Going to the Pesach Program at the Cairo Hilton!!!:-):-):-) Instead of Yetzias Mitzraim - Knisas Mitzraim.
Deluxe accommodations [accommodations are always "deluxe" even though nobody is sure what exactly that word means].
Gourmet meals [meals in hotels are NEVER merely tasty but always gourmet] prepared by an experienced chef [hotels never have mere "cooks". And the chef is always - strangely enough - male. Despite the fact that in every home, the "chef" is female...].
A unique mehadrin experience [whatever the heck that means...].
24 hour tea room [i.e. non-stop eating and drinking. All li-kavod yom tov].
Shwekey, Shapiro and Lipa for entertainment [I have to do SOMETHING besides just eat].
Shadchanit on the premises to help people find their bashert. What is better that a shidduch between two people who thought to spend their Pesach in Egypt!! I mean, how many people would think of that??!!
Marriage counselor on the premises as well [for those who have already found their bashert but find the going MUCH MORE COMPLICATED than they EVER IMAGINED!!].
Olympic size swimming pool [just in case I decide to start training for the Olympics]. Also, we can simulate Krias Yam Suf. All we need is a super powerful fan to split the water in half.
36 hole golf course. [So many holes because Am Yisrael is SO HOOOOLLLLYYYY].
Scholar in residence: Elchanan Baal Hamevakesh. I am not going to be giving any live shiurim. I am just going to play recordings of the countless shiurim I have given on yutorah that NOBODY EVER LISTENED TO...
SEE U THERE!!!
