Soft as a Reed
The Gemara tells us, לעולם יהא אדם רך כקנה ואל יהא קשה כארז "A person should always be soft like a reed, and not tough like a cedar tree" (Taanis 20). During מכת ברד when hail fell on the crops, only the full grown, stiff crops were ruined. The new, softer shoots were able to sway in the storm and they didn’t break. As the passuk says, "The flax and the barley were smitten, because [they were stiff and fully grown]. The wheat and the spelt weren't smitten, because they develop slower" (9:31). They were still soft and flexible and they bent and turned away when the hard hail fell on them.
The Gemara tells us, לעולם יהא אדם רך כקנה ואל יהא קשה כארז "A person should always be soft like a reed, and not tough like a cedar tree" (Taanis 20). During מכת ברד when hail fell on the crops, only the full grown, stiff crops were ruined. The new, softer shoots were able to sway in the storm and they didn’t break. As the passuk says, "The flax and the barley were smitten, because [they were stiff and fully grown]. The wheat and the spelt weren't smitten, because they develop slower" (9:31). They were still soft and flexible and they bent and turned away when the hard hail fell on them.
There are two types of people: Those
who are flexible, and those who are
rigid. The flexible ones have their
desires and opinions but when things
don’t go their way, know how to bend
to the side and let matters pass. They are
pliable and adjust to reality. They are
ready to be mevater. They won’t break
down when things don't go according to
their expectations.
Then there are the tough, rigid people.
They don’t want to compromise. Their
opinions and desires must be fulfilled.
When matters don’t go their way, they
try to forcefully have their wishes
fulfilled. If they fail, they break down
and collapse. We are urged to be soft like
a reed. We won’t
always get our way, yet, it is the wiser
approach to life.
A person should also be soft in the way
he deals with others. A father and a
teacher should educate their children and
disciples with a soft hand. There are
times when strictness is in place, as
Chazal say,
“The left should push away and the right
should bring close,” (Sotah 47) but the
dominant motion is to bring close with
love and compassion.
A mashgiach in a yeshivah will generally
need to use a certain amount of strictness
and discipline to enforce the rules and
regulations of the yeshiva. Reb Eliyahu
Dessler zt'l was the mashgiach of
Ponovezh and people told the Chazon Ish
zt’l that Rav Dessler is running the
yeshiva with softness and kindness. The
Chazon Ish replied, "He is correct in his
approach because the kinyan, acquisition,
of meshichah is stronger than the kinyan
of chazakah." (In the halachos of
acquiring an item, there is a kinyan
called משיכה, pulling the item, and there
is an acquisition called חזקה [forcefully showing ownership over the item]. The
kinyan of meshicha, pulling the item towards
you, is a better acquisition than chazaka. The
Chazon Ish was implying that pulling the
students to you with love and
compassion will accomplish more than
trying to win them by a show of might.)
It is essential that a child feels loved.
There must always be a strong
connection between parent and child.
When Yaakov saw Yosef's coat soaked
in blood, he thought that Yosef died. The
family came to console him but the
Torah says, וימאן, Yaakov refused
to be consoled" (Bereishis 37:34).
The word וימאן, refuse, is stated again.
When Yosef was tested with אשת פוטיפר,
the Torah says, וימאן, Yosef refused.
There is a connection between these two
pesukim.
It’s explained that Yosef received his
strength to refrain from sin because his
father Yaakov never lost hope. Yaakov
refused to be consoled; his mind was
always on Yosef – perhaps he even
davened for Yosef – and this connection
gave Yosef HaTzaddik the impetus to
refrain from sinning.
Parents should learn from this never to
lose hope on their children. Even if a
child goes astray, chalilah, parents
should continue to love them and should
yearn and pray for the child’s return.
This connection is felt in the child's heart
even from the distance and it empowers
the child with willpower to return.
[Rav Elimelech Biderman]
