for the unfortunate people who make a living spreading it.