When approaching the day of Yom Kippur, it is easy to become paralyzed by the power of the day - to feel overwhelmed by the significance of these moments in which Hashem will seal our fate for the coming year. Some of us stand in awe - feeling that we have not done nearly enough over the last few days, or the last month, in preparation for this day. Others stand in trepidation – after a month long of preparation, introspection, and Rosh Hashanah resolutions that we have struggled to keep even over the last week. We all might be wondering if it is a hopeless cause to do teshuva today, because we are bound to sin again tomorrow.
I hope that in understanding the essence of the day, based on the Torah portions we read and the prayers that we say on Yom Kippur, we will realize that no matter what happened yesterday, last week, or last year, we all have the opportunity for repentance on Yom Kippur. Hopefully these insights will help us to overcome those overwhelming thoughts feelings and allow us to make the most of the day.
The Torah protion we read on Yom Kippur explains the laws and rituals of the service performed on Yom Kippur in the time of the Beit Hamikdash. Just before the laws are given to Aharon, the Kohen Gadol, the Torah tells us:
And the Lord spoke to Moses after the death of Aaron's two sons, when they drew near before the Lord, and they died (Vayikra 16:1)
Why does the Torah go out of its way to tell us that the laws of the Yom Kippur service are delivered after the death of Nadav and Avihu – who had brought a foreign fire into the Holy of Holies? Rashi explains that this seemingly random juxtaposition was intended to remind Aharon that he must learn from the mistake of his sons; he must remember that it is only on Yom Kippur the Kohen is allowed to enter the Holy of Holies.
As we read these words each year, we are reminded that Yom Kippur is the one day of the year that Hashem opens the Holy of Holies for the Kohen Gadol - representing all of Klal Yisrael - to enter into a new dimension of closeness to Hashem.
We gain further insight into this unique aspect of the day from the Haftorah of the day, which begins with the following words:
Pave, pave, clear the way; remove the obstacles from the way of My people…I have seen his ways, and will heal him; I will lead him… (Isiah 57:14-18)
All year we pray to Hashem in the Shmoneh Esreh that He should help us in our teshuva process. Unlike all other days of the year when we must initiate the process and seek out Hashem to repent, on Yom Kippur Hashem seeks us out, paves the path, and leads the way for us to return to Him.This message is developed throughout the Haftorah, as the prophet continues: You shall cry, and He will say: 'Here I am' (Isiah 58:9). In all other instances in the Torah that we find the word hineini (Here I am), it is man is telling God that he is with Him. On this day, however, Hashem calls to us to tell us that He is with us.
If we allow ourselves to be convinced that we are too distant from the ways of Hashem to return to Him, then we have allowed our yezer harah prevent us from following the path of return that Hashem paves for us on this day. In order to turn to Hashem and ask forgiveness, we must be able to forgive ourselves. This is perhaps a deeper understanding of the words we say repeatedly in the Slichot leading up to Yom Kippur:
Chatanu Tzureinu; Selach Lanu Yotzreinu
We have sinned - our Rock; Forgive us - our Sculptor
In our beseeching Hashem to forgive us, we remember that He is the one who formed us – He created us in such a way that we are capable, even expected to sin throughout our lifetimes.
Rabbi David Aaron explains that if we truly believe that all that we experience in this world is part of the Master plan, the great tapestry of life that Hashem is weaving – then even the mistakes we have made somehow fit into this Divine plan. It is on Yom Kippur that we are able to look back and reflect on the past, understand how those mistakes made us who we are today, and make changes for the future.
We must understand that it is part of human nature to make mistakes – it is what we do now that we have made those mistakes that determine how righteous we are. Rav Nevenzahl explains that all year Hashem gives us the ability to make choices - to paint the portrait of our own lives. On Yom Kippur Hashem does an even greater kindness by giving us the opportunity to change that picture, to "transform the black lines into white ones."
In Hebrew word the word zocheh – merit, has the same root as the word zacha – pure. On Yom Kippur we have the ability to increase our merits by purifying ourselves. We have the ability not only to remove the barriers that separate us from Hashem, but to transform them into gateways of closeness to Him. Perhaps these are the paths that the Haftorah refers to that open on this special day of the year.
In this light, we can explain the Rambam's striking words that the more one confesses, the better it is. In order to allow this purification process to occur, we must be able to acknowledge what those barriers are. Each confession we make becomes another route in which we can connect, or reconnect, with Hashem.
May these insights into the essence and uniqueness of the day inspire each of us so that we should not feel paralyzed by our thoughts and feelings of regrets as we stand before Hashem on this Day of Atonement. Instead, may we all realize that each mistake we have made gives us a new opportunity or gateway to come closer to Hashem on this most awesome and auspicious day of the year!
GMAR CHATIMA TOVA, Taly
