PART 2

CONTINUED.......

4] When a person is in love there are physiological changes that occur which make a person feel ecstatic, as if flying on a cloud [if it has happened to you then you know what I mean]. However it never lasts more than a short time. Like a drug - it wears off. But when "under the influence" - you are flying. When someone is rejected while in this state of bliss it hurts like terribly. This being the case one must realize that he or she is living in a fake, illusionary world and losing this person is really not the end of the world. He is just a guy - with many faults and inadequacies. So is she [not a guy - but with many faults]. He is NOT your key to eternal happiness. Happiness is not found solely with another person but in ones own heart and mind.

You will meet another guy who will also put you [albeit temporarily] in a state of bliss. No one person has a monopoly on helping you achieve your goals in life. The next boy you meet will possess positive qualities that the one you just lost doesn't possess. You will marry him, love him and most likely - be annoyed to death by him from time to time. Just like the boy you just broke up with would have. Keep perspective.

5] It hurts? Good. Feel the pain. Feeling pain when something hurts is healthy. A drugged up mental patient doesn't feel pain. That is not healthy. When someone dies the Torah mandates that we cry and mourn. It is healthy behavior. And therapeutic. So, too, when losing a potential spouse with whom you felt close it is appropriate to mourn. Cry. Then move on. I have met many young men and women in my life and still haven't met perfection. She isn't perfect. Cry. Then move on. It's over.

6] If the person broke up with you it is a pretty good indication that not only is the relationship not the right thing for him - but for you also. Something in the relationship wasn't right. Better now than afterwards. Right now a friend of mind is going through a divorce which is 1000 times more painful than breaking up with a boy you dated for 5 months. Much more painful and costly [the house, loads of money] with more victims [i.e. the children]. BETTER NOW THAN LATER.

7] Suffering is good. It builds character. Ask people who have suffered a lot in their lives where they got their strong character.

8] Maran HaRav Hutner has a letter where he tells a boy to stop living from date to date. Dating and marriage isn't everything. Invest in same-gender relationships. The truth is that a girl has a lot more in common with another girl. Boys just aren't interested in most things you are interested in. So deepen those relationships. Invest in work, go to shiurim, spend time with family etc. [not in that order]. It is better to be married but there are benefits to being single. Take advantage because before you know it you are going to be standing under the Chuppah and the famous singers Ehrman and Schwecky are going to be doing a duet of "Im Eshkochech". Time flies.

9] Hashem runs the show. He knows who you are supposed to marry and he is NOT the guy. Let Hashem do His job with His timetable. Work on emunah. If you increase your faith in Hashem because of what happened then you have gained an eternal treasure. EMUNAH IS ALES. Faith in Hashem is the foundation of our existence. Remember that He loves you and love Him back for all you do have - and for all you don't.

10] DAVEN!!! Then daven more. It is good for your neshama and good for the world.

I once heard from a well known Rov that three girls whom he dated seriously ended up dying young. At the time he was disappointed, but now he has a healthy wife, children and grandchildren. Hashem works in mysterious ways.

There is much more to say but I will leave it here. I apologize if anything I wrote was hurtful to anyone. Anyone who wants to take the conversation further can contact me.

BLESSINGS!!!!