לרפואת יהודה בן מרגלית שרה
Melaveh Malka for Women
My husband is careful to have a melaveh malka that includes bread and meat. I do not have at all. Should there be a difference between men and women on the matter?
The gemara
(Shabbat 119b, accepted by the Rambam, Shabbat 30:5 and Shulchan Aruch,
Orach Chayim 300:1) says: “One should always set his table on Motzaei
Shabbat, even if he needs only a k’zayit [of food].” Rashi
explains that it is an honor to Shabbat to “escort” it as one escorts a king
when he leaves. Various authorities add other, esoteric reasons. A crucial
(including for techiyat hameitim) bone in the body is nourished by food
eaten on Motzaei Shabbat (Beit Yosef, OC 300 in the name of ancient
works). Another idea is that eating after Shabbat draws the sanctity of Shabbat
meals onto weekday eating (see Kaf Hachayim, OC 300:2). Some say it is a
segula for women for easy childbirth (see Kaf Hachayim 300:4). However,
melaveh malka has a long history of not being kept by the masses, as
acknowledged by authorities who nonetheless believed in adhering to it (see
Aruch Hashulchan, OC 300:3).
It is unclear to what
extent melaveh malka is a weak but binding obligation, a proper
practice (see Shulchan Aruch Harav OC 300:3; Mishna Berura 300:2), and/or a
spiritual opportunity. It is also tricky to implement melaveh malka
because there are many things mentioned by one or more poskim to
enhance the practice (we will mention only some). The gemara,
after the above quote, mentions both (hot) bread and meat, which some, like
your husband, see as matters to be makpid about (see Maharsha Shabbat
119b; Mishna Berura 300:1).
The gemara
implies (as the Taz, OC 300:1 understood) that the main factor is actually
the setting of the table, and the food seems an afterthought (“even … a
k’zayit”) or that which makes the table “the stage.” Many people who
are machmir regarding eating ignore such elements mentioned by
poskim as a nice tablecloth, place setting, and candles – matters of
kavod modeled after Shabbat. On the other hand, some of the reasons
given for melaveh malka do indeed focused on food, as does the ensuing
passages of the gemara.
Some hiddurim
mentioned are close to mutually exclusive. It is best to have melaveh
malka soon after Shabbat; yet, it is best to cook for it after
Shabbat. One idea is to eat something right away for melaveh malka,
with Shabbat ambience, and have more serious eating later (Siddur Beit
Yaakov (Emdin) p. 206b).
Is there room for
leniency not to have a melaveh malka? Besides the possibility that it
is not halachically required, there is a serious opinion (Eliya Rabba 300:1,
quoted by many; see Shemirat Shabbat K’hilchata 63:6) that any eating at
seuda shlishit after nightfall (whose exact time is unclear) counts as
a melaveh malka. The Tehilla L’Dovid’s (300:1) cogent argument that
since we treat that time as Shabbat, it cannot count for melaveh malka
does not delegitimize the lenient shita (Shemirat Shabbat K’hilchata
63:6). Many poskim (including the Mishna Berura 300:1) say that one can
fulfill melaveh malka without a full meal, even with fruit, as makes
sense from the legitimacy of doing so for the greater obligation of
seuda shlishit (see Shulchan Aruch, OC 291:5).
Women do have some
extra room for leniency because melaveh malka is ostensibly a
time-based mitzva (see doubt of Pri Megadim 300, EA 1). On the other
hand, we assume that women are obligated in such mitzvot when they
relate to Shabbat, i.e., Havdala and seuda shlishit (Machatzit
Hashekel ad loc., based on Magen Avraham 291:11), as all agree regarding Kiddush
(Berachot 20b). Furthermore, many women will presumably desire and deserve their
share of the aforementioned spiritual treasures (see Kaf Hachayim
300:2).
In summary, your
husband’s practices are positive, although there is room for doing more or doing
less. You do have incrementally more room for leniency than he. However, we
recommend that you have at least some food in an honorable setting in honor of
Shabbat after it has departed (see Shemirat Shabbat K’hilchata
63:3).
[Machon Eretz Chemdah]
I am not so pleased with their lenient conclusion - see the Ohr Yisrael journal [Number 16 page 69], Oraisa journal [Number 7 page 250], Yesodei Yeshurun [page 569], Maadanei Ish [Simman Beis], Yalkut Yosef [Shabbos 1 page 490], Yabia Omer [10, 33], and much much more. It is well known that the Gra was super-machmir on women eating melave malka. What's the big deal? Eat more and get a mitzva:-)! Whatta religion!
