Who Is Guilty?

From the "Cross Currents" blog, remarking on a boy who appeared on national television and spoke in a crude, vulgar manner. The writer is a judge and I am sure a very good man. I will comment at the end.

The various news and social media have been crowing about the “modern Orthodox” 12-year-old who appeared last night on AMERICA’S GOT TALENT. This little caricature of the caricature “Jacob”-a painfully embarrassing and seldom funny woman playing a bar mitzvah boy on Saturday Night Live-told a few foul “jokes” to the utter delight (tinged with shock) of the crowd. By any objective standard, neither the kid’s delivery nor his material would have made the grade if he were not a 12-year-old wearing a KIPA. Getting prominent play for how supportive they are, his father- also sporting a yarmulke on stage, and his mother, who could not have appeared more delighted if she were at her son’s medical school graduation, were just so obviously proud. It would have been a cringe- worthy display under any circumstances.

But, assuming that they are not just very savvy Gentiles (and bad parents), who just used the device of a yarmulke to get a leg up on the competition, I find their identification as “modern Orthodox” appalling.

I am modern Orthodox.

Want to know what that means in my world? It means we adhere to an age-old tradition with as little compromise as is humanly possible. In fact, if you sat down and talked to us there are just a few things that make us different from the so-called “chareidi”Jews-easily identified by their sartorial fascination with the color black:

1) We attribute theological significance to the birth, growth, survival, and success of the State of Israel

2) We view the female half of our culture as intellectually equal, and worthy of equal treatment in education and in cultivation of their leadership potential.

3) We believe that education in almost any subject is a worthwhile pursuit without apology.

4) And perhaps most significantly, we believe that our children can be taught to discern good from bad and need not live in a sanitized environment with a bag over their heads. Sometimes we let them watch television. And then we try to be around to point out that many aspects of our dominant culture do not reflect our values.

In that vast area across the Hudson River known as America, those of us who identify as Orthodox have a certain sensibility derived of our constant awareness that we represent something very large and very significant. In our area, in Pittsburgh, that theme resonates throughout our society. During the sports segment one recent night on our local news they interviewed Stephon Tuitt, the newly signed defensive end on the Pittsburgh Steelers, who spoke of the tremendous responsibility he now bears having been assigned number 91, a number last worn by the great defensive end Aaron Smith. L’HAVDIL.

When I arrived in Family Court today, lawyers, court personnel, even sheriffs, who have formed an impression of me over the years by my demeanor and speech, evinced shock at what they had seen on TV of a child whom they identify with me and my belief system because of his choice and that of his parents to put a beanie on his head. Ordinarily, some of these people actually apologize if they have occasion to say something inappropriate and I am present. Out of respect for what they perceive me to be. But this kid, and of course his parents, dragged me down with them.

Make no mistake; I believe that in America this child’s parents have every right to parade him like JonBenet Ramsey before millions on TV. But this level of Chillul Hashem- desecration of God’s name- resulting from a child mouthing foul potty humor before an audience of millions with that kipa on his head, shocks the conscience. This isn’t about rights. It’s about responsibility.

By those parents shepherding their child into that particular manure pile, they have besmirched all of us who share that identification by others with a Judaism that does not abide stealing, lying, cheating, racism, vulgarity, bullying, Shabbat violation, or desecration of God’s name. They have a right to do it, but we have a right to be sickened by it and to cry out against it.

So kid, as you go on to Vegas, or wherever AGT takes you next, do a big favor to those of us who’ve spent our lives trying for kiddush Hashem-sanctification of God’s name. TAKE OFF YOUR YARMULKE.

Or, if you insist on adherence to this lesser of our traditions, wear a Yankees cap, so that our Torah, our faith, and our tradition don’t have to viewed in the public eye on the same level as the sewage you are spewing.



1] Charedim are not "fascinated with black". They [I...] wear a certain type of clothing that distinguishes us from goyim. It works nicely....:-).

2] Charedim ALSO attribute "theological significance to the birth, growth, survival, and success of the State of Israel". Just a different type of significance than you do. It is quite hard to argue on what Hashem is thinking but that is essentially the argument. But we all agree that Hashem is in control and the State has some sort of meaning.

3] Charedim also "view the female half of our culture as intellectually equal". Equal but different. Not a male brain is a female brain and not a man's obligation to be immersed in Torah is a female's. We don't "cultivate their leadership potential", because traditionally, barring a few exceptions - women don't lead men. If they want to lead other women then we happily cultivate that. My daughter is a madricha for little girls:-).

4] "We believe that education in almost any subject is a worthwhile pursuit without apology". And Charedim believe that instead of studying American History, time would be better spent studying Torah. Does it say anywhere "American History ki-neged koolam"?

5] "And perhaps most significantly, we believe that our children can be taught to discern good from bad and need not live in a sanitized environment with a bag over their heads. Sometimes we let them watch television. And then we try to be around to point out that many aspects of our dominant culture do not reflect our values." Charedim don't "put a bag over" their children's heads but find it quite foolhardy to expose their children to all of the filth that pervades modern media and then explain to them that it doesn't conform to their values. Show a child pornography and then say "but Jewish girls dress with tzniyus." Hmmmmmm, sounds educationally problematic, to say the least. People are faaaar more convinced by what they see than what they hear.

Which brings me to my point. This child is not guilty. He is but a child. His parents aren't entirely guilty. They are just products of their society. The ENTIRE SYSTEM is guilty. When a Jewish child is exposed to unfiltered, unsupervised internet, television, movies etc. he is going to speak in a crude and vulgar manner. Why should he speak any differently? We are all products of our environments and just reflect its values and behaviors.

It completely befuddles my mind how otherwise responsible, frum parents allow their children unlimited exposure to the mass media. By all accounts it is filled with so many elements - "sewage" we may call it, as the writer above did - which are completely at odds with our values [and assur at that]. In 20 years of teaching such children I have seen the results.

My hope is that people reading this will be extremely cautious in their own exposure to the media and even more vigilant when it comes to their children, present and future.