BROOKLYN, NY — Local skeptic Ari “The Lion-Pikores” Lefkowitz announced on Monday that he had finally formulated the ultimate logical “gotcha” that would dismantle 3,300 years of Jewish tradition once and for all.
"I can’t wait to unleash this on my podcast and other social media forums" said Lefkowitz, adjusting his blue-light glasses and admiring his new tattoo. "It’s going to absolutely blow the minds of everyone still clinging to an ancient desert Mesorah. They’ll never recover from this one. Finally, we can all stop worrying about shatnez and whether the stove was left on a blech, because the entire foundation of the Torah will have been definitively proven false. They won't have to bother eating matza this year and can feast instead on a Big Mac and fries with a milkshake for dessert."
Lefkowitz was last seen perusing X (formerly Twitter) and r/exjew, looking for the right opportunity to drop his bombshell on Jews worldwide. A knockout of a פירכא on Yiddishkeit.
UPDATE: Upon posting his argument, Ari discovered that his "revolutionary" insight was not, in fact, new. It was actually the already asked in Sefer Iyov [as understood by the Malbim], Chazal, the Rambam, the Kuzari, the Ramban, Rav Yosef Albo, and many others since. The Maharal has two whole chapters dealing with it.
"Yeah, I guess I should have opened a sefer first and saved us all some time," Lefkowitz said, sadly looking at his lukewarm artisanal oat milk latte. "It turns out my 'insurmountable contradiction' is actually a basic kasha to which anybody with basic knowledge of Jewish thought could provide no less than six answers."
At publishing time, Lefkowitz seemed momentarily discouraged about his intellectual crusade, but suddenly shouted, "Wait! I’ve got it! A contradiction between the archaeological record and the size of the kazayis! AHA!! This will destroy them!" before making a rushed waddle back to his dual-monitor setup to start a new Reddit thread.
