Breaking Up Is PAINFUL

Recently I have been in touch with people who have had relationships end in very painful ways. The question is - What is the correct approach?

To completely cover the topic would require a full length book, but here are a few thoughts from a very small man.

1] We don't understand Hashem. Don't try - it is very frustrating to try to understand something that by the very definition of who you are [i.e. human] you can't understand.

2] Expect in advance that in life things are NOT going to go the way you like. This is usually the case. Every time you get into a car there are going to be red lights all along the way - and quite probably traffic as well. Turn on a shiur [or a shir] and enjoy the ride. Your parents are going to die in your lifetime - unless you die [chas vishalom] young. Enjoy them when you have them but they don't last forever. You are going to get married to someone you are going to find annoying at times. Nobody likes EVERYTHING about a spouse [nor do they like everything about themselves]. Enjoy his good qualities and know that he is a package deal - even though you might not like the whole package. You are going to dislike certain parts of your job. I don't know ANYONE who likes every part of their job. You are going to have children - but they won't be a breeze. Pregnancy isn't fun but they don't come out with such gratitude that they listen to everything you say. We are so often disappointed because we EXPECT things to go our way.

THIS WORLD IS NISYONOS, constant tests of one's faith and resilience - not fun and games. For pure reward and pleasure there is another world - and we don't want to go there anytime soon....

3] Try to learn lessons from the relationship. There is SOOO much to learn and it would be "bal tashchis" to move on without internalizing lessons that will help you in the future. If you can't think of any lessons - talk it out with a friend.

WOOPS, my chavrusa has come and we are going to learn the greatest work of brilliance since the beginning of time - GEMARA!:)

To be continued.....