What does one do if he uncovers a mistake in a ketuba as it is read under the chupah?
Different situations may have different appropriate responses. However, I will discuss a case in which I was involved. Hopefully, some general lessons can be learned from it.
I was at a wedding where the mesader kiddushin was a respected scholar, and the families and guests were also relatively knowledgeable. As the ketuba was read under the chupah, I believed I had heard that the date was of the previous year. When no one reacted, I reasoned that I might have heard wrong; it was also possible that the person reading the ketuba might have read it wrong. The important thing is what is written, not read. What was I to do? Let us consider a little background.
Documents that are predated are invalid (Shvi’it 10:5). This is because documents may be used to seize real estate from one who bought it from the obligated person, but only if they bought it after the obligation took place. One could misuse a pre-dated document to seize real estate from people who actually bought it before the obligation. A pre-dated ketuba cannot serve as a ketuba (Tashbetz (Bar Tzadok) 457), at least until it is fixed. A couple is not allowed to live together without a valid ketuba (Shulchan Aruch, Even Ha’ezer 66:1). Thus, it had to be determined whether the ketuba was in fact dated a year early. On the other hand, stopping the chupah would have been embarrassing and disconcerting to the mesader kiddushin and the families. (It was highly unlikely that an inconspicuous quick fix could have been made.) Could the inquiry wait?
The Shulchan Aruch (ibid.) rules that a couple should not
have yichud (be together in a secluded place) without a valid ketuba; Ashkenazi
couples have yichud right after the chupah. However, the Rama (whose rulings
Ashkenazim normally accept) seems to accept the opinion that yichud alone is
permitted. Secondly, the Shulchan Aruch (ibid.) says that a valid ketuba
document is not absolutely necessary if there are witnesses that the chatan
obligated himself in the terms of a ketuba with a kinyan sudar; this is
regularly done at a wedding. Although the Rama (ad loc.) argues, he agrees that
one can rely upon those witnesses in a case of need until there is an
opportunity to write a proper ketuba.
Therefore, I decided that it was halachically possible to wait until after the chupah crowd dispersed and I could inquire discretely. I felt that there was a serious issue of kavod haberi’ot (human dignity), as people are under the impression that distinguished rabbis should not be making mistakes of this sort. (In fact, everyone is human, and high intelligence does not preclude careless mistakes). Unlike corrections during Torah reading, which are expected, an invalid ketuba uncovered under the chupah by a mere guest is a good story (i.e., lashon hara). In fact, the ketuba was invalid. Despite my efforts to avoid it, several people (but a small minority) found out about the mistake. This included the chatan and kallah, who were (unnecessarily, in my view) interrupted in the yichud room by a young “watchman.”
[Machon Eretz Chemda]
This actually happened to me once when I was mesader kiddushin. I made a mistake on the date [I had a good excuse but we are not fans of excuses] and the gentleman reading the kesuba pointed it out and stopped reading. I felt terribly embarrased as 500 waited for me to fix my goof up. Nu - I was so nervous I goofed again. Then another wise rabbi pointed out that it really doesn't have to be fixed at this minute so we took care of it after the chuppah.
Happy ending - There is nothing greater than some בושה to atone for many sins. So the sting of embarrassment I felt then and still feel to a certain extent now, are a great kappara. How do I ever thank the rabbi who embarrassed me enough?? He has helped purify my soul!!:-) [UPDATE!! The choson after reading this just emailed me that most of the people at the chuppah didn't even realize what was going on. They were probably too busy texting, surfing, or more likely - finishing their daily daf (on one side of the aisle) and their daily tehillim (on the other side). Jews are so hooolllyyy].
Today at about 5pm I had a terribly humiliating experience where some salt was rubbed on an open wound. I am so happy:-). MORE PURITY.
If I would ever write my memoirs they would be really interesting. There would be a lot of lashon tova but not a little bit of lashon hara as well. All of the falsehood, deceit, selfishness etc. that I have observed in my fellow Jews is beyond my personal belief. But of course I would never write a bad word about another Jew so these memoirs will never appear. My avodah is to let people do as they wish in good and evil and harbor zero ill will in my heart despite any sins of omission and comission perpetrated towards me and others.
I bless myself [and you] that we should fulfill the prayer of R' Meilech - שנראה מעלת חברינו ולא חסרונם - We should always see the good in our friends and not the opposite. Just pure אהבה שאינה תלויה בדבר - Unconditional love.
AMEN:-).
Today at about 5pm I had a terribly humiliating experience where some salt was rubbed on an open wound. I am so happy:-). MORE PURITY.
If I would ever write my memoirs they would be really interesting. There would be a lot of lashon tova but not a little bit of lashon hara as well. All of the falsehood, deceit, selfishness etc. that I have observed in my fellow Jews is beyond my personal belief. But of course I would never write a bad word about another Jew so these memoirs will never appear. My avodah is to let people do as they wish in good and evil and harbor zero ill will in my heart despite any sins of omission and comission perpetrated towards me and others.
I bless myself [and you] that we should fulfill the prayer of R' Meilech - שנראה מעלת חברינו ולא חסרונם - We should always see the good in our friends and not the opposite. Just pure אהבה שאינה תלויה בדבר - Unconditional love.
AMEN:-).
